Goodbye 2008

Goodbye 2008. I don't think I will miss you too much. You started off well but then slowly showed us your true colours. I think I was a happier person 365 days ago. I really could have done without you.

Sure, you did bring me some good things. A much much much better job, new friends, Abhinav Bindra's gold medal, Dhoni's captaincy, the end of Aussie dominance at cricket, George Bush's 'sole mate', Obama winning, The Dark Knight and many other small pleasures which I can't recall.

But you also brought a load of crap. Federer losing Wimbledon, Germany losing the Euro final, 26/11, Manmohan Singh, Deshmukh, Raj Thackeray, RR Patil, Shivraj Patil, Anutulay, the economy going down the drain, Kumble's injury, the iPhone in India, Solstice 2008. Uggh, the list goes on and on.

The thing that I hold most against you is that you gave us hope and optimism. Then snatched it away. You've been a bad year. We may remember you for a long time, but I doubt we'll ever think well of you. Go away now!!

So 2009, if you're listening... please note that I am already scared of what I've heard you're going to bring. Global warming, economic doomsday, terrorism.... Are you really that nasty? Do take pity on us and try to be nice.

I Told You So

I hate to sound like a 'I Told You So', but check out the post I wrote in July 2006.

'Who Needs the Pakis'

Am getting tired of our netas talking about 'the world's obligation to help us' (Hey spineless PM, no one is going to come & help us. Please behave like a true sikh) and how we have ruled out the military option (Why take it off the table? You think the Pakis will be convinced with our evidence once they know we don't have the balls to act?) and how we will provide evidence when the time is right (If not now, then when will the time be right you buffoon!).

Lets face it guys. We're a soft pushover of a nation. And worse, a bully. Our netas will send their goondas to beat up taxi drivers & kill doctors. But when the real enemy shows up ..... neither the netas or the gundas are to be seen. And the netas who do make a appearance, end up insulting the brave men & women who give their lives for this country by turning the whole thing into a media grabbing mockery.

So lets go back to playing cricket, watching reality TV and blogging. Cuz none of us, certainly not me, are going to really do anything that will change the sorry state of affairs.

Now, I love my country, am proud of it and am hopeful of what we might achieve. But I also believe in what Mark Twain said, “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”

Jai Hind

Mumbai – Maatam Ka Shahar ... By Arvind 'Deddy' Mundra

This happens to be the first hindi post on my blog. Now, don't start laughing. I didn't compose it. An old friend of mine, Arvind Mundra (aka Deddy.. from the famous Boney M song.. 'She Loves Her Deddy') wrote this beautiful poem.


Ye jo abhi haal tak jadu ka nagar tha..
Ab Maatam ka shahar hai..

Kuchh napunsak safed labaas wale,
jinke daaman mai khoon sabse lal lagna chahiye,
phir apni hijri zubaan hilate nazar aa rahe hai..

Ye vahi hai jo haath jhod ke aapka vote mangenge,
Aur phir besharmon ki tarah,
haath baandhe aapke maatam mai shaamil ho jaynege..

yun lagta hain
jaise aap vote nahi, maatam-nama de rahe ho..

Magar gaur se dekhe to,
Napunsak to hum sabhi hai..
Jo ek faulad ki aulad nahi paida kar paaye..
Ilzaam to hamare safed khoon pe hai,
Jo lal hoke bhi lal nahi hai..
Jisme faulad ki kamee hai..

Aur aisa khoon bah bhi jaaye
To kya maatam karna..

Aao us din ka intezaar kare,
Jab khoon tadaf ke ye na kahe ke aur mat bahao mujhe,
Main tumhe faulad ki aulad dene ko taiyar hoon..

6 Years Ago

The Time: 7:20 AM

The Date: 2nd December 2002

The Place: Hotel Ganesh, Trivandrum

A group of nervous young men sat in a rickety old Mahindra van. Some of them clutched thick folders filled with educational qualifications, as if to reassure themselves that they belonged here. Others adjusted their ties and smoothened their hair, as if to convince themselves that they looked the part of an IT consultant. One or two messaged their loved ones, seeking comfort as they were about to start on the longest & most important journey of their lives.

All of them wondered what the next two and a half months held in store.

They cast glances at each other. Quick. Furtive. Wary. Some sought allies. Others looked at potential competitors. None of them was willing to break the ice. So they waited, smiled at each other politely and tried to control the tension they felt.

This group of 28 men were later joined by 4 ladies. They were then told that their batch number was T-35. It was a number that was to stay with them for a long time.

Within two weeks, T-35 had forged a unity and an identity that the other trainee batches could only admire. From a distance. This bunch of mechanical, civil, electrical engineers and even one architect learnt more from each other than they did from the visiting faculty.

From Chacha, they learnt how much fun Vietnamese & Thai girls were.
From Shishu, they learnt that you should not drink a whole bottle of neat vodka and then expect to walk home on your own.
From Joker, they learnt that life could always be made a little happier with a good song.
From Predator, they learnt that when people fall asleep during your presentation, it is time to stop.
From Psycho, they learnt a million things about Jadhavpur University.
From Guruji, they learnt how to play TT.
From Badman, they learnt that if you lose your cool, you just might lose your job (Thanks Slow for saving Badman)
From Cartoon, they learnt that artists don't always get the hot babes.
From HTBC, they learnt that you should pay more attention to the person giving you instructions.
From Ganya Don, they learnt that the same joke could be told to the same set of drunk guys a dozen times & still be a hit.
From Bageera, they learnt that Infosys has stronger internal processes than TCS.
From Amma, they learnt that when your teammate refuses to cooperate, you will have to make a presentation on the fly.
From Bhootni, they learnt the term 'ila lala lala'.
From Aunty, they learnt how to be friendly and still be aloof.
From Lady Don, they learnt that not all bong women are... well, bong women.
From Slow, they learnt that sheer brainpower, or luck, would beat laziness hands down.
From Tension, they learnt that Brinda the Queen was divorced thrice, not twice.
From Good Boy, they learnt that you could be the only sober guy at a party and still wake up with puke all over you.
From Deddy, they learnt that even architects can code. Or at least try.
From Rebel, they learnt the true meaning of the term 'Rebel without a cause'.
From Bond, they learnt that if you stay awake till 3 AM every night reading Tintin comics, you won't be able to get ready in time for office.
From Vakeel Babu, they learnt that the workers and management at Ford ate together at the same canteen.
From Metla, they learnt that TCS pays different salaries for people in California than they do for the rest of the US.
From Saa Rukh, they learnt the meaning of the term TUMPA.

They also learnt a lot of other things. How much booze to pour in your glass while dining with a client for one. How you don't need to be a Comp Sci Engineer to be a cyber coolie for another. But the best thing that they learnt is that you can spend just a few months with someone and still remain friends with them for the rest of your lives.

T-35 went on weekend trips together, they got drunk and then saw elephants in the shadows, they walked the streets of Kanyakumari barefoot while looking for precious alcohol, they organized the best parties at the hostel, they were the only batch to defy the 'under inspection order' and cheer when one of them (Amma) won the best student award, they tried to cut the kaddu and share it though that didn't work out, they gave a new meaning to the terms 'batting' and 'bowling'.

Yes T-35, we did 'bring TCS to life'. At least for a few months. :-)

Mark My Words

The last couple of days have been unprecedented. At least for me. Yes, there have been terror attacks before… in my country & even in my city. But this was different. This wasn’t just an act of terror. It was an act of war!

To see videos of men roaming the streets of South Bombay and shooting people, to see the Taj Mahal Hotel burn, to hear firsthand about the mayhem inside the Trident, to have two dear friends trapped in a building next to Nariman House was too much even for someone as nonchalant & detached as me.

You sick bastards! I know you’re burning in hell. No matter what your instructors told you, there wont be 72 virgins waiting for you with wine. There’ll be an evil looking creature with a forked tail and a wicked grin. And he’s going to say, ‘Welcome back boys. Now let me have some fun with your sorry asses’. Make no mistake. You and your kind will burn in hell. Because there is no God(s) who would have asked you to do what you just did. You just did the Devil’s work, you stupid morons.

I have two things to say to the planners of this genocide. First, we’ll get you, you bloody cowards. We’ll hunt you down and make you pay for this. Even if we don’t, someday you will have to answer to a higher authority.

And second, we have survived invasions from the Huns, recovered from Ghazni & Ghouri and even outlasted the British Empire. You dumb fucks, do you actually think that we’ll be defeated by a squad of 20 year olds? Screw you! We’re going to rebuild the Taj Mahal Hotel… make it better and grander. We’re going to honour our dead soldiers. We’re going to pick up the pieces. And then, you motherfuckers, we’re going to come after you.

Jai Hind

Career Definition... By Nitin Sareen

Since I am on a sabbatical, a good friend of mine Nitin Sareen (the daddy of organized people) has decided to contribute a post to the blog. I think its a well written piece. And unlike my off-the-cuff posts, he has obviously spent a lot of time crafting this one. Read it, I think you'll enjoy it.

So What is a Career Anyway?

