Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

Draught Beer
Single Malt Scotch
Bayern Munich
Man U Vs Chelsea Matches
ISB
Leon Recanati
Missed Calls
Late Night Text Messages
Cute Strangers
Unapproachable Colleagues
Network Congestion
Delayed Flights
Book Sales
Amateur Plays
Corrupt Politicians
Incompetent Journalists
Long Distance Relationships
Alumni Networks
Favourite Movies
Old Crushes
Dogs
Lovers
Cheese Cake
Strong Coffee
Top Gun
Lord of the Rings
iPod
Nokia Phones
Body Wash
Nivea Products
Nutella
French Mustard
Bon Jovi
Bryan Adams
SMS Bismarck
HMS Hood
Excel Sheets
Power Point Presentations
Education Loans
Credit Card Bills
Volkswagen Beetle
Mercedes S Class
Rakesh Vohra
Kenwyn Smith
Forever Autumn
Saint Elmo's Fire
Shailesh Vaze
Adi (Aditya nee phone)
Mini Skirts
Collared T-Shirts
Just Good Friends
Soul Mates


Just some things that make you go hmmm.....

Hotel Alumnifornia (Sung to the tune of 'Hotel California')

Hey dude..
was saving this for quite some time.. but I believe this blog is the right place for it :)

Nitin Sareen

Hotel Alumnifornia
--------------------
On a dark gachi(bowli) highway, rejection slips stuffed in my hair.
Warm smell of the placements, was rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance i saw an 'alumni'
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to ask him for advice.
There he stood in the doorway

Around his self created swell.
And I was thinking to myself
he cud be banking or consulting.
Then he lit up a cigarette and he showed me the way.
There were voices in the atrium
and I heard them say....

Welcome to the Infosys and TCS
such a lovely place
such a lovely face.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

His brain is really twisted, he's got a banking job.
He got lot of pretty boys n girls that he calls friends.
How they chat in the atrium, sweet summer sweat
some chat to be remembered, some chat to get laid.

So I called up the president
'please review my resume'.
He said, you have only IT here since nineteen ninety nine
And still you want to be on the financial side.
Wake up its only the middle of Term 5, or you will hear them say....

Welcome to the Satyam and the CTS
such a lovely place
such a lovely race.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

Egos on the ceiling,
The suit boot and the tie.
And he said,'you are all just guinea pigs here, for our next surprise'.
And in the partner's chambers
they gathered for the feast.
They taunt us with their 3-point spikes
And we just cant kill the beast.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running door to door.
I had to find the way to get back
To what I was doing before.
'relax', said the CAS Man
we're programmed to deceive.
you can apply for any job you like
But you can never have peace.......

----------------------------------

With a few modifications by yours truly. Old Man Sareen is the brains behind this one though.

Drive With Me

Here are a list of songs that I love to play when I am on the highway (in no particular preference) ....

1. Dangerzone by Kenny Loggins
Mood - I feel the need. The need for speed.

Ray Ban aviators, a jacket, a wannabe Tom Cruise grin on your face and a roaring engine. This song had to be on my list.... Makes you want to slam the throttle and go full speed ahead. Great song to start your journey with. Sets the right tone.

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

2. Boys of Summer - Don Henley
Mood - Nostalgia. For friends and days that have long since passed.

This song always makes me think of Goa. Days spent on Spring Beach. The sun, sand, seaweed and surf. :-) Floating in the sea with your feet pointed towards Turtle Island and your eyes watching the planes take off. Ah, those golden days when all you thought about was which party to head to next.

I can see you
your brown skin shining in the sun
you know your walking real slow
smiling at everyone.

3. Someday I'll Be Saturday Night - Bon Jovi
Mood - Hang in there kiddo.

Sometimes you drive just get away from it all. To clear your head and gather your thoughts. Often enough it is only the memory of the good times that keeps you going.

Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I aint got nothin but this roll of the dice
Im feelin like a monday, but someday Ill be saturday night.

4. Coney Island - Van Morrison
Mood - Just you and me babe.

This has to be one of the most underrated love songs ever written. Total comfort and total understanding, thats what this song oozes. None of the usual sentimental over the top 'I wanna hold you hand' thing.

I look at the side of your face as the sunlight comes
Streaming through the window in the autumn sunshine
And all the time going to Coney Island I'm thinking,
Wouldn't it be great if it was like this all the time?

5. Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
Mood - To hell with everything. I wanna get outta here. Fast.

For those times when you want to run away from yourself. Flirt with the self-destruct button. When you are torn between giving up and gritting your teeth & taking the pain. I have found that it is best to ride out the storm and make peace with yourself. At times like this you should take your foot off the accelerator, slow down and stay alive. ;-)

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone


6. You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
Mood - Your loss honey. Maybe someday you'll realize it.

To all the girls I've loved, and lost. I still think very highly of you and hope that you are happy. Just that it is a pity 'what could have been. What should have been.'

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me.

7. Beautiful Girl - INXS
Mood - Pure mush.... :-)

Love the way this song begins. The moment it begins you know you have a great song playing. One of INXS' best creations. Also a good way to get someone to stay on beyond their curfew. Lol.

Now where did you find her
Among the neon lights
That haunt the streets outside
Stay with me.

8. Escape - Enrique
Mood - Lol. Anyone who has seen the video knows what the mood is.

Come on. Every guy wants to be Enrique in this song. Hooo munga, is she smoking hot!!

