Stop AND (Not OR) I'll Shoot..

Talk about irony. The NOIDA (UP) police has just come up with a novel way of combatting high jacking of cars on the NOIDA-Greater NOIDA Expressway. Their answer is to FINE people who OFFER lifts. Yes, that is right. If you offer someone a lift on the Expressway, the cops will thoko you with a heavy challan. Doesnt matter whether or not your passenger was really in distress.

If you cant catch the crooks, punish the people who get robbed. 'Yes Mr.Gupta, it is your fault that you didnt take stricter protection measures.' Lol.. As per the press release, in case you see an old person stranded, or a woman in distress or even an accident victim, you are suppposed to keep your eyes on the road and floor the accelerator. And once you come to the end of the expressway, you can go to the police station and tell the kind cops there that there was a life and death situation 15 kms and 20 mins back which they can go investigate.

Come to think of it, it seems like a radical idea. So by extension, people should get fined for the following:

1. Getting run over by Delhi's Blue Line buses - 'who told you to go 50 metres within a bus stand?'
2. Helping someone cross the road - 'Did you know how many people get knocked down every day on the road?'
3. Sending your new neighbours food & water - 'We live in dangerous times. Dont trust anyone. The food might be drugged'
4. Bringing someone else's child home along with yours - 'You might want to kidnap this child coz he's better at studies than your duffer son'

And then people accuse Indians of becoming callous and uncaring...

Pay Me to Fly

Today's headline in the Hindustantimes brought a BIG smile to my face. The Delhi Consumer Court has asked Go Airlines to pay people 15k for a delay/cancellation in Feb this year. Too cool. Since I've been busting up a lot of money flying around the countryside the last couple of months, I know firsthand how frustrating it is to receive an SMS saying, 'We regret that your flight will be delayed by XX hours because of the late arrival of the incoming aircraft'. Sweet mother of a holy man. Thats like saying, 'The patient died because he stopped living'. I am all for free markets and open trade, but the state of consumer rights in this country really needs improvement. For years now, airlines have been giving us 5th world service and we've had no choice but to lump it.

I remember when I left ISB in April '07 and went to Bombay (yes, Bombay not Mumbai) via a SpiceJet flight. It was supposed to leave at 2150, but got delayed to 0015. Thats a delay of 2 hours and 25 minutes. Now as anyone who has flown will tell you, the only food worse than airLINE food is airPORT food. Naturally, yours truly was more than keen to avoid spending his last meal in Hyderabad consuming some stale fare. And since the delay in the flight would mean I would reach Bombay around 0200 in the morning, I thought that we would be given something to eat by SpiceJet. I thought wrong. The smiling lady at the counter told me that it was a SpiceJet policy to serve meals only if the flight was delayed by 3 hours!!!

Yes that is right. Even if you reach your home at a godforsaken hour of 2-3 AM, when no sober soul is awake, you will not be given anything to eat. $%^&*(*^%$%^&*... that was my reaction. So to all the SpiceJets, BlandJets, Air Deccans, Air Himalayas, Go Airs, Come Airs.. serves you right!!! Wooooo hoooo.... High time I say. Make em pay.

Thinking strategically, how about getting other industries to pay us for unexceptable services? A list that might make sense is:

1. Phone companies for all the dropped calls or miss call alerts when your phone was within range
2. Neo Sports and DD Sports for eating up the last ball of every over and the first one of the subsequent over
3. Internet Service Providers who bill you for overshooting your download limit but dont answer your complaints when the net is down/slow.
4. Credit card companies who call you up when you are busy with office/sleep/food/driving/sex/tv and ask if you would like some stupid life insurance or medical insurance.
5. Private cabs who charge you for being 10 minutes late, but dont care a hoot if they come an hour late
6. Bloggers who ramble all kinds of nonsense (dont know any myself) and expect you to read their posts.