The mostly ominous news about the global economic crisis these days, has led me to wonder whether our definition of a successful career and the social implications of having one, is at the root of this mayhem. The leaders of the firms which have gone bust recently were in those positions because they had exceptionally successful careers thus far. So why did they fail? I believe the answer lies in understanding the single measure for choosing a corporate leader today – A successful career.

As the world progressed from biblical times to today’s jet age, people became increasingly obsessed with the aspect of their lives which relates to what they do for a living. History has always been written about the winner, the wealthy, the famous and the powerful. Not surprisingly therefore, in modern times, the word “career” relates to how successful one has been in accumulating a combination of fame and wealth via what they do for a living. Rarely do we see “career” being equated to anything other than this. Therefore a successful career person is one who by virtue of his single minded focus on ‘working to get rich or famous or both’, has actually done it.

Until recently, the top career choices for a typical B-School graduate would be Investment Banking & Consulting followed by leadership positions across industries. Why? Having run the rat race myself, upon introspection, I think the answer lies in every graduate trying to build a successful career –a way to make your daily bread which puts you on the fast track to being rich & famous. While the winner’s of this race are most certainly stalwarts of industry today, the so called “losers” continue hone their skills to enter the get-rich-quick highway. I wonder if the craze for these professions would be as great if they did not fit in perfectly with what today’s society calls a successful career. What about a career in piracy? At least Somalia thinks that piracy fits the bill with the current definition.

So how else could we define career? Perhaps we could begin by going back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Of the five levels of need defined by Maslow, today’s definition of a successful career allows a person to satisfy only to a few needs at each level. Physiological - food & housing; Safety – property & resources; Love/Belonging – nothing here; Esteem – respect, achievement; Self actualization – problem solving. If self actualization is the highest level of achievement by an individual, then today’s definition of career falls short of selecting such candidates for a traditional Indian arranged marriage, leave alone corporate leadership. With a distorted definition of being successful, most of us are not even aware of the huge gaps in some of our other basic needs and self development, which after a point promotes irrational behavior like excessive greed, appetite for high risk, extra-marital affairs and divorce etc. No wonder there are cases of lack of ethics, prejudice, scandals and deteriorating family life. Therefore learning from this introspection is to broaden the definition of career in terms of a person’s achievement at each level defined by Maslow. Defined this way a successful career person to me would be someone who has worked hard at satisfying all his physiological, safety, love & esteem needs and is moving towards self actualization.

Time Out

I am thinking of taking a break from blogging. No, its not because I've finally realized that I'll always be a mediocre writer with a limited repertoire. Rather, I have decided to embark on more ambitious writing assignment. One that may or may not lead to anything. But certainly one that will keep me from troubling you for a while.

Now if you are a regular visitor to this blog, this is what I say to you:

1. Don't be so happy. I'll be back to torture you.
2. I have no idea what I am going to write about. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Yet.
3. Be nice to the environment. We're running out of time.

On the other hand if you're a new visitor to this blog, here's what I'll tell you:
1. Where the hell have you been all this while?
2. Why are you still wasting time reading this post? Scroll down and get started on the earlier ones.
3. Be nice to the environment. We're running out of time.

Cheerio folks. For now.

Couchside Romeo

Yesterday I went to see 'Roadside Romeo' with the Wise One and her cub. The theater was small, kinda basic but surprise, surprise... had plush leather couches instead of the usual seats. This is the first time I have been this comfortable while watching a movie. The fact that the screen was small and the audio system pre-dolby surround sound didn't really matter once your butt made friends with the couch.

So there I was, sipping my diet coke, flexing my weary muscles and waiting for the movie to start. In the first few minutes itself I was caught up in the story and found myself pleasantly surprised with the quality of animation. (I later learnt that Walt Disney had done the animation).

Now as is the usual case, there were people who were late. There were the expected shhhs, excuse mes, shuffling, grumbling while people came to term with this interruption. As the line of late comers passed us, a remarkably beautiful lady came in front of me.

When our bodies aligned (and our fates crossed), she lost her balance. Now I swear to you that I had nothing to do with it. I was only being a polite citizen and had even folded my long legs so that no one tripped over them. But sometimes good things happen to good people. So this beautiful lady, god bless her parents, lost her balance and.... plonk... sat down in my lap.

Imagine my surprise! Imagine the lady's good fortune!! For one timeless moment we gazed at each other. Her eyes seemed to ask me, 'Shouldn't I be sorry?'. My smile seemed to tell her, 'Hell no, its cool'. And for that one moment, we were in perfect understanding.

'Ahem, ahem' said the overgrown uncle/husband/jealous male. And with those unholy words broke the spell. The poor lady pretended to be embarrassed. I pretended that to be nonchalant. Like I was used to gorgeous women sitting in my lap everyday.

She jumped up and scurried away. The 'Charlie Anna' who was the villain of the piece glared at me in the dark. What the joker didn't realize was that with the screen to his back, I couldn't make out any of his expressions. Not that I gave a damn. Jealous boyfriends and aggro brothers are something I've learnt to either ignore or deal with a long time ago. This, was an 'ignore the bozo' moment. So I yawned, craned my neck to the side and said, 'Excuse me'. Talk about cool.

During the rest of the movie, I thought of climbing the roof of the theater (you have to see the movie to know what I mean). And am sure she was hoping I would jump on stage like Roadside Romeo and volunteer to get myself killed (again, you have to see the movie to know what I mean). But when the lights came on we went our separate ways. Separated by a mass of shuffling bodies, a couple of rows and one jealous male.

Ah, that is what movies are for. To blur the lines between reality and magic. If you are lucky the movie takes you to the make-believe land. And if you're luckier, the make-believe land comes to you.

Dog's Best Friend?

'Excuse me, but how dare you compare my husband to your dogs!'....

Okay hang on, I am getting ahead of myself. Allow me to explain. Am writing this entry to ask you a simple question. 'While dog is supposed to be man's best friend, can we honestly say that man is dog's best friend?'

The other day I was catching up with a friend who I haven't been in touch with for quite a while. Since we last met a lot has happened in both our lives. I went to B school, she went onsite. I got a new job, she got a new bodyguard (husband). I moved to a new city, she moved into her in-laws' place. I met new people and made friends, she made new relatives. Okay, so you get the drift.

Anyway, we were exchanging notes about the mischief one of us had been up to and the domesticated bliss the other one has been.. enjoying. She happened to say that her 'jaan' was away and that she hadn't seen him in 3 DAYS. She then went on to enlighten me about what a great guy he was and how MUCH she missed him. Now, I am a good listener and I try to get involved with the story. So I felt that I should also get into the 'missy-missy' mood. Which is when I decided to miss my dogs. Now since I thought we were having a dialogue, I decided to share with the lady the fact that I too hadn't seen my dogs for 3 weeks, how great they were and how MUCH I missed them. Fair enough?

After my own burst of doggy-woggy emotions, I expected a sympathetic ear. Instead, all I heard was the static from the crappy Airtel network. 'Hello, anyone there?'. Turns out that someone was there. Someone who imagined that her husband, and hence herself, had just been insulted. For a moment I was taken aback. I mean, why would I want to insult someone I haven't even met? Wouldn't that be a waste of my brilliant wit?

After an attempt to clear the air(tel), I decided not to take any more crap and gave it back good & proper. I can understand the lady missing her husband, but why on earth couldn't she understand me missing my dogs? Some people, I tell you! Needless to say, I don't think we'll be exchanging notes for a long time.

Now I know that you're probably thinking that I am going to take off on how dogs and husbands are the same. (Actually if you think about it, in a way they are the same). But no, am genuinely irritated by how we inflate the value of human beings and falsely raise them to the level of dogs.

Fellow homo and hetro sapiens, dogs are far superior creatures than we are. They don't go around indiscriminately slaughtering other species, messing up the planet for everyone else and then strut around claiming that they were created in God's image. They don't create value out of nothing and call it services just to get out of doing real work. They don't go around bombing and maiming each other for some goo stuck under the earth for a 100 million years when there are cleaner energy sources around. It isn't a 'dog-eat-dog' world. It's a 'man-kill-man' world. So please, lets stop flattering ourselves and thinking that we own this planet. Long before us, the dinosaurs ruled the earth. And at the rate we're mucking things up, cockroaches will rule the earth long after we're gone.

Next time you're on the road, approach a street dog and look straight at him (Yes, HIM and not IT). Chances are he'll shrink and try to avoid you. Wanna know why? No, its not because he sees your all powerful aura and senses that you are a GM/VP/Big Shot in some fancy company. It's because he's become so used to being kicked and having stones thrown at him that he assumes the worst. So he thinks that it is better to run away.

The sad thing is that if we could ask most animals what they thought of humans they would probably equate us not with other animals, but with the devil himself.

So lady, maybe I should have said.... 'WOAH, excuse me!!! But how dare you insult my dogs by equating them with your husband?'

