Jodha Akbar .. Yawn, Bas Kar

Just got back from the movie Jodha Akbar. And for once in my life, I was in complete agreement with our cultural police, the RSS. Yes, I was angry with what I saw on screen. How could they make such a movie! Not just the Rajputs, but every Indian should be upset. Why? Coz Ashutosh Gowarikar has taken one of India's greatest emperors and turned him into a wannabe Gandhian.

And that is where I differ with our right wing friends. I am not contesting the veracity of the marriage details but I object to the sheer crap that was shown. Ashutosh Gowarikar seems to have spent a bomb on the sets. But after seeing this movie I think he should have become an interior designer instead.

What irritated me the most was the miniature scale on which everything was shown. Take the final 'battle' for instance. It looked more like an inter-village brawl rather than a showdown between an emperor and his challenger. 500 poorly dressed guys on one side facing 450 even worse dressed guys on the other. With everyone looking hot and sweaty coz the scene is shot on the banks of some long dried up river. And lets not even get into the hilarity of Ash turning up at a battle, just in time for her to make up with her 'bhai saab!!!'

The other thing that bugged me about the movie was the unnecessary amount of time wasted on the kitchen war. The future of the empire is at stake, but we have to go through half an hour of culinary scuffles. And to top it off you have the dialogue which must have been the joke of the Mughal empire, 'Rukiye!! Usse mat khaana. Usmein namak kam hain'.

Given the fact that Mr.Gowarikar made the fabulous Lagaan, I find it difficult to pardon him for coming up with this insipid tale. The list of my (main) complaints are:

1. Where the hell is Birbal? Not to mention the rest of the navratnas. All the courtiers looked like they had crawled out of Mordor in LOTR
   
2. Did he have to use ketchup sauce for bhaisaab!! (who looks like a young AB) when he was dying? I know that even actors are afraid of AIDS, but ketchup as a substitute was ridiculous.
3. When Akbar is looking for Jodha amongst all the Rajput women (as part of the test), does she have to wear the best looking saree? It was like putting up a neon saying 'Hey honey, look here'.
4. The dance scene where the praja praises the raja was straight out of a poor fashion/tribal dance/aerobics class mix. Reminded me of Mehbooba in RGV's Aag.
   

To be fair though, there were a few good things about the movie. Notably, the chemistry between Ash and Hritik. Towards the climax (no pun intended) of the sword fight, you could make out what was going on in their minds.

Ash: I wanna smooch him. He's so hot. But Jaya saasu will get angry. Dhoom 2 almost cost me the wedding.
Hritik: Ooh la la. Can i get lucky again? Oh damn, Suzanne gave me hell for last time.

The costumes were good too. Especially Ash's. Lol. And the hijra was played brilliantly. :-) But all in all, was very disappointed with the whole show.