Rang De Basanti

Saw Rang De Basanti again. For the nth time. And it always leaves me a little dry-throated and misty-eyed. Is this the India that people like Mahatma Gandhi (yeah, I admire him. So f**k yourself if you don't agree with me), Subhash Chandra Bose, Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekhar Azad and countless unknowns gave their lives for? So that we could remember them, briefly, on certain days and then head to the closest mall for a movie? Haven't we lost the plot when after 60 years of independence 300 million of our people live below the 'poverty line', where state governments run coordinated pogroms and millions of peoples are displaced just to satisfy the needs of a few. Is this what our soldiers lay down their lives for even today? Is this what independence has come to mean?

No. Not to me. I find it very hard to digest the fact that I am part of an elite class that does not seem to think that freedom applies to everyone. How many of us have stopped to think while bursting diwali crackers about the child labourers in Sivakasi? Does it even register in our consciousness when we buy designer clothes that the equisite stitches are in fact done by small children who will never have the chance to wear normal clothes, forget these designer labels? Our sheer callousness doesnt stop with our fellow humans only. Oh no, we have to include the entire animal & plant kingdoms in our greed & apathy. So we lop of trees when they come in the way of our hoardings, shoot dogs on the street when they become too numerous, pollute our holy rivers, strangle gangetic dolphins. All in the name of development. Come again? Dev-what? In whose name?

It's at times like this when I wish that there was an easy solution. But like one of the characters says in Rang De Basanti, 'how many of them are we going to shoot? These corrupt politicians & bureaucrats haven't fallen from the skies. They've come from us'. And hence it is up to us to change things. So do we join the police, the military and the IAS as Rang De Basanti would like us to? Well, yes. Some of the change has to come from within the system. But I think that unless there the system is forced to change, things will never really improve. At least not fast enough. And this is exactly where I think that individual citizens & corporates must take a stand. We cannot use this country like its resources are meant for consumption in only our livetimes. No sir, as cliched as it sounds, unless we think about what country we will leave behind our generation will be remembered as one which had the power and the chance to change things. But instead stood back & waited until it was too late.

The following snap is from Greenpeace India's website. I think it says it all....

The choice is ours. Everyday one reads newspaper reports of how the Earth is getting into an ecological debt. And as anyone who has any sense will know, there comes a time when a debt must be repayed. The question is this..... are we going to help repay this debt or are we going to pass it on to our children, with accrued interest of course?

Visit to ISB

Last night a couple of friends and I went to ISB. It was late and there was a nip in the air. But we had this warm, fuzzy feeling coz for us it was like going home. :-)

Luckily, it was a term break so there weren't too many people from the new batch around. And so the 3 of us sauntered around like we still (?) owned the place. For a while it really did seem like it was last year and we would bump into someone from our batch. We even saw a guy who looked like Rohan Nag!! Saying that we were nostalgic would be an understatement. Seeing the quads/studios of people we knew brought back so many memories. I went to the mail room to see if any of my letters were lying there and there was a bunch of them!! 6 letters addressed to me. How cool is that?

Sareen's place where we had the rock party, Vaze's terrace where countless cigarettes were smoked and theories debated, Vishesh's quad where we celebrated holi - indoors, Rujuta's studio where I drank tea till 5 AM (and did nothing else) and countless others. We even went to the LRC and checked our mail there, for old time's sake.


Aah... ISB. That sheltered, first world ivory tower. Where all the problems of the world can be solved on an Excel sheet and deciding what to do is as simple as drawing a 2x2 matrix. The profs who 'work' (creative use of the word) sure are lucky. :P

Wonder if I'll be here for Solistic this year. I want to, but the dates seem screwed up. What with Gas the Ass choosing this date from all the other 364 days in the year to get hitched. What an ass!! Oh well, time will tell.

So Long Farewell

Every once in a while, not often mind you, but every now and then there comes a fork in the road. And its time to bid adieu to a friend. I came to this fork-in-the-road a couple of months ago. I knew what route I had to choose for it was very clear. But just because it the initial steps down the right path are different, I procrastinated and retraced my steps. Then a (repeated) series of events would guide me to the same fork-in-the-road and once again I would find myself pondering what to do.