These Are The Days

'These are the days baby...' I whistled, kicked a small pebble, kept a wary eye on a 12 year old struggling to ride a bike, dug my hands into my Levis' front pockets and smiled to myself. A light breeze blew the through the gul mohar trees, couples coochy cooed in the park and someone was cooking poha. I continued to amble my way to the Wise One's house. Half way down the lane I paused....

As often happens with me, when I start to think about the future, I often end up thinking about the past. In this case, while I was wondering how to spend a glorious saturday, I began to think about the last 10 years. Around this time in 1998, I had just joined engineering college. I can still remember standing in line for everything, dressed like a waiter, hoping that the seniors would pick on the guy in front (or behind) me and cursing myself for not having done B.A. from Xaviers. You could say that during the first 3 months of my engineering 'career', the red button on my white shirt was my best friend. Well at least we spent a lot of time gazing at each other. I later went on to make better and more conventional friends, but for a while my red button was my 'bosom buddy'.

Life has changed a wee bit in these 10 years. I guess I have changed too. Some changes have been for the better and some for the not-so-better. But all this while, I still like who I am. Now don't me wrong. I don't mean to sound like a narcissist, though I am one. I just enjoy getting up in the morning and saying woo too to myself. And I think it's a great feeling to be comfortable with who you are. To be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, 'rockstar, long night huh?' and then grin is something to be thankful for.

(Grind grind... I can hear the knives being sharpened)

The point I am trying to make is that all the f ups, the gaffes, the tumbling off the cliffs and of course, the genuine mistakes that I have committed in the last 10 years have made me a better human being. Or so I would like to think. As long as my mind is willing to understand what I did wrong and my heart is willing to accept that I was at fault, I don't mind making mistakes. For I have learnt more about myself when am down on the mat than when I am stepping up to the podium.

Bruce Springsteen said, 'it's a sad man my friend who's livin in his own skin, And cant stand the company. Now that is one scary thought. Brrrr.... I hope I never do something that makes me dislike myself. It would be like losing your best friend and yet always having to hear him/her bitching about you.

Could I have ever dreamt that life would turn out the way it has? No way Jose. But apart from a few things, I wouldn't change the last 10 years. I hope the next 10 years are just as rewarding. For if in 2018 I can look back and tell myself, 'Now that was some ride', have my friends and family around and be healthy & happy, I think it will be 10 years well spent.


Now that I was done gazing at the past, I turned towards the Wise One's house, kicked the same pebble and continued whistling...


'These are better days it's true'...

Show Me My Money

The other day I came across this rather interesting article that was reprinted from some American newspaper. It featured an imaginary conversation that a poor American man has with an officer of some bank. He asks for a bailout, she tells him that they only offer loans. He asks if he is eligible for a loan given his personal finances and she says no. So he asks her why they are giving $700 Billion to the fat cats at wall street. She replies its because they really need the money. So the article goes on with the man pointing out that his financial position is no different from the investment banks at Wall Street. And the banking officer refusing to give him a loan. Finally he loses his cool and says, ' Okay then. Give me my share of the $700 Billion back'. As you can imagine the lady is stumped. The now irate customer takes her case (and the financial world's) about how no one took his permission before doling out bailouts. And since he thinks he needs the money more than Wall Street, he wants his share back. The story continues with him adding up the various bailout packages that the US Government has handed out to rich CEOs over the years. He then calculates what his share should have been and demands that they give it back to him.

This article got me thinking. What if we were to take this idea even further? What if we gave people the option of deciding how their share of the country's (India) annual budget was spent?

Silence. Pin drop silence. Then hysterical and mocking laughter? Hahaha... you want to give the Aam Aadmi the right to decide how we spend the Government's money? Damn right I do.

To prove my point, I am going to give you a few instances where power was taken from the hands of a chosen (self-nominated) few and given to the people. Let's start with the Right to Vote. Till a few centuries ago almost no country in the world allowed its people to choose their rulers. In fact, till the middle of the 20th century most of the world was ruled by masters sitting 5,000 miles away. Didn't those masters think that their colonial subjects weren't fit to govern themselves? Winston Churchill was certainly one of those gora saabs who thought that we were unfit to rule our own country. (Our netas n babus might be doing their best to prove him right, but that is another matter.. wink wink). But at least today people know that they if they don't like a particular administration they can opt for a change the next election. It is called the Pan India anti-incumbency factor!

What about the right to print books and circulate your ideas? Till Gutenberg came along only the very rich and the very powerful knew how to read and write. The nobles and the priests felt that it would be too dangerous to allow the common people to learn how to read & write. Haven't we come a long way since? Today any idiot can log onto the web and ramble on and on about some silly idea. I know one such fellow very well. But the point is that people today have the choice of not only what to they read, but to a great extent, what they write.

So why don't we take the financial decision making away from the hands of the great planners, open it up to the masses, bring in more transparency and let people have a say in how the government busts up their money. I think that the Right to Information Act is a step in this direction.

As someone who is concerned about the state of our environment, I want the government to spend more money on saving our forests, equipping our forest rangers with better equipment, funding research into renewable energy, educating our children, encouraging sports, providing better health care, improving the courts, and also... improving my country's defense and security.

What I don't like to see is netas busting up money on their pet projects and babus making us bear the bill for their foreign junkets. Neta dude, if you think that building a statue in the sea is a great idea, please convince enough of your followers to spend THEIR share of OUR budget on it. Once they realize that this statue of yours will come at the cost of their health care, education and municipal facilities you may find it a lot more difficult.

Now do you get the picture? Once ministers and their ministries realize that they will have to actually work for their budgets, am certain that things will improve. Still, its only an idea. One that will have to be dissected and refined before it becomes remotely feasible. But eventually, it will force netas and babus to do what they are supposed to do - govern, and not rule.

So I'll leave you with this thought, 'Take a look at your country, your environment and your local surroundings... and then ask yourself what would you want to change, if you had the money to do so?'

Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

Draught Beer
Single Malt Scotch
Bayern Munich
Man U Vs Chelsea Matches
ISB
Leon Recanati
Missed Calls
Late Night Text Messages
Cute Strangers
Unapproachable Colleagues
Network Congestion
Delayed Flights
Book Sales
Amateur Plays
Corrupt Politicians
Incompetent Journalists
Long Distance Relationships
Alumni Networks
Favourite Movies
Old Crushes
Dogs
Lovers
Cheese Cake
Strong Coffee
Top Gun
Lord of the Rings
iPod
Nokia Phones
Body Wash
Nivea Products
Nutella
French Mustard
Bon Jovi
Bryan Adams
SMS Bismarck
HMS Hood
Excel Sheets
Power Point Presentations
Education Loans
Credit Card Bills
Volkswagen Beetle
Mercedes S Class
Rakesh Vohra
Kenwyn Smith
Forever Autumn
Saint Elmo's Fire
Shailesh Vaze
Adi (Aditya nee phone)
Mini Skirts
Collared T-Shirts
Just Good Friends
Soul Mates


Just some things that make you go hmmm.....

Hotel Alumnifornia (Sung to the tune of 'Hotel California')

Hey dude..
was saving this for quite some time.. but I believe this blog is the right place for it :)

Nitin Sareen

Hotel Alumnifornia
--------------------
On a dark gachi(bowli) highway, rejection slips stuffed in my hair.
Warm smell of the placements, was rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance i saw an 'alumni'
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to ask him for advice.
There he stood in the doorway

Around his self created swell.
And I was thinking to myself
he cud be banking or consulting.
Then he lit up a cigarette and he showed me the way.
There were voices in the atrium
and I heard them say....

Welcome to the Infosys and TCS
such a lovely place
such a lovely face.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

His brain is really twisted, he's got a banking job.
He got lot of pretty boys n girls that he calls friends.
How they chat in the atrium, sweet summer sweat
some chat to be remembered, some chat to get laid.

So I called up the president
'please review my resume'.
He said, you have only IT here since nineteen ninety nine
And still you want to be on the financial side.
Wake up its only the middle of Term 5, or you will hear them say....

Welcome to the Satyam and the CTS
such a lovely place
such a lovely race.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

Egos on the ceiling,
The suit boot and the tie.
And he said,'you are all just guinea pigs here, for our next surprise'.
And in the partner's chambers
they gathered for the feast.
They taunt us with their 3-point spikes
And we just cant kill the beast.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running door to door.
I had to find the way to get back
To what I was doing before.
'relax', said the CAS Man
we're programmed to deceive.
you can apply for any job you like
But you can never have peace.......

----------------------------------

With a few modifications by yours truly. Old Man Sareen is the brains behind this one though.

Drive With Me

Here are a list of songs that I love to play when I am on the highway (in no particular preference) ....

1. Dangerzone by Kenny Loggins
Mood - I feel the need. The need for speed.

Ray Ban aviators, a jacket, a wannabe Tom Cruise grin on your face and a roaring engine. This song had to be on my list.... Makes you want to slam the throttle and go full speed ahead. Great song to start your journey with. Sets the right tone.

