Wait For The Tide

Hyderabad - Old City

2011-10-16T09:42:00.004+05:30

For a long time I've cribbed about how there's nothing to do in Hyderabad. My main gripe is that there are no real weekend getaways. Nowhere you can simply drive down to without much thought. And while my trip to Dindi Resort in Konaseema showed me that there are lovely places to visit in Andhra Pradesh, driving 10 hours one way every weekend just isn't practical. Sorry APTDC but it ain't happening.

A very good friend of mine kept telling me that there are enough of places within Hyderabad to photograph, especially in the old city. I used to scoff at him and say, "Charminar, Laad Bazaar, Safdar Jung Museum.. and?". Finally fed up with my laziness & cynicism, he sent me a link to a blog by a lady called Madhu Gopalan. It was only then that I realized that he was right. There are plenty of photo ops within Hyderabad itself. Thanks Goat and thanks Madhu.

Yesterday, after a brief afternoon siesta, I dragged myself out of the house & got into an auto at Lakdikapul and headed towards Purani Haweli in the old city. My plan was to go to H.E.H. Nizam Museum (Have already been to Safdar Jung Museum) and just explore the place. I didn't know of it till I went through a post on Madhu's blog. Even the autorickshaw driver hadn't heard of it & kept insisting that the only museum was Safdar Jung. When we finally located the museum, I was dismayed to see a platoon of cops stationed at the entrance. Turned out that there were some exams going on in a school right next door and the cops were there to prevent any trouble with Telangana agitators.

With my plans of seeing the museum gone kaput, I decided to walk to Charminar. I thought that I'd be able to take some pictures there at least. I did see some great portrait picture opportunities - character, context - but I didnt have the guts to take out my 35mm prime and change the lenses on those crowded dusty roads. So I just kept walking & hoped that something would come up. The only picture I got in Purani Haweli (had my kit lens on) is below.

However, when I was almost at the Charminar (could see the monument in fact), I realized that the place was way too commercial & crowded. More like Mohammed Ali Road in Bombay really. This wasn't what I was looking for, so I jumped into an auto & headed to Nampally.

From there I walked home and along the way I managed to salvage my trip by clicking a few pictures, posted below.

Please take a look & let me know what you think.

Key Takeaways:
1. Go by auto. Don't even think of taking your car to the old city. It's crowded, traffic is crazy and, as my pic captured, there is no place to park.

2. Be careful while you're walking around looking for picture opportunities. There are enough of idiots on the roads and you need quick reflexes to keep yourself out of harms way.

3. People were quite friendly and happy to help, especially with giving you directions. So dont worry about how you'll find a place. Just go to the general area and ask.

Photography Learnings:
1. If you like to take portrait pictures, like I do, go in the late afternoon. The place has lots of narrow streets and if it gets dark soon (like it did yesterday), the shadows will make things difficult. The famous 'Golden Hour' is more like 'Golden Fifteen Minutes'.

2. I love my 35mm prime lens & always use it for taking portrait pics. But this time I couldnt use it as I had the kit lens strapped on. So this may sound basic, but decide what kind of pictures you want to take before hand, or settle for a less than optimal solution (which I wasnt ready to do). You may not be able to change the lens in such dusty places.

3. Apart from looking at monuments, keep an eye out for old buildings, machines, tool shops, junkyards. There's more to an old city than famous monuments.

Well, that's about it folks. This was my first photo outing to the old city. Am certainly going back soon - better prepared and hopefully a little luckier. Shall keep you posted.

Weekend Getaway from Hyderabad - Dindi Resort, Konaseema Andhra Pradesh

2011-09-30T15:27:00.008+05:30

Where: Konaseema, Andhra Pradesh

Distance from Hyderabad: ~500 kms

When: 25th to 26th September 2011

Group Size: 8 People

Stayed At: Dindi Resorts, Along the Banks of the Godavari River (Rs. 2500 per room per night – Non Peak Season Rates)

Transport:
Since we all were based in Hyderabad, we drove down in two vehicles - a Maruti Swift (Diesel) and a Chevy Aveo (Petrol).

Ratings:
Food - 4/5
Service - 4/5
Infrastructure - 3/5
Ambience - 3.5/5
Accessibility 2/5
Novelty Factor - 4/5
Value for Money - 3/5

Day 1:
We had almost 500 kms to cover, so we set off at 4:30 AM from Hyderabad. After rendezvousing on the Outer Ring Road near Shamshabad Airport, we drove past Ramoji Film City and headed to Vijaywada on National Highway 9.

For the first 40 odd kms, the road is 4 laned and very comfortable to drive on. However, GMR Infrastructure hasn't yet completed the project and till almost 50 kms to Vijayawada the road is still under construction. By the look of things, I reckon that it wont be completed for at least another 15 months.

We stopped off at a highway restaurant called Seven which is at the Suryapet town (140 kms from Hyderabad) to have breakfast around 8:00 AM. I was pleasantly surprised to see such a well run joint in the middle of a highway still under construction. Service is quick, the loos are clean (ladies agreed), the place is well lit & crowded. It is as good (or bad) as any food court I've seen in a mall. They had north Indian & south Indian food. They even had a Subway counter, an HDFC Bank ATM and a car wash. And the bill for 8 of us was just Rs. 700/-.

After a good breakfast, we headed to Vijaywada and reached there by around 1:00 PM. Unfortunately, Vijaywada doesnt have a bypass or an outer ring road system in place. So you have to drive through the town. Depending on the time of the day & traffic conditions, this can take you anything between an hour or two. Vijaywada is a well developed city and even has a Taj Gateway. Good idea to stop somewhere for a loo break because once you hit the highway again, there arent any good places.

We opted not to have lunch at Vijawada, since we had already ordered lunch at Dindi Resort. After picking up a few (ok, more than a few) beers, we left the city. The highway from Vijaywada to Vizag is complete and it was a pleasure driving on it. Soon after you leave the city, you come across HUGE paddy fields. At the time we went, the grass was a brilliant green, which only paddy can have, and for city dwellers like us it was an awesome site. Beautiful green fields stretched out on either side of the road for as far as the eye could see. With the beer kicking in, the iPod finally playing and a smooth road suddenly our trip was a lot more fun.

By the time we reached the resort, it was 3:00 PM and needless to say we were all starving. The food that was served was very good. Had some excellent prawns & chicken along with rice, veges & daal. Good solid coastal Andhra food. Just an FYI, there is an AP Tourism Guesthouse next door which is bang on the banks of the river.

The resort consists of three cottages built over a 'pond'. The water in the pond is changed regularly from inflows of the river, which is barely 100 feet away. Two of the three units are slightly small and comfortable for three people. The third, which is the largest, has a small balcony (totally unnecessary) and a lovely sit out. This is a great spot to have a large group.

Post lunch, the smarter ones amongst us opted to rest while the married ones were taken for a two hour boat ride on the Godavari River. Am told that they visited an island and the resort people showed them an even more secluded place where another small resort is coming up.

After freshening up, we settled down to have a few drinks & snacks. Needless to say, the snacks were really well made once again. Fish, chicken, prawns just kept on being served. Dinner was just as good as lunch & no one had any reason to complain, either about the food or the service.

Day 2
The next morning I was woken up at 6:30 AM by a friend who used the only lever that would get me out of bed. He said, "Let's go take some pictures". After grumbling for a few minutes I dragged myself out of bed, got ready and headed out with him. We walked down to the river and took some pictures. After a while we headed back & I proceeded to wake up people. Let everyone share my joy! The ladies got up, though only when promised that I would take their portrait pictures. The guys, well... some of them needed the sleep.

After a long photography session, we got ready while the wifeys struggled to drag their husbands out of bed. By the time everyone was ready, it was 10:30 AM. Once again, the cooks gave us a great breakfast. Poori sabzi, mysore bonda, dosas, vadas, idlis, uttapas and a whole bunch of chutneys is all I can recall.

After saying our goodbyes (and paying our bills), we headed to a place called Antervedi which is at the mouth of the Godavari River. It was about 20 kms from Dindi Resort and took us a while getting there as we had to drive through many villages. When we finally got there, we visited the beach and then went to the river. There were people offering boat rides (800 bucks for 8 people) but since we had a long drive back, we didnt have the time. On the way back, we stopped off at the temple which unfortunately was closed for lunch. Still, good intentions count I guess.

The drive back was long and for quite a while boring. Instead of going back the way we came, we decided to take another route based on what the resort owner had told us. This was a mistake as it turned out to be much longer. Hate to say this, but after a while I got up of seeing paddy fields and longed for the highway and a good dhaba.

We finally had lunch at 4:00 PM just 30 kms short of Vijayawada. Everyone was ravenous but I still think the food was great. After a heavy meal (700 bucks for 8 people) everyone felt a lot better.

We got in to Vijaywada at 6:00 PM, the worst possible time, and were stuck for almost an hour. Traffic barely moved as trucks, buses & office commuters piled up. By the time we got out of the city it was well over 8:00 PM. We had a late dinner at the same restaurant, Seven, and reached Hyderabad by 1:00 AM. Though we were exhausted by then, everyone was happy and we parted in a good mood.

My Takeaways:
1. If you are going on a long roadtrip, take a diesel car. Petrol just isnt worth it. We spend 3000 on the Swift's fuel and 7500 on the Aveo's. No matter how you look at it - big car vs small car or whatever - there is a HUGE saving if you use diesel.

2. Leave early. Its worth it. Better to drag yourself out of bed in the morning than reach a place late and be too tired to do anything. The same thing applies to the return journey, I wish we had left a couple of hours earlier.

3. Take turns driving as it can get tiring and even the best drivers will make mistakes. But dont allow a city driver to take the wheel at night, especially on a bad road.

4. Though this may sound silly, if you have people who havent met before, mix up the groups in different vehicles. Give everyone a chance to get to know each other before you reach your destination.

5. Carry your own water (and alcohol) since you dont know when the next good stop will be.

6. Plan ahead. Decide where you want to stop for breaks. It sure as hell beats driving around looking for places, which can either slow you down or be a safety risk if you suddenly decide to stop.

7. Drive in a convoy. Decide who will lead and make sure that you stick together more or less.

8. Carry mosquito repellents, you never know. (Though we didnt need it)

Photography Learnings:
1. A kit lens (Nikkor 18-55 mm AF-S) is fine for a trip like this. It has the wide angle that really helps and works fine in low light conditions.

2. A lot of people, especially in rural areas, dont know how to use a DSLR. So carry a tripod if you want a group picture with everyone in it. I know this sounds like overkill, but trust me, when you get back you dont want someone missing from your group pic (esp the last one you take before you leave).

3. A prime lens (Nikkor 35mm AF-S 1.8 G) is a great lens to take portrait pictures.

4. Get up early, no matter how sleepy you are, if you want to take good portrait pictures.

5. Carry a reflector, I know I wish I had one.

ISB in the Dark - Independence Day

2011-08-21T18:02:00.007+05:30

Last week I decided to spend the evening on Independence Day at ISB. I guess that part of me wanted to go there to acknowledge the place that had help free me from the clutches of IT Services & years of mind numbing boredom. (Gora says sit, you sit. Gora says stand, you stand).

But I suspect that another part of me wanted to see if the bar was open on this 'dry' day. I've never understood why we cant celebrate our nation's independence by having a drink or two. Seems to me that this ridiculous rule was thought of by someone who was either a teetotaler or had no sense of occasion. Depressing.

Besides these two rather opposing, but in a slightly perverse way, similar reasons for going to ISB I also thought that I would take some long exposure & night shots of ISB. Have always loved the way the buildings look at night. With the sodium vapour lamps & their orange light falling on the pink (i think) stones. Sadly this was not to be. ISB was either in mourning (Pls dont ask me why) or is having cashflow problems or has suddenly become conscious of its carbon footprint. Whatever the reason might be, all the building lights were off.

With my plans of using my new Manfrotto tripod all but ruined, I decided to head to the exec hostel & see if Tutun the bartender could help me irrigate my throat. Unfortunately, for me, the bar was shut and Tutun must have been at home gratefully spending a rare evening with his friends/family. Maybe this is why they have dry days.

I was at a real loss now. No photography, no friendly bartender, no one I knew on campus. Just when I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that I had driven 18 kms for nothing, I decided to go to SV 3 (The coolest SV by far) and see I could salvage my trip.

Luckily for me, a patient auto rickshaw driver and some good timing allowed me to take one picture that I think made the whole exercise worthwhile. The picture is below. I call it The Circle of Light (rather unimaginative I must admit). It is taken at the roundabout at SV 3's entrance. Have fond memories of this place and this picture adds to them.

Hope to take many more long exposure pictures & put that Manfrotto tripod to good use. Will keep you posted on how that goes.

