Rainy Mornings

My head is stuck under a rather hard pillow and the rest of my body is wrapped in a thick cotton sheet with red borders. I open my eyes and grimace because I know that it still isn’t time to get out of bed and so I am irritated with myself for ruining a perfectly good sleep. The ever present cell phone confirms my worst fears. There is barely an hour to go before I have to drag my sorry ass out of bed and start the day.

No, no. This is not how it was supposed to be. After ambling around Hyderabad’s horrible footpaths for more than an hour in my uncomfortable Woodland shoes last evening, I have a huge blister on my right foot. It gave me a good excuse to not go to the gym today. Last night I had gleefully planned to sleep till as late as I could. So getting up at 0630 was most certainly not on the agenda.

But now that I was awake I reason that I can either struggle to go back to sleep. And fail miserably at it and then have a grumpy day. Or I can make the most of the extra hour or so that I had. Surprisingly, I decided on the latter.

So I roll over, remove the useless pillow and look outside the window. Hmmm, that’s odd. It’s a little darker outside than it should be and the AC seems more effective in the room. Immediately I know what has happened. After years of living in Bombay, Goa and Lonavala I know how to recognize an early morning shower. My mood brightens, in stark contrast to the ambience outside. I open the windows, shut off the no longer needed AC and grin.

The skies are gray and overcast. Forbidding, stern and even angry. But the mango tree just outside my bedroom is alive and as happy as I am. It sways with the wind and its branches move in rhythm to a beat that only it seems to hear. I honestly think that it is welcoming the rains. The leaves rustle and there is the faint sound of tiny raindrops hitting them. No longer do they look dusty and stiff. Just like the rest of the tree, the leaves seem bursting with new energy. The older leaves appear darker while the new leaves, which are at the top of the branches, seem to be more vibrant. It is as if when the rain washed the man made dust off the mango tree, it also gave it a fresh lease of life.

While I make myself a cup of filter coffee I wonder what the monkeys think of the rains. I hope they don’t decide to use my balcony as a shelter. Monkeys can be very bad tenants. They never pay any rent, make a mess when they leave and sometimes attack their co-occupants. Plus, my landlord warned me not to sublet the apartment. Oh well, I guess the monkeys will fend for themselves.

The coffee tastes great. Maybe it is because I love sitting in a cane chair, with my feet on the ledge of the balcony and listening to the sounds of the rain. Everything seems so energized and young. The newspaper and the rest of the world can wait. Ah, for mornings, and weather, like this throughout the year.....

Trouble Sleeping

I have been sleeping too much off late. Way too much. In fact, the other day I went to sleep at 2130 hours and got up at 0730 today. That’s ten hours of time spent in dreamy dream land. Not impressed? Try this then. Over the years I have got so attuned to having my cell phone around me that I can hear it or feel the vibration no matter how fast asleep I may have been. Or at least that was the case till yesterday.

Cuz when I got up at 0325 and found myself lying parallel, and next to the head of the bed, I checked my ever present phone and found 3 text messages and 1 missed call. (Please don’t get sidetracked as to why I was sleeping parallel to the bed, I just was). I was surprised cuz this has never happened before. In fact, there have been numerous occasions when I have woken up from some very pleasant dreams because ICICI/HDFC/Citi Bank thought it fit to tell me that my balance on Sunday morning was Rs 257.65. (Why don’t the idiots who run the batch job realize that people like to sleep in on a Sunday morning?).

Anyway, back to my sleeping troubles tragedy. One of the texts was from my bro, the other from my ex-roommate from Delhi and the third from a beautiful woman whom I adore. (The call was from my bro, not her). And surprise, surprise I had even switched off my alarm at 0545 and gone back to dozy land. Which again, is very unlike me.

Maybe this is my body rebelling against the strict regime that I have been subjecting it to in the last few weeks. I can imagine a meeting of all the (millions of) fat cells. They are all screaming, ‘Where the @#$%&* is the KFC and the beer?’…. ‘What are those idiots sitting in the brain doing? We haven’t been fed properly in weeks’…. ‘We are being taxed to death. Look at how much energy the muscles are demanding from us’. So finally one of them must have said ‘Okay, let’s sabotage this entire programme by getting the cells who are responsible for sleep management on our side’. And viola, next thing you know I am sleeping through what should have been time spent at the gym!