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

2. Boys of Summer - Don Henley
Mood - Nostalgia. For friends and days that have long since passed.

This song always makes me think of Goa. Days spent on Spring Beach. The sun, sand, seaweed and surf. :-) Floating in the sea with your feet pointed towards Turtle Island and your eyes watching the planes take off. Ah, those golden days when all you thought about was which party to head to next.

I can see you
your brown skin shining in the sun
you know your walking real slow
smiling at everyone.

3. Someday I'll Be Saturday Night - Bon Jovi
Mood - Hang in there kiddo.

Sometimes you drive just get away from it all. To clear your head and gather your thoughts. Often enough it is only the memory of the good times that keeps you going.

Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I aint got nothin but this roll of the dice
Im feelin like a monday, but someday Ill be saturday night.

4. Coney Island - Van Morrison
Mood - Just you and me babe.

This has to be one of the most underrated love songs ever written. Total comfort and total understanding, thats what this song oozes. None of the usual sentimental over the top 'I wanna hold you hand' thing.

I look at the side of your face as the sunlight comes
Streaming through the window in the autumn sunshine
And all the time going to Coney Island I'm thinking,
Wouldn't it be great if it was like this all the time?

5. Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
Mood - To hell with everything. I wanna get outta here. Fast.

For those times when you want to run away from yourself. Flirt with the self-destruct button. When you are torn between giving up and gritting your teeth & taking the pain. I have found that it is best to ride out the storm and make peace with yourself. At times like this you should take your foot off the accelerator, slow down and stay alive. ;-)

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone


6. You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
Mood - Your loss honey. Maybe someday you'll realize it.

To all the girls I've loved, and lost. I still think very highly of you and hope that you are happy. Just that it is a pity 'what could have been. What should have been.'

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me.

7. Beautiful Girl - INXS
Mood - Pure mush.... :-)

Love the way this song begins. The moment it begins you know you have a great song playing. One of INXS' best creations. Also a good way to get someone to stay on beyond their curfew. Lol.

Now where did you find her
Among the neon lights
That haunt the streets outside
Stay with me.

8. Escape - Enrique
Mood - Lol. Anyone who has seen the video knows what the mood is.

Come on. Every guy wants to be Enrique in this song. Hooo munga, is she smoking hot!!

Here's how it goes, you and me, up and down at this time
We'll get right, where to fight
Cause love is something you can't shake
When it breaks.

9. Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
Mood - I dunno. This song has meant different things to me at different points in my life.

For those times when you ponder about the choices you made. The paths you took or didn't take. One of those 'what if' songs... Its for when you pull over by the side of a river and gaze at the boat on the horizon.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

10. How Do You Do - Roxette
Mood - Hey there good looking. Wanna hop in for a ride?

I have to sign off with this song. It is one of the coolest songs I have heard.... Though I've never done it, I would love to pull over next to a gorgeous stranger, lower my sunglasses just a bit, grin and say, 'How do you do?'

I see you comb your hair
and gimme that grin.
It's making me spin now,
spinnin' within.
Before I melt like snow,
I say Hello
How do you do!

Let me leave you with this song...

You Know You're From ISB

I have always wondered what the learned people at ISB who make the admissions decisions look for in a candidate. After pondering over it for a long time (one Bob Dylan song) I decided that they don't have the slightest idea. The only way that you can really tell if a person belongs in ISB is to make them spend a year at ISB.

So after busting your butt for 12 months how do you know for sure if you actually deserved to have been let in? Here are a few things I thought of. You probably might have some more to add.

You belong in ISB if you....

1. Pay for 3 meals a day but end up eating in the cafe half the time.
2. Think that walking half a kilometre to submit an assignment at 6:00 AM is perfectly normal.
3. Don't mind being kept awake by your neighbours' parties that go on till 4:00 AM
4. Feel comfortable when a strange lady comes and video tapes you sitting in class
5. Feel the need to speak in a class which doesn't have a CP component
6. Understand what 'CP' in the last point referred to
7. Think that reading a case study is more important than listening to Michael Dell or Uday Kotak
8. Are able to use words like dichotomy, core competency, strategize in daily conversations
9. Correctly pronounce processEs and not processes
10. Know how to completely rewrite your pre-ISB career in such a way that your ex-colleagues would not recognize ur resume
11. Genuinely believe that the problems in the real world can be solved using excel sheets and 2x2 matrices
12. Think that consultants are God's gift to mankind; at least for 2 terms
13. Look at the 'Boy on the Buffalo' and want to steal him for a few days
14. Know who the 'Boy on the Buffalo' is
15. Don't mind being thrown into a pool has pieces of cake, beer bottles, slippers and ten other people already in it
16. Believe that there is only one Bob Stine. And that he is a dude!
17. Wish you could take Maulana with you to all your parties for the rest of your life
18. Think that its outrageous that some resident profs only have to 'teach' for 3 weeks a year
19. Know that Sarovar cooks are the worst in the hotel industry
20. Wonder what the hype was all about anyway.

:-)

Independence Day...

Today I thought I would change things and not have some inane status on my gtalk messenger. So I put up a 'hmmm...' and settled down to what I thought would be a quiet day. As usual, it turns out that my best laid plans were relaid. Within almost 45 mins, five people had pinged me to ask what 'national problem I was thinking about'. Now I dont know whether to be flattered with the attention or whether I was being made a monkey of. Since I think am reasonably well evolved, I choose to exclude the simian option. Right then people, let's see.... What national problem should we talk about today?

Call it gut feeling or simple common sense but I think that one good thumb rule (or as an MBA would say, heuristic) to which direction a nation is headed is the importance that its people place on education. And if what I observed during the weekend drive from Hyderabad to Bangalore is anything to go by, India (at least South India) is on the right track.

We set off early on Independence Day and the rain gods decided to join us on the journey.So there we were making slow progress through the pot holed road that someone had the gall to call a 'National Highway'. Within a couple of hours some of us (not me) were wondering what on earth we were doing on a bumpity-bump road at 7:00 AM. Sure enough the 'iss desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta' statements started. As more and more people joined in, I took out my iPod and started paying more attention to the world outside. I thought to myself, 'Come on guys. Can we at least not grumble on Independence Day?'.

Over a period of time we happened to pass a lot of primary schools. Through the sleep deprivation haze, the nagging inside the car, the rain, the potholes, the trucks belching black smoke... one thing stood out. Almost every kid I saw was immaculately dressed. And whats more, they seemed to be genuinely thrilled about celebrating Independence Day.

I distinctly remember seeing kids wearing all-whites. And I mean ALL white. Their uniforms were perfectly ironed, their hair was neatly combed, even their white canvas shoes looked freshly polished. Now lets freeze that frame for a moment. You might wonder what do clean uniforms have to do with the future of this nation. Well I would say, EVERYTHING.

You see, its not as if the kids opened a magic box and took out some special uniforms for this particular day. Given that it was raining like mad (and had been for a week) the very fact that the kids were dressed so appropriately obviously means that someone at home must have gone through a lot of trouble to ensure that their uniforms were washed, dried, ironed and their shoes polished. This also means that the teachers had managed to instill a sense of pride and occasion in both the children and the parents. And this in turn means that there must be a healthy and strong rapport between parents and teachers.

I guess it goes to show that left to themselves most people want their kids to study hard, do well and grow up to live better lives than they did. Since rural India seems to be betting big on education I think things will change for the better.

As I sipped my dhaaba chai (yum yum) I looked at myself (figuratively) and my companions. I saw a bunch of overpaid, cynical, hungover, self absorbed souls who didn't really give a shit if it was Independence Day or not. To us it was a long weekend which was to be used to meet up with more people like ourselves. And as I went to pay the chaiwaala I looked at the kids again. The excitement and energy that they radiated made me wistfully think of the days when I was like them.

Has our generation... Gen X... Gen Y... Gen Algebra... if you want, failed this great country? I hope not. But I fear we are perilously close to running out of time. We are young only once, and history (and those young kids in white uniforms) will soon judge us.

Wait Up... Young Man

Ten minutes ago something happened to me. Nothing earth shattering, or path breaking, or mind blowing. All I did was help an destitute old man cross a four lane road. He smiled, thanked me and we shook hands. Thats all.

The whole morning I have been feeling a little under the weather due to a host of reasons, some of which are self-inflicted I think. Anyway, after going through the day's work I realized that I had something to take care of and left my office. All this time I was talking to myself, muttering dark nothings and generally doing not-very-much to cheer myself up. I went to see my second best friend and found some comfort.

The auto I was taking back stopped opposite to my office's gate. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed an old man asking a policeman for some directions. He was wearing the traditional garb that most (non-rich) farmers in this part of the coutntry seem to wear. He seemed to be carrying his belongings in a little sack that was tied to a stick. Within a nano-second I had summarized him to be a poor old man who had given his best years to a heartless plot of land and an ungrateful brood of children.

I began the dangerous and third-worldly task of crossing the road with vehicles coming at me at 60 kilometres an hour. Once again, my peripheral vision informed me that he was calling out to me and seemed to want my attention. I almost choked for I couldn't think of a more inopportune time to ask someone for alms. So I did what most people would do and pretended not to notice while continuously inching my way to the other side of the road.

