50 Word Stories - Part 3

1. Rumble in the Jungle
The mob of beasts lumbered towards him. Slowly at first and then faster. Even from this distance he could hear the racket they made. Snarling, sometimes at each other, they would kill him if he wasn’t careful.

He glanced at his nervous deputy and said, ‘Turn the traffic light red’.

2. Picked from a Line Up
The moment she walked in the store, I knew she was trouble. I’d seen her type before. Rich, young, bored. Her husband didn’t pay her attention anymore so she went looking for trouble. Just my luck. She looked towards me and my heart sank.

‘I’ll take that poodle’ she said.

3. I Need a Break
I glanced at my watch. Just 4 o’clock! When would this day end? I had taken enough crap from these people the last few days. I needed a break. I needed my sanctum, my zone. I needed to get away from them.

Why aren't the stock markets open on weekends?

Enough is Enough

Here's one of the most powerful videos I've seen in a long time....And the music is awesome!



I've seen this video a number of times since yesterday and each time it connects in a different way.

When I first saw it I was horrified. The scenes which show the whale in its death throes, the rotting dolphin and the animals hung by the side of the road really disgusted me. They also made me feel ashamed. For being part of a species that can cause so much death & destruction. We aspire to noble sentiments, think of ourselves as God's children. Yet at the same time we turn a blind eye to what we don't want to know and continue to do the Devil's work.

But then the video changes its theme within a few seconds. I think that the scene with the wall of children's drawings marks the turning point. It is as if to say, 'Okay we've messed up in the past. But we can change the future.' And the lone Greenpeace activist calls in for help. His buddies arrive and you begin to think that the tide can turn.

The latter half of the video gives you a sense of hope and a realization that action is needed. I think Greenpeace has done a brilliant job showing the kind of dedication that people have for the environment. They've also shown how tough, and dangerous, their job is. Not to mention how harsh the authorities can be.

Its a great video with many great scenes. One that sticks in my mind is the banner which says, 'Enough is Enough'. Of course, its a lot easier to watch a video than it is to stop climate change. But unless we draw the line somewhere, how will we know when Enough... really IS enough?

The Anti-MBA: Return on Documentation & Common Sense

We MBAs love to coin terms, invent frameworks, run regressions and perform analyses. It’s what we get paid to do and, often enough, it’s how we justify our existence in an organization. When you can bandy about terms like ‘positive network externalities’, ‘time compression diseconomics, ‘coefficient of regression’, ‘sustainable competitive advantage’, people tend to think that you are someone who knows a lot.

I’ve seen people run regressions and come out with statements like, ‘In order to turn around the hotel, we need to fire 273 people’. Hmmm, an interesting number and the speaker’s confidence might make you believe that his word was gospel truth. But in this case, there were two minor flaws in the argument. One, people don’t draw the same salaries, so do we pull names out of a hat and say, ‘Sorry old chap. This recession is a real pain’? The second flaw with this brilliant quantitative analysis was that the total number of data points used to run the regression was…. 3. Yes, 3. It’s the number that comes after 2 and before 4. You didn’t need MS Excel 2007 and a bunch of, in this case, overpaid MBAs to do the analysis for you. You could have managed with a 3 year old who knew how to connect the dots with a pencil and a ruler.

Now I am no 3 year old (though I used to be), but I do have an open mind. Today I learnt a new term called Return on Documentation, or as some of you might prefer, ROD. Given the pathetic money I’ve earned from the Google ads on this blog (subtle hint for you) I personally think that ROD has very little significance in the real world. But I wouldn’t want my bitter experiences with Google to taint what should be an objective discussion.

Don’t get me wrong. I think doing an MBA was a marvelous thing. I went from being grossly underpaid to marginally underpaid on the financial front. But intellectually, it opened up many new avenues to my tiny brain and gave me a slightly better understanding of how things work. It also allowed me to meet some of the most interesting, genuine and hardworking people I know – the housekeeping staff and the librarians at ISB.

Jokes apart an MBA did change my life. For the better. The reason I wrote this post is only because I feel that a lot of the jargon is well, just that. Jargon. The same goes for most of the analysis we do. I often get the feeling that it is done to cover our backsides in the event that things go wrong. ‘Look, we did our due diligence, it’s just that the macro-environment changed’.

But isn’t that what we’re supposed to plan for? We’ve all heard of the 5Cs & 4Ps of marketing. To this list of management by alphabet, I would like to add ‘6Ps of Strategy’. The 6Ps are ‘Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance’. Might sound to you as stating the obvious. That’s exactly my point. A lot of what we MBAs pass off as management techniques are actually different forms of a simple thing invented by cave men. It’s called Common Sense. (Cave Man: Fire hot, no touch. Tiger Angry, no tease. Mother-in-law coming, no drink with buddies).

Take some common sense, add plenty of humility & genuineness, throw in some healthy respect for numbers, a touch of street smart and finally a dash of willingness to take decisions and you’ll make a pretty decent manager.

Now that I know the recipe, I need to start making one myself.

