Hyderabad - Old City

For a long time I've cribbed about how there's nothing to do in Hyderabad. My main gripe is that there are no real weekend getaways. Nowhere you can simply drive down to without much thought. And while my trip to Dindi Resort in Konaseema showed me that there are lovely places to visit in Andhra Pradesh, driving 10 hours one way every weekend just isn't practical. Sorry APTDC but it ain't happening.

A very good friend of mine kept telling me that there are enough of places within Hyderabad to photograph, especially in the old city. I used to scoff at him and say, "Charminar, Laad Bazaar, Salar Jung Museum.. and?". Finally fed up with my laziness & cynicism, he sent me a link to a blog by a lady called Madhu Gopalan. It was only then that I realized that he was right. There are plenty of photo ops within Hyderabad itself. Thanks Goat and thanks Madhu.

Yesterday, after a brief afternoon siesta, I dragged myself out of the house & got into an auto at Lakdikapul and headed towards Purani Haweli in the old city. My plan was to go to H.E.H. Nizam Museum (Have already been to Salar Jung Museum) and just explore the place. I didn't know of it till I went through a post on Madhu's blog. Even the autorickshaw driver hadn't heard of it & kept insisting that the only museum was Salar Jung. When we finally located the museum, I was dismayed to see a platoon of cops stationed at the entrance. Turned out that there were some exams going on in a school right next door and the cops were there to prevent any trouble with Telangana agitators.

With my plans of seeing the museum gone kaput, I decided to walk to Charminar. I thought that I'd be able to take some pictures there at least. I did see some great portrait picture opportunities - character, context - but I didnt have the guts to take out my 35mm prime and change the lenses on those crowded dusty roads. So I just kept walking & hoped that something would come up. The only picture I got in Purani Haweli (had my kit lens on) is below.

However, when I was almost at the Charminar (could see the monument in fact), I realized that the place was way too commercial & crowded. More like Mohammed Ali Road in Bombay really. This wasn't what I was looking for, so I jumped into an auto & headed to Nampally.

From there I walked home and along the way I managed to salvage my trip by clicking a few pictures, posted below.

Please take a look & let me know what you think.

Key Takeaways:
1. Go by auto. Don't even think of taking your car to the old city. It's crowded, traffic is crazy and, as my pic captured, there is no place to park.

2. Be careful while you're walking around looking for picture opportunities. There are enough of idiots on the roads and you need quick reflexes to keep yourself out of harms way.

3. People were quite friendly and happy to help, especially with giving you directions. So dont worry about how you'll find a place. Just go to the general area and ask.

Photography Learnings:
1. If you like to take portrait pictures, like I do, go in the late afternoon. The place has lots of narrow streets and if it gets dark soon (like it did yesterday), the shadows will make things difficult. The famous 'Golden Hour' is more like 'Golden Fifteen Minutes'.

2. I love my 35mm prime lens & always use it for taking portrait pics. But this time I couldnt use it as I had the kit lens strapped on. So this may sound basic, but decide what kind of pictures you want to take before hand, or settle for a less than optimal solution (which I wasnt ready to do). You may not be able to change the lens in such dusty places.

3. Apart from looking at monuments, keep an eye out for old buildings, machines, tool shops, junkyards. There's more to an old city than famous monuments.

Well, that's about it folks. This was my first photo outing to the old city. Am certainly going back soon - better prepared and hopefully a little luckier. Shall keep you posted.

Weekend Getaway from Hyderabad - Dindi Resort, Konaseema Andhra Pradesh

Where: Konaseema, Andhra Pradesh

Distance from Hyderabad: ~500 kms

When: 25th to 26th September 2011

Group Size: 8 People

Stayed At: Dindi Resorts, Along the Banks of the Godavari River (Rs. 2500 per room per night – Non Peak Season Rates)

Transport:
Since we all were based in Hyderabad, we drove down in two vehicles - a Maruti Swift (Diesel) and a Chevy Aveo (Petrol).

Ratings:
Food - 4/5
Service - 4/5
Infrastructure - 3/5
Ambience - 3.5/5
Accessibility 2/5
Novelty Factor - 4/5
Value for Money - 3/5

Day 1:
We had almost 500 kms to cover, so we set off at 4:30 AM from Hyderabad. After rendezvousing on the Outer Ring Road near Shamshabad Airport, we drove past Ramoji Film City and headed to Vijaywada on National Highway 9.