When I had crossed the first of the four lanes and was standing on the divider, the old man caught up with me. At that point, I admired his perseverance for I thought I had shaken him off. He came up to me with a big grin on his face and I thought to myself, 'ok, lets hear your sales pitch'.

But all he said (in hindi.. surprise surprise) is, 'Young man, can I cross the road with you?'. For a moment I almost said, 'Excuse me! What did you just say?'. He then went on to tell me that, 'These cars are too fast for an old man like me with such poor eyesight. Can I tag along with you?'. To my credit, I quickly recovered from finding out that things weren't going according to my cynical expectations and said, 'Sure'.

Within two minutes we had crossed the road and I was still wondering if he had some sob story or request to make. But all he did was grin again, shake my hand and say, 'Thank you very much. I have never crossed the road so quickly. It normally takes me at least fifteen minutes'.

And with that he was gone. I stood there for a couple of seconds and scratched my head. I could see that the security guards from my office were curious and wondering what had transpired between us. And the look of 'bewildered understanding' that was beginning to show on my face must have reassured them that all was well.

I don't know who that old farmer was or what his life story must have been. But I hope that the fifteen minutes of his that I saved made a difference to his day, because the two minutes I spent with him sure did make a difference to mine.

Winning at All Costs

These days I don't seem to have much to do in the evenings. No TV, no new books and no company. So I found myself introspecting and doing some self-analysis mumbo jumbo. I wont deny that the last year hasn't been ideal. It's been a start-stop-turn-reverse kinda year. Many exciting but eventually false starts and yet quite a few unexpectedly pleasant surprises. It's almost as if someone wished me that old Chinese curse, 'May you live during interesting times'. :-)

But one thing that seems to emerge from this (brilliant) thought process is that the main reason why I am where I am (wherever that may be) is because I haven't been totally true to myself. Allow me to explain.

For most of my life I was quintessentially a simple person. If I saw something that I wanted, I went after it. It didn't matter whether it was a sport, a debate competition, a woman or simply knowledge. I would go out there and give it my best shot without worrying about how the world saw me. I remember a time when the only thing on my mind was winning. I played to win. I played hard, rough, even downright mean at times. Why? Coz I knew that there's nothing quite like the thrill of winning. Forget all that HR talk of team building and companionship. In any group of people, especially guys, there is always a top dog. And no matter how hard we may deny it everyone wants to be that top dog.

I used to relish being in a tight spot coz I knew I would keep my cool and get myself out of it. 1-5 (15-40) down in a set and I would be ice cool. I knew that I played my best when under pressure and never felt nervous about being backed into a corner. You could say my motto was, 'Bring em on baby!'. I wont brag and say that I always won, but I never backed down from a challenge.

Somewhere along the way, the boy who wasn't afraid to show that he was a fighter and tell the world to go jump 'grew up'. Someone told him that winning wasn't the only thing. But being gracious and doing it by the book also matter. And at the end of the day one has to fit in and confirm to social norms. Total crap. Win, at all costs. Do whatever it takes but for god's sake.. WIN!!

Still don't agree with me? Okay, tell me how many Grand Slam titles did Vijay Amritraj win? Am guessing it was one less than one. Wanna know why? Maybe its because he was too busy applauding the great shots that his opponents hit rather than charging himself up. Which is why today people talk about McEnroe, Borg, Connors... and then remember, 'Oh yeah, that nice Indian fellow.. whats his name? Veeejay'. Thats right, no one remembers who came in second. And I honestly believe the only good losers are those who are used to it.

Anyway, getting back to me... I have realized that most of the 'problems' I been confronted with the last year or so have been caused by my reluctance to put my foot down and tell the other person or organisation exactly what I think. I've been seduced by the notion that if you are patient and hardworking, you will get what you deserve.. eventually. Thats almost like saying that, 'In the long term the price and the value of a stock will match'.

Sadly, that isn't true. At least not in my case. And I want to see the money. Now!! Not fifteen years from now buddy boy. So I have decided to become more assertive. More 'in-tune' with my own desires and wants. No more Mr Most of the Time Nice Guy. I've awoken from my self imposed slumber. So get out of my way conscience and allow me get ahead in life.

Woo hoo. Here I come.

Always A Woman

For my earlier post on the Nawab who redeemed himself I got a bit of flak from quite a few ladies. I also got a lot of woo hoos from my guy pals but that is another matter. So let me set the record straight. I don't hate women. In fact its quite the opposite. I think women are great and am glad that God didn't stop with Adam. Imagine a world without them. Hmm.. lotsa bars, only sports on TV, world peace, no traffic accidents and in my case, a much smaller phone bill. :-)

Now now, before you think that this post is another wisecrack at all my enslaved male friends let me get to the point. After many years of trying, and failing miserably, to understand women I remembered the Billy Joel song 'Always a Woman' and suddenly my life got a lot simpler. We men are not supposed to understand women, thats what other women are for. We men are supposed to listen, nod our heads, say 'yes darling you are right' or 'its ok sweetie', wait for them while they get ready, hang on to their shopping bags and pretend to not be bored out of our minds. Thats our job. Thats what we're here for. ... to make women happy.

The biggest mistake I made when I was younger was to innocently assume that women think like men do. After being run over by a couple of trains I realized the error of my ways. In fact it was a very wise lady who once told, 'You gullible simpleton. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that you know what a woman has on her mind. Coz even her best friend doesn't know.' So I have come to treat women with the respect that they deserve. But I don't trust them. Not one single bit. I enjoy being with a pretty girl. You laugh, you try to be witty and talk about stuff you normally wouldn't. But at the back of your mind you know that five minutes after saying goodbye to you she might be on a call with another suitor. That is the way life is, so don't complain.

So what does Billy Joel have to do with all this? Well, if you read the lyrics of the song you might just agree with me when I say that women God's greatest creation, but they are also his most dangerous. :-)

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me


I especially like the 'only reveals what she wants you to see' bit. Every woman has her secrets, which she is entitled to keep. Layers under layers. Circles within circles. That sort of thing.

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe.
And she'll take what you give her, as long as its free
She steals like a thief
But shes always a woman to me

Yes sir, she might ask you for the truth. But she will follow her own intuition when it comes to making her judgment. Which normally is to not trust the guy. :P

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden.
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

The term 'led up the garden path' didn't just pop out of nowhere you know. Lol. But it is true, at least in my case, women bring out the best and the murst, oops worst, in me.

The last para in the song brilliantly sums up how women can be different things at different times.


She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
Shes nobody's fool
But she cant be convicted
Shes earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But shes always a woman to me.

Ah yes. I used to wonder how someone as loving and tender could turn into someone so cold and aloof. But I guess that is just the way women are. After all, the female of the species is deadlier (and far smarter) than the male.

P.S. - This post wasn't written with anyone in mind. Or may be it was. :-)

Built to Last and Not Built Too Fast

'Yeah dude, its a great idea but someone has already implemented it'. I've heard this comeback at least a dozen times from this friend of mine. And just in case you are wondering, I am referring to business ideas. :-)

Okay, now everyone wants to be the next Edison or his modern equivalent. People want to invent the 'next big thing'. Just look at the books that management gurus are peddling these days. People seem to think that you can 'manage innovation'. Well, thats an oxymoron if I ever saw one. The best ideas do not come out of DMADV processes or workout sessions. They hit you on a thursday afternoon, just after lunch and probably just before a horribly boring meeting. I think the world of business would be a lot more creative if we took books like Blue Ocean Strategy and .... thats right.. threw them into the deep sea.

One of the greatest myths that managers seem to believe these days is that you have to have a truly radical idea in order to succeed in business. B schools teach you that you have redefine the paradigm. Well, I think that is hogwash. And let me prove to you why there are no Blue Oceans out there. (Even if there are, they will get polluted by your competitors in no time).

To begin with, the first big idea was fire. Now, if we were to avoid copying someone's (great) idea most of us would be shivering in the cold, eating raw food and bumping into the dark. Lets not even get started on the wheel. How many of us would be willing to walk 10 kms to work, or whatever it is we would be doing in the New Stone Age?

Buildings, machines, printing press, aircraft, bulbs, computers, MP3 players, Search Engines. All these inventions go to prove that there is no great benefit to be derived from redefining the paradigm. Or whatever you want to call it.

My way of looking at things is that once an idea has worked and proved itself, there will be more people willing to fund and ,more importantly, willing to buy your product. Why blaze a new trail when you can follow someone, learn from their mistakes and then... woo hoo.. overtake them?

Think about it. The Japanese and the Koreans have built their economies around this simple principle. For every Phillips (who invented 100s of things including the CD) there are a dozen Sonys and LGs and Samsungs and Panasonics.

So Old Man, you ready to try something?

The Fall and Rise of the Nawab

The other day I was chatting with an old friend who happens to be the girlfriend of an equally old friend. Now in between all the friendly banter and leg pulling, I happened to ask her where that loser (my pal) was. And she said that he has been camping at her place for the last 10 days.