You think it’s plausible? I think that it might be. The truth will come out when my thumbs start to get suspicious about the lack of late night smsing and launch an enquiry. The battle of the bulge might just have begun.

Bucket List.. Part 1

I had written a post about a bucket list that I was creating. So based on some introspection and a little help from my friends, this is the first bit of my list. Lemme know what you think. :-)

1. Visit all seven continents
2. See the Grand Canyon
3. Visit one of the 3 poles
4. See the Pyramids of Egypt
5. Watch a football World Cup Final
6. Spend a year with an NGO doing pro bono work
7. Write and publish a book
8. Pay for an underprivileged child’s education
9. Go bungee jumping
10. Go parachuting
11. Watch an opera
12. Learn how to cook biryani from scratch
13. Learn how to windsurf
14. Touch a live whale
15. Drive a Formula 1 car
16. Join the Mile High club
17. Fly a super sonic jet
18. Serenade a beautiful woman on a gondala in Venice
19. Make wine
20. Visit a distillery in Scotland
21. Own a cabin cruiser
22. Build one house on an island or beach and one house in the hills
23. Learn a craft
24. See a match at Centre Court Wimbledon
25. Go on an African Safari
26. Pledge to donate my organs once I die
27. Have my own library
28. Have a patent registered on my name
29. Plant 50 trees
30. Learn at least one dance
31. Go scuba diving
32. Adopt a stray dog
33. Climb to the summit of a live volcano
34. Visit all the major historical sites in India
35. Go white water rafting
36. Learn how to shoot (only for self defense) and buy a firearm
37. Learn how to play golf

PS - Once I finalize the list, I plan to keep a 'Status' column as well.

India and Asia

Gurcharan Das’s article in yesterday’s Sunday Times was really thought provoking & interesting. He talked about his tour of lectures across South East Asia and the kind of queries & comments he received about India. While there were the obvious ones about our ‘depressing infrastructure’ there were others that required more thought and introspection.

Why is it that India hasn’t taken its rightful place amongst the world powers? Why are we still reluctant to flex our muscles? And why is it that Asia views China’s rise as a cause of concern but not so India’s? Well, there are no simple and straightforward answers to these questions but I will try my best to do so.

To begin with, it is not that India does not think that it belongs at the same table as the other world powers. Nor are we reluctant to flex our muscles and take what we want. To understand how India goes about treating its neighbours one must understand how India treats itself. Even at the risk of using a cliché, India’s strength is its diverse culture. ‘Unity in diversity’ really is our national beacon. It is not by accident that even after 61 years of independence we have proved the doomsayers like Churchill wrong. Instead of falling apart we have grown closer. I think that the strongest factors that hold us together are our cricket team, our love for movies, our defence forces, our judiciary and finally our much maligned bueracracy. While the first two our products of private enterprise and even individual genius, the other factors that hold India together are not.

So getting back to the questions that were raised, India cannot and will not morph into a power hungry empire eager for conquest and domination. For that is too much against our civilizational DNA. The modern day Chanakyas in Lutyen’s Delhi know very well that no sooner than we invade another country will we be sowing the seeds of our own self destruction. For every Bangladesh that is invaded there will be ten more revolts for self governance in the north east. One thing that keeps our soldiers and civil servants motivated is the belief that they are fighting on the right side. The idea that they are defending their matra bhoomi and protecting their families. Without this righteous glue, morale will fall, discipline will waver and the iron frame of India will come crashing down.

So I say to all our Asian neighbours, sleep easy and do not look towards India in fear and trepidition. You will never wake up to the sound of Indian Army boots kicking down your door. For we are happier being a united regional power than a police state super power.

Note:
While one certainly admits that not everything is as it should be and there are difficult obstacles facing us as a nation, I do not think that they are as threatening as the ones that faced our founding fathers. An aggressive Pakistan, a shackled economy, no access to advanced technology and a food crisis that makes today’s seem like a harvest bounty were just some of the many issues that had to be tackled, and then overcome during the early days of the Indian Republic. If we could weather those storms, I am more than confident that we will be able to tackle the current and the future threats.

The Double Infinity Theory

I was watching a show on Star World last evening where one of the characters asks the other if she’ll ever get another chance (at love) and the other replies, ‘Of course, because nothing in this universe happens only once’ . She went on to talk about how even infinity goes in both directions, and how there is never a perfectly unique incident. And she then told the first character how we always get a second chance at life.

