A Recession Proof Business

In these recession hit times, investors and entrepreneurs are searching for the elusive ‘recession proof’ industry. It’s like the Holy Grail. Everyone wants to find it, everyone is looking for it, no one has a clue as to what it might be, but we all know that it’s a huge jackpot.

Well, I think I just might have discovered it. At least theoretically.

First of all, let’s identify a recession resistant activity. It would have to be something really basic. Something that everyone wants to do. Hmmm. The 3 basic needs of man – food, shelter and sex. (The 3 basic needs of women are – gossiping, shopping and chocolate). So that leaves us with eating, sleeping or humping. Being a normal guy, I chose to explore the last activity.

Now, if one looks at the rate at which India’s population is growing it is obvious that people are … well… doing it. And doing it as often as they’ve been doing it for the last 100 years. The Government of India claims that every minute 48 people are born in this country. So if there are 5.25 lakh minutes in year, that must mean that there are 25 million people being born (theoretically) every year.

It’s a known fact that not every act of pleasure results in acts of joy or of sheer terror (depending on your relationship), so let us assume a 20% ‘hit ratio’. You might disagree with the 20% number, but that’s up to you. Therefore, there are 12 crore 61 lakh times that people do it every year without any form of contraception. Imagine that, people are getting laid that many times without a care in the world!

Course, not every guy who gets horny has plans of becoming a proud daddy. So let’s say that just 10% of the people wanted to have kids. The others just wanted to have fun. Logically, this means that the remaining 90% of the people boned each other without any form of protection or insurance. That’s a staggering 11 crore 35 lakh acts of free pleasure. With nothing coming in between the partners.

Now if you assume a packet of raincoats costs you 20 bucks and you get 3 missile caps in each, it gives you a Total Available Market (TAM) of almost 76 crores.

Those of you in the FMCG, and I mean realllllyyyyyyy FMCG, might want to give this a thought. Who says you can’t have fun and still get laid… oops, I meant paid… for it during these times?

For the rest of you, I think I need to get something to do with all the spare time I have. I just wanted to point out that there is plenty of money on the table, or in this case …. On the bed.