Couchside Romeo

Yesterday I went to see 'Roadside Romeo' with the Wise One and her cub. The theater was small, kinda basic but surprise, surprise... had plush leather couches instead of the usual seats. This is the first time I have been this comfortable while watching a movie. The fact that the screen was small and the audio system pre-dolby surround sound didn't really matter once your butt made friends with the couch.

So there I was, sipping my diet coke, flexing my weary muscles and waiting for the movie to start. In the first few minutes itself I was caught up in the story and found myself pleasantly surprised with the quality of animation. (I later learnt that Walt Disney had done the animation).

Now as is the usual case, there were people who were late. There were the expected shhhs, excuse mes, shuffling, grumbling while people came to term with this interruption. As the line of late comers passed us, a remarkably beautiful lady came in front of me.

When our bodies aligned (and our fates crossed), she lost her balance. Now I swear to you that I had nothing to do with it. I was only being a polite citizen and had even folded my long legs so that no one tripped over them. But sometimes good things happen to good people. So this beautiful lady, god bless her parents, lost her balance and.... plonk... sat down in my lap.

Imagine my surprise! Imagine the lady's good fortune!! For one timeless moment we gazed at each other. Her eyes seemed to ask me, 'Shouldn't I be sorry?'. My smile seemed to tell her, 'Hell no, its cool'. And for that one moment, we were in perfect understanding.

'Ahem, ahem' said the overgrown uncle/husband/jealous male. And with those unholy words broke the spell. The poor lady pretended to be embarrassed. I pretended that to be nonchalant. Like I was used to gorgeous women sitting in my lap everyday.

She jumped up and scurried away. The 'Charlie Anna' who was the villain of the piece glared at me in the dark. What the joker didn't realize was that with the screen to his back, I couldn't make out any of his expressions. Not that I gave a damn. Jealous boyfriends and aggro brothers are something I've learnt to either ignore or deal with a long time ago. This, was an 'ignore the bozo' moment. So I yawned, craned my neck to the side and said, 'Excuse me'. Talk about cool.

During the rest of the movie, I thought of climbing the roof of the theater (you have to see the movie to know what I mean). And am sure she was hoping I would jump on stage like Roadside Romeo and volunteer to get myself killed (again, you have to see the movie to know what I mean). But when the lights came on we went our separate ways. Separated by a mass of shuffling bodies, a couple of rows and one jealous male.

Ah, that is what movies are for. To blur the lines between reality and magic. If you are lucky the movie takes you to the make-believe land. And if you're luckier, the make-believe land comes to you.

Dog's Best Friend?

'Excuse me, but how dare you compare my husband to your dogs!'....

Okay hang on, I am getting ahead of myself. Allow me to explain. Am writing this entry to ask you a simple question. 'While dog is supposed to be man's best friend, can we honestly say that man is dog's best friend?'

The other day I was catching up with a friend who I haven't been in touch with for quite a while. Since we last met a lot has happened in both our lives. I went to B school, she went onsite. I got a new job, she got a new bodyguard (husband). I moved to a new city, she moved into her in-laws' place. I met new people and made friends, she made new relatives. Okay, so you get the drift.

Anyway, we were exchanging notes about the mischief one of us had been up to and the domesticated bliss the other one has been.. enjoying. She happened to say that her 'jaan' was away and that she hadn't seen him in 3 DAYS. She then went on to enlighten me about what a great guy he was and how MUCH she missed him. Now, I am a good listener and I try to get involved with the story. So I felt that I should also get into the 'missy-missy' mood. Which is when I decided to miss my dogs. Now since I thought we were having a dialogue, I decided to share with the lady the fact that I too hadn't seen my dogs for 3 weeks, how great they were and how MUCH I missed them. Fair enough?

After my own burst of doggy-woggy emotions, I expected a sympathetic ear. Instead, all I heard was the static from the crappy Airtel network. 'Hello, anyone there?'. Turns out that someone was there. Someone who imagined that her husband, and hence herself, had just been insulted. For a moment I was taken aback. I mean, why would I want to insult someone I haven't even met? Wouldn't that be a waste of my brilliant wit?