Since it was just a TV show one shouldn’t take it as the gospel truth and think that this principle applies universally. But if you just look at it as a thumb rule it isn’t such a bad idea. How many times have we thought, ‘this is THE guy/girl for me’ or ‘this is my dream job/college’? I know I have at least a couple of times in the girl, job & college categories. When things work out it is great. But even when they don’t, it isn’t the end of the world. The sun always rises the next morning, though you may not see it on account of an alcohol binge and its subsequent hangover.

For example, when you hurt someone it is never too late to say you are sorry. Sure, things may not go back to the way that they used to be. But if you are smart & humble, you will learn your lesson and hopefully not repeat the same mistake. And that is what I mean by a ‘second chance’. You may not get that second chance with the same person/people or organization. But somewhere down the line, you will come to a similar fork in the road and you will have the option to make a different decision this time. Now unless acknowledge that fact that what you did in the past wasn’t the best that you were capable of, it is highly likely that you will make the same choice the next time around as well.

Love, work, friendship, family, society…. wherever you may want to apply this principle. Things have a way of repeating themselves in patterns. In order to break out of a particular patter, you have to be able to recognize it.

So if infinity can work both ways, why can’t human choice? Every day we have an option placed in front of us. We either continue with our daily routines. Eating, sleeping, working, blah blah blah. Or we could consciously decide to do something different. To shake things up and make a difference. To someone or something – it may be a person, an animal or even the neighbourhood. The point I am trying to make is that change for the better is possible.

Sounds a little preachy? Well, maybe it does. But I think I am on to something with my ‘Double Infinity Theory’. So as they say, ‘You have a simple choice. Either get busy living, or get busy dying.’ Cheerio.

Evolution of Dance

Ever thought you were lead footed and had two left feet? Well i often do. And the only solution to this is to get consume more alcohol. For some reason, alcohol acts as a dance enhancer (or so I would like to think). But I just realized that it is all a waste of time.

Cuz no matter how much booze I consume, I will never be able to dance like this dude. Check out the video.



It is called the Evolution of dance. At least western popular dance. He starts off from the 50s and Elvis to the 00s and N'Sync.

Mr Prime Minister Man (Sung to the tune of Mr Tambourine Man)

The other day our honourable Prime Minister made a very strange remark. He asked political parties not to politicise the food shortage issue. Excuse me, but thats a really flawed statement. First all, if politicians from political parties do not 'politicise' issues what else will they do? (Oh yeah, get into sports management a la IPL). But seriously, if something as serious as a food shortage musn't be taken up by our 'leaders' and resolved, then what is the Government for? (Oh yeah, implementing big budget corruption initiatives in the name of the aam aadmi).

All this left me quite pensive and I decided to take inspiration from the great Bob Dylan himself and sing a song to our honourable Prime Minister. This parody needs to be sung to the tune of 'Mr Tambourine Man'.

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

Though I know that in the evening the darkness will return to the land
Children’s books will be dropped from their hand
Leave them blindly here to stand, but still not sleeping.
Your Government’s sluggishness amazes me, you seem to have lead in your feet
But you will still rush to the Chinese to meet
And your ancient political party is too dead for dreaming.

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

Take me on a trip on your ‘Yuvraj’s’ magic swirling helicoptership
The tribal’s lands have been stripped, they are losing their culture’s grip
On their rights we seem to step, they wait only for the police’s boot heels
to come crashing down
They’re not ready to go anywhere. Quietly into the dust they won’t fade
And on republic day parade, we will have them dancing on the road
And then go under it

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

P.S. : Please note. I aint against any party nor am I anti-government. I just wish that we (people and the government) would do more for our country. And our environment.

Status Messages on Gtalk

What does your status on gtalk say? While some of us do try to be inventive an original, it is quite interesting to see what people from the same industry have to say about themselves.