Ranthambore Safari

2011-05-17T12:15:00.009+05:30

Where: Ranthambore, Rajasthan

Nearest Airport: Jaipur (~150 Kms)

Nearest Railway Station: Sawai Madhopur (8 Kms from National Park)

When: 11th to 14th May 2011

Group Size: 9 People

Stayed At: Ankur Resorts, Sawai Madhopur (Rs. 2000 per room per night – Non Peak Season Rates)

Transport:
Flew to Jaipur from Hyderabad by Jet Airways & landed at 1:20 PM. Took an Innova to Sawai Madhopur which is approx 150 kms from Jaipur. The Innova cost us Rs. 3,500/- and took almost 4hours. Actually it shouldn’t have taken so long but the driver insisted on taking us via a ‘short cut’. While he may have saved on the distance, it took us longer to get to Sawai Madhopur.

Went back to Delhi on the August Kranti Rajdhani which we took from Sawai Madhopur Railway Station. Boarded the train at 6:30 AM and were at Hazrat Nizamuddin Railway Station by 11:00 AM.

Camera: Nikon D3000 with a 50-200mm VR lens

Safaris:
Usually the timings are 6:00 AM to 9:30 AM for the morning safari and 3:00 PM to 6:30 PM for the afternoon one. But since there was a tiger census on, the morning safari got delayed by an hour.

Our group was only interested in the safaris, so we booked both the morning & afternoon safaris. While I’ve heard that the walk to Ranthambore Fort is a good one, we opted not to take it. We were lucky to get Zone 2 & Zone 3 on both days.

Day 1:
In the morning, our first safari was Zone 3 which is the most picturesque of the zones with 3 large lakes. Interestingly, we didn’t spot a tiger on either of the days in this zone. But we did see crocodiles, wild boar, spotted deer (Chital), Sambar Deer, Peacocks and many different kinds of smaller birds. Zone 3 also contains the famous lake palace ruins where the tigress Machali fought, and lost to, her daughter for this prize territory. This being my first safari, I got excited with all the animals around and went a little crazy with my camera. And since I was shooting in RAW mode, I ran out of memory space though I was using a 4GB card. A friend had a Nikon Binoculars which really helped us spot the birds, and is a must have on any safari.

We got back to our hotel for a quick lunch, rested for a bit and then headed out for the second safari of the day which was in Zone 2. This time we were lucky and managed to see a leopard at the entrance of the park. I was told that seeing a leopard stalking on the ground is quite rare and most leopard sightings are on trees. Though we had seen deer and crocodiles, the leopard was something else altogether and it really perked up the group. A little later we came across another gypsy and the guide told us that a tigress had been sighted further down the road. As beautiful as the leopard was, the excitement of seeing a tigress made us all forget the leopard. And we weren’t disappointed when we came up to the spot where the tigress T39 was resting. This time I forgot to change my camera settings from JPEG back to RAW, a beginners mistake. Though she was not too far off, there was a lot of jungle undergrowth and hence I wasn’t able to get any great pictures. On the way back, we spotted two owls in the distance and took pictures of them.

Needless to say, the group’s mood in the evening was great and everyone had a good time. Seasoned safari goers tell me that the tiger sighting to happiness ratio is 1:3. Which means that if you don’t see a tiger for 3 safaris, people tend to get cranky. They also told me that you usually see a tiger once every 4-5 safaris.

Day 2:
The next morning we were allotted Zone 2 again. Feeling like a ‘veteran’, I decided to be choosy about taking pictures. And promptly forgot about this when we were told that the same tigress was in the area again. Our guide and driver were old hands at tiger spotting and went to different spots where they thought she might be, including driving along the river bed. Just when we were beginning to think that she had left the area, our guide doubled back to the first spot and told us to be quiet. The thrill that I felt when he leaped up from his seat and shouted ‘Tiger’ was like nothing I have ever felt. The earlier day, T39 had already been spotted by other gypsies and was simply sitting around. This time we were the first group to see her and she was just emerging from some tall grasses on the far bank of a small stream. We were very very lucky as she crossed over to our side of the stream and sat under a tree near us. At one point she was too close for comfort, and though I didn’t realize it then, our guide did and took us away. It is at such moments, that tourists have to trust the judgment of the guides. We tend to forget that tigers are wild animals and shouldn’t be taken for granted. After taking many pictures of T39, we headed to another part of Zone 2 where we were told T17, another tigress, was resting. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see her because of the thick undergrowth.

Once we got back to the resort, there was a brief discussion on whether or not we should go for the last safari that afternoon. Some of us wanted to leave for Jaipur but since the majority of the group was still on a tiger high, we decided to hang around for another safari.

This time we got Zone 3 again. Having seen a tigress twice in the earlier two safaris, we knew the odds were against us. So the group was relaxed and we spent more time joking amongst ourselves. In fact, the highlight of the trip was a tourist in another gypsy who got named ‘Burst Man’ since he kept taking pictures in burst mode – even when he was shooting stationary birds. Our guides also realized that we were not interested in the usual discourse and focused on driving us around. We hung around till 6:30 PM and then reluctantly headed back to the resort.

The next morning, some of us caught the August Kranti Rajdhani Express to Hazrat Nizamuddin Station in New Delhi while the rest headed to Jaipur.

My Takeaways:
Ranthambore National Park is very well organized, and my friends told me it is the best run park that they have seen. This was my first safari and based on this limited experience, I would like the share the following points with anyone who is interested in Ranthambore:

1. Listen to your guide. They know their job so please don’t second guess them or tell them what to do. If your guide says you are too close to a tiger, you better listen to him.

2. Be respectful to rangers, guards and anyone working in the forest. It’s thanks to them that we can still see these beautiful animals.

3. Unless you have a very good reason and the park is not full, do not expect that you can argue or bribe your way into changing your zone. Most people want to go to Zone 2 & Zone 3 but each zone has a fixed quota of vehicles and if that has already been met then you can’t change it.

4. If seeing wildlife is your main focus, go during the summer months. The jungle is sparse & animals are easy to spot. Plus, once you’re in the gypsy you don’t really feel the heat.

5. Remember that spotting a tiger, or any animal for that matter, is about luck. Your guide will do his best so that you see a tiger (his tip depends on it), but nothing is guaranteed. If you don’t agree with this, go to a zoo next time.

6. Book your safaris online well in advance. Do not depend on landing up at the park and expecting to get a vehicle.

7. Better to book multiple gypsies, if your group is large, than a canter. Gypsies are more mobile and can go to places where the canter can’t.

8. Make sure that everyone is carrying the same ID proof as given at the time of booking & one indemnity form per safari. You will need to show your ID proof each time before entering the park.

9. If you aren’t carrying a cap or a hat (like me), check with your resort if they sell these items. I picked up a hat for Rs.200 and a photographer’s jacked for Rs. 400. Both were of good quality and came in handy, especially the hat. As a last resort you can always buy it at the gate. But please cover your head.

10. Carry at least 4 litres of water for 6 people. It is unfair to ask the guides or jungle patrols for water.

11. Turn your phones off before you enter the park. It will save your battery as in most places there isn’t any signal.

12. A good binocular really comes in handy on these safaris. Sometimes a bird or animal may be too far away to photograph, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look at it and enjoy its beauty.

13. Most guides will not cross over into other zones, even if it means forgoing the chance to show you a tiger. The reason is that if caught, they will lose their licenses. So please, respect the rules and don’t put someone else’s livelihood in danger.

14. If you can, come via Delhi. Book train from Delhi to Sawai Madhopur. It is cheaper, shorter and lot easier to coordinate. The railway station is about 5 minutes from most of the resorts .

15. Don’t get down from the vehicle. Ranthambore is very strict about this rule and breaking it will only cause trouble between you and the guide or for the guide if a forest ranger spots you doing so.

16. When you are leaving the park, your vehicle will stop at the base of the fort. Be careful at this point as there are monkeys around and since you are tired, you may leave something lying around which they could snatch.

Photography Takeaways:
1. Anything less than a 300mm zoom lens and you’re wasting your time. I was lucky to get decent pics of T39 with the 50-200mm, but a 70-300mm lens would have been better.

2. Use JPEG mode for the ‘regular’ animals – deer, peacocks, birds and save memory space. Use RAW mode when (or if) you come across the rarer animals – tigers, leopards or sloths.

3. ISO 100 is enough for most situations. No need to push a higher ISO unless the light is bad

4. Don’t get so excited about taking pictures that you come in the way of your fellow passengers. Remember, they are just as excited as you.

5. Unless you’ve been on many safaris, there is a good chance that you will take many more pictures than you normally do. So carry extra memory, doesn’t hurt.

Well, that’s it folks. My first safari. Can’t wait for my next one.

If you're interested in seeing the pictures I took, here's the link to my Facebook Album.

Teaching them to Learn

2010-06-14T12:28:00.001+05:30

It is that time of the year. When school bags are taken out of the cupboard and dusted, new uniforms are stitched, stationary bought, notebooks covered with brown paper, holiday homework hurriedly completed. Its school time folks!

The monsoons usher in a new year for children. Gone is the joy of summer vacations – endless TV & video games, getting up late, hanging out at malls and playing cricket in the afternoon. It is now time for homework, tests, grades and tuition classes. The holidays are over kids, let’s get back to the ‘real’ world. It’s my guess that right now there are children all over India dreading the thought of going back to school.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Learning should be fun and not regimented. Children should want to come back to school. If they have to glance at their calendars and sigh it should be because they miss their friends and teachers and can’t wait to meet them. Not because they feel stressed out at the thought of all the tuitions and exams waiting for them. We take the best years of a human being’s life and turn it into a rat race. I remember my school teachers frightening the hell out of me by saying that if I didn’t do well in my 12th standard boards I would end up on the road to Loserville. I don’t doubt that they meant well and wanted me to do something worthwhile with my life. But by their lofty standards I bombed in my 12th and yet life didn’t come to an end. I still went to an engineering college (albeit not a great one), I still got into the stream that I wanted (Mechanical Engineering rocks) and I did decently there (First Class with Distinction). Looking back I think it’s horrible to tell a child that their entire life revolves around one month of exams. What we’re basically doing is taking a young mind and putting it through stress levels that most adults couldn’t handle.

Childhood should be a time of fun. Of learning just for the sake of learning. Of exploring the world without having to worry about grades, admissions and careers. We should encourage children to dream. At some point in our lives all of us wanted to be either cricketers, or tennis players, or writers, or journalists, or musicians, or mathematicians, or fighter pilots. While life may not allow everyone to attain those dreams I think that there’s no harm in chasing those dreams. A 12 year old child should be encouraged to think that she can become whoever she wants to be. There’ll be a time for the reality checks that adolescence brings, but not now. Not yet.

When I look at my cousin, who is 10 years younger than me, and her friends I realize that the system has allowed them a lot more freedom than people in my generation had. We were told, “Science? Engineer or Doctor. Commerce? CA. Arts? Oh... ummm... See you around”. Luckily that isn’t true anymore. More parents are open to the idea of ‘alternate’ careers. Many schools have counsellors who guide children about the various career streams available. Things are changing for the better but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done. For every progressive school that encourages its wards to be all they can be there are thousands which continue to churn out children who know every lesson in their text books and yet next to nothing about how to deal with the tests that life will put them through.

Right now we simply teach children how to solve quadratic equations, synthesise complex organic chemistry molecules (on paper) and memorise the internal cell structure of microbes. Instead they should learn how mathematics is applied to different fields – geology, automobile engineering, fundamental particle research. They should know of the uses (and dangers) of organic chemistry and how it has shaped our world. Children should be aware that life is a lot more complex than molecules bumping around inside cell walls and that even the best scientists do not fully understand how it works.

Call me an idealist if you want. Accuse me of an ivory tower address, a head in the cloud mentality. But hey, the challenges and problems that our children will inherit from us will be far more difficult than the ones we’ve managed to sweep under the carpet. How about we allow them to enjoy themselves while they can and still try and equip them with the tools that they will need to clear up our mess?

As Cat Stevens said, “I know we’ve come a long way. We’re changing day to do. But tell me, where do the children play?”.

Funny Football Quotes - Part 2

2010-04-27T10:09:00.004+05:30

After hearing MSD put his foot in his mouth about stopping at colourful areas, I thought it was time to dig up some funny football quotes again. Turns out that cricketers aren't the only ones who put their mouth into motion, before brain into gear.

1. "Stoichkov is pointing at the bench with his eyes."
David Pleat on Hristo Stoichkov. Talk about dagger eyes....

2. "Robert Lee was able to do some running on his groin for the first time."
Glenn Hoddle on Robert Lee and something that's either impossible or unbelievably masochist.