Hmmmm. Now these two love birds are in the US and I guess things are pretty different. I mean no nosy relatives or people dropping in unexpectedly. But 10 days? The bum had been chatting with me and had never mentioned this trip. Which got me suspicious. My suspicions seemed to be confirmed when she mentioned that he was helping out at home, or trying to at least.

Woah!!! Hold those homely horses for a just a minute. My pal... helping out....at 'home'? This was not the baniyaan clad, underarm scratching, methane burping slob I had known in college. His room was even messier than mine, which is saying a lot. I started picturing him wearing an apron and gloves, slaving away in the kitchen. Saying 'Yes darling' every second sentence. And maybe (thank God actually) bathing everyday. My my my. How the smelly have fallen.

I felt sad and relieved at the same time. Sad coz another free spirit had been ensnared by the wiles and guiles of the non-male species. One more soul lost forever. Yet I was relieved cuz a biological disaster had been averted thanks to the baths. But still, I knew I would miss him.

Just when I was about to raise a toast to another fallen comrade, a miracle occured. The lady in question told that the 'helping hand' mask had slipped within 2 days and he was slowly getting back to his normal self. Relief flooded through me. Praise the Lord!! All was not lost. Turns out my friend is more or less the same person I have known, and loved. Hooooo munga.

Our friend still snores his head off till 11 AM, still drops food all over the table, still leaves beer bottles all over the house, still refuses to make his bed. And best of all, has control of the tv remote!! Now we're talking. This was more of a Trojan Horse manouver rather than an abject surrender. Proud of you dude.

So, to end on a happy note I think that if men can live, and thrive, in captivity maybe there is still hope for mankind. :-)

Fernando

I took a sip of my coffee, looked out at the sun setting over the Amazon river and listened for Anni. I knew she would be busy preparing dinner, all the while singing some long forgotten folk song. She has been a good companion and we have been through a lot together.

General Madero, the Plan de San Luis Potosi, crossing the Rio Grande, the popular support we enjoyed initially, and the eventual dying of a dream. It all seemed so long ago. I was so young then, so much of an idealist, so proud to fight for Madero and so much in love in Anni. My guitar and my rifle were like my two arms. People say I was never seen without either one of them, unless I was in Anni’s arms of course.

‘Play us a song Fernando’, ‘Fernando, I need that hill taken in the next hour’, ‘Fernando am scared for you. For us.’ Fernando, Fernando, Fernando. I was all over the place. I genuinely thought that we were freeing our land. Where did it all go wrong? Who betrayed the dream? Was it one person, were we all to blame or was it just the way life is? I do not know, but I do know that I never felt more alive than on that night with Anni.

We could hear the cannon fire getting closer and closer with every passing hour. It was like waiting for an eternity. I was so terrified. Not for myself but for Anni and for all the things we thought we had been fighting for. With no ammunition left, I discarded my useless rifle and picked up my guitar. I could see the despair on Anni’s face as she saw me strumming it. She had followed me blindly, just as I had followed Madero. Anni never looked lovelier and more vulnerable. I can still recall her sitting there in mud splattered battle fatigues. Her long black hair tied up and the fire’s light reflecting in her eyes. ‘Do something Fernando’ she seemed to want to plead with me. But the truth was that I had already given up hope.

Over the years, so many comrades, so many friends. All gone to what I fervently hope is a better place. I looked up at the stars and I knew that the end would come soon. With every explosion Anni seemed like she would cry. I think the only thing that stopped her was that she didn’t want me to see it. She didn’t know that I was on the verge of tears myself. Humming and strumming were just a facade. Just like Madero’s promises of a better country had been.

I don’t recall the last time I have used the rifle. I wouldn’t be able to aim it properly in any case. Time changes everything. Well almost everything.

Ah Anni. You were right though. There was something in the air that night. And the stars were bright. They were shining for us and for the liberty that we had fought for. And yes, if I had to do it all again I would. Anni, my friend.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: This is my take on the superhit Abba Song 'Fernando'. While the song is sung from Anni's point of view, this is my humble and bumbling response from Fernando.

Check out the video of Fernando at:

Funny Football Quotes

After two serious posts, people might be wondering whether I am alright or not. Come on guys, am not in love, I haven't turned gay, nor am I suffering from terminal cancer and I certainly am not planning on taking a sanyaas. Am I mentally unbalanced? Hell yeah! I've always been. Don't you know it by now? :D

Okay okay, lets put an end to the self admiration. To make up for the torture I put you through the last couple of days here are some funny quotes made by people involved with the world of football.

Barry Venison on PSV’s pace:
"PSV have got a lot of pace up front. They're capable of exposing themselves."

Terry Venables on answering a question:
"I've been asked that question for the last six months. It is not fair to expect me to make such a fast decision on something that has been put upon me like that."

David Pleat on Maradona:
"For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls."

George Best on financial planning:
“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.“

David Coleman on Italian patriotism:
“The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.”

Peter Shilton being honest about England’s chances:
“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.”

Gordon Strachan giving it back to the press:
Reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?"
Strachan: "What areas? Mainly that big green one out there."

November Rain or Estranged?

Time to swim against the current. At the risk of widespread public ridicule am going to say that I prefer the Guns N' Roses song 'Estranged' over the cult hit 'November Rain'. Yes sir (and ma'am) let me repeat myself.... I personally prefer 'Estranged'.

Now, now. Before you bring out the brickbats and start shooting off mass emails telling people that I've lost it, please allow me the chance to explain myself. After that you're welcome to not change your mind. :-) First of all, let me say that I really really like November Rain. The violins, the drums and Axel Rose's unique voice make it one of my all time favourites. It is one of the greatest rock love songs of the 1990s. Yet that is all that it is - a love song.

Estranged on the other hand is a song which has multiple facets and angles to it. It starts off as a love song when Axel croons, 'Old at heart but I'm only 28. And I'm much too young. To let love break my heart' And then it changes to an angst ridden criticism of the world when he asks, 'So nobody ever told us baby. How it was gonna be. So what'll happen to us baby? Guess we'll have to wait and see'. And yet both have elements of the other in them. Love or lost love along with how unfair the world appears to be.

The best lines in the song are 'When I find out all the reasons, Maybe I'll find another way. Find another day. With all the changing seasons of my life. Maybe I'll get it right next time'. I honestly think that these four lines are the best that Guns N' Roses ever wrote. Maybe its because they fit so perfectly with who I am and all the cock ups that I've done. But more than that, what I love about these lines is that they remind you that there will be other ways and other days. They give you hope and that is a wonderful thing to have. :-)

So while Estranged does have an underlying sense of lost love, it paints many more subtle shades of the human psyche. How many times have you felt alone when a close confidant is no longer around? Maybe you'll then agree with 'I'll never find anyone to replace you. Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time. Oh this time. Without you'. Coz life goes on. No matter what. So in the video, when Axel jumps off the supertanker and finds himself alone in the sea he knows that he's where he is because he chose to be so. You estrange yourself only when you refuse the lifebuoys that your friends throw you.

But enough of pyscho babble. To each his own. Why don't you watch both videos and decide for yourself? Just ask yourself this question.... should music simply sound nice or should it also make you introspect on who you are? Your answer will tell you which song you like better. :-)

Estranged:


November Rain


Once again, I think they are both fabulous songs. I just happen to like Estrange better.

A Lost Decade

So Euro 2008 has come and gone. It was certainly a good tournament. Yet I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was a great tournament. At least not for Germany.

For a nation that used to be called the ‘Eternal Finalists’, it’s been 12 years since they won a tournament. That is a long time if you go by their past records. Which for the uninformed is

1972 Euro – Champions
1974 WC – Champions
1976 Euro – Finals: Lost on penalties (only time ever) to Czechoslovakia
1980 Euro – Champions
1982 WC – Finals: Lost to Italy after coming back from 1-3 against France in the semis
1986 WC – Finals: Lost to Diego Maradona
1988 Euro – Semi Finals: Lost to Netherlands 1-2
1990 WC – Champions
1992 Euro – Finals: Shock loss to Denmark 0-2
1996 Euro – Champions

While some might say that since 1996 Germany have reached one World Cup final, one Euro final and another World Cup semi final I think that it is clear that this generation of German players has been a disappointment. Miroslav Klose is no Gerd Mueller, Torsten Frings is no Franz Beckenbaur, Philip Lahm is no Andy Brehme. And dare I say, Michael Ballack is no Fritz Walter. The list could go on and on but the sad truth remains that Germany is in danger of becoming like England. Don’t believe me? Then please explain why the coach of a nation which used to be used to WINNING now makes statements like, "to be in the final itself is a great success’". Come on Jogi, we expect better from you.

The attack looked toothless and not at all threatening. Klose was invisible on the field, poor Podolski was relegated to a left winger role. And let’s not even talk about Mario Gomez. I mean, who misses from 2 yards? This German defence was probably the worst they’ve had in 40 years. Metzelder and Lehman were like ‘Dumb and Dumber’. Freidrich and Mertersacker did try hard, but one can see that they will never be in the league of a Matthias Sammer. And Lahm only looks world class when he’s going forward. Throughout the tournament it was the typical tough & clinical German midfield which held the team together. But for all their experience Ballack and Frings lack that extra spark of genius. Something that Sebastian Deisler had. It is a tragedy that someone as gifted as him retired in 2006 at the ripe old age of 26. Ah, another ‘could have been’.