To begin with, folks from the world of media seem to be all over the place. One media marketer claims that ‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’. So does he mean that a product sells itself? Tell that to the ad agency fellows buddy. And a journalist says ‘Confusion, confusion, confusion’. I hope this doesn’t reflect in her writing. Imagine what would happen. ‘Harbhajan deserves to be banned for slapping Sreeshanth’. And the next day, ‘No it was just a handshake gone wrong’. Oops. Not good for one’s credibility. So while the journalists are running around with lack of clarity, it turns out that the heads of major newspapers have something to cheer about. So one of them says, ‘Who Hu Hoo’. I guess when one climbs to the top of the mountain, everything becomes clear. In any case, whatever the quality (or lack of it) of the news there is to offer, ‘The show must go on’. Probably why we have breaking news flashes that Amitabh Bachan felt cold on a particular day or Rakhee Sawant didn’t like her boyfriend’s valentine gift. Ho hum.

But what about the world of high finance? Surely those number crunchers must be obsessed with regressions and financial models. Right? No, wrong. All my fin buddies seem to be closet poets. Why else would a venture capitalist say, ’Golden brown texture like sun, Lays me down with my mind she runs’. Maybe he’s talking about his soon to be fiancée. How sweet. Higher up the pecking order, an I-Banker feels that ‘Hazaaron khwahishein aisi, ki’ . Yes.. ? aisi ki? No wonder there is so much ambiguity in the world of finance. Come on guys, back to those spread sheets please. Or maybe it is just a passing phase and as a retail banker says ‘Nothing lasts forever’. Yup, booms-busts-booms. It’s all a cycle.

So while the finance dudes are looking at clouds in the sky, let’s check what their arch enemies - the consultants(at least at B-Schools during placement time) are up to. After preaching so much about the Seven Step Process, one of them talks about ‘an ode to a simple(r) life’. Maybe all those 2 X 2 matrices finally get to you. Hmm. Still, some of them continue to give us deep insights into the world of business. What else does ‘No King can win a war when a huge army charges against him’ mean? The lady in question is probably looking glumly at some militant labour union problem.

Moving on to IT and project management, one project manager asks you to ‘Wait a minute’. He probably just discovered a show stopping bug. Which is why a web designer owns up that ‘I am d culprit’. And did you know that ‘The fact is that as you read the web the web reads you’? Ooh scary, talk about big brother watching you. Business Analysts, are poor souls who go where ‘Angels fear to tread’. And at the same time, web designers seem to be ‘Sending out mixed signals’.

All in all, as an MBA student says these are all just ‘Things that make you go … hmmm’. Cheerio.

P.S. - Probably the funniest status message I saw was from a wealth manager. He quotes John Nelson, “More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits”.

Creating Bucket List

I saw this pretty decent movie the other day called The Bucket List. It stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Now before you start thinking, 'This guy seems to have nothing better to do than review movies' I would like to tell you that I am only bringing this up cuz I really liked the idea of a bucket list. In fact, I had read a similar and much more detailed list (cant compare a 16 year old's list with that of two oldies who are going to pop it in 3 months time) in one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

So am in the process of compiling my own list and I would like to hear suggestions from you. And sometime soon I will put out my own bucket list. So, 'the phone lines are now open'.

PS - For those who haven't seen the movie, a bucket list is a list of things that you want to do before you 'kick the bucket' (also called dying).

Jodha Akbar .. Yawn, Bas Kar

Just got back from the movie Jodha Akbar. And for once in my life, I was in complete agreement with our cultural police, the RSS. Yes, I was angry with what I saw on screen. How could they make such a movie! Not just the Rajputs, but every Indian should be upset. Why? Coz Ashutosh Gowarikar has taken one of India's greatest emperors and turned him into a wannabe Gandhian.

And that is where I differ with our right wing friends. I am not contesting the veracity of the marriage details but I object to the sheer crap that was shown. Ashutosh Gowarikar seems to have spent a bomb on the sets. But after seeing this movie I think he should have become an interior designer instead.

What irritated me the most was the miniature scale on which everything was shown. Take the final 'battle' for instance. It looked more like an inter-village brawl rather than a showdown between an emperor and his challenger. 500 poorly dressed guys on one side facing 450 even worse dressed guys on the other. With everyone looking hot and sweaty coz the scene is shot on the banks of some long dried up river. And lets not even get into the hilarity of Ash turning up at a battle, just in time for her to make up with her 'bhai saab!!!'

The other thing that bugged me about the movie was the unnecessary amount of time wasted on the kitchen war. The future of the empire is at stake, but we have to go through half an hour of culinary scuffles. And to top it off you have the dialogue which must have been the joke of the Mughal empire, 'Rukiye!! Usse mat khaana. Usmein namak kam hain'.