3. "It's a conflict of parallels."
Alex Ferguson on conflicts. Mathematicians go figure out this one.

4. "I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in."
Terry Venables on his emotions after the opponents scored. Sounds like he's been reading Letters to the Penthouse.

5. "Argentina are the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that."
Ron Atkinson on Argentina. Ummm.. aren't we forgetting something?

6. "You either win or you lose. There's no in between."
Terry Venables on winning and losing. And hey, what about draws? You know.. 0-0, 1-1, 2-2.... ?

7. "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league."
Mark Viduka on winning the league. How you gonna do that Einstein??

8. "The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath."
Terry Butcher on cup football/soccer. Jack.... David's lesser known cousin.

9. "Apart from their goals, Norway wouldn't have scored."
Terry Venables on Norway. Yes, they would have gone on a Viking plundering raid.

10. "I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi on George Ndah. This one is my favourite. Talk about getting lost while watching a game!

And we still insist that they be role models for our kids. Come on guys, they are sportsmen. They have super fit bodies and excellent marketing teams. They are not brainiacs who are saints.

Now can we please cut Tiger Woods some slack?

Delusions

2010-04-22T11:01:00.004+05:30

Ever so often one hears of some defamation suit being filed or protest being held because someone’s sentiments were hurt. Oh really? Oh reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyy?

Why is it that the ‘leaders’ and social busybodies who claim to represent those whose sentiments were hurt never get angry about other things as well?

Why don’t they get angry about the poverty in this country? Or the filth in which most of our people live? Or the fact that even after 60 years of Independence we still do not have anything close to 100% literacy (am not even talking about education.. just literacy)? Why don’t they protest about people being malnourished while food grains rot in the Government’s godowns? Doesn’t the site of the widows of slain soldiers weeping on national TV make them want to do anything about this country’s security issues?

I’ll tell you why.

It’s because we’re a bunch of hypocrites. A nation of whiners and over-sensitive adolescents masquerading as adults. The only time we act tough is when we’re in a mob.

We like to talk. About our glorious ancient culture, about how democracy has failed us when we compare ourselves to China, anything that makes our cushy little worlds a little less cushy. Oh yes we like to talk. Getting out of our armchairs and doing something to help is something that we’re not up for. The only time we’ll get out of our chairs is protest about something that hurts our sentiments.

Awwww. Don’t feel bad.

Feel ashamed.

Ashamed that we cling to twin illusions of ‘safety in numbers’ (hope they get the guy next to me instead) and ‘ostrich mentality’ (as long as my family and friends are okay, who cares what happens in some far off village). History tends to repeat itself in our land. The same scams, the same corrupt politicians, the same gullible electorate and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... the same inefficient, inaccessible, unaccountable system.

H.L. Mencken said, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”. I think the same sad truth could apply to us as well. Our leaders prefer rabble rousing and mob justice to judicial and constitutional channels. Their logic is impeccable. Why spend years fighting for something when you can grab it right away? All you need is to convince the people that in some way their culture, religion, caste or these days – statehood has been insulted.

And this is why the system doesn’t work. Everyone wants to take, no one wants to give back. We demand our constitutional rights, but how about our duties? Duties to ourselves and to those less fortunate than us.

We have one of the world’s largest population of those who live below the, outrageously named, ‘poverty line’. And yet we feel proud when we see 4.. or 5.. or 2.. who cares... Indians being named in the list of richest people in the world. Isn’t there something fundamentally wrong about feeling proud at the sight of obscene wealth & yet being indifferent to obscene poverty? Hypocrites I tell you.

Now take literacy. Most of us have been born after Independence. Which means we were born to a sovereign and independent country which claimed to be socialistic as well. Or at least some of us were. There are many others who were born into the same feudalistic, caste riddled, male dominated societies that their ancestors lived in hundreds of years ago. Which probably explains why we have such a pathetic record when it comes to improving literacy.

We want to host the Olympics, while we can’t put together a decent hockey team.

We want the world to recognize us as an emerging superpower. Yet we can’t convict a terrorist who was caught on CCTV shooting people, including a policeman.

We take pride in the fact that our economy was resilient during the Great Recession. But don’t seem to mind that most of this ‘resilience’ was due to the parallel economy.

We want to be a destination for medical tourism but don’t think it’s necessary to provide basic healthcare to our own countrymen who can’t afford it.

We believe that we have a glorious past, but think nothing of scratching our names on the walls of the monuments that were built during that glorious past.

We get touchy when our neighbour hurts our sentiments, but we don’t mind if the Chinese treat us with disdain; mainly because we bend over backwards to not antagonise them.

At the end of it all, I don’t think that we suffer from delusions of grandeur. We suffer from delusions of competence.

A New Beginning - 2010

2010-01-09T11:09:00.004+05:30

Here’s a list of things that I had asked for in 2009. Let’s see how many of them were answered.

1. Manmohan Singh finally show some spine and take on the pakis.
Verdict: Not really happening. We’re still a soft nation waiting to get whacked. Still, at least there haven’t been any more 26/11 type fiascos.

2. Obama give a huge boost to green technology.
Verdict: Big failure. Copenhagen was a massive let down. So forget Obama, all our leaders have disappointed us.

3. Roger Federer win BOTH the French Open & Wimbledon. (The other two don't really count)
Verdict: Finally!!! The FedEx finally won the French open, thanks to Nadal no doubt. Two sets in Two matches and he would have won the Grand Slam. Oh, what could have been!

4. My credit card bill disappear.
Verdict: It comes and goes. Like all bad things in life. But am quite happy with the way things stand currently.

5. A blanket ban on whaling.
Verdict: Stupid Japanese. Need to kill a 1000 whales for ‘scientific research’. Am glad Sony & Toyota are running into the red. Serves them right. Maybe they’ll do some real research now. Sony – why their products are twice as expensive but only marginally better. Toyota – why their cars are so damn boring!

6. A decent coalition come to power at the centre after the general elections.
Verdict: Score!!! Bye bye lefties. See you in the NCERT history books. And nowhere else.

7. Bin Laden finally gets caught.
Verdict: Who cares anymore? Wasn’t worthy of being on this list actually.

8. The Large Haldron Collider that CERN built actually works & they discover whatever they were looking for.
Verdict: Another blank. Well I guess these things take time.

9. The second season of IPL is shorter, but just as much fun as the first.
Verdict: Hats off to Modi & Co for pulling this one off. Don’t know if the matches were more fun, but they did a good job at such notice.

10. Bayern Munich do well in the Champions League.
Verdict: Losing to Barca is no shame. That too with half your team injured. So yeah I’d say Bayern did pretty well in the CL.

Final Scoreline: 5-5

Now about 2010. Let’s see what I’d like to happen during this year. Hmmm…

1. The GoI shows some balls & stands up to the Chinese – high time we took ourselves seriously

2. Germany do well during the World Cup in South Africa – though with the 20 something youngsters like Ozil, Kroos, Adler, Tasci, Marin & Bender I think they’ll have a better team for Euro 2012 or WC 2014 than now

3. Air fares come back to reasonable rates – am sick of paying airlines so much just so that they can put up their staff in 5 star hotels

4. Indian news channels become more responsible & stop acting like imbeciles – self censorship obviously doesn’t work in media just like self regulation didn’t work in financial markets

5. The Kindle (or similar products) become available in India at reasonable prices – think of the trees that can be saved

6. Inflation comes down – am fed up of paying 40 bucks for an apple & 100 bucks for a kg of daal

7. Google launches a Chrome browser for the Mac – I like the Mac Firefox, but hey Chrome rocks anyday

8. The fad of ‘reality’ shows goes away – need I explain this one?

9. Government of Goa first starts collecting garbage before it builds that sealink between Panjim & Vasco – talk about priorities!!

10. You are nicer to your family & friends – awww, that was soooo sweet. Surely you can do this for me?

50 Word Stories - Part 3

2009-08-27T15:33:00.003+05:30

1. Rumble in the Jungle
The mob of beasts lumbered towards him. Slowly at first and then faster. Even from this distance he could hear the racket they made. Snarling, sometimes at each other, they would kill him if he wasn’t careful.

He glanced at his nervous deputy and said, ‘Turn the traffic light red’.

2. Picked from a Line Up
The moment she walked in the store, I knew she was trouble. I’d seen her type before. Rich, young, bored. Her husband didn’t pay her attention anymore so she went looking for trouble. Just my luck. She looked towards me and my heart sank.

‘I’ll take that poodle’ she said.

3. I Need a Break
I glanced at my watch. Just 4 o’clock! When would this day end? I had taken enough crap from these people the last few days. I needed a break. I needed my sanctum, my zone. I needed to get away from them.

Why aren't the stock markets open on weekends?

Enough is Enough

2009-08-25T19:09:00.006+05:30

Here's one of the most powerful videos I've seen in a long time....And the music is awesome!

I've seen this video a number of times since yesterday and each time it connects in a different way.

When I first saw it I was horrified. The scenes which show the whale in its death throes, the rotting dolphin and the animals hung by the side of the road really disgusted me. They also made me feel ashamed. For being part of a species that can cause so much death & destruction. We aspire to noble sentiments, think of ourselves as God's children. Yet at the same time we turn a blind eye to what we don't want to know and continue to do the Devil's work.

But then the video changes its theme within a few seconds. I think that the scene with the wall of children's drawings marks the turning point. It is as if to say, 'Okay we've messed up in the past. But we can change the future.' And the lone Greenpeace activist calls in for help. His buddies arrive and you begin to think that the tide can turn.

The latter half of the video gives you a sense of hope and a realization that action is needed. I think Greenpeace has done a brilliant job showing the kind of dedication that people have for the environment. They've also shown how tough, and dangerous, their job is. Not to mention how harsh the authorities can be.

Its a great video with many great scenes. One that sticks in my mind is the banner which says, 'Enough is Enough'. Of course, its a lot easier to watch a video than it is to stop climate change. But unless we draw the line somewhere, how will we know when Enough... really IS enough?

The Anti-MBA: Return on Documentation & Common Sense

2009-07-06T17:07:00.006+05:30

We MBAs love to coin terms, invent frameworks, run regressions and perform analyses. It’s what we get paid to do and, often enough, it’s how we justify our existence in an organization. When you can bandy about terms like ‘positive network externalities’, ‘time compression diseconomics, ‘coefficient of regression’, ‘sustainable competitive advantage’, people tend to think that you are someone who knows a lot.

I’ve seen people run regressions and come out with statements like, ‘In order to turn around the hotel, we need to fire 273 people’. Hmmm, an interesting number and the speaker’s confidence might make you believe that his word was gospel truth. But in this case, there were two minor flaws in the argument. One, people don’t draw the same salaries, so do we pull names out of a hat and say, ‘Sorry old chap. This recession is a real pain’? The second flaw with this brilliant quantitative analysis was that the total number of data points used to run the regression was…. 3. Yes, 3. It’s the number that comes after 2 and before 4. You didn’t need MS Excel 2007 and a bunch of, in this case, overpaid MBAs to do the analysis for you. You could have managed with a 3 year old who knew how to connect the dots with a pencil and a ruler.

Now I am no 3 year old (though I used to be), but I do have an open mind. Today I learnt a new term called Return on Documentation, or as some of you might prefer, ROD. Given the pathetic money I’ve earned from the Google ads on this blog (subtle hint for you) I personally think that ROD has very little significance in the real world. But I wouldn’t want my bitter experiences with Google to taint what should be an objective discussion.

Don’t get me wrong. I think doing an MBA was a marvelous thing. I went from being grossly underpaid to marginally underpaid on the financial front. But intellectually, it opened up many new avenues to my tiny brain and gave me a slightly better understanding of how things work. It also allowed me to meet some of the most interesting, genuine and hardworking people I know – the housekeeping staff and the librarians at ISB.

Jokes apart an MBA did change my life. For the better. The reason I wrote this post is only because I feel that a lot of the jargon is well, just that. Jargon. The same goes for most of the analysis we do. I often get the feeling that it is done to cover our backsides in the event that things go wrong. ‘Look, we did our due diligence, it’s just that the macro-environment changed’.

But isn’t that what we’re supposed to plan for? We’ve all heard of the 5Cs & 4Ps of marketing. To this list of management by alphabet, I would like to add ‘6Ps of Strategy’. The 6Ps are ‘Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance’. Might sound to you as stating the obvious. That’s exactly my point. A lot of what we MBAs pass off as management techniques are actually different forms of a simple thing invented by cave men. It’s called Common Sense. (Cave Man: Fire hot, no touch. Tiger Angry, no tease. Mother-in-law coming, no drink with buddies).

Take some common sense, add plenty of humility & genuineness, throw in some healthy respect for numbers, a touch of street smart and finally a dash of willingness to take decisions and you’ll make a pretty decent manager.

