Jodha Akbar .. Yawn, Bas Kar

Just got back from the movie Jodha Akbar. And for once in my life, I was in complete agreement with our cultural police, the RSS. Yes, I was angry with what I saw on screen. How could they make such a movie! Not just the Rajputs, but every Indian should be upset. Why? Coz Ashutosh Gowarikar has taken one of India's greatest emperors and turned him into a wannabe Gandhian.

And that is where I differ with our right wing friends. I am not contesting the veracity of the marriage details but I object to the sheer crap that was shown. Ashutosh Gowarikar seems to have spent a bomb on the sets. But after seeing this movie I think he should have become an interior designer instead.

What irritated me the most was the miniature scale on which everything was shown. Take the final 'battle' for instance. It looked more like an inter-village brawl rather than a showdown between an emperor and his challenger. 500 poorly dressed guys on one side facing 450 even worse dressed guys on the other. With everyone looking hot and sweaty coz the scene is shot on the banks of some long dried up river. And lets not even get into the hilarity of Ash turning up at a battle, just in time for her to make up with her 'bhai saab!!!'

The other thing that bugged me about the movie was the unnecessary amount of time wasted on the kitchen war. The future of the empire is at stake, but we have to go through half an hour of culinary scuffles. And to top it off you have the dialogue which must have been the joke of the Mughal empire, 'Rukiye!! Usse mat khaana. Usmein namak kam hain'.

Given the fact that Mr.Gowarikar made the fabulous Lagaan, I find it difficult to pardon him for coming up with this insipid tale. The list of my (main) complaints are:

1. Where the hell is Birbal? Not to mention the rest of the navratnas. All the courtiers looked like they had crawled out of Mordor in LOTR
   
2. Did he have to use ketchup sauce for bhaisaab!! (who looks like a young AB) when he was dying? I know that even actors are afraid of AIDS, but ketchup as a substitute was ridiculous.
3. When Akbar is looking for Jodha amongst all the Rajput women (as part of the test), does she have to wear the best looking saree? It was like putting up a neon saying 'Hey honey, look here'.
4. The dance scene where the praja praises the raja was straight out of a poor fashion/tribal dance/aerobics class mix. Reminded me of Mehbooba in RGV's Aag.
   

To be fair though, there were a few good things about the movie. Notably, the chemistry between Ash and Hritik. Towards the climax (no pun intended) of the sword fight, you could make out what was going on in their minds.

Ash: I wanna smooch him. He's so hot. But Jaya saasu will get angry. Dhoom 2 almost cost me the wedding.
Hritik: Ooh la la. Can i get lucky again? Oh damn, Suzanne gave me hell for last time.

The costumes were good too. Especially Ash's. Lol. And the hijra was played brilliantly. :-) But all in all, was very disappointed with the whole show.

Cause and Effect(s)

'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'. So says a certain Sir Isaac Newton. While that might apply in the world of physics, the real world is slightly different. I think that for every action there are multiple interdependent chain reactions. Something like a drop of water on the surface of a calm pond that causes waves to radiate in ever expanding circles. What makes politics, and by extension - life, so complicated is that there is never just one drop of water. Nor is the pond ever truly calm.

Seems almost elementary doesn't it? Drip, splash, crash. Yet it is something that so many people who are paid to air their opinions (and some who do it for free) seem to miss out on. Over the last few months I have been part of many diverse discussions - The IPL, Obama Vs Chelsea's Momma, Indian troops assisting the US in Iraq (God forbid it please!), Dumping carbon into the sea and of course... the 60,000 crore farm loan waiver. All of these discussions have been with smart, educated and well informed people. Some of whom are better orators than me.

What surprises me is the way some people look at an issue in isolation, disregard so many complicating factors, and then make a Nostradamus like prediction. Now I am all for a healthy debate, but I think that any point of view which takes a fixed stand and says, 'It's my way or the highway' is not only short sighted but also dangerously arrogant. I mean discussing something as complicated as how to fight global warming cannot be as simple as arguing over whether Heineken is better than Carlsberg (Heineken certainly is!). Can there be only one correct stand?

I think the Red Indians had a good system where any major decision concerning the tribe would be made only after considering the effect on the next seven generations! Seems like they had a far superior method of forecasting than do the hot shots at Wall Street (sub prime crisis), the think tanks at the Pentagon (Iraq Invasion), the ICL organizers (poor Subhash Chandra) or the political pundits who get every election forecast wrong (India Shining, Mayawati in UP).