Given the fact that Mr.Gowarikar made the fabulous Lagaan, I find it difficult to pardon him for coming up with this insipid tale. The list of my (main) complaints are:

1. Where the hell is Birbal? Not to mention the rest of the navratnas. All the courtiers looked like they had crawled out of Mordor in LOTR
   
2. Did he have to use ketchup sauce for bhaisaab!! (who looks like a young AB) when he was dying? I know that even actors are afraid of AIDS, but ketchup as a substitute was ridiculous.
3. When Akbar is looking for Jodha amongst all the Rajput women (as part of the test), does she have to wear the best looking saree? It was like putting up a neon saying 'Hey honey, look here'.
4. The dance scene where the praja praises the raja was straight out of a poor fashion/tribal dance/aerobics class mix. Reminded me of Mehbooba in RGV's Aag.
   

To be fair though, there were a few good things about the movie. Notably, the chemistry between Ash and Hritik. Towards the climax (no pun intended) of the sword fight, you could make out what was going on in their minds.

Ash: I wanna smooch him. He's so hot. But Jaya saasu will get angry. Dhoom 2 almost cost me the wedding.
Hritik: Ooh la la. Can i get lucky again? Oh damn, Suzanne gave me hell for last time.

The costumes were good too. Especially Ash's. Lol. And the hijra was played brilliantly. :-) But all in all, was very disappointed with the whole show.

Cause and Effect(s)

'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'. So says a certain Sir Isaac Newton. While that might apply in the world of physics, the real world is slightly different. I think that for every action there are multiple interdependent chain reactions. Something like a drop of water on the surface of a calm pond that causes waves to radiate in ever expanding circles. What makes politics, and by extension - life, so complicated is that there is never just one drop of water. Nor is the pond ever truly calm.

Seems almost elementary doesn't it? Drip, splash, crash. Yet it is something that so many people who are paid to air their opinions (and some who do it for free) seem to miss out on. Over the last few months I have been part of many diverse discussions - The IPL, Obama Vs Chelsea's Momma, Indian troops assisting the US in Iraq (God forbid it please!), Dumping carbon into the sea and of course... the 60,000 crore farm loan waiver. All of these discussions have been with smart, educated and well informed people. Some of whom are better orators than me.

What surprises me is the way some people look at an issue in isolation, disregard so many complicating factors, and then make a Nostradamus like prediction. Now I am all for a healthy debate, but I think that any point of view which takes a fixed stand and says, 'It's my way or the highway' is not only short sighted but also dangerously arrogant. I mean discussing something as complicated as how to fight global warming cannot be as simple as arguing over whether Heineken is better than Carlsberg (Heineken certainly is!). Can there be only one correct stand?

I think the Red Indians had a good system where any major decision concerning the tribe would be made only after considering the effect on the next seven generations! Seems like they had a far superior method of forecasting than do the hot shots at Wall Street (sub prime crisis), the think tanks at the Pentagon (Iraq Invasion), the ICL organizers (poor Subhash Chandra) or the political pundits who get every election forecast wrong (India Shining, Mayawati in UP).

So how about we put our hand up and say, 'Look I don't know for sure what is going to happen. But if I were to hazard a guess it would be..... '? It isn't that difficult nor does it show you to be an ignoramus. For when Chairman Mao was asked what he thought the effects of the French Revolution were, he said 'It is too early to tell'.

:-)

AdSense or AdNonsense or Ad Cents?

Many eons ago, in a moment of inspiration I decided to supplement my meager salary by implementing Google's AdSense on my blog. I reasoned that people visiting my blog would be so enthralled by the words of wisdom they came across that they would happily click on any text ad that showed something remotely connected to my posts. But after more than 6 months my 'earnings' are virtually nonexistent to say the least. I was shocked. Horrified even. Was there anything wrong with my posts? Naah, couldn't be. So I checked the kind of ads that Google had deemed suitable for my site.

Go through the list below and then ask yourself whether AdSense should be renamed AdNONSENSE or even AdCENTS.

Private Detective. Russia
private detective agency IPA member.
www.infoproverka.com
Comment: Sounds suspiciously like the KGB to me.