Now that I know the recipe, I need to start making one myself.

I Wish I Knew

2009-06-22T22:42:00.004+05:30

A few things that have crossed my mind from time to time. Maybe you can help me with the following:

1. Orange - is the fruit named after the colour or is it the other way around?

2. How on earth did someone think of 'Bluetooth'? Will we soon have 'Greenhair' or 'Blackleg'?

3. When all of us have mobiles, why do we still wear watches?

4. When the anesthetic needle hurts, isn't it defeating the whole purpose of getting anesthetized?

5. What language do dogs dream in?

6. Why can't they invent a towel that doesn't have lint (or whatever) when its new?

7. What would your dead relatives think of you if they could actually observe you all the time?

8. When women wear trousers or pants, its considered modern or professional or even normal. But when (some) men wear skirts, they are called cross dressers (amongst other things)?

9. Would we really laugh at half of the jokes on sitcoms if it wasn't for the canned laughter?

10. Why aren't you making me rich by clicking on those crappy Google ads?

Strangers In The Dark

2009-06-19T14:36:00.000+05:30

I saw a man last night.
Under a tree, in the shadows.
Broken, beaten, homeless, friendless.
And worst of all, without hope.

He had rags for clothes, foot sores for shoes, lice for company.
He was half sitting, half lying down.
Like he couldn’t decide whether to give up on life,
Or whether to rave one last time at the world.

He stared into the darkness.
Was he staring into the darkness of his soul?
He had probably known better days,
But then his shirt had probably known a better owner.

Our paths crossed, but our eyes never locked.
He stayed in his world, and couldn’t leave it even if he tried.
I felt bad for the briefest of minutes.
But then I stepped into the light and drove to the mall.

An Open Letter

2009-06-18T09:29:00.005+05:30

Dear Learned Indian,

I hope you will help me sort out a few things in my head. I watch you on TV, read of you in the papers and see you on the roads. Your confidence and knowledge shines through in your opinions that you so generously share with everyone. I am sure that you will help me figure out the following:

1. Why do you get angry when Indian boys are beaten up in Australia, but you think it's good fun to tease or molest young white girls when they come to your country? Pardon me for asking, but isn't the saying 'Atithi Devo Bhava' and not 'Atithi Babe Bhava'?

2. On one hand you have very high expectations from your cricket team and do not tolerate any mistakes or losses. At the same time you continue to vote for the same corrupt criminals. I mean, aren't they both an overpaid bunch of people who under perform, and yet have an exaggerated sense of their own importance?

3. You talk of Indian culture, or should I Bharatiya Sanskriti, yet you love to see semi naked women gyrating obscenely in the Swiss Alps in your movies. How many of you actually go for Indian plays or dance performances? I'll bet you haven't read Kalidas, but can recall at least a few words from Shakespeare?

4. Why do you smirk when the Pakistani army fights in the Swat valley, yet change the channel when the news reports another Naxalite attack in some district? Is it really true that one country's problem is a civil war and the other's is just a domestic issue? Or is that starved tribals and their children are not from your India and so shouldn't disturb your comfortable world?

5. Why are you so impatient when you drive your car and honk all the time, and yet you don't mind waiting for hours when you to a Government office? Does honking actually make traffic move faster? And do babus really deserve your respect?

These are just a few things that came to mind. I see you offering, what must be, informed opinions all the time on TV and any other public forums so I guess you are far wiser than I. Please enlighten me, oh scion of an ancient and glorious land.

Yours Logically,
A Confused Indian

PS: Except for the first point, I am as guilty as any of all the points I have raised. Am not casting stones, am just looking in the mirror.

The Value of Money

2009-04-08T09:41:00.004+05:30

'75 rupees for a pencil! Don't be silly!'. The shock on his face as he looked at his daughter said it all. He was amused that someone could actually demand that much for a pencil, surprised that people would be prepared to pay for it, embarrassed that I had noticed him and ashamed that he couldn't afford it.

I was at the counter of a book store when this little girl came running up to her dad with a shiny silver pen-pencil. 'Papa, papa... I want this one'. I didn't pay any attention at first till her dad expressed his views on expensive pencils.

I glanced at the child. She wore a school uniform. It was a clean but worn out. Probably handed down from an elder sibling or relative. Her hair had been cut really short. She had either come back from Tirupati or her barber didn't like her or her parents thought that stubble on a girl's head was a great way of beating the heat.

The father was probably in his mid 20s. He had an honest and straightforward manner. I guess he worked as a junior executive in a company. Or so I'd like to think.

'Please Papa, please'. I felt like giving the child the pencil she so badly wanted. The father caught my gaze and knew I was observing the two of them. For a second he looked down at the child and then addressed me. 'She has to learn the value of money'.

And with that he gently led the bawling girl away from the counter.

I stood there for a while and thought about my own childhood. My parents weren't rich but they never denied my brother or me anything we asked for. In fact, there were times when they put our entertainment (video game) ahead of their comfort (desert cooler). I don't recall ever throwing a tantrum in a store. Probably because my grandparents got us all the latest toys from Canada. Yet, that scene in the book store gave me a small insight into what it must be like to be a parent and have to provide for another person's needs.

Managing your own needs is one thing. Having to look after a child or a parent who is totally dependent on you is another. For a minute I wondered how I would handle my kids' demands. Then I remembered that my parents had taught us the value of money. And knew I would do just fine.

So I collected my book and walked out of the store with a smile on my face.

Thank you Mom, Dad, Grandma and Gramps.

Global Warming At Home

2009-03-28T09:49:00.004+05:30

I defrosted my fridge last night and woke up to see the effects of global warming first hand. In my dining room.

Huge ice caps had melted. Water covered what used to be dry land (my living room). Food supplies (milk and veges) were thrown into disarray. Fresh water (cold) became scarce. Long forgotten plants and animals, aka food packets, were rediscovered under the mass of ice. Inaccessible regions, like the back of my freezer, became easy to reach. Man had to survive on whatever he could find to eat (bread and jam).

It was like watching 'The Day After Tomorrow' and 'Ice Age 2'.

And if the look on my maid's face when she saw the mess is a true reflection of her feelings, social unrest is just around the corner. 'Water World', here we come.

Work and Me

2009-02-22T08:57:00.002+05:30

I just realized that if 'work is worship', I am an atheist.

PS - Vaze, please make note of the above statement. Don't try to palm it off as yours.

50 Word Stories - Part 2

2009-02-21T11:18:00.001+05:30

1. The Pole
He looked at the pole at his workplace. Strong, hard, metallic, male. Every day he would wear his hat & slide on it. Girls giggled when he talked about it. They’d bat their eyelids, smile and want one thing only.

‘So mister, what’s it like to be a … fireman?’

2. Burning Flesh
She stared at the flames. They had a hypnotic effect & were mocking her. She was trapped. Why had she ever entered this room? Flesh was burning before her eyes. Something had to be done or she was doomed. Panic!

‘How’s that roast coming along?’, asked the Master Chef.

3. Waiting
Cold sweat. Racing heart beats. Dub dub dub. The excitement of what was to come. Why had they done it? Why had they waited so long? Their lives had changed forever. Anticipation. Love. Panic. Worry. Joy. Mixed emotions.

‘Congratulations, your wife just gave birth to a boy’, said the doctor.

Football's All Time Greatest XI

2009-02-18T16:02:00.007+05:30

Just for the heck of it, I came up with my All Time Greatest XI. It was a helluva lot of fun coming up with the list. Though, most of the players would feature in almost anyone's All Time Greatest XI.

After a lot of consideration, I opted for a 3-5-2 formation. For the uninformed, that means 3 defenders, 5 midfielders and 2 forwards. Given the talent and skill that these players possess, I guess any formation would do.

Strikers - Mueller and Pele
Attacking Midfielders - Puskas and Maradon
Wingers - Cruijff (left) and Garrincha (right)
Holding Midfielder - Matthaeus
Defenders - Maldini & Baresi
Sweeper - Beckenbaur
Goalkeeper - Yashin

Pele and Mueller were shoo ins for me. I couldn't think of anyone else to play as strikers. I think that Mueller's finishing skills are second to none. And Pele is Pele. But just in case they have an off day, I've put Puskas and Maradona as attacking midfielders right behind them. Maradona's a genius. Arguably the best footballer ever (some might say Pele), and no team would be complete without him.
Now I know that Puskas wasn't a pure midfielder, but with his talent and goal scoring abilities (84 international goals in 85 matches), I just couldn't leave him out.

The same with Cruijff. He was one of the greatest forwards to play the game. But he was also the best proponent of Total Football. So I can put him anywhere I want in the field. And he'd still run circle around his opponents :-) And Garrincha just has to be the best right winger ever. The magic he worked with those bent legs is one of the reasons why Pele won so many World Cups.

Okay, we've assembled an awesome attack. But you need someone to hold it all together. To my mind, Lothar Matthaeus is that man. He would play as a holding/defensive midfielder, protect the defenders and link up with the forwards. I think a player who won EVERYTHING except the Champions League and who Maradona called 'my greatest oppponent' gets the nod for this position.

Now, in the unlikely event that someone manages to get the ball and hold on to it for more than 2 passes, they would run into a stone wall. Maldini and Baresi would be prowling around just behind Matthaeus and would shut down any thoughts they had of crossing the half line mark. And with the Kaiser playing as sweeper, I doubt that Yashin would have much to do other than stretch around.

As you can see, this team is built for one thing - camp inside the other team's half. Unrelenting pressure, constant ball possession and mindblowing dribbling would be the way to go. Score goals, score more goals and then score even more would be the game plan.

There are a few other players I did consider. George Best, Marco van Basten, Michel Platini, Uwe Seeler, Bobby Charlton, Nilton Santos, Alfredo di Stefano, Socrates, Romario, Sepp Maier to name a few. I guess you could put together a very good team with them too. I left them out for different reasons. Best, di Stefano and van Basten mainly because while they achieved club level superstardom its the international matches which count. The others were good, very very good in fact. Its just that there were better players in those positions.

So that's my XI. Maybe you think that you can come up with a better team. Let me know. :-)

Lyrical Poetry - Part 1

2009-02-17T17:16:00.003+05:30

Hey Andy, did you hear about this one?
I’ve fallen in love for the first time.
I don't know where my soul is,
Said I loved you but I lied.
I’m living in a dream, a fantasy
I have become comfortably numb.

I met a gin soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis,
She took me in and gave me breakfast.
And she left before I had the chance to say,
I don't wanna be lonely no more.
I take my chance on a beautiful stranger,
If that's the way it must be, okay.

How can I tell her about you?
Because it ain't no use.
You built my hopes so high then ya let me down,
And all that's left is that image that I'll find a way.
I just can't believe that it's over,
I'd turn around if you'd just ask me one more time

Before you think I have completely lost it and have gone from being a bad writer to a horrible poet, allow me to explain myself. I didn't pen the lines above. They are taken from different songs. I just created a collage of words of sorts. And tried to make some kind of sense of it. :-)

The songs in the same order are:

First Para
1. Man on the Moon - R.E.M.
2. I Want to Break Free - Queen
3. I am Like a Bird - Nelly Furtado
4. Said I Loved You - Michael Bolton
5. Dreamer - Ozzy Osbourne
6. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Second Para
1. Honky Tonk Woman - The Rolling Stones
2. Down Under - Men at Work
3. Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5
4. Lonely No More - Rob Thomas
5. Beautiful Stranger - Maddona
6. Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison

Third Para
1. How Can I Tell Her - Lobo
2. Dancing on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie
3. I Can't Quit You - Led Zeppelin
4. Don't Stop - The Rolling Stones
5. So Long Jimmy - James Blunt
6. Don't Fall in Love with a Dreamer - Kenny Rogers

Save Rani Bagh

2009-02-15T12:50:00.003+05:30

In spite of Tata Tea's best efforts I have decided that I will not register to vote. No, it's not because I am what the ancient Greeks would call and 'idiot' (someone who does not exercise his right to vote). Actually, I am what a lot of modern Indians would call an idiot, but that is a different story. The reason I have chosen not to vote is that I don't see the point of it.

Okay, before you start screaming that every vote counts let me clarify that I like the concept of universal franchise and democracy. I also believe that people should vote. In principle. But this morning I realised that there are other problems, bigger and more pressing, that I would rather help resolve. The environment to begin with. I think that what we are doing to the environment will have a much more severe and long term impact than deciding which party deserves your vote. A 100 years from now people will curse/thank us for who we voted for in the elections of 2009, but they will curse/thank us for what we did to save the planet.

