Hotel Alumnifornia (Sung to the tune of 'Hotel California')

Hey dude..
was saving this for quite some time.. but I believe this blog is the right place for it :)

Nitin Sareen

Hotel Alumnifornia
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On a dark gachi(bowli) highway, rejection slips stuffed in my hair.
Warm smell of the placements, was rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance i saw an 'alumni'
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to ask him for advice.
There he stood in the doorway

Around his self created swell.
And I was thinking to myself
he cud be banking or consulting.
Then he lit up a cigarette and he showed me the way.
There were voices in the atrium
and I heard them say....

Welcome to the Infosys and TCS
such a lovely place
such a lovely face.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

His brain is really twisted, he's got a banking job.
He got lot of pretty boys n girls that he calls friends.
How they chat in the atrium, sweet summer sweat
some chat to be remembered, some chat to get laid.

So I called up the president
'please review my resume'.
He said, you have only IT here since nineteen ninety nine
And still you want to be on the financial side.
Wake up its only the middle of Term 5, or you will hear them say....

Welcome to the Satyam and the CTS
such a lovely place
such a lovely race.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

Egos on the ceiling,
The suit boot and the tie.
And he said,'you are all just guinea pigs here, for our next surprise'.
And in the partner's chambers
they gathered for the feast.
They taunt us with their 3-point spikes
And we just cant kill the beast.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running door to door.
I had to find the way to get back
To what I was doing before.
'relax', said the CAS Man
we're programmed to deceive.
you can apply for any job you like
But you can never have peace.......

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With a few modifications by yours truly. Old Man Sareen is the brains behind this one though.

Drive With Me

Here are a list of songs that I love to play when I am on the highway (in no particular preference) ....

1. Dangerzone by Kenny Loggins
Mood - I feel the need. The need for speed.

Ray Ban aviators, a jacket, a wannabe Tom Cruise grin on your face and a roaring engine. This song had to be on my list.... Makes you want to slam the throttle and go full speed ahead. Great song to start your journey with. Sets the right tone.

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

2. Boys of Summer - Don Henley
Mood - Nostalgia. For friends and days that have long since passed.

This song always makes me think of Goa. Days spent on Spring Beach. The sun, sand, seaweed and surf. :-) Floating in the sea with your feet pointed towards Turtle Island and your eyes watching the planes take off. Ah, those golden days when all you thought about was which party to head to next.

I can see you
your brown skin shining in the sun
you know your walking real slow
smiling at everyone.

3. Someday I'll Be Saturday Night - Bon Jovi
Mood - Hang in there kiddo.

Sometimes you drive just get away from it all. To clear your head and gather your thoughts. Often enough it is only the memory of the good times that keeps you going.

Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I aint got nothin but this roll of the dice
Im feelin like a monday, but someday Ill be saturday night.

4. Coney Island - Van Morrison
Mood - Just you and me babe.

This has to be one of the most underrated love songs ever written. Total comfort and total understanding, thats what this song oozes. None of the usual sentimental over the top 'I wanna hold you hand' thing.

I look at the side of your face as the sunlight comes
Streaming through the window in the autumn sunshine
And all the time going to Coney Island I'm thinking,
Wouldn't it be great if it was like this all the time?

5. Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
Mood - To hell with everything. I wanna get outta here. Fast.

For those times when you want to run away from yourself. Flirt with the self-destruct button. When you are torn between giving up and gritting your teeth & taking the pain. I have found that it is best to ride out the storm and make peace with yourself. At times like this you should take your foot off the accelerator, slow down and stay alive. ;-)

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone


6. You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
Mood - Your loss honey. Maybe someday you'll realize it.

To all the girls I've loved, and lost. I still think very highly of you and hope that you are happy. Just that it is a pity 'what could have been. What should have been.'

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me.

7. Beautiful Girl - INXS
Mood - Pure mush.... :-)

Love the way this song begins. The moment it begins you know you have a great song playing. One of INXS' best creations. Also a good way to get someone to stay on beyond their curfew. Lol.

Now where did you find her
Among the neon lights
That haunt the streets outside
Stay with me.

8. Escape - Enrique
Mood - Lol. Anyone who has seen the video knows what the mood is.

Come on. Every guy wants to be Enrique in this song. Hooo munga, is she smoking hot!!