So how about we put our hand up and say, 'Look I don't know for sure what is going to happen. But if I were to hazard a guess it would be..... '? It isn't that difficult nor does it show you to be an ignoramus. For when Chairman Mao was asked what he thought the effects of the French Revolution were, he said 'It is too early to tell'.

:-)

AdSense or AdNonsense or Ad Cents?

Many eons ago, in a moment of inspiration I decided to supplement my meager salary by implementing Google's AdSense on my blog. I reasoned that people visiting my blog would be so enthralled by the words of wisdom they came across that they would happily click on any text ad that showed something remotely connected to my posts. But after more than 6 months my 'earnings' are virtually nonexistent to say the least. I was shocked. Horrified even. Was there anything wrong with my posts? Naah, couldn't be. So I checked the kind of ads that Google had deemed suitable for my site.

Go through the list below and then ask yourself whether AdSense should be renamed AdNONSENSE or even AdCENTS.

Private Detective. Russia
private detective agency IPA member.
www.infoproverka.com
Comment: Sounds suspiciously like the KGB to me.

All Female Mystery Party
Miss America Pageant themed party Easy-to-host, all ages, 8-25 guests
www.nightofmystery.com
Comment: Now we're talking. Bring it on baby! Wait a min, am I supposed to use this site to organize the party? I thought they were inviting me to it. Nooooo

Amazing Brain Training
A Hypnosis Program that can supercharge your brain
www.hyptalk.com
Comment: That's what we need. Good old hypnosis to turn us all into Einsteins. While we're ordering, could we get some witch magic and reiki along as well?


Real Mind Power
Learn To Motivate Yourself To Achieve Your Desires Quickly
www.realmindpowers.com
Comment: Amazing! Who needs hardwork (or hypnosis) anymore? Just desire something, motivate yourself and viola its yours! Ok, let me decide... Ferrari or Lamborghini?


Al Qiyam
In my book, the world rejects Peace cause they haven't won yet..The End
www.ChristReturns.net
Comment: Mr. Wannabe-Novelist... did we even ask you for your opinion? More like 'The End' of your literary career.


No wonder I haven't earned enough to even pay for one month's broadband connection rent. Larry & Sergi, give me a break. Stop talking about saving the world. Instead save your company and give us relevant ads.

An Oasis of Talent

Alright, this post is an unabashed tribute to the Brit rock band Oasis. If you don't like their music, tough luck. If you haven't heard their music, allow me to give you an intro. And if you do like their music, tell me what you think.

I could bore you with the numbers - 50 million albums sold, eight UK number one hits, 500,000 copies of Be There Now on day one, BRIT Awards for outstanding contribution to music, blah blah blah. But thats what Wikipedia is for. :-)

The reason I love Oasis' music is sheer singalongability of their songs. Simple lyrics which seem to apparently have no great meaning. But oh, such a catchy way of singing them. Noel and Liam Gallagher (what a cool surname) certainly know how to churn out great sound. Take Don't Look Back In Anger for instance...

And so, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say

Now, I have no idea who Sally is (or was) nor why 'it's too late'. But I do sense her pain as Liam & Noel (creative license taken here) walk past her. The poignant lyrics that leave you wondering what finally happened to Sally. Did she put her 'life in the hands of a rock and roll band' that 'threw it all away'? Aah.. Sally.


Another beautiful song is Wonderwall. Once again, simple lyrics, simple chords & tunes. But what a voice! That slightly high pitched nasal way of singing. Turns the most mundane lyrics into something that stays with you.

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

Sounds almost corny doesn't it? Winding-blinding. Straight out of a 12 year old's poem. But that is the genius of Oasis. Creating magic out of almost nothing. Stop Crying Your Heart Out is another such song. Barely ten lines of lyrics. But when Liam starts crooning....

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

... you cant help but sing along. It was like I already knew the lyrics the very first time I heard this song! Simply brilliant.

As is the case of rock bands, Oasis have had their fair share of ups and downs. From the initial line up of Liam (vocal), Noel (lead guitar), Paul Arthurs (guitar), Paul McGuigan (bass) and Tony McCarroll (drums) only two remain. No prizes for guessing who. But they've weathered the storms and taken their place amongst rock and roll's greats. Of course there will be those who disagree. But as Some Might Say, you have to learn to Roll With It. And I am sure that when the Gallaghers finally hang up their instruments, they will have attended many more Champagne Supernovas rather than simple Slide(ing) Away.