So I have chosen a cause. You might argue that saving the environment has nothing to do with exercising your vote. And you're probably right. But I just don't give a rat's ass about which crook and his/her bunch of thugs comes to power. They are all the same. Now that's my stance. You're welcome to choose your own line of action.

As the first step towards trying to clean up this mess, I have signed an online petition to save Rani Bagh Botanical Gardens in Mumbai. Its a small step, but it is something at least.

Turns out that the Muncipal Corporation in Bombay wants to modernize this park which was set up in 1861. A noble thought, especially if you consider that they are willing to spend Rs. 433 Crores and pay a Thai and an American company to do it. Really, a noble thought.

Turns out that they planned to lop off most of the 3,177 and build a new aquarium, theatre, and exploration centre, car park, staff quarters, and expansion of the animal hospital. When the plan was opposed by environmentalists and conscientious bureaucrats (S.K. Patnaik and Dr. Rommel Mehta), the Central Zoo Authority told the BMC not to fell a single tree. However, the Machiavellian babus managed to get the order amended to state that 'diseased' trees could be felled.

Diseased trees! How about shooting diseased babus as well?

Anyway, the fight is still going on between the forces of good and the BMC. You can do your bit by signing this online petition. It barely takes 30 seconds. I know, coz I did it. And it beats standing in line outside a voting booth anyday.

About Me

2009-02-09T21:54:00.004+05:30

I started this blog to write about myself. Along the way, I realized that people also like to read stuff about less interesting topics. (Smile). It suddenly struck me that it's been a while since I wrote something about yours truly. So here is a post that just about me.

Hold your breath, here we go...

1. I have studied in 8 different schools from the first grade to the twelfth. My favourite school was K.V. Arakkonam. Played the toughest sports, made the best of friends and ran after the prettiest of girls.

2. I learnt to ride my bike and drive my car after I bought both.

3. I have never given an interview and not got the job. I have also never been selected from a group discussion.

4. Someday I'll work for Greenpeace.

5. I've been lucky with friends. My best friends have invariably been smarter, kinder, more popular, wiser and truer than me.

6. I think that there will be more dogs in heaven than people. I also think that they will be happy to see me.

7. I have read Lord of the Rings thrice.

8. If I didn't wear specs, I could have become a navy fighter pilot.

9. I am right handed, except when it comes to holding a guitar, a rifle or a bow.

10. I have been house captain 4 times in school. Yet I can't remember the name of the house I was captain of in 12th standard.

11. I used to play as a central midfielder for the football team in college. I wore the number 13 jersey.

12. I can't play a musical instrument to save my life. And I doubt I can ever learn. You see, I am TONE deaf.

13. Till 6 months ago I didn't know the basics of cooking. Now, my friends' wives lecture their husbands about how they should learn from me. My friends secretly tell me that their wives ought to learn too.

14. I believe in true love. I just wonder if I'll be lucky enough to find it.

15. I think I should stop now.

2009-01-21T17:15:00.003+05:30

I first started blogging on 7th July 2007. It is now 21st Jan 2009. As per my blog counter it has taken me that long to receive 2009 visitors. Hmmm...

Here's proof...

Wonder how long it will take for me to reach 3000 visitors. Here's to popular blogging.

A Recession Proof Business

2009-01-20T16:47:00.001+05:30

In these recession hit times, investors and entrepreneurs are searching for the elusive ‘recession proof’ industry. It’s like the Holy Grail. Everyone wants to find it, everyone is looking for it, no one has a clue as to what it might be, but we all know that it’s a huge jackpot.

Well, I think I just might have discovered it. At least theoretically.

First of all, let’s identify a recession resistant activity. It would have to be something really basic. Something that everyone wants to do. Hmmm. The 3 basic needs of man – food, shelter and sex. (The 3 basic needs of women are – gossiping, shopping and chocolate). So that leaves us with eating, sleeping or humping. Being a normal guy, I chose to explore the last activity.

Now, if one looks at the rate at which India’s population is growing it is obvious that people are … well… doing it. And doing it as often as they’ve been doing it for the last 100 years. The Government of India claims that every minute 48 people are born in this country. So if there are 5.25 lakh minutes in year, that must mean that there are 25 million people being born (theoretically) every year.

It’s a known fact that not every act of pleasure results in acts of joy or of sheer terror (depending on your relationship), so let us assume a 20% ‘hit ratio’. You might disagree with the 20% number, but that’s up to you. Therefore, there are 12 crore 61 lakh times that people do it every year without any form of contraception. Imagine that, people are getting laid that many times without a care in the world!

Course, not every guy who gets horny has plans of becoming a proud daddy. So let’s say that just 10% of the people wanted to have kids. The others just wanted to have fun. Logically, this means that the remaining 90% of the people boned each other without any form of protection or insurance. That’s a staggering 11 crore 35 lakh acts of free pleasure. With nothing coming in between the partners.

Now if you assume a packet of raincoats costs you 20 bucks and you get 3 missile caps in each, it gives you a Total Available Market (TAM) of almost 76 crores.

Those of you in the FMCG, and I mean realllllyyyyyyy FMCG, might want to give this a thought. Who says you can’t have fun and still get laid… oops, I meant paid… for it during these times?

For the rest of you, I think I need to get something to do with all the spare time I have. I just wanted to point out that there is plenty of money on the table, or in this case …. On the bed.

The Purpose of Art..

2009-01-18T23:11:00.002+05:30

Ever wondered why they made you attend music lessons in school, or drawing class or made you read those boring hindi poems (CBSE) that seemed to make very little sense. Ever asked yourself what the point was when they wouldn't get you into that engineering/medical college? Ever found reading boring?

Well, Dana Gioia certainly has a lot of the answers. Take my advice and fast forward the introduction. If you find what he has to say boring or tedious, then neither he nor I were addressing you. :-)

PS - I know I've been talking a lot about commencement speeches of late. But that's only because I slept through mine. Montek Singh Alhuwalia bored the living daylights out of me & 200 other ISBians from the Class of 2007. He went on and on. No wonder in this country the planning (commission) takes so long.

Gen Next? How About Gen Now?

2009-01-17T21:31:00.006+05:30

After watching Steve Job's Stanford 2005 Commencement Speech for the nth time, I decided to check out some of the subsequent commencement speeches made at Stanford. I struggled for 8 minutes with Oprah (2008) talking about herself & her god daughter (Class of 2008) and shamelessly trying to play to the gallery before I had enough of the woman. I then saw the link for the speech in 2006 by Tom Brokaw.

I have never heard of Tom Brokaw before. Turns out he is a world famous and, unlike Oprah, is also a learned person who has worked as a TV journalist all over the world for the last 30 years. His speech was that of a mature man who has seen a lot that life has to offer. It was also polished and hard hitting, as one would expect from an experienced journalist. Unlike Steve Jobs who talked about deeply personal lessons or Oprah who talked just plain crap, Tom focused on the responsibility that the Stanford class had to other people.

He talked about how he has interviewed the most famous & powerful people on the planet, and yet is still humbled by men & women who dedicate their lives to serve causes. The point he made about biologists in the Amazonian rain forests who endure illness, danger & discomfort just to try & catalog species before they are wiped out was a strong one. More so was the story he told about a doctor from a poor family who took a huge loan to go to Stanford & then went and joined Doctors Without Borders so that he could save children. The story of the Mongolian nomad who rode 15 miles on his horse just to vote held the class in rapt attention.

Tom then went on to remind his audience of the what he called 'the greatest generation America ever produced'. He was referring to the men & women who overcame the Great Depression, defeated the Axis Powers in WW2, laid the foundations for America to become the most powerful nation in the world, and yet found the time & compassion to not only rebuild their erstwhile enemies but also to liberate blacks & women in America.

Now my question to you is this, what kind of generation will we in India be remembered as? Where are the leaders who will do a Roosevelt for us? How many people are there amongst us who will take the path less traveled and turn their backs on the corporate rat race? How many of us actually care about the environment or the plight of people who aren't as fortunate as we are?

A close friend of mine often derides this nation for its plight. She says that we deserve to be poor and backward. Maybe she's right. There are times when I can't help but agree with her. But there are also times when I feel that this cannot be our answer. I personally know that almost all (of the little) that I have achieved has been due to the support & values that my parents gave me. I certainly didn't 'deserve' to be their son. I was just lucky. And so are most of us. As much as we'd like to think that we are self made men & women, we're not. We're the product of what our parents, our teachers, our friends and if you stretch the point, our country has made us.

Maybe its time we stopped worrying about things like our stock portfolio, our last rating at work, our next promotion, the new car the neighbour just bought and god knows what else.

There are much bigger challenges our generation has to deal with. Global warming, terrorism, religious intolerance, poverty, environmental degradation, pollution. Take your pick.

Unlike our parents & their parents, we've been lucky enough to never know what food shortages, foreign rule, lack of jobs & opportunities are. We've grown up in a land of plenty, we've been educated in the best institutions and we're armed with the latest technology.

This is our time. If we don't make a difference now, we never will. Steve Jobs spoke about how though we are young now, not too far in the future we will be 'the old' that has to make way for 'the new'. We need to ask ourselves if we want to be remembered as the generation that settled for reality shows when it had the chance to save the planet?

Ladies & Gentlemen / Boys & Girls, the clock is ticking....

50 Word Stories

2009-01-03T20:34:00.004+05:30

1. Knock Knock.. Open
You fat, lazy, greedy swine. How dare you ignore me? Look at me when I talk to you! Open this door right now. I was doing this before you learnt how to drive that fancy car. Ungrateful wretch. Don’t you know you’re supposed to give alms to beggars during Ramzan?

2. The New Girl
Nervous? Scared? Terrified? That’s how she felt on the first day at the new school. Groups of children stood in the corridors. Girls giggled as she passed. Boys whistled at her. ‘One last chance to run’ she told herself and entered the classroom.

‘Good morning teacher’ they screamed in glee.

3. The Judge
The judge sneered at the doomed man. He was sweating. The judge could sense the executioner running towards them from behind. The crowd bayed for blood. The man’s partner didn’t even look at him. Cowards!

The judge’s finger twitched. He was desperate to raise it and say ‘That’s out’.

4. The I-Fisherman
I opened a beer, applied some sun-tan lotion & wore my Ray-Bans. Blue skies, calm seas & a good boat. What else could a man want? Immediately my Blackberry beeped. What did the bitch want? Another distressed client? Another deal to save?

‘Fuck off’ I said and threw it overboard.

A New Beginning

2009-01-03T10:07:00.003+05:30

Hello World,

It's a new year. A chance to make a fresh start. A chance to look back, learn from your mistakes, laugh at the good memories and move ahead. Let's forget 2008 and make the most of 2009.

Here are some things I would like to see happen in this year:

1. Manmohan Singh finally show some spine and take on the pakis.
2. Obama give a huge boost to green technology.
3. Roger Federer win BOTH the French Open & Wimbledon. (The other two don't really count)
4. My credit card bill disappear.
5. A blanket ban on whaling.
6. A decent coalition come to power at the centre after the general elections.
7. Bin Laden finally gets caught.
8. The Large Haldron Collider that CERN built actually works & they discover whatever they were looking for.
9. The second season of IPL is shorter, but just as much fun as the first.
10. Bayern Munich do well in the Champions League.

Most of these 'wishes' are at a global level. But if you really ask me, I'd settle for just wish number 4 coming true. :-)

Cheerio Folks, have a great year ahead. Keep reading, keep commenting and most importantly, keep clicking on the google ads (only those you think are relevant..wink wink).

Goodbye 2008

2008-12-31T11:40:00.003+05:30

Goodbye 2008. I don't think I will miss you too much. You started off well but then slowly showed us your true colours. I think I was a happier person 365 days ago. I really could have done without you.

Sure, you did bring me some good things. A much much much better job, new friends, Abhinav Bindra's gold medal, Dhoni's captaincy, the end of Aussie dominance at cricket, George Bush's 'sole mate', Obama winning, The Dark Knight and many other small pleasures which I can't recall.

But you also brought a load of crap. Federer losing Wimbledon, Germany losing the Euro final, 26/11, Manmohan Singh, Deshmukh, Raj Thackeray, RR Patil, Shivraj Patil, Anutulay, the economy going down the drain, Kumble's injury, the iPhone in India, Solstice 2008. Uggh, the list goes on and on.

The thing that I hold most against you is that you gave us hope and optimism. Then snatched it away. You've been a bad year. We may remember you for a long time, but I doubt we'll ever think well of you. Go away now!!

So 2009, if you're listening... please note that I am already scared of what I've heard you're going to bring. Global warming, economic doomsday, terrorism.... Are you really that nasty? Do take pity on us and try to be nice.

I Told You So

2008-12-17T10:09:00.005+05:30

I hate to sound like a 'I Told You So', but check out the post I wrote in July 2006.