Here's how it goes, you and me, up and down at this time
We'll get right, where to fight
Cause love is something you can't shake
When it breaks.

9. Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
Mood - I dunno. This song has meant different things to me at different points in my life.

For those times when you ponder about the choices you made. The paths you took or didn't take. One of those 'what if' songs... Its for when you pull over by the side of a river and gaze at the boat on the horizon.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

10. How Do You Do - Roxette
Mood - Hey there good looking. Wanna hop in for a ride?

I have to sign off with this song. It is one of the coolest songs I have heard.... Though I've never done it, I would love to pull over next to a gorgeous stranger, lower my sunglasses just a bit, grin and say, 'How do you do?'

I see you comb your hair
and gimme that grin.
It's making me spin now,
spinnin' within.
Before I melt like snow,
I say Hello
How do you do!

Let me leave you with this song...

You Know You're From ISB

I have always wondered what the learned people at ISB who make the admissions decisions look for in a candidate. After pondering over it for a long time (one Bob Dylan song) I decided that they don't have the slightest idea. The only way that you can really tell if a person belongs in ISB is to make them spend a year at ISB.

So after busting your butt for 12 months how do you know for sure if you actually deserved to have been let in? Here are a few things I thought of. You probably might have some more to add.

You belong in ISB if you....

1. Pay for 3 meals a day but end up eating in the cafe half the time.
2. Think that walking half a kilometre to submit an assignment at 6:00 AM is perfectly normal.
3. Don't mind being kept awake by your neighbours' parties that go on till 4:00 AM
4. Feel comfortable when a strange lady comes and video tapes you sitting in class
5. Feel the need to speak in a class which doesn't have a CP component
6. Understand what 'CP' in the last point referred to
7. Think that reading a case study is more important than listening to Michael Dell or Uday Kotak
8. Are able to use words like dichotomy, core competency, strategize in daily conversations
9. Correctly pronounce processEs and not processes
10. Know how to completely rewrite your pre-ISB career in such a way that your ex-colleagues would not recognize ur resume
11. Genuinely believe that the problems in the real world can be solved using excel sheets and 2x2 matrices
12. Think that consultants are God's gift to mankind; at least for 2 terms
13. Look at the 'Boy on the Buffalo' and want to steal him for a few days
14. Know who the 'Boy on the Buffalo' is
15. Don't mind being thrown into a pool has pieces of cake, beer bottles, slippers and ten other people already in it
16. Believe that there is only one Bob Stine. And that he is a dude!
17. Wish you could take Maulana with you to all your parties for the rest of your life
18. Think that its outrageous that some resident profs only have to 'teach' for 3 weeks a year
19. Know that Sarovar cooks are the worst in the hotel industry
20. Wonder what the hype was all about anyway.

:-)

Independence Day...

Today I thought I would change things and not have some inane status on my gtalk messenger. So I put up a 'hmmm...' and settled down to what I thought would be a quiet day. As usual, it turns out that my best laid plans were relaid. Within almost 45 mins, five people had pinged me to ask what 'national problem I was thinking about'. Now I dont know whether to be flattered with the attention or whether I was being made a monkey of. Since I think am reasonably well evolved, I choose to exclude the simian option. Right then people, let's see.... What national problem should we talk about today?

Call it gut feeling or simple common sense but I think that one good thumb rule (or as an MBA would say, heuristic) to which direction a nation is headed is the importance that its people place on education. And if what I observed during the weekend drive from Hyderabad to Bangalore is anything to go by, India (at least South India) is on the right track.

We set off early on Independence Day and the rain gods decided to join us on the journey.So there we were making slow progress through the pot holed road that someone had the gall to call a 'National Highway'. Within a couple of hours some of us (not me) were wondering what on earth we were doing on a bumpity-bump road at 7:00 AM. Sure enough the 'iss desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta' statements started. As more and more people joined in, I took out my iPod and started paying more attention to the world outside. I thought to myself, 'Come on guys. Can we at least not grumble on Independence Day?'.