Well finally, something happened that caused me to walk down the correct path. It was an event that I did not control, and frankly niether did I welcome. But in a way I was relieved for I always knew that it would happen sooner or later. So from now on, there will be no looking over my shoulder or wistful thinking. I am who I am. Though I sometimes forget. And who I am is a natural winger'.. to use a football terminology. I value my independence and like to operate on my own.

I like to talk to trusted friends before making any decision. And a very wise and learned man told me that I had made the right choice. That the best way to move on was to move on without looking back. And someone who is good enough to help Nelson Mandela solve his problem should be good enough to advise me. :-)

So long OG. Say hi to Whitney & Johnnie Black. I'll see you 25 years from now.

About Turn..

There's this friend of mine. Female. Studious. Sober. Ever since I've known her she has been like this. More inclined to academic pursuits rather than playing sports. She's the kind you would find in the library and not in the swimming pool. All until now. The last couple of months, she's taken to a physical fitness regime with a vengeance. Almost as if she wants to make up for lost time. She's on a strict health food diet, gyms everyday, spends her weekends either trekking, rock climbing or kick boxing. Talk about an image makeover!!

Makes you wonder what causes these (positive) changes in people. I mean, I've been more or less the way I am for a long long time. Lazy, content and happy-go-lucky. And for the life of me, I cant seem to figure out what would make me want to change my unhealthy lifestyle. Yeah yeah, I know I should change the way I live. But being a procrastinator of the highest order, I always find excuses to push things back. Bad back, bad throat, bad ankle. Sure, they are all pretty valid. But come on. Surely they cant account for each and every day. Lol..

I guess its high time I took a leaf from this admirable lady's book and burnt some blubber. Office gym. Here I come.

Manesar Trip

Howdy!!
The PP went on an offsite team visit to a resort in Manesar (near Gurgaon) called Surjivan. Nice place that is run by this couple and styled on the 'back to roots' theme. It was supposed to be eco-friendly and stuff. But I did notice a tethered doe and All Out mosquito repellants in the rooms. So I guess it wasnt all that eco-friendly. Hmmm.

Really had a nice time. Unlike some of the other offsite trips I had gone on, this one had just 2 hours of 'gyaan sessions' and the rest of the 2 days were spent parasailing, rappeling (is that how one spells it?) , zorbing and of course - boozing!! We had quite a mixed crowd but nevertheless it was fun. Especially since the agenda was set right from the top - HAVE FUN. Now thats what I call team building.

Will post a couple of snaps soon. Till then... cheerio.

New Day.. New Race

Howdy regular (?) readers. I know I know. Its been a long time since I've written anything and I had promised to be regular in the past. Sorry to disappoint my legions (creative use of the word) of fans, but I was in the midst of a job change, contemplating a house change and wasnt really in the mood to churn out witty (i hope) paras after witty paras.

I have quit ABP (tata dream job) and joined hindustan times. Work has been crazy. I've been on the job since day 2 itself. Probably did more WORK in the last 2 weeks than I've done in a long long time. Its been a case of 'so far so good'. I hope it lasts. This time am tempering my hopes. I hope. :-)

Well, thats about it for now. I'll keep posting my random ramblings more often. Toodle loo.. pip pip...

Rules of Alcohol Consumption

Came across some rules that might have come to make a lot of sense to me after years of pubbing and even more years of hangovers... :

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
2. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
3. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.
4. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
5. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
6. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—piddling, waiting in line or washing your hands. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
7. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
8. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
9. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
10. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
11. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.
12. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
13. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
14. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from Scotland every morning.
15. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
16. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
    

Back From Nagpur

Had gone to Nagpur the last weekend. Not much has changed there in the last 1 year. But then, it is Nagpur and not Las Vegas. We landed on saturday around 2 PM. The airport was in shambles. Honestly, I think the bus stand in Siliguri was in better condition. No doubt, construction work is being carried out but I think it will take at least 2 years for anything decent to come up.