For the first 40 odd kms, the road is 4 laned and very comfortable to drive on. However, GMR Infrastructure hasn't yet completed the project and till almost 50 kms to Vijayawada the road is still under construction. By the look of things, I reckon that it wont be completed for at least another 15 months.

We stopped off at a highway restaurant called Seven which is at the Suryapet town (140 kms from Hyderabad) to have breakfast around 8:00 AM. I was pleasantly surprised to see such a well run joint in the middle of a highway still under construction. Service is quick, the loos are clean (ladies agreed), the place is well lit & crowded. It is as good (or bad) as any food court I've seen in a mall. They had north Indian & south Indian food. They even had a Subway counter, an HDFC Bank ATM and a car wash. And the bill for 8 of us was just Rs. 700/-.

After a good breakfast, we headed to Vijaywada and reached there by around 1:00 PM. Unfortunately, Vijaywada doesnt have a bypass or an outer ring road system in place. So you have to drive through the town. Depending on the time of the day & traffic conditions, this can take you anything between an hour or two. Vijaywada is a well developed city and even has a Taj Gateway. Good idea to stop somewhere for a loo break because once you hit the highway again, there arent any good places.

We opted not to have lunch at Vijawada, since we had already ordered lunch at Dindi Resort. After picking up a few (ok, more than a few) beers, we left the city. The highway from Vijaywada to Vizag is complete and it was a pleasure driving on it. Soon after you leave the city, you come across HUGE paddy fields. At the time we went, the grass was a brilliant green, which only paddy can have, and for city dwellers like us it was an awesome site. Beautiful green fields stretched out on either side of the road for as far as the eye could see. With the beer kicking in, the iPod finally playing and a smooth road suddenly our trip was a lot more fun.

By the time we reached the resort, it was 3:00 PM and needless to say we were all starving. The food that was served was very good. Had some excellent prawns & chicken along with rice, veges & daal. Good solid coastal Andhra food. Just an FYI, there is an AP Tourism Guesthouse next door which is bang on the banks of the river.

The resort consists of three cottages built over a 'pond'. The water in the pond is changed regularly from inflows of the river, which is barely 100 feet away. Two of the three units are slightly small and comfortable for three people. The third, which is the largest, has a small balcony (totally unnecessary) and a lovely sit out. This is a great spot to have a large group.

Post lunch, the smarter ones amongst us opted to rest while the married ones were taken for a two hour boat ride on the Godavari River. Am told that they visited an island and the resort people showed them an even more secluded place where another small resort is coming up.

After freshening up, we settled down to have a few drinks & snacks. Needless to say, the snacks were really well made once again. Fish, chicken, prawns just kept on being served. Dinner was just as good as lunch & no one had any reason to complain, either about the food or the service.

Day 2
The next morning I was woken up at 6:30 AM by a friend who used the only lever that would get me out of bed. He said, "Let's go take some pictures". After grumbling for a few minutes I dragged myself out of bed, got ready and headed out with him. We walked down to the river and took some pictures. After a while we headed back & I proceeded to wake up people. Let everyone share my joy! The ladies got up, though only when promised that I would take their portrait pictures. The guys, well... some of them needed the sleep.

After a long photography session, we got ready while the wifeys struggled to drag their husbands out of bed. By the time everyone was ready, it was 10:30 AM. Once again, the cooks gave us a great breakfast. Poori sabzi, mysore bonda, dosas, vadas, idlis, uttapas and a whole bunch of chutneys is all I can recall.

After saying our goodbyes (and paying our bills), we headed to a place called Antervedi which is at the mouth of the Godavari River. It was about 20 kms from Dindi Resort and took us a while getting there as we had to drive through many villages. When we finally got there, we visited the beach and then went to the river. There were people offering boat rides (800 bucks for 8 people) but since we had a long drive back, we didnt have the time. On the way back, we stopped off at the temple which unfortunately was closed for lunch. Still, good intentions count I guess.

The drive back was long and for quite a while boring. Instead of going back the way we came, we decided to take another route based on what the resort owner had told us. This was a mistake as it turned out to be much longer. Hate to say this, but after a while I got up of seeing paddy fields and longed for the highway and a good dhaba.