I Wish I Knew

A few things that have crossed my mind from time to time. Maybe you can help me with the following:

1. Orange - is the fruit named after the colour or is it the other way around?

2. How on earth did someone think of 'Bluetooth'? Will we soon have 'Greenhair' or 'Blackleg'?

3. When all of us have mobiles, why do we still wear watches?

4. When the anesthetic needle hurts, isn't it defeating the whole purpose of getting anesthetized?

5. What language do dogs dream in?

6. Why can't they invent a towel that doesn't have lint (or whatever) when its new?

7. What would your dead relatives think of you if they could actually observe you all the time?

8. When women wear trousers or pants, its considered modern or professional or even normal. But when (some) men wear skirts, they are called cross dressers (amongst other things)?

9. Would we really laugh at half of the jokes on sitcoms if it wasn't for the canned laughter?

10. Why aren't you making me rich by clicking on those crappy Google ads?

Strangers In The Dark

I saw a man last night.
Under a tree, in the shadows.
Broken, beaten, homeless, friendless.
And worst of all, without hope.

He had rags for clothes, foot sores for shoes, lice for company.
He was half sitting, half lying down.
Like he couldn’t decide whether to give up on life,
Or whether to rave one last time at the world.

He stared into the darkness.
Was he staring into the darkness of his soul?
He had probably known better days,
But then his shirt had probably known a better owner.

Our paths crossed, but our eyes never locked.
He stayed in his world, and couldn’t leave it even if he tried.
I felt bad for the briefest of minutes.
But then I stepped into the light and drove to the mall.

An Open Letter

Dear Learned Indian,

I hope you will help me sort out a few things in my head. I watch you on TV, read of you in the papers and see you on the roads. Your confidence and knowledge shines through in your opinions that you so generously share with everyone. I am sure that you will help me figure out the following:

1. Why do you get angry when Indian boys are beaten up in Australia, but you think it's good fun to tease or molest young white girls when they come to your country? Pardon me for asking, but isn't the saying 'Atithi Devo Bhava' and not 'Atithi Babe Bhava'?

2. On one hand you have very high expectations from your cricket team and do not tolerate any mistakes or losses. At the same time you continue to vote for the same corrupt criminals. I mean, aren't they both an overpaid bunch of people who under perform, and yet have an exaggerated sense of their own importance?

3. You talk of Indian culture, or should I Bharatiya Sanskriti, yet you love to see semi naked women gyrating obscenely in the Swiss Alps in your movies. How many of you actually go for Indian plays or dance performances? I'll bet you haven't read Kalidas, but can recall at least a few words from Shakespeare?

4. Why do you smirk when the Pakistani army fights in the Swat valley, yet change the channel when the news reports another Naxalite attack in some district? Is it really true that one country's problem is a civil war and the other's is just a domestic issue? Or is that starved tribals and their children are not from your India and so shouldn't disturb your comfortable world?

5. Why are you so impatient when you drive your car and honk all the time, and yet you don't mind waiting for hours when you to a Government office? Does honking actually make traffic move faster? And do babus really deserve your respect?

These are just a few things that came to mind. I see you offering, what must be, informed opinions all the time on TV and any other public forums so I guess you are far wiser than I. Please enlighten me, oh scion of an ancient and glorious land.

Yours Logically,
A Confused Indian

PS: Except for the first point, I am as guilty as any of all the points I have raised. Am not casting stones, am just looking in the mirror.

The Value of Money

'75 rupees for a pencil! Don't be silly!'. The shock on his face as he looked at his daughter said it all. He was amused that someone could actually demand that much for a pencil, surprised that people would be prepared to pay for it, embarrassed that I had noticed him and ashamed that he couldn't afford it.

I was at the counter of a book store when this little girl came running up to her dad with a shiny silver pen-pencil. 'Papa, papa... I want this one'. I didn't pay any attention at first till her dad expressed his views on expensive pencils.

I glanced at the child. She wore a school uniform. It was a clean but worn out. Probably handed down from an elder sibling or relative. Her hair had been cut really short. She had either come back from Tirupati or her barber didn't like her or her parents thought that stubble on a girl's head was a great way of beating the heat.

The father was probably in his mid 20s. He had an honest and straightforward manner. I guess he worked as a junior executive in a company. Or so I'd like to think.

'Please Papa, please'. I felt like giving the child the pencil she so badly wanted. The father caught my gaze and knew I was observing the two of them. For a second he looked down at the child and then addressed me. 'She has to learn the value of money'.

And with that he gently led the bawling girl away from the counter.

I stood there for a while and thought about my own childhood. My parents weren't rich but they never denied my brother or me anything we asked for. In fact, there were times when they put our entertainment (video game) ahead of their comfort (desert cooler). I don't recall ever throwing a tantrum in a store. Probably because my grandparents got us all the latest toys from Canada. Yet, that scene in the book store gave me a small insight into what it must be like to be a parent and have to provide for another person's needs.

Managing your own needs is one thing. Having to look after a child or a parent who is totally dependent on you is another. For a minute I wondered how I would handle my kids' demands. Then I remembered that my parents had taught us the value of money. And knew I would do just fine.

So I collected my book and walked out of the store with a smile on my face.

Thank you Mom, Dad, Grandma and Gramps.