Here's how it goes, you and me, up and down at this time
We'll get right, where to fight
Cause love is something you can't shake
When it breaks.

9. Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
Mood - I dunno. This song has meant different things to me at different points in my life.

For those times when you ponder about the choices you made. The paths you took or didn't take. One of those 'what if' songs... Its for when you pull over by the side of a river and gaze at the boat on the horizon.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

10. How Do You Do - Roxette
Mood - Hey there good looking. Wanna hop in for a ride?

I have to sign off with this song. It is one of the coolest songs I have heard.... Though I've never done it, I would love to pull over next to a gorgeous stranger, lower my sunglasses just a bit, grin and say, 'How do you do?'

I see you comb your hair
and gimme that grin.
It's making me spin now,
spinnin' within.
Before I melt like snow,
I say Hello
How do you do!

Let me leave you with this song...

You Know You're From ISB

I have always wondered what the learned people at ISB who make the admissions decisions look for in a candidate. After pondering over it for a long time (one Bob Dylan song) I decided that they don't have the slightest idea. The only way that you can really tell if a person belongs in ISB is to make them spend a year at ISB.

So after busting your butt for 12 months how do you know for sure if you actually deserved to have been let in? Here are a few things I thought of. You probably might have some more to add.

You belong in ISB if you....

1. Pay for 3 meals a day but end up eating in the cafe half the time.
2. Think that walking half a kilometre to submit an assignment at 6:00 AM is perfectly normal.
3. Don't mind being kept awake by your neighbours' parties that go on till 4:00 AM
4. Feel comfortable when a strange lady comes and video tapes you sitting in class
5. Feel the need to speak in a class which doesn't have a CP component
6. Understand what 'CP' in the last point referred to
7. Think that reading a case study is more important than listening to Michael Dell or Uday Kotak
8. Are able to use words like dichotomy, core competency, strategize in daily conversations
9. Correctly pronounce processEs and not processes
10. Know how to completely rewrite your pre-ISB career in such a way that your ex-colleagues would not recognize ur resume
11. Genuinely believe that the problems in the real world can be solved using excel sheets and 2x2 matrices
12. Think that consultants are God's gift to mankind; at least for 2 terms
13. Look at the 'Boy on the Buffalo' and want to steal him for a few days
14. Know who the 'Boy on the Buffalo' is
15. Don't mind being thrown into a pool has pieces of cake, beer bottles, slippers and ten other people already in it
16. Believe that there is only one Bob Stine. And that he is a dude!
17. Wish you could take Maulana with you to all your parties for the rest of your life
18. Think that its outrageous that some resident profs only have to 'teach' for 3 weeks a year
19. Know that Sarovar cooks are the worst in the hotel industry
20. Wonder what the hype was all about anyway.

:-)

Independence Day...

Today I thought I would change things and not have some inane status on my gtalk messenger. So I put up a 'hmmm...' and settled down to what I thought would be a quiet day. As usual, it turns out that my best laid plans were relaid. Within almost 45 mins, five people had pinged me to ask what 'national problem I was thinking about'. Now I dont know whether to be flattered with the attention or whether I was being made a monkey of. Since I think am reasonably well evolved, I choose to exclude the simian option. Right then people, let's see.... What national problem should we talk about today?

Call it gut feeling or simple common sense but I think that one good thumb rule (or as an MBA would say, heuristic) to which direction a nation is headed is the importance that its people place on education. And if what I observed during the weekend drive from Hyderabad to Bangalore is anything to go by, India (at least South India) is on the right track.

We set off early on Independence Day and the rain gods decided to join us on the journey.So there we were making slow progress through the pot holed road that someone had the gall to call a 'National Highway'. Within a couple of hours some of us (not me) were wondering what on earth we were doing on a bumpity-bump road at 7:00 AM. Sure enough the 'iss desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta' statements started. As more and more people joined in, I took out my iPod and started paying more attention to the world outside. I thought to myself, 'Come on guys. Can we at least not grumble on Independence Day?'.

Over a period of time we happened to pass a lot of primary schools. Through the sleep deprivation haze, the nagging inside the car, the rain, the potholes, the trucks belching black smoke... one thing stood out. Almost every kid I saw was immaculately dressed. And whats more, they seemed to be genuinely thrilled about celebrating Independence Day.

I distinctly remember seeing kids wearing all-whites. And I mean ALL white. Their uniforms were perfectly ironed, their hair was neatly combed, even their white canvas shoes looked freshly polished. Now lets freeze that frame for a moment. You might wonder what do clean uniforms have to do with the future of this nation. Well I would say, EVERYTHING.

You see, its not as if the kids opened a magic box and took out some special uniforms for this particular day. Given that it was raining like mad (and had been for a week) the very fact that the kids were dressed so appropriately obviously means that someone at home must have gone through a lot of trouble to ensure that their uniforms were washed, dried, ironed and their shoes polished. This also means that the teachers had managed to instill a sense of pride and occasion in both the children and the parents. And this in turn means that there must be a healthy and strong rapport between parents and teachers.

I guess it goes to show that left to themselves most people want their kids to study hard, do well and grow up to live better lives than they did. Since rural India seems to be betting big on education I think things will change for the better.

As I sipped my dhaaba chai (yum yum) I looked at myself (figuratively) and my companions. I saw a bunch of overpaid, cynical, hungover, self absorbed souls who didn't really give a shit if it was Independence Day or not. To us it was a long weekend which was to be used to meet up with more people like ourselves. And as I went to pay the chaiwaala I looked at the kids again. The excitement and energy that they radiated made me wistfully think of the days when I was like them.