After an attempt to clear the air(tel), I decided not to take any more crap and gave it back good & proper. I can understand the lady missing her husband, but why on earth couldn't she understand me missing my dogs? Some people, I tell you! Needless to say, I don't think we'll be exchanging notes for a long time.

Now I know that you're probably thinking that I am going to take off on how dogs and husbands are the same. (Actually if you think about it, in a way they are the same). But no, am genuinely irritated by how we inflate the value of human beings and falsely raise them to the level of dogs.

Fellow homo and hetro sapiens, dogs are far superior creatures than we are. They don't go around indiscriminately slaughtering other species, messing up the planet for everyone else and then strut around claiming that they were created in God's image. They don't create value out of nothing and call it services just to get out of doing real work. They don't go around bombing and maiming each other for some goo stuck under the earth for a 100 million years when there are cleaner energy sources around. It isn't a 'dog-eat-dog' world. It's a 'man-kill-man' world. So please, lets stop flattering ourselves and thinking that we own this planet. Long before us, the dinosaurs ruled the earth. And at the rate we're mucking things up, cockroaches will rule the earth long after we're gone.

Next time you're on the road, approach a street dog and look straight at him (Yes, HIM and not IT). Chances are he'll shrink and try to avoid you. Wanna know why? No, its not because he sees your all powerful aura and senses that you are a GM/VP/Big Shot in some fancy company. It's because he's become so used to being kicked and having stones thrown at him that he assumes the worst. So he thinks that it is better to run away.

The sad thing is that if we could ask most animals what they thought of humans they would probably equate us not with other animals, but with the devil himself.

So lady, maybe I should have said.... 'WOAH, excuse me!!! But how dare you insult my dogs by equating them with your husband?'

These Are The Days

'These are the days baby...' I whistled, kicked a small pebble, kept a wary eye on a 12 year old struggling to ride a bike, dug my hands into my Levis' front pockets and smiled to myself. A light breeze blew the through the gul mohar trees, couples coochy cooed in the park and someone was cooking poha. I continued to amble my way to the Wise One's house. Half way down the lane I paused....

As often happens with me, when I start to think about the future, I often end up thinking about the past. In this case, while I was wondering how to spend a glorious saturday, I began to think about the last 10 years. Around this time in 1998, I had just joined engineering college. I can still remember standing in line for everything, dressed like a waiter, hoping that the seniors would pick on the guy in front (or behind) me and cursing myself for not having done B.A. from Xaviers. You could say that during the first 3 months of my engineering 'career', the red button on my white shirt was my best friend. Well at least we spent a lot of time gazing at each other. I later went on to make better and more conventional friends, but for a while my red button was my 'bosom buddy'.

Life has changed a wee bit in these 10 years. I guess I have changed too. Some changes have been for the better and some for the not-so-better. But all this while, I still like who I am. Now don't me wrong. I don't mean to sound like a narcissist, though I am one. I just enjoy getting up in the morning and saying woo too to myself. And I think it's a great feeling to be comfortable with who you are. To be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, 'rockstar, long night huh?' and then grin is something to be thankful for.

(Grind grind... I can hear the knives being sharpened)

The point I am trying to make is that all the f ups, the gaffes, the tumbling off the cliffs and of course, the genuine mistakes that I have committed in the last 10 years have made me a better human being. Or so I would like to think. As long as my mind is willing to understand what I did wrong and my heart is willing to accept that I was at fault, I don't mind making mistakes. For I have learnt more about myself when am down on the mat than when I am stepping up to the podium.

Bruce Springsteen said, 'it's a sad man my friend who's livin in his own skin, And cant stand the company. Now that is one scary thought. Brrrr.... I hope I never do something that makes me dislike myself. It would be like losing your best friend and yet always having to hear him/her bitching about you.