Over a period of time we happened to pass a lot of primary schools. Through the sleep deprivation haze, the nagging inside the car, the rain, the potholes, the trucks belching black smoke... one thing stood out. Almost every kid I saw was immaculately dressed. And whats more, they seemed to be genuinely thrilled about celebrating Independence Day.

I distinctly remember seeing kids wearing all-whites. And I mean ALL white. Their uniforms were perfectly ironed, their hair was neatly combed, even their white canvas shoes looked freshly polished. Now lets freeze that frame for a moment. You might wonder what do clean uniforms have to do with the future of this nation. Well I would say, EVERYTHING.

You see, its not as if the kids opened a magic box and took out some special uniforms for this particular day. Given that it was raining like mad (and had been for a week) the very fact that the kids were dressed so appropriately obviously means that someone at home must have gone through a lot of trouble to ensure that their uniforms were washed, dried, ironed and their shoes polished. This also means that the teachers had managed to instill a sense of pride and occasion in both the children and the parents. And this in turn means that there must be a healthy and strong rapport between parents and teachers.

I guess it goes to show that left to themselves most people want their kids to study hard, do well and grow up to live better lives than they did. Since rural India seems to be betting big on education I think things will change for the better.

As I sipped my dhaaba chai (yum yum) I looked at myself (figuratively) and my companions. I saw a bunch of overpaid, cynical, hungover, self absorbed souls who didn't really give a shit if it was Independence Day or not. To us it was a long weekend which was to be used to meet up with more people like ourselves. And as I went to pay the chaiwaala I looked at the kids again. The excitement and energy that they radiated made me wistfully think of the days when I was like them.

Has our generation... Gen X... Gen Y... Gen Algebra... if you want, failed this great country? I hope not. But I fear we are perilously close to running out of time. We are young only once, and history (and those young kids in white uniforms) will soon judge us.

Wait Up... Young Man

Ten minutes ago something happened to me. Nothing earth shattering, or path breaking, or mind blowing. All I did was help an destitute old man cross a four lane road. He smiled, thanked me and we shook hands. Thats all.

The whole morning I have been feeling a little under the weather due to a host of reasons, some of which are self-inflicted I think. Anyway, after going through the day's work I realized that I had something to take care of and left my office. All this time I was talking to myself, muttering dark nothings and generally doing not-very-much to cheer myself up. I went to see my second best friend and found some comfort.

The auto I was taking back stopped opposite to my office's gate. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed an old man asking a policeman for some directions. He was wearing the traditional garb that most (non-rich) farmers in this part of the coutntry seem to wear. He seemed to be carrying his belongings in a little sack that was tied to a stick. Within a nano-second I had summarized him to be a poor old man who had given his best years to a heartless plot of land and an ungrateful brood of children.

I began the dangerous and third-worldly task of crossing the road with vehicles coming at me at 60 kilometres an hour. Once again, my peripheral vision informed me that he was calling out to me and seemed to want my attention. I almost choked for I couldn't think of a more inopportune time to ask someone for alms. So I did what most people would do and pretended not to notice while continuously inching my way to the other side of the road.

When I had crossed the first of the four lanes and was standing on the divider, the old man caught up with me. At that point, I admired his perseverance for I thought I had shaken him off. He came up to me with a big grin on his face and I thought to myself, 'ok, lets hear your sales pitch'.

But all he said (in hindi.. surprise surprise) is, 'Young man, can I cross the road with you?'. For a moment I almost said, 'Excuse me! What did you just say?'. He then went on to tell me that, 'These cars are too fast for an old man like me with such poor eyesight. Can I tag along with you?'. To my credit, I quickly recovered from finding out that things weren't going according to my cynical expectations and said, 'Sure'.

Within two minutes we had crossed the road and I was still wondering if he had some sob story or request to make. But all he did was grin again, shake my hand and say, 'Thank you very much. I have never crossed the road so quickly. It normally takes me at least fifteen minutes'.

And with that he was gone. I stood there for a couple of seconds and scratched my head. I could see that the security guards from my office were curious and wondering what had transpired between us. And the look of 'bewildered understanding' that was beginning to show on my face must have reassured them that all was well.

I don't know who that old farmer was or what his life story must have been. But I hope that the fifteen minutes of his that I saved made a difference to his day, because the two minutes I spent with him sure did make a difference to mine.