Stayed with a friend near Indora Chowk and visited our usual haunts. Bar-b-que, Tuli, Veeraswami, Hot Breads at the Vidharbha Cricket Association, blah blah blah. Also toodled down to college, though the idea was to go to Guru Nanak dhaabha where we spent many a saturday evening stuffing ourselves. Sadly it has been closed down. I guess that people dont go there anymore. Sad.

After driving nearly 50 kms in the rain and seeing the dhaabha shut, we were all furious. With each other. To cool things down, we drove an extra 4 kms to the college. It was almost time for the gates to close (9 PM) but we made it. Visited Triveni hostel, saw my old room, met one dude living there, had a coffee in the canteen and then drove all the way back to Nagpur.

All in all, it was a good trip. Ate and drank like a pig (nothing new there), met some old buddies, relaxed a bit and also took a look at the property scene in Nagpur. Was time well spent. :-)

Beauty And (Or) Brains

I've always wondered why they ask these beauty pageant participants questions like, 'What moment in Indian history would you want to change' or 'How would you use your time as Ms Universe to help children in the world' or even better, 'Which came first - the chicken or the egg'. How is any of this even remotely relevant? I mean, its a frigging beauty contest not a brainiac one.

Frankly speaking, who gives a rodents posterior about what their opinion is on world hunger!! How many queens actually end up helping 'children in africa' or 'serving the poor like Mother Teresa'. la crap. Thats what it all is. Not one of them hesitates to sign up modeling contracts or enter movies.

So lets just cut the hypocrisy out and select the hottest bimbo with the best plastic surgeon.

If you disagree with me, check out this video. And then let me know if asking questions like 'Why do you think 25% of American children cant point out the US on a world map?'

Work Free....

I never thought i would say it. But times change and opinions do. 'Am bored, give me some work!!!' are words which I wouldnt have dreamt of saying till even 3 weeks ago. There was a time in TCS when I had loads and loads of (shit) work to do and there was no time to pause, think and ask yourself, 'WTF am i doing here'. There would be times when I would solve certain software problems while sleeping. I would go to sleep shit scared, dream about the issue's solution and the next morning actually try it out successfully at work!! During those dark despairing days I used to think that it would be nice to toodle in to office, surf the net, eye the babes and then toodle back home once my 8 hours were clocked.

Not any longer. I've tried it for the last three weeks and it sucks big time. I have done nothing but chat, orkut, youtube, blog and drink coffee. And yesterday I couldnt take it any longer. Met up with a friend from ISB who told me about his trip to Bombay. Am sure people there lead as shitty lives as mine, but hearing about the fun that they had kinda snapped something inside me. I realized that I was wasting my time doing jack all. And that really pissed me off. Within no time I was cranky, bugged, irritated and worst of all - bored.

I needed to do something. Something explosive, energizing and radical. The usual suspects paraded across my mind. Booze, sex, food, movies, cars. I didnt care, I wanted to go somewhere and do something!!! The mindless monotony and wasteful wandering where eating me up. I had to moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove.

So am off to Nagpur tomorrow with Shashank (my roommate). Gonna meet Big Foot aka Frenchy aka Vickram Srivastava. Might even go to college and see whats happening there. Lets see. Should be fun.

Cheerio folks. :-)

One Fine Day...

Another quiet day. Yawn. Nothing worthwhile accomplished. Read, slept, ate well, met up with friends. Hey wait a minute. That is a day well spent. Wooooooo hooooo.

:-)

Hole in the Sky

Ever wondered why your life feels incomplete? You know, like something is missing and you cant seem to figure out what that might be. Well, pull out the single malt scotch and grab a bean bag. Coz it aint you that is going nuts. Its the whole world, oops galaxy, oops Universe. Yes thats right. The Universe.