Has our generation... Gen X... Gen Y... Gen Algebra... if you want, failed this great country? I hope not. But I fear we are perilously close to running out of time. We are young only once, and history (and those young kids in white uniforms) will soon judge us.

Wait Up... Young Man

Ten minutes ago something happened to me. Nothing earth shattering, or path breaking, or mind blowing. All I did was help an destitute old man cross a four lane road. He smiled, thanked me and we shook hands. Thats all.

The whole morning I have been feeling a little under the weather due to a host of reasons, some of which are self-inflicted I think. Anyway, after going through the day's work I realized that I had something to take care of and left my office. All this time I was talking to myself, muttering dark nothings and generally doing not-very-much to cheer myself up. I went to see my second best friend and found some comfort.

The auto I was taking back stopped opposite to my office's gate. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed an old man asking a policeman for some directions. He was wearing the traditional garb that most (non-rich) farmers in this part of the coutntry seem to wear. He seemed to be carrying his belongings in a little sack that was tied to a stick. Within a nano-second I had summarized him to be a poor old man who had given his best years to a heartless plot of land and an ungrateful brood of children.

I began the dangerous and third-worldly task of crossing the road with vehicles coming at me at 60 kilometres an hour. Once again, my peripheral vision informed me that he was calling out to me and seemed to want my attention. I almost choked for I couldn't think of a more inopportune time to ask someone for alms. So I did what most people would do and pretended not to notice while continuously inching my way to the other side of the road.

When I had crossed the first of the four lanes and was standing on the divider, the old man caught up with me. At that point, I admired his perseverance for I thought I had shaken him off. He came up to me with a big grin on his face and I thought to myself, 'ok, lets hear your sales pitch'.

But all he said (in hindi.. surprise surprise) is, 'Young man, can I cross the road with you?'. For a moment I almost said, 'Excuse me! What did you just say?'. He then went on to tell me that, 'These cars are too fast for an old man like me with such poor eyesight. Can I tag along with you?'. To my credit, I quickly recovered from finding out that things weren't going according to my cynical expectations and said, 'Sure'.

Within two minutes we had crossed the road and I was still wondering if he had some sob story or request to make. But all he did was grin again, shake my hand and say, 'Thank you very much. I have never crossed the road so quickly. It normally takes me at least fifteen minutes'.

And with that he was gone. I stood there for a couple of seconds and scratched my head. I could see that the security guards from my office were curious and wondering what had transpired between us. And the look of 'bewildered understanding' that was beginning to show on my face must have reassured them that all was well.

I don't know who that old farmer was or what his life story must have been. But I hope that the fifteen minutes of his that I saved made a difference to his day, because the two minutes I spent with him sure did make a difference to mine.

Winning at All Costs

These days I don't seem to have much to do in the evenings. No TV, no new books and no company. So I found myself introspecting and doing some self-analysis mumbo jumbo. I wont deny that the last year hasn't been ideal. It's been a start-stop-turn-reverse kinda year. Many exciting but eventually false starts and yet quite a few unexpectedly pleasant surprises. It's almost as if someone wished me that old Chinese curse, 'May you live during interesting times'. :-)

But one thing that seems to emerge from this (brilliant) thought process is that the main reason why I am where I am (wherever that may be) is because I haven't been totally true to myself. Allow me to explain.

For most of my life I was quintessentially a simple person. If I saw something that I wanted, I went after it. It didn't matter whether it was a sport, a debate competition, a woman or simply knowledge. I would go out there and give it my best shot without worrying about how the world saw me. I remember a time when the only thing on my mind was winning. I played to win. I played hard, rough, even downright mean at times. Why? Coz I knew that there's nothing quite like the thrill of winning. Forget all that HR talk of team building and companionship. In any group of people, especially guys, there is always a top dog. And no matter how hard we may deny it everyone wants to be that top dog.

I used to relish being in a tight spot coz I knew I would keep my cool and get myself out of it. 1-5 (15-40) down in a set and I would be ice cool. I knew that I played my best when under pressure and never felt nervous about being backed into a corner. You could say my motto was, 'Bring em on baby!'. I wont brag and say that I always won, but I never backed down from a challenge.

Somewhere along the way, the boy who wasn't afraid to show that he was a fighter and tell the world to go jump 'grew up'. Someone told him that winning wasn't the only thing. But being gracious and doing it by the book also matter. And at the end of the day one has to fit in and confirm to social norms. Total crap. Win, at all costs. Do whatever it takes but for god's sake.. WIN!!

Still don't agree with me? Okay, tell me how many Grand Slam titles did Vijay Amritraj win? Am guessing it was one less than one. Wanna know why? Maybe its because he was too busy applauding the great shots that his opponents hit rather than charging himself up. Which is why today people talk about McEnroe, Borg, Connors... and then remember, 'Oh yeah, that nice Indian fellow.. whats his name? Veeejay'. Thats right, no one remembers who came in second. And I honestly believe the only good losers are those who are used to it.

Anyway, getting back to me... I have realized that most of the 'problems' I been confronted with the last year or so have been caused by my reluctance to put my foot down and tell the other person or organisation exactly what I think. I've been seduced by the notion that if you are patient and hardworking, you will get what you deserve.. eventually. Thats almost like saying that, 'In the long term the price and the value of a stock will match'.