All Female Mystery Party
Miss America Pageant themed party Easy-to-host, all ages, 8-25 guests
www.nightofmystery.com
Comment: Now we're talking. Bring it on baby! Wait a min, am I supposed to use this site to organize the party? I thought they were inviting me to it. Nooooo

Amazing Brain Training
A Hypnosis Program that can supercharge your brain
www.hyptalk.com
Comment: That's what we need. Good old hypnosis to turn us all into Einsteins. While we're ordering, could we get some witch magic and reiki along as well?


Real Mind Power
Learn To Motivate Yourself To Achieve Your Desires Quickly
www.realmindpowers.com
Comment: Amazing! Who needs hardwork (or hypnosis) anymore? Just desire something, motivate yourself and viola its yours! Ok, let me decide... Ferrari or Lamborghini?


Al Qiyam
In my book, the world rejects Peace cause they haven't won yet..The End
www.ChristReturns.net
Comment: Mr. Wannabe-Novelist... did we even ask you for your opinion? More like 'The End' of your literary career.


No wonder I haven't earned enough to even pay for one month's broadband connection rent. Larry & Sergi, give me a break. Stop talking about saving the world. Instead save your company and give us relevant ads.

An Oasis of Talent

Alright, this post is an unabashed tribute to the Brit rock band Oasis. If you don't like their music, tough luck. If you haven't heard their music, allow me to give you an intro. And if you do like their music, tell me what you think.

I could bore you with the numbers - 50 million albums sold, eight UK number one hits, 500,000 copies of Be There Now on day one, BRIT Awards for outstanding contribution to music, blah blah blah. But thats what Wikipedia is for. :-)

The reason I love Oasis' music is sheer singalongability of their songs. Simple lyrics which seem to apparently have no great meaning. But oh, such a catchy way of singing them. Noel and Liam Gallagher (what a cool surname) certainly know how to churn out great sound. Take Don't Look Back In Anger for instance...

And so, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say

Now, I have no idea who Sally is (or was) nor why 'it's too late'. But I do sense her pain as Liam & Noel (creative license taken here) walk past her. The poignant lyrics that leave you wondering what finally happened to Sally. Did she put her 'life in the hands of a rock and roll band' that 'threw it all away'? Aah.. Sally.


Another beautiful song is Wonderwall. Once again, simple lyrics, simple chords & tunes. But what a voice! That slightly high pitched nasal way of singing. Turns the most mundane lyrics into something that stays with you.

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

Sounds almost corny doesn't it? Winding-blinding. Straight out of a 12 year old's poem. But that is the genius of Oasis. Creating magic out of almost nothing. Stop Crying Your Heart Out is another such song. Barely ten lines of lyrics. But when Liam starts crooning....

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

... you cant help but sing along. It was like I already knew the lyrics the very first time I heard this song! Simply brilliant.

As is the case of rock bands, Oasis have had their fair share of ups and downs. From the initial line up of Liam (vocal), Noel (lead guitar), Paul Arthurs (guitar), Paul McGuigan (bass) and Tony McCarroll (drums) only two remain. No prizes for guessing who. But they've weathered the storms and taken their place amongst rock and roll's greats. Of course there will be those who disagree. But as Some Might Say, you have to learn to Roll With It. And I am sure that when the Gallaghers finally hang up their instruments, they will have attended many more Champagne Supernovas rather than simple Slide(ing) Away.

Homeward Bound

Hey hey hey... am going home!!! Tomorrow I fly to Hyderabad. After 2 days of drinking binges and meeting old friends, am going to fly to Bhubaneshwar. Will be at home till after the new year. Awesome aint it? Been 6 months since I went home. Man, am really missing my dogs. Bobo and Goran. Woooo hoooo

:-)

Why Didnt It Strike Me?

The following words of wisdom are from some of our 'finest minds'. Makes you wonder where we are headed as nation. If so called learned people can come up with these paradigm shifting and ground breaking statements it makes me wonder, WHY DID'NT I PUBLISH THIS NONSENSE BEFORE?