We finally had lunch at 4:00 PM just 30 kms short of Vijayawada. Everyone was ravenous but I still think the food was great. After a heavy meal (700 bucks for 8 people) everyone felt a lot better.

We got in to Vijaywada at 6:00 PM, the worst possible time, and were stuck for almost an hour. Traffic barely moved as trucks, buses & office commuters piled up. By the time we got out of the city it was well over 8:00 PM. We had a late dinner at the same restaurant, Seven, and reached Hyderabad by 1:00 AM. Though we were exhausted by then, everyone was happy and we parted in a good mood.

My Takeaways:
1. If you are going on a long roadtrip, take a diesel car. Petrol just isnt worth it. We spend 3000 on the Swift's fuel and 7500 on the Aveo's. No matter how you look at it - big car vs small car or whatever - there is a HUGE saving if you use diesel.

2. Leave early. Its worth it. Better to drag yourself out of bed in the morning than reach a place late and be too tired to do anything. The same thing applies to the return journey, I wish we had left a couple of hours earlier.

3. Take turns driving as it can get tiring and even the best drivers will make mistakes. But dont allow a city driver to take the wheel at night, especially on a bad road.

4. Though this may sound silly, if you have people who havent met before, mix up the groups in different vehicles. Give everyone a chance to get to know each other before you reach your destination.

5. Carry your own water (and alcohol) since you dont know when the next good stop will be.

6. Plan ahead. Decide where you want to stop for breaks. It sure as hell beats driving around looking for places, which can either slow you down or be a safety risk if you suddenly decide to stop.

7. Drive in a convoy. Decide who will lead and make sure that you stick together more or less.

8. Carry mosquito repellents, you never know. (Though we didnt need it)

Photography Learnings:
1. A kit lens (Nikkor 18-55 mm AF-S) is fine for a trip like this. It has the wide angle that really helps and works fine in low light conditions.

2. A lot of people, especially in rural areas, dont know how to use a DSLR. So carry a tripod if you want a group picture with everyone in it. I know this sounds like overkill, but trust me, when you get back you dont want someone missing from your group pic (esp the last one you take before you leave).

3. A prime lens (Nikkor 35mm AF-S 1.8 G) is a great lens to take portrait pictures.

4. Get up early, no matter how sleepy you are, if you want to take good portrait pictures.

5. Carry a reflector, I know I wish I had one.

ISB in the Dark - Independence Day

Last week I decided to spend the evening on Independence Day at ISB. I guess that part of me wanted to go there to acknowledge the place that had help free me from the clutches of IT Services & years of mind numbing boredom. (Gora says sit, you sit. Gora says stand, you stand).

But I suspect that another part of me wanted to see if the bar was open on this 'dry' day. I've never understood why we cant celebrate our nation's independence by having a drink or two. Seems to me that this ridiculous rule was thought of by someone who was either a teetotaler or had no sense of occasion. Depressing.

Besides these two rather opposing, but in a slightly perverse way, similar reasons for going to ISB I also thought that I would take some long exposure & night shots of ISB. Have always loved the way the buildings look at night. With the sodium vapour lamps & their orange light falling on the pink (i think) stones. Sadly this was not to be. ISB was either in mourning (Pls dont ask me why) or is having cashflow problems or has suddenly become conscious of its carbon footprint. Whatever the reason might be, all the building lights were off.

With my plans of using my new Manfrotto tripod all but ruined, I decided to head to the exec hostel & see if Tutun the bartender could help me irrigate my throat. Unfortunately, for me, the bar was shut and Tutun must have been at home gratefully spending a rare evening with his friends/family. Maybe this is why they have dry days.

I was at a real loss now. No photography, no friendly bartender, no one I knew on campus. Just when I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that I had driven 18 kms for nothing, I decided to go to SV 3 (The coolest SV by far) and see I could salvage my trip.

Luckily for me, a patient auto rickshaw driver and some good timing allowed me to take one picture that I think made the whole exercise worthwhile. The picture is below. I call it The Circle of Light (rather unimaginative I must admit). It is taken at the roundabout at SV 3's entrance. Have fond memories of this place and this picture adds to them.



Hope to take many more long exposure pictures & put that Manfrotto tripod to good use. Will keep you posted on how that goes.