Sadly, that isn't true. At least not in my case. And I want to see the money. Now!! Not fifteen years from now buddy boy. So I have decided to become more assertive. More 'in-tune' with my own desires and wants. No more Mr Most of the Time Nice Guy. I've awoken from my self imposed slumber. So get out of my way conscience and allow me get ahead in life.

Woo hoo. Here I come.

Always A Woman

For my earlier post on the Nawab who redeemed himself I got a bit of flak from quite a few ladies. I also got a lot of woo hoos from my guy pals but that is another matter. So let me set the record straight. I don't hate women. In fact its quite the opposite. I think women are great and am glad that God didn't stop with Adam. Imagine a world without them. Hmm.. lotsa bars, only sports on TV, world peace, no traffic accidents and in my case, a much smaller phone bill. :-)

Now now, before you think that this post is another wisecrack at all my enslaved male friends let me get to the point. After many years of trying, and failing miserably, to understand women I remembered the Billy Joel song 'Always a Woman' and suddenly my life got a lot simpler. We men are not supposed to understand women, thats what other women are for. We men are supposed to listen, nod our heads, say 'yes darling you are right' or 'its ok sweetie', wait for them while they get ready, hang on to their shopping bags and pretend to not be bored out of our minds. Thats our job. Thats what we're here for. ... to make women happy.

The biggest mistake I made when I was younger was to innocently assume that women think like men do. After being run over by a couple of trains I realized the error of my ways. In fact it was a very wise lady who once told, 'You gullible simpleton. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that you know what a woman has on her mind. Coz even her best friend doesn't know.' So I have come to treat women with the respect that they deserve. But I don't trust them. Not one single bit. I enjoy being with a pretty girl. You laugh, you try to be witty and talk about stuff you normally wouldn't. But at the back of your mind you know that five minutes after saying goodbye to you she might be on a call with another suitor. That is the way life is, so don't complain.

So what does Billy Joel have to do with all this? Well, if you read the lyrics of the song you might just agree with me when I say that women God's greatest creation, but they are also his most dangerous. :-)

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me


I especially like the 'only reveals what she wants you to see' bit. Every woman has her secrets, which she is entitled to keep. Layers under layers. Circles within circles. That sort of thing.

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe.
And she'll take what you give her, as long as its free
She steals like a thief
But shes always a woman to me

Yes sir, she might ask you for the truth. But she will follow her own intuition when it comes to making her judgment. Which normally is to not trust the guy. :P

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden.
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

The term 'led up the garden path' didn't just pop out of nowhere you know. Lol. But it is true, at least in my case, women bring out the best and the murst, oops worst, in me.

The last para in the song brilliantly sums up how women can be different things at different times.


She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
Shes nobody's fool
But she cant be convicted
Shes earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But shes always a woman to me.

Ah yes. I used to wonder how someone as loving and tender could turn into someone so cold and aloof. But I guess that is just the way women are. After all, the female of the species is deadlier (and far smarter) than the male.

P.S. - This post wasn't written with anyone in mind. Or may be it was. :-)

Built to Last and Not Built Too Fast

'Yeah dude, its a great idea but someone has already implemented it'. I've heard this comeback at least a dozen times from this friend of mine. And just in case you are wondering, I am referring to business ideas. :-)

Okay, now everyone wants to be the next Edison or his modern equivalent. People want to invent the 'next big thing'. Just look at the books that management gurus are peddling these days. People seem to think that you can 'manage innovation'. Well, thats an oxymoron if I ever saw one. The best ideas do not come out of DMADV processes or workout sessions. They hit you on a thursday afternoon, just after lunch and probably just before a horribly boring meeting. I think the world of business would be a lot more creative if we took books like Blue Ocean Strategy and .... thats right.. threw them into the deep sea.

One of the greatest myths that managers seem to believe these days is that you have to have a truly radical idea in order to succeed in business. B schools teach you that you have redefine the paradigm. Well, I think that is hogwash. And let me prove to you why there are no Blue Oceans out there. (Even if there are, they will get polluted by your competitors in no time).

To begin with, the first big idea was fire. Now, if we were to avoid copying someone's (great) idea most of us would be shivering in the cold, eating raw food and bumping into the dark. Lets not even get started on the wheel. How many of us would be willing to walk 10 kms to work, or whatever it is we would be doing in the New Stone Age?

Buildings, machines, printing press, aircraft, bulbs, computers, MP3 players, Search Engines. All these inventions go to prove that there is no great benefit to be derived from redefining the paradigm. Or whatever you want to call it.

My way of looking at things is that once an idea has worked and proved itself, there will be more people willing to fund and ,more importantly, willing to buy your product. Why blaze a new trail when you can follow someone, learn from their mistakes and then... woo hoo.. overtake them?

Think about it. The Japanese and the Koreans have built their economies around this simple principle. For every Phillips (who invented 100s of things including the CD) there are a dozen Sonys and LGs and Samsungs and Panasonics.

So Old Man, you ready to try something?

The Fall and Rise of the Nawab

The other day I was chatting with an old friend who happens to be the girlfriend of an equally old friend. Now in between all the friendly banter and leg pulling, I happened to ask her where that loser (my pal) was. And she said that he has been camping at her place for the last 10 days.

Hmmmm. Now these two love birds are in the US and I guess things are pretty different. I mean no nosy relatives or people dropping in unexpectedly. But 10 days? The bum had been chatting with me and had never mentioned this trip. Which got me suspicious. My suspicions seemed to be confirmed when she mentioned that he was helping out at home, or trying to at least.