Maybe in 2010 I’ll actually get to see a German triumph. You never know, with Tony Kroos, Rene Adler, Marko Marin and Manuel Fischer all under 23 it just might be possible. Otherwise Gary Linekar's famous quote, "Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win" will be confined to the history books.

Turn Back Time

While this may sound like a question from the final round of a beauty pagent, take some time and think about it. ‘If you could go back to any point in time, what would you change?’

I think that everyone wishes that one or two things had never happened or had happened differently. While for some it may be historic and world changing, for others it might be extremely personal. I actually know someone who says if he could change things, he would have stopped the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. Guess he hates mankind and is hell bent on wiping himself out as well. Hmmm, good luck with that.

So continuing down this road, what would your wish be for? Would it be to change your 12th standard marks… or to have said hello to your neighbour’s daughter (who is now happily married and lives in Botswana)… or maybe it would be to have bought a Bajaj Pulsar 180 (DTS-i) instead of the Pulsar 150. So while you ponder about what you would like to have been different in the world or with yourself, here are a few thoughts that might have caused some people to wish that things had turned out differently. Let’s see if you can guess all eight of them.

Vijay – Okay, since I forgot to get my own list let’s go with Rahul’s list.

Rahul – Oops, looks like I brought my book cricket dream team along by mistake.

Ram – Isha used the script as toilet paper by mistake. No issue, we’ll make up the dialogues as we go along.

Jerry – This looks like a nice search engine. Let me use it instead of Alta Vista. What difference would that make?

Bill – If I can sell a product that rhymes with tune, people will buy it no matter how crap it might be.

Neville – Am sure that if I treat this Adolf guy as a gentleman, he will respond as one. After all, the Pygmalion Theory must be true.

Tom – Passion. That’s what I must show. Let me do something spontaneous, something wild. I feel so live, so energized, so jumpy. Wow, what nice furniture she has.

Jen – I trust him. So what if she has a reputation. He won’t do a ‘Ross’ on me.


And as a note to a friend, I know a certain CFA who will say, ‘What did I do! Am such a loser. Just look at how happy she is’.

Rainy Mornings

My head is stuck under a rather hard pillow and the rest of my body is wrapped in a thick cotton sheet with red borders. I open my eyes and grimace because I know that it still isn’t time to get out of bed and so I am irritated with myself for ruining a perfectly good sleep. The ever present cell phone confirms my worst fears. There is barely an hour to go before I have to drag my sorry ass out of bed and start the day.

No, no. This is not how it was supposed to be. After ambling around Hyderabad’s horrible footpaths for more than an hour in my uncomfortable Woodland shoes last evening, I have a huge blister on my right foot. It gave me a good excuse to not go to the gym today. Last night I had gleefully planned to sleep till as late as I could. So getting up at 0630 was most certainly not on the agenda.

But now that I was awake I reason that I can either struggle to go back to sleep. And fail miserably at it and then have a grumpy day. Or I can make the most of the extra hour or so that I had. Surprisingly, I decided on the latter.

So I roll over, remove the useless pillow and look outside the window. Hmmm, that’s odd. It’s a little darker outside than it should be and the AC seems more effective in the room. Immediately I know what has happened. After years of living in Bombay, Goa and Lonavala I know how to recognize an early morning shower. My mood brightens, in stark contrast to the ambience outside. I open the windows, shut off the no longer needed AC and grin.

The skies are gray and overcast. Forbidding, stern and even angry. But the mango tree just outside my bedroom is alive and as happy as I am. It sways with the wind and its branches move in rhythm to a beat that only it seems to hear. I honestly think that it is welcoming the rains. The leaves rustle and there is the faint sound of tiny raindrops hitting them. No longer do they look dusty and stiff. Just like the rest of the tree, the leaves seem bursting with new energy. The older leaves appear darker while the new leaves, which are at the top of the branches, seem to be more vibrant. It is as if when the rain washed the man made dust off the mango tree, it also gave it a fresh lease of life.

While I make myself a cup of filter coffee I wonder what the monkeys think of the rains. I hope they don’t decide to use my balcony as a shelter. Monkeys can be very bad tenants. They never pay any rent, make a mess when they leave and sometimes attack their co-occupants. Plus, my landlord warned me not to sublet the apartment. Oh well, I guess the monkeys will fend for themselves.

The coffee tastes great. Maybe it is because I love sitting in a cane chair, with my feet on the ledge of the balcony and listening to the sounds of the rain. Everything seems so energized and young. The newspaper and the rest of the world can wait. Ah, for mornings, and weather, like this throughout the year.....

Trouble Sleeping

I have been sleeping too much off late. Way too much. In fact, the other day I went to sleep at 2130 hours and got up at 0730 today. That’s ten hours of time spent in dreamy dream land. Not impressed? Try this then. Over the years I have got so attuned to having my cell phone around me that I can hear it or feel the vibration no matter how fast asleep I may have been. Or at least that was the case till yesterday.

Cuz when I got up at 0325 and found myself lying parallel, and next to the head of the bed, I checked my ever present phone and found 3 text messages and 1 missed call. (Please don’t get sidetracked as to why I was sleeping parallel to the bed, I just was). I was surprised cuz this has never happened before. In fact, there have been numerous occasions when I have woken up from some very pleasant dreams because ICICI/HDFC/Citi Bank thought it fit to tell me that my balance on Sunday morning was Rs 257.65. (Why don’t the idiots who run the batch job realize that people like to sleep in on a Sunday morning?).

Anyway, back to my sleeping troubles tragedy. One of the texts was from my bro, the other from my ex-roommate from Delhi and the third from a beautiful woman whom I adore. (The call was from my bro, not her). And surprise, surprise I had even switched off my alarm at 0545 and gone back to dozy land. Which again, is very unlike me.

Maybe this is my body rebelling against the strict regime that I have been subjecting it to in the last few weeks. I can imagine a meeting of all the (millions of) fat cells. They are all screaming, ‘Where the @#$%&* is the KFC and the beer?’…. ‘What are those idiots sitting in the brain doing? We haven’t been fed properly in weeks’…. ‘We are being taxed to death. Look at how much energy the muscles are demanding from us’. So finally one of them must have said ‘Okay, let’s sabotage this entire programme by getting the cells who are responsible for sleep management on our side’. And viola, next thing you know I am sleeping through what should have been time spent at the gym!

You think it’s plausible? I think that it might be. The truth will come out when my thumbs start to get suspicious about the lack of late night smsing and launch an enquiry. The battle of the bulge might just have begun.

Bucket List.. Part 1

I had written a post about a bucket list that I was creating. So based on some introspection and a little help from my friends, this is the first bit of my list. Lemme know what you think. :-)

1. Visit all seven continents
2. See the Grand Canyon
3. Visit one of the 3 poles
4. See the Pyramids of Egypt
5. Watch a football World Cup Final
6. Spend a year with an NGO doing pro bono work
7. Write and publish a book
8. Pay for an underprivileged child’s education
9. Go bungee jumping
10. Go parachuting
11. Watch an opera
12. Learn how to cook biryani from scratch
13. Learn how to windsurf
14. Touch a live whale
15. Drive a Formula 1 car
16. Join the Mile High club
17. Fly a super sonic jet
18. Serenade a beautiful woman on a gondala in Venice
19. Make wine
20. Visit a distillery in Scotland
21. Own a cabin cruiser
22. Build one house on an island or beach and one house in the hills
23. Learn a craft
24. See a match at Centre Court Wimbledon
25. Go on an African Safari
26. Pledge to donate my organs once I die
27. Have my own library
28. Have a patent registered on my name
29. Plant 50 trees
30. Learn at least one dance
31. Go scuba diving
32. Adopt a stray dog
33. Climb to the summit of a live volcano
34. Visit all the major historical sites in India
35. Go white water rafting
36. Learn how to shoot (only for self defense) and buy a firearm
37. Learn how to play golf

PS - Once I finalize the list, I plan to keep a 'Status' column as well.

India and Asia

Gurcharan Das’s article in yesterday’s Sunday Times was really thought provoking & interesting. He talked about his tour of lectures across South East Asia and the kind of queries & comments he received about India. While there were the obvious ones about our ‘depressing infrastructure’ there were others that required more thought and introspection.

Why is it that India hasn’t taken its rightful place amongst the world powers? Why are we still reluctant to flex our muscles? And why is it that Asia views China’s rise as a cause of concern but not so India’s? Well, there are no simple and straightforward answers to these questions but I will try my best to do so.