Turns out that some geek called Rudnick who seems to think that we can find answers to our questions by staring at far off balls of gas and rock has discovered that there is actually a 'hole in the sky'. Apparently it is nearly a billion light years across. Now the moment one geek says one thing, there will be hundreds of others who oppose him. Been happening right from the time someone said that the earth aint flat.

The Practical Preacher thinks that there are more important things to solve on this tiny planet of ours before we go around mucking up the Universe. For instance, the electricity in NOIDA where lights go out every day. Or why we continue to slaughter whales and gorillas. Greedy pigs... oops, sorry to the pigs.... Greedy primates. Thats what we are. P2 couldnt care less about holes in the sky . He's more worried about the hole in the ozone layer. For all we know, it could places where the Silver Surfer (Fantastic Four) visited. Yawn. Lets focus on issues that matter.

Damn, there go the lights. I really need a generator!!

Green Computers

This has to be one of the most innovative ways of campaigning for a greener tomorrow. Greenpeace has begun a campaign for greener electronics. They've targeted the iPod and are try to convince Steve Jobs and gang to build a 'green' iPod. Pretty cool idea.

Broadening the scope of the campaign, Greenpeace has this page which allows u to send an email to all the big computer manufacturers' CEOs telling them to wisen up and smell the salt from the rising sea levels. So to speak.

All you have to do is:

1. go to http://www.greenpeace.org/international/news/greening-of-apple-310507/greencomputerchallenge
2. Enter your name and email ID
3. Click on 'Next'
4. And then click on the link in the confirmation email that is sent to the ID you have given.

Simple aint it?

A copy of the email is given below:

Dear CEO

When I next need to replace my computer I would like to have the choice of buying a greener computer.

Your company, along with others in the industry, has improved environmental policies and promised products free of the most hazardous chemicals in 2008/9.

My challenge to you is to be the first company to put on the market a computer entirely without the worst chemicals (Brominated flame retardants, Polyvinyl chloride) to clearly demonstrate your leadership in greener computing.

Yours sincerely,

Desiderata

I received these words of wisdom from a man I respect and admire a lot. Found them really nice. Hope you like them too.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann

Am Back!!

Hey Folks,
Am back. After a long long hiatus. Was busy settling down at work and getting the house in NOIDA up and running. The house was a real pain. I never knew that it would take so long. Anyway, it was a 'learning experience'. Oh well, its more or less over.

Will be a lot more frequent blogger from now on. Got tons to write about.

Cheerio!!!

Random Ramblings .....

She says I ramble. Does it occur to her that the reason I ramble is coz everything is so clear to me that if I were to utter the truth in shloka form, it would probably freak her (and most other people) out?

Cool Blog

A friend of mine writes well.. her blog is http://www.obliquerays.blogspot.com/ . Check it out. Rambles a bit. Lol.. But quite witty. Especially the parts about ISB.

Ahoy There.. Again

Guess who's back.. back again... lol.. its been a LOOOOOONG time since I posted anything. A lot has happened since then. Got placed with a 'dream' job. Wouldnt have exchanged it for any other on campus. Went to Goa, had a blast, had food poisoning, had a blast again. Then went to Sikkim and the China border. Was an awesome trip. We went to the Nathu La pass at 14430 feet and took snaps with Chinese soldiers who were on the other side of the fence. Came back to ISB, managed to finish my courses in Term 8 (thanks to Salsa Doc for allowing me to free ride). Every night in Term 8 was party night. And every party was like New Years Party. Lol.. great fun. We had a term for it.. DIS-Orientation Week.

Graduated in April. Folks came down. Then I went to Bombay to meet Akshay (my bro). Had another great time there. Disorientation week continued there.

Came back to ISB. Spent a week for the Co2008's orientation. Had a nice time. And now I am in Chilka, Orissa. Got bored to death initially. No net, no company. Boy was it bad. Thank God the BSNL morons fixed it finally. Feels good to be back in the 21st century.

Well.. will blog more often now. Just thought I'd let u know that I am alive and well.

Cheerio!!!