Woah!!! Hold those homely horses for a just a minute. My pal... helping out....at 'home'? This was not the baniyaan clad, underarm scratching, methane burping slob I had known in college. His room was even messier than mine, which is saying a lot. I started picturing him wearing an apron and gloves, slaving away in the kitchen. Saying 'Yes darling' every second sentence. And maybe (thank God actually) bathing everyday. My my my. How the smelly have fallen.

I felt sad and relieved at the same time. Sad coz another free spirit had been ensnared by the wiles and guiles of the non-male species. One more soul lost forever. Yet I was relieved cuz a biological disaster had been averted thanks to the baths. But still, I knew I would miss him.

Just when I was about to raise a toast to another fallen comrade, a miracle occured. The lady in question told that the 'helping hand' mask had slipped within 2 days and he was slowly getting back to his normal self. Relief flooded through me. Praise the Lord!! All was not lost. Turns out my friend is more or less the same person I have known, and loved. Hooooo munga.

Our friend still snores his head off till 11 AM, still drops food all over the table, still leaves beer bottles all over the house, still refuses to make his bed. And best of all, has control of the tv remote!! Now we're talking. This was more of a Trojan Horse manouver rather than an abject surrender. Proud of you dude.

So, to end on a happy note I think that if men can live, and thrive, in captivity maybe there is still hope for mankind. :-)

Fernando

I took a sip of my coffee, looked out at the sun setting over the Amazon river and listened for Anni. I knew she would be busy preparing dinner, all the while singing some long forgotten folk song. She has been a good companion and we have been through a lot together.

General Madero, the Plan de San Luis Potosi, crossing the Rio Grande, the popular support we enjoyed initially, and the eventual dying of a dream. It all seemed so long ago. I was so young then, so much of an idealist, so proud to fight for Madero and so much in love in Anni. My guitar and my rifle were like my two arms. People say I was never seen without either one of them, unless I was in Anni’s arms of course.

‘Play us a song Fernando’, ‘Fernando, I need that hill taken in the next hour’, ‘Fernando am scared for you. For us.’ Fernando, Fernando, Fernando. I was all over the place. I genuinely thought that we were freeing our land. Where did it all go wrong? Who betrayed the dream? Was it one person, were we all to blame or was it just the way life is? I do not know, but I do know that I never felt more alive than on that night with Anni.

We could hear the cannon fire getting closer and closer with every passing hour. It was like waiting for an eternity. I was so terrified. Not for myself but for Anni and for all the things we thought we had been fighting for. With no ammunition left, I discarded my useless rifle and picked up my guitar. I could see the despair on Anni’s face as she saw me strumming it. She had followed me blindly, just as I had followed Madero. Anni never looked lovelier and more vulnerable. I can still recall her sitting there in mud splattered battle fatigues. Her long black hair tied up and the fire’s light reflecting in her eyes. ‘Do something Fernando’ she seemed to want to plead with me. But the truth was that I had already given up hope.

Over the years, so many comrades, so many friends. All gone to what I fervently hope is a better place. I looked up at the stars and I knew that the end would come soon. With every explosion Anni seemed like she would cry. I think the only thing that stopped her was that she didn’t want me to see it. She didn’t know that I was on the verge of tears myself. Humming and strumming were just a facade. Just like Madero’s promises of a better country had been.

I don’t recall the last time I have used the rifle. I wouldn’t be able to aim it properly in any case. Time changes everything. Well almost everything.

Ah Anni. You were right though. There was something in the air that night. And the stars were bright. They were shining for us and for the liberty that we had fought for. And yes, if I had to do it all again I would. Anni, my friend.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: This is my take on the superhit Abba Song 'Fernando'. While the song is sung from Anni's point of view, this is my humble and bumbling response from Fernando.

Check out the video of Fernando at:

Funny Football Quotes

After two serious posts, people might be wondering whether I am alright or not. Come on guys, am not in love, I haven't turned gay, nor am I suffering from terminal cancer and I certainly am not planning on taking a sanyaas. Am I mentally unbalanced? Hell yeah! I've always been. Don't you know it by now? :D

Okay okay, lets put an end to the self admiration. To make up for the torture I put you through the last couple of days here are some funny quotes made by people involved with the world of football.

Barry Venison on PSV’s pace:
"PSV have got a lot of pace up front. They're capable of exposing themselves."

Terry Venables on answering a question:
"I've been asked that question for the last six months. It is not fair to expect me to make such a fast decision on something that has been put upon me like that."

David Pleat on Maradona:
"For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls."

George Best on financial planning:
“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.“

David Coleman on Italian patriotism:
“The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.”

Peter Shilton being honest about England’s chances:
“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.”

Gordon Strachan giving it back to the press:
Reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?"
Strachan: "What areas? Mainly that big green one out there."

November Rain or Estranged?

Time to swim against the current. At the risk of widespread public ridicule am going to say that I prefer the Guns N' Roses song 'Estranged' over the cult hit 'November Rain'. Yes sir (and ma'am) let me repeat myself.... I personally prefer 'Estranged'.

Now, now. Before you bring out the brickbats and start shooting off mass emails telling people that I've lost it, please allow me the chance to explain myself. After that you're welcome to not change your mind. :-) First of all, let me say that I really really like November Rain. The violins, the drums and Axel Rose's unique voice make it one of my all time favourites. It is one of the greatest rock love songs of the 1990s. Yet that is all that it is - a love song.