To begin with, it is not that India does not think that it belongs at the same table as the other world powers. Nor are we reluctant to flex our muscles and take what we want. To understand how India goes about treating its neighbours one must understand how India treats itself. Even at the risk of using a cliché, India’s strength is its diverse culture. ‘Unity in diversity’ really is our national beacon. It is not by accident that even after 61 years of independence we have proved the doomsayers like Churchill wrong. Instead of falling apart we have grown closer. I think that the strongest factors that hold us together are our cricket team, our love for movies, our defence forces, our judiciary and finally our much maligned bueracracy. While the first two our products of private enterprise and even individual genius, the other factors that hold India together are not.

So getting back to the questions that were raised, India cannot and will not morph into a power hungry empire eager for conquest and domination. For that is too much against our civilizational DNA. The modern day Chanakyas in Lutyen’s Delhi know very well that no sooner than we invade another country will we be sowing the seeds of our own self destruction. For every Bangladesh that is invaded there will be ten more revolts for self governance in the north east. One thing that keeps our soldiers and civil servants motivated is the belief that they are fighting on the right side. The idea that they are defending their matra bhoomi and protecting their families. Without this righteous glue, morale will fall, discipline will waver and the iron frame of India will come crashing down.

So I say to all our Asian neighbours, sleep easy and do not look towards India in fear and trepidition. You will never wake up to the sound of Indian Army boots kicking down your door. For we are happier being a united regional power than a police state super power.

Note:
While one certainly admits that not everything is as it should be and there are difficult obstacles facing us as a nation, I do not think that they are as threatening as the ones that faced our founding fathers. An aggressive Pakistan, a shackled economy, no access to advanced technology and a food crisis that makes today’s seem like a harvest bounty were just some of the many issues that had to be tackled, and then overcome during the early days of the Indian Republic. If we could weather those storms, I am more than confident that we will be able to tackle the current and the future threats.

The Double Infinity Theory

I was watching a show on Star World last evening where one of the characters asks the other if she’ll ever get another chance (at love) and the other replies, ‘Of course, because nothing in this universe happens only once’ . She went on to talk about how even infinity goes in both directions, and how there is never a perfectly unique incident. And she then told the first character how we always get a second chance at life.

Since it was just a TV show one shouldn’t take it as the gospel truth and think that this principle applies universally. But if you just look at it as a thumb rule it isn’t such a bad idea. How many times have we thought, ‘this is THE guy/girl for me’ or ‘this is my dream job/college’? I know I have at least a couple of times in the girl, job & college categories. When things work out it is great. But even when they don’t, it isn’t the end of the world. The sun always rises the next morning, though you may not see it on account of an alcohol binge and its subsequent hangover.

For example, when you hurt someone it is never too late to say you are sorry. Sure, things may not go back to the way that they used to be. But if you are smart & humble, you will learn your lesson and hopefully not repeat the same mistake. And that is what I mean by a ‘second chance’. You may not get that second chance with the same person/people or organization. But somewhere down the line, you will come to a similar fork in the road and you will have the option to make a different decision this time. Now unless acknowledge that fact that what you did in the past wasn’t the best that you were capable of, it is highly likely that you will make the same choice the next time around as well.

Love, work, friendship, family, society…. wherever you may want to apply this principle. Things have a way of repeating themselves in patterns. In order to break out of a particular patter, you have to be able to recognize it.

So if infinity can work both ways, why can’t human choice? Every day we have an option placed in front of us. We either continue with our daily routines. Eating, sleeping, working, blah blah blah. Or we could consciously decide to do something different. To shake things up and make a difference. To someone or something – it may be a person, an animal or even the neighbourhood. The point I am trying to make is that change for the better is possible.

Sounds a little preachy? Well, maybe it does. But I think I am on to something with my ‘Double Infinity Theory’. So as they say, ‘You have a simple choice. Either get busy living, or get busy dying.’ Cheerio.

Evolution of Dance

Ever thought you were lead footed and had two left feet? Well i often do. And the only solution to this is to get consume more alcohol. For some reason, alcohol acts as a dance enhancer (or so I would like to think). But I just realized that it is all a waste of time.

Cuz no matter how much booze I consume, I will never be able to dance like this dude. Check out the video.



It is called the Evolution of dance. At least western popular dance. He starts off from the 50s and Elvis to the 00s and N'Sync.

Mr Prime Minister Man (Sung to the tune of Mr Tambourine Man)

The other day our honourable Prime Minister made a very strange remark. He asked political parties not to politicise the food shortage issue. Excuse me, but thats a really flawed statement. First all, if politicians from political parties do not 'politicise' issues what else will they do? (Oh yeah, get into sports management a la IPL). But seriously, if something as serious as a food shortage musn't be taken up by our 'leaders' and resolved, then what is the Government for? (Oh yeah, implementing big budget corruption initiatives in the name of the aam aadmi).

All this left me quite pensive and I decided to take inspiration from the great Bob Dylan himself and sing a song to our honourable Prime Minister. This parody needs to be sung to the tune of 'Mr Tambourine Man'.

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

Though I know that in the evening the darkness will return to the land
Children’s books will be dropped from their hand
Leave them blindly here to stand, but still not sleeping.
Your Government’s sluggishness amazes me, you seem to have lead in your feet
But you will still rush to the Chinese to meet
And your ancient political party is too dead for dreaming.

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

Take me on a trip on your ‘Yuvraj’s’ magic swirling helicoptership
The tribal’s lands have been stripped, they are losing their culture’s grip
On their rights we seem to step, they wait only for the police’s boot heels
to come crashing down
They’re not ready to go anywhere. Quietly into the dust they won’t fade
And on republic day parade, we will have them dancing on the road
And then go under it

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

P.S. : Please note. I aint against any party nor am I anti-government. I just wish that we (people and the government) would do more for our country. And our environment.

Status Messages on Gtalk

What does your status on gtalk say? While some of us do try to be inventive an original, it is quite interesting to see what people from the same industry have to say about themselves.

To begin with, folks from the world of media seem to be all over the place. One media marketer claims that ‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’. So does he mean that a product sells itself? Tell that to the ad agency fellows buddy. And a journalist says ‘Confusion, confusion, confusion’. I hope this doesn’t reflect in her writing. Imagine what would happen. ‘Harbhajan deserves to be banned for slapping Sreeshanth’. And the next day, ‘No it was just a handshake gone wrong’. Oops. Not good for one’s credibility. So while the journalists are running around with lack of clarity, it turns out that the heads of major newspapers have something to cheer about. So one of them says, ‘Who Hu Hoo’. I guess when one climbs to the top of the mountain, everything becomes clear. In any case, whatever the quality (or lack of it) of the news there is to offer, ‘The show must go on’. Probably why we have breaking news flashes that Amitabh Bachan felt cold on a particular day or Rakhee Sawant didn’t like her boyfriend’s valentine gift. Ho hum.

But what about the world of high finance? Surely those number crunchers must be obsessed with regressions and financial models. Right? No, wrong. All my fin buddies seem to be closet poets. Why else would a venture capitalist say, ’Golden brown texture like sun, Lays me down with my mind she runs’. Maybe he’s talking about his soon to be fiancée. How sweet. Higher up the pecking order, an I-Banker feels that ‘Hazaaron khwahishein aisi, ki’ . Yes.. ? aisi ki? No wonder there is so much ambiguity in the world of finance. Come on guys, back to those spread sheets please. Or maybe it is just a passing phase and as a retail banker says ‘Nothing lasts forever’. Yup, booms-busts-booms. It’s all a cycle.

So while the finance dudes are looking at clouds in the sky, let’s check what their arch enemies - the consultants(at least at B-Schools during placement time) are up to. After preaching so much about the Seven Step Process, one of them talks about ‘an ode to a simple(r) life’. Maybe all those 2 X 2 matrices finally get to you. Hmm. Still, some of them continue to give us deep insights into the world of business. What else does ‘No King can win a war when a huge army charges against him’ mean? The lady in question is probably looking glumly at some militant labour union problem.

Moving on to IT and project management, one project manager asks you to ‘Wait a minute’. He probably just discovered a show stopping bug. Which is why a web designer owns up that ‘I am d culprit’. And did you know that ‘The fact is that as you read the web the web reads you’? Ooh scary, talk about big brother watching you. Business Analysts, are poor souls who go where ‘Angels fear to tread’. And at the same time, web designers seem to be ‘Sending out mixed signals’.

All in all, as an MBA student says these are all just ‘Things that make you go … hmmm’. Cheerio.

P.S. - Probably the funniest status message I saw was from a wealth manager. He quotes John Nelson, “More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits”.

Creating Bucket List

I saw this pretty decent movie the other day called The Bucket List. It stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Now before you start thinking, 'This guy seems to have nothing better to do than review movies' I would like to tell you that I am only bringing this up cuz I really liked the idea of a bucket list. In fact, I had read a similar and much more detailed list (cant compare a 16 year old's list with that of two oldies who are going to pop it in 3 months time) in one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

So am in the process of compiling my own list and I would like to hear suggestions from you. And sometime soon I will put out my own bucket list. So, 'the phone lines are now open'.

PS - For those who haven't seen the movie, a bucket list is a list of things that you want to do before you 'kick the bucket' (also called dying).