Could I have ever dreamt that life would turn out the way it has? No way Jose. But apart from a few things, I wouldn't change the last 10 years. I hope the next 10 years are just as rewarding. For if in 2018 I can look back and tell myself, 'Now that was some ride', have my friends and family around and be healthy & happy, I think it will be 10 years well spent.


Now that I was done gazing at the past, I turned towards the Wise One's house, kicked the same pebble and continued whistling...


'These are better days it's true'...

Show Me My Money

The other day I came across this rather interesting article that was reprinted from some American newspaper. It featured an imaginary conversation that a poor American man has with an officer of some bank. He asks for a bailout, she tells him that they only offer loans. He asks if he is eligible for a loan given his personal finances and she says no. So he asks her why they are giving $700 Billion to the fat cats at wall street. She replies its because they really need the money. So the article goes on with the man pointing out that his financial position is no different from the investment banks at Wall Street. And the banking officer refusing to give him a loan. Finally he loses his cool and says, ' Okay then. Give me my share of the $700 Billion back'. As you can imagine the lady is stumped. The now irate customer takes her case (and the financial world's) about how no one took his permission before doling out bailouts. And since he thinks he needs the money more than Wall Street, he wants his share back. The story continues with him adding up the various bailout packages that the US Government has handed out to rich CEOs over the years. He then calculates what his share should have been and demands that they give it back to him.

This article got me thinking. What if we were to take this idea even further? What if we gave people the option of deciding how their share of the country's (India) annual budget was spent?

Silence. Pin drop silence. Then hysterical and mocking laughter? Hahaha... you want to give the Aam Aadmi the right to decide how we spend the Government's money? Damn right I do.

To prove my point, I am going to give you a few instances where power was taken from the hands of a chosen (self-nominated) few and given to the people. Let's start with the Right to Vote. Till a few centuries ago almost no country in the world allowed its people to choose their rulers. In fact, till the middle of the 20th century most of the world was ruled by masters sitting 5,000 miles away. Didn't those masters think that their colonial subjects weren't fit to govern themselves? Winston Churchill was certainly one of those gora saabs who thought that we were unfit to rule our own country. (Our netas n babus might be doing their best to prove him right, but that is another matter.. wink wink). But at least today people know that they if they don't like a particular administration they can opt for a change the next election. It is called the Pan India anti-incumbency factor!

What about the right to print books and circulate your ideas? Till Gutenberg came along only the very rich and the very powerful knew how to read and write. The nobles and the priests felt that it would be too dangerous to allow the common people to learn how to read & write. Haven't we come a long way since? Today any idiot can log onto the web and ramble on and on about some silly idea. I know one such fellow very well. But the point is that people today have the choice of not only what to they read, but to a great extent, what they write.

So why don't we take the financial decision making away from the hands of the great planners, open it up to the masses, bring in more transparency and let people have a say in how the government busts up their money. I think that the Right to Information Act is a step in this direction.

As someone who is concerned about the state of our environment, I want the government to spend more money on saving our forests, equipping our forest rangers with better equipment, funding research into renewable energy, educating our children, encouraging sports, providing better health care, improving the courts, and also... improving my country's defense and security.

What I don't like to see is netas busting up money on their pet projects and babus making us bear the bill for their foreign junkets. Neta dude, if you think that building a statue in the sea is a great idea, please convince enough of your followers to spend THEIR share of OUR budget on it. Once they realize that this statue of yours will come at the cost of their health care, education and municipal facilities you may find it a lot more difficult.

Now do you get the picture? Once ministers and their ministries realize that they will have to actually work for their budgets, am certain that things will improve. Still, its only an idea. One that will have to be dissected and refined before it becomes remotely feasible. But eventually, it will force netas and babus to do what they are supposed to do - govern, and not rule.

So I'll leave you with this thought, 'Take a look at your country, your environment and your local surroundings... and then ask yourself what would you want to change, if you had the money to do so?'