Estranged on the other hand is a song which has multiple facets and angles to it. It starts off as a love song when Axel croons, 'Old at heart but I'm only 28. And I'm much too young. To let love break my heart' And then it changes to an angst ridden criticism of the world when he asks, 'So nobody ever told us baby. How it was gonna be. So what'll happen to us baby? Guess we'll have to wait and see'. And yet both have elements of the other in them. Love or lost love along with how unfair the world appears to be.

The best lines in the song are 'When I find out all the reasons, Maybe I'll find another way. Find another day. With all the changing seasons of my life. Maybe I'll get it right next time'. I honestly think that these four lines are the best that Guns N' Roses ever wrote. Maybe its because they fit so perfectly with who I am and all the cock ups that I've done. But more than that, what I love about these lines is that they remind you that there will be other ways and other days. They give you hope and that is a wonderful thing to have. :-)

So while Estranged does have an underlying sense of lost love, it paints many more subtle shades of the human psyche. How many times have you felt alone when a close confidant is no longer around? Maybe you'll then agree with 'I'll never find anyone to replace you. Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time. Oh this time. Without you'. Coz life goes on. No matter what. So in the video, when Axel jumps off the supertanker and finds himself alone in the sea he knows that he's where he is because he chose to be so. You estrange yourself only when you refuse the lifebuoys that your friends throw you.

But enough of pyscho babble. To each his own. Why don't you watch both videos and decide for yourself? Just ask yourself this question.... should music simply sound nice or should it also make you introspect on who you are? Your answer will tell you which song you like better. :-)

Estranged:


November Rain


Once again, I think they are both fabulous songs. I just happen to like Estrange better.

A Lost Decade

So Euro 2008 has come and gone. It was certainly a good tournament. Yet I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was a great tournament. At least not for Germany.

For a nation that used to be called the ‘Eternal Finalists’, it’s been 12 years since they won a tournament. That is a long time if you go by their past records. Which for the uninformed is

1972 Euro – Champions
1974 WC – Champions
1976 Euro – Finals: Lost on penalties (only time ever) to Czechoslovakia
1980 Euro – Champions
1982 WC – Finals: Lost to Italy after coming back from 1-3 against France in the semis
1986 WC – Finals: Lost to Diego Maradona
1988 Euro – Semi Finals: Lost to Netherlands 1-2
1990 WC – Champions
1992 Euro – Finals: Shock loss to Denmark 0-2
1996 Euro – Champions

While some might say that since 1996 Germany have reached one World Cup final, one Euro final and another World Cup semi final I think that it is clear that this generation of German players has been a disappointment. Miroslav Klose is no Gerd Mueller, Torsten Frings is no Franz Beckenbaur, Philip Lahm is no Andy Brehme. And dare I say, Michael Ballack is no Fritz Walter. The list could go on and on but the sad truth remains that Germany is in danger of becoming like England. Don’t believe me? Then please explain why the coach of a nation which used to be used to WINNING now makes statements like, "to be in the final itself is a great success’". Come on Jogi, we expect better from you.

The attack looked toothless and not at all threatening. Klose was invisible on the field, poor Podolski was relegated to a left winger role. And let’s not even talk about Mario Gomez. I mean, who misses from 2 yards? This German defence was probably the worst they’ve had in 40 years. Metzelder and Lehman were like ‘Dumb and Dumber’. Freidrich and Mertersacker did try hard, but one can see that they will never be in the league of a Matthias Sammer. And Lahm only looks world class when he’s going forward. Throughout the tournament it was the typical tough & clinical German midfield which held the team together. But for all their experience Ballack and Frings lack that extra spark of genius. Something that Sebastian Deisler had. It is a tragedy that someone as gifted as him retired in 2006 at the ripe old age of 26. Ah, another ‘could have been’.

Maybe in 2010 I’ll actually get to see a German triumph. You never know, with Tony Kroos, Rene Adler, Marko Marin and Manuel Fischer all under 23 it just might be possible. Otherwise Gary Linekar's famous quote, "Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win" will be confined to the history books.

Turn Back Time

While this may sound like a question from the final round of a beauty pagent, take some time and think about it. ‘If you could go back to any point in time, what would you change?’

I think that everyone wishes that one or two things had never happened or had happened differently. While for some it may be historic and world changing, for others it might be extremely personal. I actually know someone who says if he could change things, he would have stopped the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. Guess he hates mankind and is hell bent on wiping himself out as well. Hmmm, good luck with that.

So continuing down this road, what would your wish be for? Would it be to change your 12th standard marks… or to have said hello to your neighbour’s daughter (who is now happily married and lives in Botswana)… or maybe it would be to have bought a Bajaj Pulsar 180 (DTS-i) instead of the Pulsar 150. So while you ponder about what you would like to have been different in the world or with yourself, here are a few thoughts that might have caused some people to wish that things had turned out differently. Let’s see if you can guess all eight of them.

Vijay – Okay, since I forgot to get my own list let’s go with Rahul’s list.

Rahul – Oops, looks like I brought my book cricket dream team along by mistake.

Ram – Isha used the script as toilet paper by mistake. No issue, we’ll make up the dialogues as we go along.

Jerry – This looks like a nice search engine. Let me use it instead of Alta Vista. What difference would that make?

Bill – If I can sell a product that rhymes with tune, people will buy it no matter how crap it might be.