'Who Needs the Pakis'

Am getting tired of our netas talking about 'the world's obligation to help us' (Hey spineless PM, no one is going to come & help us. Please behave like a true sikh) and how we have ruled out the military option (Why take it off the table? You think the Pakis will be convinced with our evidence once they know we don't have the balls to act?) and how we will provide evidence when the time is right (If not now, then when will the time be right you buffoon!).

Lets face it guys. We're a soft pushover of a nation. And worse, a bully. Our netas will send their goondas to beat up taxi drivers & kill doctors. But when the real enemy shows up ..... neither the netas or the gundas are to be seen. And the netas who do make a appearance, end up insulting the brave men & women who give their lives for this country by turning the whole thing into a media grabbing mockery.

So lets go back to playing cricket, watching reality TV and blogging. Cuz none of us, certainly not me, are going to really do anything that will change the sorry state of affairs.

Now, I love my country, am proud of it and am hopeful of what we might achieve. But I also believe in what Mark Twain said, “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”

Jai Hind

Mumbai – Maatam Ka Shahar ... By Arvind 'Deddy' Mundra

2008-12-04T10:06:00.003+05:30

This happens to be the first hindi post on my blog. Now, don't start laughing. I didn't compose it. An old friend of mine, Arvind Mundra (aka Deddy.. from the famous Boney M song.. 'She Loves Her Deddy') wrote this beautiful poem.

Ye jo abhi haal tak jadu ka nagar tha..
Ab Maatam ka shahar hai..

Kuchh napunsak safed labaas wale,
jinke daaman mai khoon sabse lal lagna chahiye,
phir apni hijri zubaan hilate nazar aa rahe hai..

Ye vahi hai jo haath jhod ke aapka vote mangenge,
Aur phir besharmon ki tarah,
haath baandhe aapke maatam mai shaamil ho jaynege..

yun lagta hain
jaise aap vote nahi, maatam-nama de rahe ho..

Magar gaur se dekhe to,
Napunsak to hum sabhi hai..
Jo ek faulad ki aulad nahi paida kar paaye..
Ilzaam to hamare safed khoon pe hai,
Jo lal hoke bhi lal nahi hai..
Jisme faulad ki kamee hai..

Aur aisa khoon bah bhi jaaye
To kya maatam karna..

Aao us din ka intezaar kare,
Jab khoon tadaf ke ye na kahe ke aur mat bahao mujhe,
Main tumhe faulad ki aulad dene ko taiyar hoon..

6 Years Ago

2008-12-02T21:14:00.005+05:30

The Time: 7:20 AM

The Date: 2nd December 2002

The Place: Hotel Ganesh, Trivandrum

A group of nervous young men sat in a rickety old Mahindra van. Some of them clutched thick folders filled with educational qualifications, as if to reassure themselves that they belonged here. Others adjusted their ties and smoothened their hair, as if to convince themselves that they looked the part of an IT consultant. One or two messaged their loved ones, seeking comfort as they were about to start on the longest & most important journey of their lives.

All of them wondered what the next two and a half months held in store.

They cast glances at each other. Quick. Furtive. Wary. Some sought allies. Others looked at potential competitors. None of them was willing to break the ice. So they waited, smiled at each other politely and tried to control the tension they felt.

This group of 28 men were later joined by 4 ladies. They were then told that their batch number was T-35. It was a number that was to stay with them for a long time.

Within two weeks, T-35 had forged a unity and an identity that the other trainee batches could only admire. From a distance. This bunch of mechanical, civil, electrical engineers and even one architect learnt more from each other than they did from the visiting faculty.

From Chacha, they learnt how much fun Vietnamese & Thai girls were.
From Shishu, they learnt that you should not drink a whole bottle of neat vodka and then expect to walk home on your own.
From Joker, they learnt that life could always be made a little happier with a good song.
From Predator, they learnt that when people fall asleep during your presentation, it is time to stop.
From Psycho, they learnt a million things about Jadhavpur University.
From Guruji, they learnt how to play TT.
From Badman, they learnt that if you lose your cool, you just might lose your job (Thanks Slow for saving Badman)
From Cartoon, they learnt that artists don't always get the hot babes.
From HTBC, they learnt that you should pay more attention to the person giving you instructions.
From Ganya Don, they learnt that the same joke could be told to the same set of drunk guys a dozen times & still be a hit.
From Bageera, they learnt that Infosys has stronger internal processes than TCS.
From Amma, they learnt that when your teammate refuses to cooperate, you will have to make a presentation on the fly.
From Bhootni, they learnt the term 'ila lala lala'.
From Aunty, they learnt how to be friendly and still be aloof.
From Lady Don, they learnt that not all bong women are... well, bong women.
From Slow, they learnt that sheer brainpower, or luck, would beat laziness hands down.
From Tension, they learnt that Brinda the Queen was divorced thrice, not twice.
From Good Boy, they learnt that you could be the only sober guy at a party and still wake up with puke all over you.
From Deddy, they learnt that even architects can code. Or at least try.
From Rebel, they learnt the true meaning of the term 'Rebel without a cause'.
From Bond, they learnt that if you stay awake till 3 AM every night reading Tintin comics, you won't be able to get ready in time for office.
From Vakeel Babu, they learnt that the workers and management at Ford ate together at the same canteen.
From Metla, they learnt that TCS pays different salaries for people in California than they do for the rest of the US.
From Saa Rukh, they learnt the meaning of the term TUMPA.

They also learnt a lot of other things. How much booze to pour in your glass while dining with a client for one. How you don't need to be a Comp Sci Engineer to be a cyber coolie for another. But the best thing that they learnt is that you can spend just a few months with someone and still remain friends with them for the rest of your lives.

T-35 went on weekend trips together, they got drunk and then saw elephants in the shadows, they walked the streets of Kanyakumari barefoot while looking for precious alcohol, they organized the best parties at the hostel, they were the only batch to defy the 'under inspection order' and cheer when one of them (Amma) won the best student award, they tried to cut the kaddu and share it though that didn't work out, they gave a new meaning to the terms 'batting' and 'bowling'.

Yes T-35, we did 'bring TCS to life'. At least for a few months. :-)

Mark My Words

2008-11-28T23:15:00.002+05:30

The last couple of days have been unprecedented. At least for me. Yes, there have been terror attacks before… in my country & even in my city. But this was different. This wasn’t just an act of terror. It was an act of war!

To see videos of men roaming the streets of South Bombay and shooting people, to see the Taj Mahal Hotel burn, to hear firsthand about the mayhem inside the Trident, to have two dear friends trapped in a building next to Nariman House was too much even for someone as nonchalant & detached as me.

You sick bastards! I know you’re burning in hell. No matter what your instructors told you, there wont be 72 virgins waiting for you with wine. There’ll be an evil looking creature with a forked tail and a wicked grin. And he’s going to say, ‘Welcome back boys. Now let me have some fun with your sorry asses’. Make no mistake. You and your kind will burn in hell. Because there is no God(s) who would have asked you to do what you just did. You just did the Devil’s work, you stupid morons.

I have two things to say to the planners of this genocide. First, we’ll get you, you bloody cowards. We’ll hunt you down and make you pay for this. Even if we don’t, someday you will have to answer to a higher authority.

And second, we have survived invasions from the Huns, recovered from Ghazni & Ghouri and even outlasted the British Empire. You dumb fucks, do you actually think that we’ll be defeated by a squad of 20 year olds? Screw you! We’re going to rebuild the Taj Mahal Hotel… make it better and grander. We’re going to honour our dead soldiers. We’re going to pick up the pieces. And then, you motherfuckers, we’re going to come after you.

Jai Hind

Career Definition... By Nitin Sareen

2008-11-21T12:56:00.004+05:30

Since I am on a sabbatical, a good friend of mine Nitin Sareen (the daddy of organized people) has decided to contribute a post to the blog. I think its a well written piece. And unlike my off-the-cuff posts, he has obviously spent a lot of time crafting this one. Read it, I think you'll enjoy it.

So What is a Career Anyway?

The mostly ominous news about the global economic crisis these days, has led me to wonder whether our definition of a successful career and the social implications of having one, is at the root of this mayhem. The leaders of the firms which have gone bust recently were in those positions because they had exceptionally successful careers thus far. So why did they fail? I believe the answer lies in understanding the single measure for choosing a corporate leader today – A successful career.

As the world progressed from biblical times to today’s jet age, people became increasingly obsessed with the aspect of their lives which relates to what they do for a living. History has always been written about the winner, the wealthy, the famous and the powerful. Not surprisingly therefore, in modern times, the word “career” relates to how successful one has been in accumulating a combination of fame and wealth via what they do for a living. Rarely do we see “career” being equated to anything other than this. Therefore a successful career person is one who by virtue of his single minded focus on ‘working to get rich or famous or both’, has actually done it.

Until recently, the top career choices for a typical B-School graduate would be Investment Banking & Consulting followed by leadership positions across industries. Why? Having run the rat race myself, upon introspection, I think the answer lies in every graduate trying to build a successful career –a way to make your daily bread which puts you on the fast track to being rich & famous. While the winner’s of this race are most certainly stalwarts of industry today, the so called “losers” continue hone their skills to enter the get-rich-quick highway. I wonder if the craze for these professions would be as great if they did not fit in perfectly with what today’s society calls a successful career. What about a career in piracy? At least Somalia thinks that piracy fits the bill with the current definition.

So how else could we define career? Perhaps we could begin by going back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Of the five levels of need defined by Maslow, today’s definition of a successful career allows a person to satisfy only to a few needs at each level. Physiological - food & housing; Safety – property & resources; Love/Belonging – nothing here; Esteem – respect, achievement; Self actualization – problem solving. If self actualization is the highest level of achievement by an individual, then today’s definition of career falls short of selecting such candidates for a traditional Indian arranged marriage, leave alone corporate leadership. With a distorted definition of being successful, most of us are not even aware of the huge gaps in some of our other basic needs and self development, which after a point promotes irrational behavior like excessive greed, appetite for high risk, extra-marital affairs and divorce etc. No wonder there are cases of lack of ethics, prejudice, scandals and deteriorating family life. Therefore learning from this introspection is to broaden the definition of career in terms of a person’s achievement at each level defined by Maslow. Defined this way a successful career person to me would be someone who has worked hard at satisfying all his physiological, safety, love & esteem needs and is moving towards self actualization.

Time Out

2008-11-15T15:53:00.004+05:30

I am thinking of taking a break from blogging. No, its not because I've finally realized that I'll always be a mediocre writer with a limited repertoire. Rather, I have decided to embark on more ambitious writing assignment. One that may or may not lead to anything. But certainly one that will keep me from troubling you for a while.

Now if you are a regular visitor to this blog, this is what I say to you:

1. Don't be so happy. I'll be back to torture you.
2. I have no idea what I am going to write about. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Yet.
3. Be nice to the environment. We're running out of time.

On the other hand if you're a new visitor to this blog, here's what I'll tell you:
1. Where the hell have you been all this while?
2. Why are you still wasting time reading this post? Scroll down and get started on the earlier ones.
3. Be nice to the environment. We're running out of time.

Cheerio folks. For now.

Couchside Romeo

2008-10-27T16:54:00.009+05:30

Yesterday I went to see 'Roadside Romeo' with the Wise One and her cub. The theater was small, kinda basic but surprise, surprise... had plush leather couches instead of the usual seats. This is the first time I have been this comfortable while watching a movie. The fact that the screen was small and the audio system pre-dolby surround sound didn't really matter once your butt made friends with the couch.

So there I was, sipping my diet coke, flexing my weary muscles and waiting for the movie to start. In the first few minutes itself I was caught up in the story and found myself pleasantly surprised with the quality of animation. (I later learnt that Walt Disney had done the animation).

Now as is the usual case, there were people who were late. There were the expected shhhs, excuse mes, shuffling, grumbling while people came to term with this interruption. As the line of late comers passed us, a remarkably beautiful lady came in front of me.

When our bodies aligned (and our fates crossed), she lost her balance. Now I swear to you that I had nothing to do with it. I was only being a polite citizen and had even folded my long legs so that no one tripped over them. But sometimes good things happen to good people. So this beautiful lady, god bless her parents, lost her balance and.... plonk... sat down in my lap.

Imagine my surprise! Imagine the lady's good fortune!! For one timeless moment we gazed at each other. Her eyes seemed to ask me, 'Shouldn't I be sorry?'. My smile seemed to tell her, 'Hell no, its cool'. And for that one moment, we were in perfect understanding.

'Ahem, ahem' said the overgrown uncle/husband/jealous male. And with those unholy words broke the spell. The poor lady pretended to be embarrassed. I pretended that to be nonchalant. Like I was used to gorgeous women sitting in my lap everyday.