• Translate the passion for knowledge into effective learning - My head is still reeling from the understanding it gave me. I guess his next statement would be, 'Translate the passion for work into efficient processes'. People, why didn't we think of this
• No matter what organizations do, they have to bother about their bottom lines - Till I read this statement, which must be the result of 10 months of research, I actually thought that organizations were places where people who had 'effective learnings' could put abstract and unrealistic theories into practice. Hmmmm...
• The key differentiator is the soft side of life - OMG!!!!! Now this has to be one of the gems of the 21st century. Hooooo munga. Guys, next time you wanna stand out in a crowd just start touching n feeling people. Try and get cozy and snuggle up to people. You sure will stand out. I mean, everyone will know u r the pervert who is being chased by a mob.
• Larger the inequality, lower is the economic efficiency of country - Hell yeah. Now we're talking. Am sure the people of Sudan or Mozambique will nod their heads in agreement. If we're all living in mud huts, dancing around fires in the night and hunting rabits for breakfast we'll elevate poverty in no time. Where is that mud I need to smear on myself before I go hunting?

What really saddens me is that these statements were made in an institution of learning. And not in an election rally. If jokers who make these statements can be employed/felicitated by our temples of learning, I think I am ready to become a high priest!!!

Why God Allows Pain

Came across a decent forward, after a million years. This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children?If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things." The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me." "Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

Stop AND (Not OR) I'll Shoot..

Talk about irony. The NOIDA (UP) police has just come up with a novel way of combatting high jacking of cars on the NOIDA-Greater NOIDA Expressway. Their answer is to FINE people who OFFER lifts. Yes, that is right. If you offer someone a lift on the Expressway, the cops will thoko you with a heavy challan. Doesnt matter whether or not your passenger was really in distress.

If you cant catch the crooks, punish the people who get robbed. 'Yes Mr.Gupta, it is your fault that you didnt take stricter protection measures.' Lol.. As per the press release, in case you see an old person stranded, or a woman in distress or even an accident victim, you are suppposed to keep your eyes on the road and floor the accelerator. And once you come to the end of the expressway, you can go to the police station and tell the kind cops there that there was a life and death situation 15 kms and 20 mins back which they can go investigate.

Come to think of it, it seems like a radical idea. So by extension, people should get fined for the following:

1. Getting run over by Delhi's Blue Line buses - 'who told you to go 50 metres within a bus stand?'
2. Helping someone cross the road - 'Did you know how many people get knocked down every day on the road?'
3. Sending your new neighbours food & water - 'We live in dangerous times. Dont trust anyone. The food might be drugged'
4. Bringing someone else's child home along with yours - 'You might want to kidnap this child coz he's better at studies than your duffer son'

And then people accuse Indians of becoming callous and uncaring...

Pay Me to Fly

Today's headline in the Hindustantimes brought a BIG smile to my face. The Delhi Consumer Court has asked Go Airlines to pay people 15k for a delay/cancellation in Feb this year. Too cool. Since I've been busting up a lot of money flying around the countryside the last couple of months, I know firsthand how frustrating it is to receive an SMS saying, 'We regret that your flight will be delayed by XX hours because of the late arrival of the incoming aircraft'. Sweet mother of a holy man. Thats like saying, 'The patient died because he stopped living'. I am all for free markets and open trade, but the state of consumer rights in this country really needs improvement. For years now, airlines have been giving us 5th world service and we've had no choice but to lump it.

I remember when I left ISB in April '07 and went to Bombay (yes, Bombay not Mumbai) via a SpiceJet flight. It was supposed to leave at 2150, but got delayed to 0015. Thats a delay of 2 hours and 25 minutes. Now as anyone who has flown will tell you, the only food worse than airLINE food is airPORT food. Naturally, yours truly was more than keen to avoid spending his last meal in Hyderabad consuming some stale fare. And since the delay in the flight would mean I would reach Bombay around 0200 in the morning, I thought that we would be given something to eat by SpiceJet. I thought wrong. The smiling lady at the counter told me that it was a SpiceJet policy to serve meals only if the flight was delayed by 3 hours!!!

Yes that is right. Even if you reach your home at a godforsaken hour of 2-3 AM, when no sober soul is awake, you will not be given anything to eat. $%^&*(*^%$%^&*... that was my reaction. So to all the SpiceJets, BlandJets, Air Deccans, Air Himalayas, Go Airs, Come Airs.. serves you right!!! Wooooo hoooo.... High time I say. Make em pay.