Neville – Am sure that if I treat this Adolf guy as a gentleman, he will respond as one. After all, the Pygmalion Theory must be true.

Tom – Passion. That’s what I must show. Let me do something spontaneous, something wild. I feel so live, so energized, so jumpy. Wow, what nice furniture she has.

Jen – I trust him. So what if she has a reputation. He won’t do a ‘Ross’ on me.


And as a note to a friend, I know a certain CFA who will say, ‘What did I do! Am such a loser. Just look at how happy she is’.

Rainy Mornings

My head is stuck under a rather hard pillow and the rest of my body is wrapped in a thick cotton sheet with red borders. I open my eyes and grimace because I know that it still isn’t time to get out of bed and so I am irritated with myself for ruining a perfectly good sleep. The ever present cell phone confirms my worst fears. There is barely an hour to go before I have to drag my sorry ass out of bed and start the day.

No, no. This is not how it was supposed to be. After ambling around Hyderabad’s horrible footpaths for more than an hour in my uncomfortable Woodland shoes last evening, I have a huge blister on my right foot. It gave me a good excuse to not go to the gym today. Last night I had gleefully planned to sleep till as late as I could. So getting up at 0630 was most certainly not on the agenda.

But now that I was awake I reason that I can either struggle to go back to sleep. And fail miserably at it and then have a grumpy day. Or I can make the most of the extra hour or so that I had. Surprisingly, I decided on the latter.

So I roll over, remove the useless pillow and look outside the window. Hmmm, that’s odd. It’s a little darker outside than it should be and the AC seems more effective in the room. Immediately I know what has happened. After years of living in Bombay, Goa and Lonavala I know how to recognize an early morning shower. My mood brightens, in stark contrast to the ambience outside. I open the windows, shut off the no longer needed AC and grin.

The skies are gray and overcast. Forbidding, stern and even angry. But the mango tree just outside my bedroom is alive and as happy as I am. It sways with the wind and its branches move in rhythm to a beat that only it seems to hear. I honestly think that it is welcoming the rains. The leaves rustle and there is the faint sound of tiny raindrops hitting them. No longer do they look dusty and stiff. Just like the rest of the tree, the leaves seem bursting with new energy. The older leaves appear darker while the new leaves, which are at the top of the branches, seem to be more vibrant. It is as if when the rain washed the man made dust off the mango tree, it also gave it a fresh lease of life.

While I make myself a cup of filter coffee I wonder what the monkeys think of the rains. I hope they don’t decide to use my balcony as a shelter. Monkeys can be very bad tenants. They never pay any rent, make a mess when they leave and sometimes attack their co-occupants. Plus, my landlord warned me not to sublet the apartment. Oh well, I guess the monkeys will fend for themselves.

The coffee tastes great. Maybe it is because I love sitting in a cane chair, with my feet on the ledge of the balcony and listening to the sounds of the rain. Everything seems so energized and young. The newspaper and the rest of the world can wait. Ah, for mornings, and weather, like this throughout the year.....

Trouble Sleeping

I have been sleeping too much off late. Way too much. In fact, the other day I went to sleep at 2130 hours and got up at 0730 today. That’s ten hours of time spent in dreamy dream land. Not impressed? Try this then. Over the years I have got so attuned to having my cell phone around me that I can hear it or feel the vibration no matter how fast asleep I may have been. Or at least that was the case till yesterday.

Cuz when I got up at 0325 and found myself lying parallel, and next to the head of the bed, I checked my ever present phone and found 3 text messages and 1 missed call. (Please don’t get sidetracked as to why I was sleeping parallel to the bed, I just was). I was surprised cuz this has never happened before. In fact, there have been numerous occasions when I have woken up from some very pleasant dreams because ICICI/HDFC/Citi Bank thought it fit to tell me that my balance on Sunday morning was Rs 257.65. (Why don’t the idiots who run the batch job realize that people like to sleep in on a Sunday morning?).

Anyway, back to my sleeping troubles tragedy. One of the texts was from my bro, the other from my ex-roommate from Delhi and the third from a beautiful woman whom I adore. (The call was from my bro, not her). And surprise, surprise I had even switched off my alarm at 0545 and gone back to dozy land. Which again, is very unlike me.

Maybe this is my body rebelling against the strict regime that I have been subjecting it to in the last few weeks. I can imagine a meeting of all the (millions of) fat cells. They are all screaming, ‘Where the @#$%&* is the KFC and the beer?’…. ‘What are those idiots sitting in the brain doing? We haven’t been fed properly in weeks’…. ‘We are being taxed to death. Look at how much energy the muscles are demanding from us’. So finally one of them must have said ‘Okay, let’s sabotage this entire programme by getting the cells who are responsible for sleep management on our side’. And viola, next thing you know I am sleeping through what should have been time spent at the gym!

You think it’s plausible? I think that it might be. The truth will come out when my thumbs start to get suspicious about the lack of late night smsing and launch an enquiry. The battle of the bulge might just have begun.

