I Wish I Knew

A few things that have crossed my mind from time to time. Maybe you can help me with the following:

1. Orange - is the fruit named after the colour or is it the other way around?

2. How on earth did someone think of 'Bluetooth'? Will we soon have 'Greenhair' or 'Blackleg'?

3. When all of us have mobiles, why do we still wear watches?

4. When the anesthetic needle hurts, isn't it defeating the whole purpose of getting anesthetized?

5. What language do dogs dream in?

6. Why can't they invent a towel that doesn't have lint (or whatever) when its new?

7. What would your dead relatives think of you if they could actually observe you all the time?

8. When women wear trousers or pants, its considered modern or professional or even normal. But when (some) men wear skirts, they are called cross dressers (amongst other things)?

9. Would we really laugh at half of the jokes on sitcoms if it wasn't for the canned laughter?

10. Why aren't you making me rich by clicking on those crappy Google ads?

Strangers In The Dark

I saw a man last night.
Under a tree, in the shadows.
Broken, beaten, homeless, friendless.
And worst of all, without hope.

He had rags for clothes, foot sores for shoes, lice for company.
He was half sitting, half lying down.
Like he couldn’t decide whether to give up on life,
Or whether to rave one last time at the world.

He stared into the darkness.
Was he staring into the darkness of his soul?
He had probably known better days,
But then his shirt had probably known a better owner.

Our paths crossed, but our eyes never locked.
He stayed in his world, and couldn’t leave it even if he tried.
I felt bad for the briefest of minutes.
But then I stepped into the light and drove to the mall.

An Open Letter

Dear Learned Indian,

I hope you will help me sort out a few things in my head. I watch you on TV, read of you in the papers and see you on the roads. Your confidence and knowledge shines through in your opinions that you so generously share with everyone. I am sure that you will help me figure out the following:

1. Why do you get angry when Indian boys are beaten up in Australia, but you think it's good fun to tease or molest young white girls when they come to your country? Pardon me for asking, but isn't the saying 'Atithi Devo Bhava' and not 'Atithi Babe Bhava'?

2. On one hand you have very high expectations from your cricket team and do not tolerate any mistakes or losses. At the same time you continue to vote for the same corrupt criminals. I mean, aren't they both an overpaid bunch of people who under perform, and yet have an exaggerated sense of their own importance?

3. You talk of Indian culture, or should I Bharatiya Sanskriti, yet you love to see semi naked women gyrating obscenely in the Swiss Alps in your movies. How many of you actually go for Indian plays or dance performances? I'll bet you haven't read Kalidas, but can recall at least a few words from Shakespeare?

4. Why do you smirk when the Pakistani army fights in the Swat valley, yet change the channel when the news reports another Naxalite attack in some district? Is it really true that one country's problem is a civil war and the other's is just a domestic issue? Or is that starved tribals and their children are not from your India and so shouldn't disturb your comfortable world?

5. Why are you so impatient when you drive your car and honk all the time, and yet you don't mind waiting for hours when you to a Government office? Does honking actually make traffic move faster? And do babus really deserve your respect?

These are just a few things that came to mind. I see you offering, what must be, informed opinions all the time on TV and any other public forums so I guess you are far wiser than I. Please enlighten me, oh scion of an ancient and glorious land.

Yours Logically,
A Confused Indian

PS: Except for the first point, I am as guilty as any of all the points I have raised. Am not casting stones, am just looking in the mirror.