She jumped up and scurried away. The 'Charlie Anna' who was the villain of the piece glared at me in the dark. What the joker didn't realize was that with the screen to his back, I couldn't make out any of his expressions. Not that I gave a damn. Jealous boyfriends and aggro brothers are something I've learnt to either ignore or deal with a long time ago. This, was an 'ignore the bozo' moment. So I yawned, craned my neck to the side and said, 'Excuse me'. Talk about cool.

During the rest of the movie, I thought of climbing the roof of the theater (you have to see the movie to know what I mean). And am sure she was hoping I would jump on stage like Roadside Romeo and volunteer to get myself killed (again, you have to see the movie to know what I mean). But when the lights came on we went our separate ways. Separated by a mass of shuffling bodies, a couple of rows and one jealous male.

Ah, that is what movies are for. To blur the lines between reality and magic. If you are lucky the movie takes you to the make-believe land. And if you're luckier, the make-believe land comes to you.

Dog's Best Friend?

2008-10-24T14:58:00.007+05:30

'Excuse me, but how dare you compare my husband to your dogs!'....

Okay hang on, I am getting ahead of myself. Allow me to explain. Am writing this entry to ask you a simple question. 'While dog is supposed to be man's best friend, can we honestly say that man is dog's best friend?'

The other day I was catching up with a friend who I haven't been in touch with for quite a while. Since we last met a lot has happened in both our lives. I went to B school, she went onsite. I got a new job, she got a new bodyguard (husband). I moved to a new city, she moved into her in-laws' place. I met new people and made friends, she made new relatives. Okay, so you get the drift.

Anyway, we were exchanging notes about the mischief one of us had been up to and the domesticated bliss the other one has been.. enjoying. She happened to say that her 'jaan' was away and that she hadn't seen him in 3 DAYS. She then went on to enlighten me about what a great guy he was and how MUCH she missed him. Now, I am a good listener and I try to get involved with the story. So I felt that I should also get into the 'missy-missy' mood. Which is when I decided to miss my dogs. Now since I thought we were having a dialogue, I decided to share with the lady the fact that I too hadn't seen my dogs for 3 weeks, how great they were and how MUCH I missed them. Fair enough?

After my own burst of doggy-woggy emotions, I expected a sympathetic ear. Instead, all I heard was the static from the crappy Airtel network. 'Hello, anyone there?'. Turns out that someone was there. Someone who imagined that her husband, and hence herself, had just been insulted. For a moment I was taken aback. I mean, why would I want to insult someone I haven't even met? Wouldn't that be a waste of my brilliant wit?

After an attempt to clear the air(tel), I decided not to take any more crap and gave it back good & proper. I can understand the lady missing her husband, but why on earth couldn't she understand me missing my dogs? Some people, I tell you! Needless to say, I don't think we'll be exchanging notes for a long time.

Now I know that you're probably thinking that I am going to take off on how dogs and husbands are the same. (Actually if you think about it, in a way they are the same). But no, am genuinely irritated by how we inflate the value of human beings and falsely raise them to the level of dogs.

Fellow homo and hetro sapiens, dogs are far superior creatures than we are. They don't go around indiscriminately slaughtering other species, messing up the planet for everyone else and then strut around claiming that they were created in God's image. They don't create value out of nothing and call it services just to get out of doing real work. They don't go around bombing and maiming each other for some goo stuck under the earth for a 100 million years when there are cleaner energy sources around. It isn't a 'dog-eat-dog' world. It's a 'man-kill-man' world. So please, lets stop flattering ourselves and thinking that we own this planet. Long before us, the dinosaurs ruled the earth. And at the rate we're mucking things up, cockroaches will rule the earth long after we're gone.

Next time you're on the road, approach a street dog and look straight at him (Yes, HIM and not IT). Chances are he'll shrink and try to avoid you. Wanna know why? No, its not because he sees your all powerful aura and senses that you are a GM/VP/Big Shot in some fancy company. It's because he's become so used to being kicked and having stones thrown at him that he assumes the worst. So he thinks that it is better to run away.

The sad thing is that if we could ask most animals what they thought of humans they would probably equate us not with other animals, but with the devil himself.

So lady, maybe I should have said.... 'WOAH, excuse me!!! But how dare you insult my dogs by equating them with your husband?'

These Are The Days

2008-10-17T23:44:00.005+05:30

'These are the days baby...' I whistled, kicked a small pebble, kept a wary eye on a 12 year old struggling to ride a bike, dug my hands into my Levis' front pockets and smiled to myself. A light breeze blew the through the gul mohar trees, couples coochy cooed in the park and someone was cooking poha. I continued to amble my way to the Wise One's house. Half way down the lane I paused....

As often happens with me, when I start to think about the future, I often end up thinking about the past. In this case, while I was wondering how to spend a glorious saturday, I began to think about the last 10 years. Around this time in 1998, I had just joined engineering college. I can still remember standing in line for everything, dressed like a waiter, hoping that the seniors would pick on the guy in front (or behind) me and cursing myself for not having done B.A. from Xaviers. You could say that during the first 3 months of my engineering 'career', the red button on my white shirt was my best friend. Well at least we spent a lot of time gazing at each other. I later went on to make better and more conventional friends, but for a while my red button was my 'bosom buddy'.

Life has changed a wee bit in these 10 years. I guess I have changed too. Some changes have been for the better and some for the not-so-better. But all this while, I still like who I am. Now don't me wrong. I don't mean to sound like a narcissist, though I am one. I just enjoy getting up in the morning and saying woo too to myself. And I think it's a great feeling to be comfortable with who you are. To be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, 'rockstar, long night huh?' and then grin is something to be thankful for.

(Grind grind... I can hear the knives being sharpened)

The point I am trying to make is that all the f ups, the gaffes, the tumbling off the cliffs and of course, the genuine mistakes that I have committed in the last 10 years have made me a better human being. Or so I would like to think. As long as my mind is willing to understand what I did wrong and my heart is willing to accept that I was at fault, I don't mind making mistakes. For I have learnt more about myself when am down on the mat than when I am stepping up to the podium.

Bruce Springsteen said, 'it's a sad man my friend who's livin in his own skin, And cant stand the company. Now that is one scary thought. Brrrr.... I hope I never do something that makes me dislike myself. It would be like losing your best friend and yet always having to hear him/her bitching about you.

Could I have ever dreamt that life would turn out the way it has? No way Jose. But apart from a few things, I wouldn't change the last 10 years. I hope the next 10 years are just as rewarding. For if in 2018 I can look back and tell myself, 'Now that was some ride', have my friends and family around and be healthy & happy, I think it will be 10 years well spent.

Now that I was done gazing at the past, I turned towards the Wise One's house, kicked the same pebble and continued whistling...

'These are better days it's true'...

Show Me My Money

2008-10-09T10:44:00.008+05:30

The other day I came across this rather interesting article that was reprinted from some American newspaper. It featured an imaginary conversation that a poor American man has with an officer of some bank. He asks for a bailout, she tells him that they only offer loans. He asks if he is eligible for a loan given his personal finances and she says no. So he asks her why they are giving $700 Billion to the fat cats at wall street. She replies its because they really need the money. So the article goes on with the man pointing out that his financial position is no different from the investment banks at Wall Street. And the banking officer refusing to give him a loan. Finally he loses his cool and says, ' Okay then. Give me my share of the $700 Billion back'. As you can imagine the lady is stumped. The now irate customer takes her case (and the financial world's) about how no one took his permission before doling out bailouts. And since he thinks he needs the money more than Wall Street, he wants his share back. The story continues with him adding up the various bailout packages that the US Government has handed out to rich CEOs over the years. He then calculates what his share should have been and demands that they give it back to him.

This article got me thinking. What if we were to take this idea even further? What if we gave people the option of deciding how their share of the country's (India) annual budget was spent?

Silence. Pin drop silence. Then hysterical and mocking laughter? Hahaha... you want to give the Aam Aadmi the right to decide how we spend the Government's money? Damn right I do.

To prove my point, I am going to give you a few instances where power was taken from the hands of a chosen (self-nominated) few and given to the people. Let's start with the Right to Vote. Till a few centuries ago almost no country in the world allowed its people to choose their rulers. In fact, till the middle of the 20th century most of the world was ruled by masters sitting 5,000 miles away. Didn't those masters think that their colonial subjects weren't fit to govern themselves? Winston Churchill was certainly one of those gora saabs who thought that we were unfit to rule our own country. (Our netas n babus might be doing their best to prove him right, but that is another matter.. wink wink). But at least today people know that they if they don't like a particular administration they can opt for a change the next election. It is called the Pan India anti-incumbency factor!

What about the right to print books and circulate your ideas? Till Gutenberg came along only the very rich and the very powerful knew how to read and write. The nobles and the priests felt that it would be too dangerous to allow the common people to learn how to read & write. Haven't we come a long way since? Today any idiot can log onto the web and ramble on and on about some silly idea. I know one such fellow very well. But the point is that people today have the choice of not only what to they read, but to a great extent, what they write.

So why don't we take the financial decision making away from the hands of the great planners, open it up to the masses, bring in more transparency and let people have a say in how the government busts up their money. I think that the Right to Information Act is a step in this direction.

As someone who is concerned about the state of our environment, I want the government to spend more money on saving our forests, equipping our forest rangers with better equipment, funding research into renewable energy, educating our children, encouraging sports, providing better health care, improving the courts, and also... improving my country's defense and security.

What I don't like to see is netas busting up money on their pet projects and babus making us bear the bill for their foreign junkets. Neta dude, if you think that building a statue in the sea is a great idea, please convince enough of your followers to spend THEIR share of OUR budget on it. Once they realize that this statue of yours will come at the cost of their health care, education and municipal facilities you may find it a lot more difficult.

Now do you get the picture? Once ministers and their ministries realize that they will have to actually work for their budgets, am certain that things will improve. Still, its only an idea. One that will have to be dissected and refined before it becomes remotely feasible. But eventually, it will force netas and babus to do what they are supposed to do - govern, and not rule.

So I'll leave you with this thought, 'Take a look at your country, your environment and your local surroundings... and then ask yourself what would you want to change, if you had the money to do so?'

Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

2008-09-03T23:07:00.009+05:30

Draught Beer
Single Malt Scotch
Bayern Munich
Man U Vs Chelsea Matches
ISB
Leon Recanati
Missed Calls
Late Night Text Messages
Cute Strangers
Unapproachable Colleagues
Network Congestion
Delayed Flights
Book Sales
Amateur Plays
Corrupt Politicians
Incompetent Journalists
Long Distance Relationships
Alumni Networks
Favourite Movies
Old Crushes
Dogs
Lovers
Cheese Cake
Strong Coffee
Top Gun
Lord of the Rings
iPod
Nokia Phones
Body Wash
Nivea Products
Nutella
French Mustard
Bon Jovi
Bryan Adams
SMS Bismarck
HMS Hood
Excel Sheets
Power Point Presentations
Education Loans
Credit Card Bills
Volkswagen Beetle
Mercedes S Class
Rakesh Vohra
Kenwyn Smith
Forever Autumn
Saint Elmo's Fire
Shailesh Vaze
Aditya Thayi
Mini Skirts
Collared T-Shirts
Just Good Friends
Soul Mates

Just some things that make you go hmmm.....

Hotel Alumnifornia (Sung to the tune of 'Hotel California')

2008-08-26T16:39:00.008+05:30

Hey dude..
was saving this for quite some time.. but I believe this blog is the right place for it :)

Nitin Sareen

Hotel Alumnifornia
--------------------
On a dark gachi(bowli) highway, rejection slips stuffed in my hair.
Warm smell of the placements, was rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance i saw an 'alumni'
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to ask him for advice.
There he stood in the doorway

Around his self created swell.
And I was thinking to myself
he cud be banking or consulting.
Then he lit up a cigarette and he showed me the way.
There were voices in the atrium
and I heard them say....

Welcome to the Infosys and TCS
such a lovely place
such a lovely face.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

His brain is really twisted, he's got a banking job.
He got lot of pretty boys n girls that he calls friends.
How they chat in the atrium, sweet summer sweat
some chat to be remembered, some chat to get laid.

So I called up the president
'please review my resume'.
He said, you have only IT here since nineteen ninety nine
And still you want to be on the financial side.
Wake up its only the middle of Term 5, or you will hear them say....

Welcome to the Satyam and the CTS
such a lovely place
such a lovely race.
Plenty of room in IT & ITES
Any time of year, you can find us near.