Ranthambore Safari

Where: Ranthambore, Rajasthan

Nearest Airport: Jaipur (~150 Kms)

Nearest Railway Station: Sawai Madhopur (8 Kms from National Park)

When: 11th to 14th May 2011

Group Size: 9 People

Stayed At: Ankur Resorts, Sawai Madhopur (Rs. 2000 per room per night – Non Peak Season Rates)

Transport:
Flew to Jaipur from Hyderabad by Jet Airways & landed at 1:20 PM. Took an Innova to Sawai Madhopur which is approx 150 kms from Jaipur. The Innova cost us Rs. 3,500/- and took almost 4hours. Actually it shouldn’t have taken so long but the driver insisted on taking us via a ‘short cut’. While he may have saved on the distance, it took us longer to get to Sawai Madhopur.

Went back to Delhi on the August Kranti Rajdhani which we took from Sawai Madhopur Railway Station. Boarded the train at 6:30 AM and were at Hazrat Nizamuddin Railway Station by 11:00 AM.

Camera: Nikon D3000 with a 50-200mm VR lens

Safaris:
Usually the timings are 6:00 AM to 9:30 AM for the morning safari and 3:00 PM to 6:30 PM for the afternoon one. But since there was a tiger census on, the morning safari got delayed by an hour.

Our group was only interested in the safaris, so we booked both the morning & afternoon safaris. While I’ve heard that the walk to Ranthambore Fort is a good one, we opted not to take it. We were lucky to get Zone 2 & Zone 3 on both days.

Day 1:
In the morning, our first safari was Zone 3 which is the most picturesque of the zones with 3 large lakes. Interestingly, we didn’t spot a tiger on either of the days in this zone. But we did see crocodiles, wild boar, spotted deer (Chital), Sambar Deer, Peacocks and many different kinds of smaller birds. Zone 3 also contains the famous lake palace ruins where the tigress Machali fought, and lost to, her daughter for this prize territory. This being my first safari, I got excited with all the animals around and went a little crazy with my camera. And since I was shooting in RAW mode, I ran out of memory space though I was using a 4GB card. A friend had a Nikon Binoculars which really helped us spot the birds, and is a must have on any safari.

We got back to our hotel for a quick lunch, rested for a bit and then headed out for the second safari of the day which was in Zone 2. This time we were lucky and managed to see a leopard at the entrance of the park. I was told that seeing a leopard stalking on the ground is quite rare and most leopard sightings are on trees. Though we had seen deer and crocodiles, the leopard was something else altogether and it really perked up the group. A little later we came across another gypsy and the guide told us that a tigress had been sighted further down the road. As beautiful as the leopard was, the excitement of seeing a tigress made us all forget the leopard. And we weren’t disappointed when we came up to the spot where the tigress T39 was resting. This time I forgot to change my camera settings from JPEG back to RAW, a beginners mistake. Though she was not too far off, there was a lot of jungle undergrowth and hence I wasn’t able to get any great pictures. On the way back, we spotted two owls in the distance and took pictures of them.

Needless to say, the group’s mood in the evening was great and everyone had a good time. Seasoned safari goers tell me that the tiger sighting to happiness ratio is 1:3. Which means that if you don’t see a tiger for 3 safaris, people tend to get cranky. They also told me that you usually see a tiger once every 4-5 safaris.

Day 2:
The next morning we were allotted Zone 2 again. Feeling like a ‘veteran’, I decided to be choosy about taking pictures. And promptly forgot about this when we were told that the same tigress was in the area again. Our guide and driver were old hands at tiger spotting and went to different spots where they thought she might be, including driving along the river bed. Just when we were beginning to think that she had left the area, our guide doubled back to the first spot and told us to be quiet. The thrill that I felt when he leaped up from his seat and shouted ‘Tiger’ was like nothing I have ever felt. The earlier day, T39 had already been spotted by other gypsies and was simply sitting around. This time we were the first group to see her and she was just emerging from some tall grasses on the far bank of a small stream. We were very very lucky as she crossed over to our side of the stream and sat under a tree near us. At one point she was too close for comfort, and though I didn’t realize it then, our guide did and took us away. It is at such moments, that tourists have to trust the judgment of the guides. We tend to forget that tigers are wild animals and shouldn’t be taken for granted. After taking many pictures of T39, we headed to another part of Zone 2 where we were told T17, another tigress, was resting. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see her because of the thick undergrowth.