Bucket List.. Part 1

I had written a post about a bucket list that I was creating. So based on some introspection and a little help from my friends, this is the first bit of my list. Lemme know what you think. :-)

1. Visit all seven continents
2. See the Grand Canyon
3. Visit one of the 3 poles
4. See the Pyramids of Egypt
5. Watch a football World Cup Final
6. Spend a year with an NGO doing pro bono work
7. Write and publish a book
8. Pay for an underprivileged child’s education
9. Go bungee jumping
10. Go parachuting
11. Watch an opera
12. Learn how to cook biryani from scratch
13. Learn how to windsurf
14. Touch a live whale
15. Drive a Formula 1 car
16. Join the Mile High club
17. Fly a super sonic jet
18. Serenade a beautiful woman on a gondala in Venice
19. Make wine
20. Visit a distillery in Scotland
21. Own a cabin cruiser
22. Build one house on an island or beach and one house in the hills
23. Learn a craft
24. See a match at Centre Court Wimbledon
25. Go on an African Safari
26. Pledge to donate my organs once I die
27. Have my own library
28. Have a patent registered on my name
29. Plant 50 trees
30. Learn at least one dance
31. Go scuba diving
32. Adopt a stray dog
33. Climb to the summit of a live volcano
34. Visit all the major historical sites in India
35. Go white water rafting
36. Learn how to shoot (only for self defense) and buy a firearm
37. Learn how to play golf

PS - Once I finalize the list, I plan to keep a 'Status' column as well.

India and Asia

Gurcharan Das’s article in yesterday’s Sunday Times was really thought provoking & interesting. He talked about his tour of lectures across South East Asia and the kind of queries & comments he received about India. While there were the obvious ones about our ‘depressing infrastructure’ there were others that required more thought and introspection.

Why is it that India hasn’t taken its rightful place amongst the world powers? Why are we still reluctant to flex our muscles? And why is it that Asia views China’s rise as a cause of concern but not so India’s? Well, there are no simple and straightforward answers to these questions but I will try my best to do so.

To begin with, it is not that India does not think that it belongs at the same table as the other world powers. Nor are we reluctant to flex our muscles and take what we want. To understand how India goes about treating its neighbours one must understand how India treats itself. Even at the risk of using a cliché, India’s strength is its diverse culture. ‘Unity in diversity’ really is our national beacon. It is not by accident that even after 61 years of independence we have proved the doomsayers like Churchill wrong. Instead of falling apart we have grown closer. I think that the strongest factors that hold us together are our cricket team, our love for movies, our defence forces, our judiciary and finally our much maligned bueracracy. While the first two our products of private enterprise and even individual genius, the other factors that hold India together are not.

So getting back to the questions that were raised, India cannot and will not morph into a power hungry empire eager for conquest and domination. For that is too much against our civilizational DNA. The modern day Chanakyas in Lutyen’s Delhi know very well that no sooner than we invade another country will we be sowing the seeds of our own self destruction. For every Bangladesh that is invaded there will be ten more revolts for self governance in the north east. One thing that keeps our soldiers and civil servants motivated is the belief that they are fighting on the right side. The idea that they are defending their matra bhoomi and protecting their families. Without this righteous glue, morale will fall, discipline will waver and the iron frame of India will come crashing down.

So I say to all our Asian neighbours, sleep easy and do not look towards India in fear and trepidition. You will never wake up to the sound of Indian Army boots kicking down your door. For we are happier being a united regional power than a police state super power.

Note:
While one certainly admits that not everything is as it should be and there are difficult obstacles facing us as a nation, I do not think that they are as threatening as the ones that faced our founding fathers. An aggressive Pakistan, a shackled economy, no access to advanced technology and a food crisis that makes today’s seem like a harvest bounty were just some of the many issues that had to be tackled, and then overcome during the early days of the Indian Republic. If we could weather those storms, I am more than confident that we will be able to tackle the current and the future threats.

The Double Infinity Theory

I was watching a show on Star World last evening where one of the characters asks the other if she’ll ever get another chance (at love) and the other replies, ‘Of course, because nothing in this universe happens only once’ . She went on to talk about how even infinity goes in both directions, and how there is never a perfectly unique incident. And she then told the first character how we always get a second chance at life.

Since it was just a TV show one shouldn’t take it as the gospel truth and think that this principle applies universally. But if you just look at it as a thumb rule it isn’t such a bad idea. How many times have we thought, ‘this is THE guy/girl for me’ or ‘this is my dream job/college’? I know I have at least a couple of times in the girl, job & college categories. When things work out it is great. But even when they don’t, it isn’t the end of the world. The sun always rises the next morning, though you may not see it on account of an alcohol binge and its subsequent hangover.

For example, when you hurt someone it is never too late to say you are sorry. Sure, things may not go back to the way that they used to be. But if you are smart & humble, you will learn your lesson and hopefully not repeat the same mistake. And that is what I mean by a ‘second chance’. You may not get that second chance with the same person/people or organization. But somewhere down the line, you will come to a similar fork in the road and you will have the option to make a different decision this time. Now unless acknowledge that fact that what you did in the past wasn’t the best that you were capable of, it is highly likely that you will make the same choice the next time around as well.

Love, work, friendship, family, society…. wherever you may want to apply this principle. Things have a way of repeating themselves in patterns. In order to break out of a particular patter, you have to be able to recognize it.

So if infinity can work both ways, why can’t human choice? Every day we have an option placed in front of us. We either continue with our daily routines. Eating, sleeping, working, blah blah blah. Or we could consciously decide to do something different. To shake things up and make a difference. To someone or something – it may be a person, an animal or even the neighbourhood. The point I am trying to make is that change for the better is possible.

Sounds a little preachy? Well, maybe it does. But I think I am on to something with my ‘Double Infinity Theory’. So as they say, ‘You have a simple choice. Either get busy living, or get busy dying.’ Cheerio.