Thinking strategically, how about getting other industries to pay us for unexceptable services? A list that might make sense is:

1. Phone companies for all the dropped calls or miss call alerts when your phone was within range
2. Neo Sports and DD Sports for eating up the last ball of every over and the first one of the subsequent over
3. Internet Service Providers who bill you for overshooting your download limit but dont answer your complaints when the net is down/slow.
4. Credit card companies who call you up when you are busy with office/sleep/food/driving/sex/tv and ask if you would like some stupid life insurance or medical insurance.
5. Private cabs who charge you for being 10 minutes late, but dont care a hoot if they come an hour late
6. Bloggers who ramble all kinds of nonsense (dont know any myself) and expect you to read their posts.

Rang De Basanti

Saw Rang De Basanti again. For the nth time. And it always leaves me a little dry-throated and misty-eyed. Is this the India that people like Mahatma Gandhi (yeah, I admire him. So f**k yourself if you don't agree with me), Subhash Chandra Bose, Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekhar Azad and countless unknowns gave their lives for? So that we could remember them, briefly, on certain days and then head to the closest mall for a movie? Haven't we lost the plot when after 60 years of independence 300 million of our people live below the 'poverty line', where state governments run coordinated pogroms and millions of peoples are displaced just to satisfy the needs of a few. Is this what our soldiers lay down their lives for even today? Is this what independence has come to mean?

No. Not to me. I find it very hard to digest the fact that I am part of an elite class that does not seem to think that freedom applies to everyone. How many of us have stopped to think while bursting diwali crackers about the child labourers in Sivakasi? Does it even register in our consciousness when we buy designer clothes that the equisite stitches are in fact done by small children who will never have the chance to wear normal clothes, forget these designer labels? Our sheer callousness doesnt stop with our fellow humans only. Oh no, we have to include the entire animal & plant kingdoms in our greed & apathy. So we lop of trees when they come in the way of our hoardings, shoot dogs on the street when they become too numerous, pollute our holy rivers, strangle gangetic dolphins. All in the name of development. Come again? Dev-what? In whose name?

It's at times like this when I wish that there was an easy solution. But like one of the characters says in Rang De Basanti, 'how many of them are we going to shoot? These corrupt politicians & bureaucrats haven't fallen from the skies. They've come from us'. And hence it is up to us to change things. So do we join the police, the military and the IAS as Rang De Basanti would like us to? Well, yes. Some of the change has to come from within the system. But I think that unless there the system is forced to change, things will never really improve. At least not fast enough. And this is exactly where I think that individual citizens & corporates must take a stand. We cannot use this country like its resources are meant for consumption in only our livetimes. No sir, as cliched as it sounds, unless we think about what country we will leave behind our generation will be remembered as one which had the power and the chance to change things. But instead stood back & waited until it was too late.

The following snap is from Greenpeace India's website. I think it says it all....

The choice is ours. Everyday one reads newspaper reports of how the Earth is getting into an ecological debt. And as anyone who has any sense will know, there comes a time when a debt must be repayed. The question is this..... are we going to help repay this debt or are we going to pass it on to our children, with accrued interest of course?

Visit to ISB

Last night a couple of friends and I went to ISB. It was late and there was a nip in the air. But we had this warm, fuzzy feeling coz for us it was like going home. :-)

Luckily, it was a term break so there weren't too many people from the new batch around. And so the 3 of us sauntered around like we still (?) owned the place. For a while it really did seem like it was last year and we would bump into someone from our batch. We even saw a guy who looked like Rohan Nag!! Saying that we were nostalgic would be an understatement. Seeing the quads/studios of people we knew brought back so many memories. I went to the mail room to see if any of my letters were lying there and there was a bunch of them!! 6 letters addressed to me. How cool is that?

Sareen's place where we had the rock party, Vaze's terrace where countless cigarettes were smoked and theories debated, Vishesh's quad where we celebrated holi - indoors, Rujuta's studio where I drank tea till 5 AM (and did nothing else) and countless others. We even went to the LRC and checked our mail there, for old time's sake.


Aah... ISB. That sheltered, first world ivory tower. Where all the problems of the world can be solved on an Excel sheet and deciding what to do is as simple as drawing a 2x2 matrix. The profs who 'work' (creative use of the word) sure are lucky. :P

Wonder if I'll be here for Solistic this year. I want to, but the dates seem screwed up. What with Gas the Ass choosing this date from all the other 364 days in the year to get hitched. What an ass!! Oh well, time will tell.