Once we got back to the resort, there was a brief discussion on whether or not we should go for the last safari that afternoon. Some of us wanted to leave for Jaipur but since the majority of the group was still on a tiger high, we decided to hang around for another safari.

This time we got Zone 3 again. Having seen a tigress twice in the earlier two safaris, we knew the odds were against us. So the group was relaxed and we spent more time joking amongst ourselves. In fact, the highlight of the trip was a tourist in another gypsy who got named ‘Burst Man’ since he kept taking pictures in burst mode – even when he was shooting stationary birds. Our guides also realized that we were not interested in the usual discourse and focused on driving us around. We hung around till 6:30 PM and then reluctantly headed back to the resort.

The next morning, some of us caught the August Kranti Rajdhani Express to Hazrat Nizamuddin Station in New Delhi while the rest headed to Jaipur.

My Takeaways:
Ranthambore National Park is very well organized, and my friends told me it is the best run park that they have seen. This was my first safari and based on this limited experience, I would like the share the following points with anyone who is interested in Ranthambore:

1. Listen to your guide. They know their job so please don’t second guess them or tell them what to do. If your guide says you are too close to a tiger, you better listen to him.

2. Be respectful to rangers, guards and anyone working in the forest. It’s thanks to them that we can still see these beautiful animals.

3. Unless you have a very good reason and the park is not full, do not expect that you can argue or bribe your way into changing your zone. Most people want to go to Zone 2 & Zone 3 but each zone has a fixed quota of vehicles and if that has already been met then you can’t change it.

4. If seeing wildlife is your main focus, go during the summer months. The jungle is sparse & animals are easy to spot. Plus, once you’re in the gypsy you don’t really feel the heat.

5. Remember that spotting a tiger, or any animal for that matter, is about luck. Your guide will do his best so that you see a tiger (his tip depends on it), but nothing is guaranteed. If you don’t agree with this, go to a zoo next time.

6. Book your safaris online well in advance. Do not depend on landing up at the park and expecting to get a vehicle.

7. Better to book multiple gypsies, if your group is large, than a canter. Gypsies are more mobile and can go to places where the canter can’t.

8. Make sure that everyone is carrying the same ID proof as given at the time of booking & one indemnity form per safari. You will need to show your ID proof each time before entering the park.

9. If you aren’t carrying a cap or a hat (like me), check with your resort if they sell these items. I picked up a hat for Rs.200 and a photographer’s jacked for Rs. 400. Both were of good quality and came in handy, especially the hat. As a last resort you can always buy it at the gate. But please cover your head.

10. Carry at least 4 litres of water for 6 people. It is unfair to ask the guides or jungle patrols for water.

11. Turn your phones off before you enter the park. It will save your battery as in most places there isn’t any signal.

12. A good binocular really comes in handy on these safaris. Sometimes a bird or animal may be too far away to photograph, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look at it and enjoy its beauty.

13. Most guides will not cross over into other zones, even if it means forgoing the chance to show you a tiger. The reason is that if caught, they will lose their licenses. So please, respect the rules and don’t put someone else’s livelihood in danger.

14. If you can, come via Delhi. Book train from Delhi to Sawai Madhopur. It is cheaper, shorter and lot easier to coordinate. The railway station is about 5 minutes from most of the resorts .

15. Don’t get down from the vehicle. Ranthambore is very strict about this rule and breaking it will only cause trouble between you and the guide or for the guide if a forest ranger spots you doing so.

16. When you are leaving the park, your vehicle will stop at the base of the fort. Be careful at this point as there are monkeys around and since you are tired, you may leave something lying around which they could snatch.

Photography Takeaways:
1. Anything less than a 300mm zoom lens and you’re wasting your time. I was lucky to get decent pics of T39 with the 50-200mm, but a 70-300mm lens would have been better.

2. Use JPEG mode for the ‘regular’ animals – deer, peacocks, birds and save memory space. Use RAW mode when (or if) you come across the rarer animals – tigers, leopards or sloths.

3. ISO 100 is enough for most situations. No need to push a higher ISO unless the light is bad

4. Don’t get so excited about taking pictures that you come in the way of your fellow passengers. Remember, they are just as excited as you.

5. Unless you’ve been on many safaris, there is a good chance that you will take many more pictures than you normally do. So carry extra memory, doesn’t hurt.

Well, that’s it folks. My first safari. Can’t wait for my next one.

If you're interested in seeing the pictures I took, here's the link to my Facebook Album.

Teaching them to Learn

It is that time of the year. When school bags are taken out of the cupboard and dusted, new uniforms are stitched, stationary bought, notebooks covered with brown paper, holiday homework hurriedly completed. Its school time folks!

The monsoons usher in a new year for children. Gone is the joy of summer vacations – endless TV & video games, getting up late, hanging out at malls and playing cricket in the afternoon. It is now time for homework, tests, grades and tuition classes. The holidays are over kids, let’s get back to the ‘real’ world. It’s my guess that right now there are children all over India dreading the thought of going back to school.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Learning should be fun and not regimented. Children should want to come back to school. If they have to glance at their calendars and sigh it should be because they miss their friends and teachers and can’t wait to meet them. Not because they feel stressed out at the thought of all the tuitions and exams waiting for them. We take the best years of a human being’s life and turn it into a rat race. I remember my school teachers frightening the hell out of me by saying that if I didn’t do well in my 12th standard boards I would end up on the road to Loserville. I don’t doubt that they meant well and wanted me to do something worthwhile with my life. But by their lofty standards I bombed in my 12th and yet life didn’t come to an end. I still went to an engineering college (albeit not a great one), I still got into the stream that I wanted (Mechanical Engineering rocks) and I did decently there (First Class with Distinction). Looking back I think it’s horrible to tell a child that their entire life revolves around one month of exams. What we’re basically doing is taking a young mind and putting it through stress levels that most adults couldn’t handle.

Childhood should be a time of fun. Of learning just for the sake of learning. Of exploring the world without having to worry about grades, admissions and careers. We should encourage children to dream. At some point in our lives all of us wanted to be either cricketers, or tennis players, or writers, or journalists, or musicians, or mathematicians, or fighter pilots. While life may not allow everyone to attain those dreams I think that there’s no harm in chasing those dreams. A 12 year old child should be encouraged to think that she can become whoever she wants to be. There’ll be a time for the reality checks that adolescence brings, but not now. Not yet.

When I look at my cousin, who is 10 years younger than me, and her friends I realize that the system has allowed them a lot more freedom than people in my generation had. We were told, “Science? Engineer or Doctor. Commerce? CA. Arts? Oh... ummm... See you around”. Luckily that isn’t true anymore. More parents are open to the idea of ‘alternate’ careers. Many schools have counsellors who guide children about the various career streams available. Things are changing for the better but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done. For every progressive school that encourages its wards to be all they can be there are thousands which continue to churn out children who know every lesson in their text books and yet next to nothing about how to deal with the tests that life will put them through.

Right now we simply teach children how to solve quadratic equations, synthesise complex organic chemistry molecules (on paper) and memorise the internal cell structure of microbes. Instead they should learn how mathematics is applied to different fields – geology, automobile engineering, fundamental particle research. They should know of the uses (and dangers) of organic chemistry and how it has shaped our world. Children should be aware that life is a lot more complex than molecules bumping around inside cell walls and that even the best scientists do not fully understand how it works.

Call me an idealist if you want. Accuse me of an ivory tower address, a head in the cloud mentality. But hey, the challenges and problems that our children will inherit from us will be far more difficult than the ones we’ve managed to sweep under the carpet. How about we allow them to enjoy themselves while they can and still try and equip them with the tools that they will need to clear up our mess?

As Cat Stevens said, “I know we’ve come a long way. We’re changing day to do. But tell me, where do the children play?”.

Funny Football Quotes - Part 2

After hearing MSD put his foot in his mouth about stopping at colourful areas, I thought it was time to dig up some funny football quotes again. Turns out that cricketers aren't the only ones who put their mouth into motion, before brain into gear.

1. "Stoichkov is pointing at the bench with his eyes."
David Pleat on Hristo Stoichkov. Talk about dagger eyes....

2. "Robert Lee was able to do some running on his groin for the first time."
Glenn Hoddle on Robert Lee and something that's either impossible or unbelievably masochist.

3. "It's a conflict of parallels."
Alex Ferguson on conflicts. Mathematicians go figure out this one.

4. "I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in."
Terry Venables on his emotions after the opponents scored. Sounds like he's been reading Letters to the Penthouse.

5. "Argentina are the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that."
Ron Atkinson on Argentina. Ummm.. aren't we forgetting something?

6. "You either win or you lose. There's no in between."
Terry Venables on winning and losing. And hey, what about draws? You know.. 0-0, 1-1, 2-2.... ?

7. "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league."
Mark Viduka on winning the league. How you gonna do that Einstein??

8. "The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath."
Terry Butcher on cup football/soccer. Jack.... David's lesser known cousin.

9. "Apart from their goals, Norway wouldn't have scored."
Terry Venables on Norway. Yes, they would have gone on a Viking plundering raid.

10. "I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi on George Ndah. This one is my favourite. Talk about getting lost while watching a game!

And we still insist that they be role models for our kids. Come on guys, they are sportsmen. They have super fit bodies and excellent marketing teams. They are not brainiacs who are saints.

Now can we please cut Tiger Woods some slack?

Delusions

Ever so often one hears of some defamation suit being filed or protest being held because someone’s sentiments were hurt. Oh really? Oh reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyy?

Why is it that the ‘leaders’ and social busybodies who claim to represent those whose sentiments were hurt never get angry about other things as well?

Why don’t they get angry about the poverty in this country? Or the filth in which most of our people live? Or the fact that even after 60 years of Independence we still do not have anything close to 100% literacy (am not even talking about education.. just literacy)? Why don’t they protest about people being malnourished while food grains rot in the Government’s godowns? Doesn’t the site of the widows of slain soldiers weeping on national TV make them want to do anything about this country’s security issues?

I’ll tell you why.

It’s because we’re a bunch of hypocrites. A nation of whiners and over-sensitive adolescents masquerading as adults. The only time we act tough is when we’re in a mob.

We like to talk. About our glorious ancient culture, about how democracy has failed us when we compare ourselves to China, anything that makes our cushy little worlds a little less cushy. Oh yes we like to talk. Getting out of our armchairs and doing something to help is something that we’re not up for. The only time we’ll get out of our chairs is protest about something that hurts our sentiments.

Awwww. Don’t feel bad.

Feel ashamed.

Ashamed that we cling to twin illusions of ‘safety in numbers’ (hope they get the guy next to me instead) and ‘ostrich mentality’ (as long as my family and friends are okay, who cares what happens in some far off village). History tends to repeat itself in our land. The same scams, the same corrupt politicians, the same gullible electorate and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... the same inefficient, inaccessible, unaccountable system.

H.L. Mencken said, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”. I think the same sad truth could apply to us as well. Our leaders prefer rabble rousing and mob justice to judicial and constitutional channels. Their logic is impeccable. Why spend years fighting for something when you can grab it right away? All you need is to convince the people that in some way their culture, religion, caste or these days – statehood has been insulted.

And this is why the system doesn’t work. Everyone wants to take, no one wants to give back. We demand our constitutional rights, but how about our duties? Duties to ourselves and to those less fortunate than us.

We have one of the world’s largest population of those who live below the, outrageously named, ‘poverty line’. And yet we feel proud when we see 4.. or 5.. or 2.. who cares... Indians being named in the list of richest people in the world. Isn’t there something fundamentally wrong about feeling proud at the sight of obscene wealth & yet being indifferent to obscene poverty? Hypocrites I tell you.

Now take literacy. Most of us have been born after Independence. Which means we were born to a sovereign and independent country which claimed to be socialistic as well. Or at least some of us were. There are many others who were born into the same feudalistic, caste riddled, male dominated societies that their ancestors lived in hundreds of years ago. Which probably explains why we have such a pathetic record when it comes to improving literacy.

We want to host the Olympics, while we can’t put together a decent hockey team.

We want the world to recognize us as an emerging superpower. Yet we can’t convict a terrorist who was caught on CCTV shooting people, including a policeman.

We take pride in the fact that our economy was resilient during the Great Recession. But don’t seem to mind that most of this ‘resilience’ was due to the parallel economy.

We want to be a destination for medical tourism but don’t think it’s necessary to provide basic healthcare to our own countrymen who can’t afford it.

We believe that we have a glorious past, but think nothing of scratching our names on the walls of the monuments that were built during that glorious past.

We get touchy when our neighbour hurts our sentiments, but we don’t mind if the Chinese treat us with disdain; mainly because we bend over backwards to not antagonise them.

At the end of it all, I don’t think that we suffer from delusions of grandeur. We suffer from delusions of competence.