Egos on the ceiling,
The suit boot and the tie.
And he said,'you are all just guinea pigs here, for our next surprise'.
And in the partner's chambers
they gathered for the feast.
They taunt us with their 3-point spikes
And we just cant kill the beast.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running door to door.
I had to find the way to get back
To what I was doing before.
'relax', said the CAS Man
we're programmed to deceive.
you can apply for any job you like
But you can never have peace.......

----------------------------------

With a few modifications by yours truly. Old Man Sareen is the brains behind this one though.

Drive With Me

2008-08-25T18:45:00.009+05:30

Here are a list of songs that I love to play when I am on the highway (in no particular preference) ....

1. Dangerzone by Kenny Loggins
Mood - I feel the need. The need for speed.

Ray Ban aviators, a jacket, a wannabe Tom Cruise grin on your face and a roaring engine. This song had to be on my list.... Makes you want to slam the throttle and go full speed ahead. Great song to start your journey with. Sets the right tone.

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

2. Boys of Summer - Don Henley
Mood - Nostalgia. For friends and days that have long since passed.

This song always makes me think of Goa. Days spent on Spring Beach. The sun, sand, seaweed and surf. :-) Floating in the sea with your feet pointed towards Turtle Island and your eyes watching the planes take off. Ah, those golden days when all you thought about was which party to head to next.

I can see you
your brown skin shining in the sun
you know your walking real slow
smiling at everyone.

3. Someday I'll Be Saturday Night - Bon Jovi
Mood - Hang in there kiddo.

Sometimes you drive just get away from it all. To clear your head and gather your thoughts. Often enough it is only the memory of the good times that keeps you going.

Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I aint got nothin but this roll of the dice
Im feelin like a monday, but someday Ill be saturday night.

4. Coney Island - Van Morrison
Mood - Just you and me babe.

This has to be one of the most underrated love songs ever written. Total comfort and total understanding, thats what this song oozes. None of the usual sentimental over the top 'I wanna hold you hand' thing.

I look at the side of your face as the sunlight comes
Streaming through the window in the autumn sunshine
And all the time going to Coney Island I'm thinking,
Wouldn't it be great if it was like this all the time?

5. Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
Mood - To hell with everything. I wanna get outta here. Fast.

For those times when you want to run away from yourself. Flirt with the self-destruct button. When you are torn between giving up and gritting your teeth & taking the pain. I have found that it is best to ride out the storm and make peace with yourself. At times like this you should take your foot off the accelerator, slow down and stay alive. ;-)

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone

6. You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
Mood - Your loss honey. Maybe someday you'll realize it.

To all the girls I've loved, and lost. I still think very highly of you and hope that you are happy. Just that it is a pity 'what could have been. What should have been.'

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me.

7. Beautiful Girl - INXS
Mood - Pure mush.... :-)

Love the way this song begins. The moment it begins you know you have a great song playing. One of INXS' best creations. Also a good way to get someone to stay on beyond their curfew. Lol.

Now where did you find her
Among the neon lights
That haunt the streets outside
Stay with me.

8. Escape - Enrique
Mood - Lol. Anyone who has seen the video knows what the mood is.

Come on. Every guy wants to be Enrique in this song. Hooo munga, is she smoking hot!!

Here's how it goes, you and me, up and down at this time
We'll get right, where to fight
Cause love is something you can't shake
When it breaks.

9. Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
Mood - I dunno. This song has meant different things to me at different points in my life.

For those times when you ponder about the choices you made. The paths you took or didn't take. One of those 'what if' songs... Its for when you pull over by the side of a river and gaze at the boat on the horizon.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

10. How Do You Do - Roxette
Mood - Hey there good looking. Wanna hop in for a ride?

I have to sign off with this song. It is one of the coolest songs I have heard.... Though I've never done it, I would love to pull over next to a gorgeous stranger, lower my sunglasses just a bit, grin and say, 'How do you do?'

I see you comb your hair
and gimme that grin.
It's making me spin now,
spinnin' within.
Before I melt like snow,
I say Hello
How do you do!

Let me leave you with this song...

You Know You're From ISB

2008-08-19T23:16:00.007+05:30

I have always wondered what the learned people at ISB who make the admissions decisions look for in a candidate. After pondering over it for a long time (one Bob Dylan song) I decided that they don't have the slightest idea. The only way that you can really tell if a person belongs in ISB is to make them spend a year at ISB.

So after busting your butt for 12 months how do you know for sure if you actually deserved to have been let in? Here are a few things I thought of. You probably might have some more to add.

You belong in ISB if you....

1. Pay for 3 meals a day but end up eating in the cafe half the time.
2. Think that walking half a kilometre to submit an assignment at 6:00 AM is perfectly normal.
3. Don't mind being kept awake by your neighbours' parties that go on till 4:00 AM
4. Feel comfortable when a strange lady comes and video tapes you sitting in class
5. Feel the need to speak in a class which doesn't have a CP component
6. Understand what 'CP' in the last point referred to
7. Think that reading a case study is more important than listening to Michael Dell or Uday Kotak
8. Are able to use words like dichotomy, core competency, strategize in daily conversations
9. Correctly pronounce processEs and not processes
10. Know how to completely rewrite your pre-ISB career in such a way that your ex-colleagues would not recognize ur resume
11. Genuinely believe that the problems in the real world can be solved using excel sheets and 2x2 matrices
12. Think that consultants are God's gift to mankind; at least for 2 terms
13. Look at the 'Boy on the Buffalo' and want to steal him for a few days
14. Know who the 'Boy on the Buffalo' is
15. Don't mind being thrown into a pool has pieces of cake, beer bottles, slippers and ten other people already in it
16. Believe that there is only one Bob Stine. And that he is a dude!
17. Wish you could take Maulana with you to all your parties for the rest of your life
18. Think that its outrageous that some resident profs only have to 'teach' for 3 weeks a year
19. Know that Sarovar cooks are the worst in the hotel industry
20. Wonder what the hype was all about anyway.

:-)

Independence Day...

2008-08-19T15:36:00.009+05:30

Today I thought I would change things and not have some inane status on my gtalk messenger. So I put up a 'hmmm...' and settled down to what I thought would be a quiet day. As usual, it turns out that my best laid plans were relaid. Within almost 45 mins, five people had pinged me to ask what 'national problem I was thinking about'. Now I dont know whether to be flattered with the attention or whether I was being made a monkey of. Since I think am reasonably well evolved, I choose to exclude the simian option. Right then people, let's see.... What national problem should we talk about today?

Call it gut feeling or simple common sense but I think that one good thumb rule (or as an MBA would say, heuristic) to which direction a nation is headed is the importance that its people place on education. And if what I observed during the weekend drive from Hyderabad to Bangalore is anything to go by, India (at least South India) is on the right track.

We set off early on Independence Day and the rain gods decided to join us on the journey.So there we were making slow progress through the pot holed road that someone had the gall to call a 'National Highway'. Within a couple of hours some of us (not me) were wondering what on earth we were doing on a bumpity-bump road at 7:00 AM. Sure enough the 'iss desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta' statements started. As more and more people joined in, I took out my iPod and started paying more attention to the world outside. I thought to myself, 'Come on guys. Can we at least not grumble on Independence Day?'.

Over a period of time we happened to pass a lot of primary schools. Through the sleep deprivation haze, the nagging inside the car, the rain, the potholes, the trucks belching black smoke... one thing stood out. Almost every kid I saw was immaculately dressed. And whats more, they seemed to be genuinely thrilled about celebrating Independence Day.

I distinctly remember seeing kids wearing all-whites. And I mean ALL white. Their uniforms were perfectly ironed, their hair was neatly combed, even their white canvas shoes looked freshly polished. Now lets freeze that frame for a moment. You might wonder what do clean uniforms have to do with the future of this nation. Well I would say, EVERYTHING.

You see, its not as if the kids opened a magic box and took out some special uniforms for this particular day. Given that it was raining like mad (and had been for a week) the very fact that the kids were dressed so appropriately obviously means that someone at home must have gone through a lot of trouble to ensure that their uniforms were washed, dried, ironed and their shoes polished. This also means that the teachers had managed to instill a sense of pride and occasion in both the children and the parents. And this in turn means that there must be a healthy and strong rapport between parents and teachers.

I guess it goes to show that left to themselves most people want their kids to study hard, do well and grow up to live better lives than they did. Since rural India seems to be betting big on education I think things will change for the better.

As I sipped my dhaaba chai (yum yum) I looked at myself (figuratively) and my companions. I saw a bunch of overpaid, cynical, hungover, self absorbed souls who didn't really give a shit if it was Independence Day or not. To us it was a long weekend which was to be used to meet up with more people like ourselves. And as I went to pay the chaiwaala I looked at the kids again. The excitement and energy that they radiated made me wistfully think of the days when I was like them.

Has our generation... Gen X... Gen Y... Gen Algebra... if you want, failed this great country? I hope not. But I fear we are perilously close to running out of time. We are young only once, and history (and those young kids in white uniforms) will soon judge us.

Wait Up... Young Man

2008-08-02T12:24:00.005+05:30

Ten minutes ago something happened to me. Nothing earth shattering, or path breaking, or mind blowing. All I did was help an destitute old man cross a four lane road. He smiled, thanked me and we shook hands. Thats all.

The whole morning I have been feeling a little under the weather due to a host of reasons, some of which are self-inflicted I think. Anyway, after going through the day's work I realized that I had something to take care of and left my office. All this time I was talking to myself, muttering dark nothings and generally doing not-very-much to cheer myself up. I went to see my second best friend and found some comfort.

The auto I was taking back stopped opposite to my office's gate. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed an old man asking a policeman for some directions. He was wearing the traditional garb that most (non-rich) farmers in this part of the coutntry seem to wear. He seemed to be carrying his belongings in a little sack that was tied to a stick. Within a nano-second I had summarized him to be a poor old man who had given his best years to a heartless plot of land and an ungrateful brood of children.

I began the dangerous and third-worldly task of crossing the road with vehicles coming at me at 60 kilometres an hour. Once again, my peripheral vision informed me that he was calling out to me and seemed to want my attention. I almost choked for I couldn't think of a more inopportune time to ask someone for alms. So I did what most people would do and pretended not to notice while continuously inching my way to the other side of the road.

When I had crossed the first of the four lanes and was standing on the divider, the old man caught up with me. At that point, I admired his perseverance for I thought I had shaken him off. He came up to me with a big grin on his face and I thought to myself, 'ok, lets hear your sales pitch'.

But all he said (in hindi.. surprise surprise) is, 'Young man, can I cross the road with you?'. For a moment I almost said, 'Excuse me! What did you just say?'. He then went on to tell me that, 'These cars are too fast for an old man like me with such poor eyesight. Can I tag along with you?'. To my credit, I quickly recovered from finding out that things weren't going according to my cynical expectations and said, 'Sure'.

Within two minutes we had crossed the road and I was still wondering if he had some sob story or request to make. But all he did was grin again, shake my hand and say, 'Thank you very much. I have never crossed the road so quickly. It normally takes me at least fifteen minutes'.

And with that he was gone. I stood there for a couple of seconds and scratched my head. I could see that the security guards from my office were curious and wondering what had transpired between us. And the look of 'bewildered understanding' that was beginning to show on my face must have reassured them that all was well.

I don't know who that old farmer was or what his life story must have been. But I hope that the fifteen minutes of his that I saved made a difference to his day, because the two minutes I spent with him sure did make a difference to mine.

Winning at All Costs

2008-07-31T21:00:00.005+05:30

These days I don't seem to have much to do in the evenings. No TV, no new books and no company. So I found myself introspecting and doing some self-analysis mumbo jumbo. I wont deny that the last year hasn't been ideal. It's been a start-stop-turn-reverse kinda year. Many exciting but eventually false starts and yet quite a few unexpectedly pleasant surprises. It's almost as if someone wished me that old Chinese curse, 'May you live during interesting times'. :-)

But one thing that seems to emerge from this (brilliant) thought process is that the main reason why I am where I am (wherever that may be) is because I haven't been totally true to myself. Allow me to explain.

For most of my life I was quintessentially a simple person. If I saw something that I wanted, I went after it. It didn't matter whether it was a sport, a debate competition, a woman or simply knowledge. I would go out there and give it my best shot without worrying about how the world saw me. I remember a time when the only thing on my mind was winning. I played to win. I played hard, rough, even downright mean at times. Why? Coz I knew that there's nothing quite like the thrill of winning. Forget all that HR talk of team building and companionship. In any group of people, especially guys, there is always a top dog. And no matter how hard we may deny it everyone wants to be that top dog.

I used to relish being in a tight spot coz I knew I would keep my cool and get myself out of it. 1-5 (15-40) down in a set and I would be ice cool. I knew that I played my best when under pressure and never felt nervous about being backed into a corner. You could say my motto was, 'Bring em on baby!'. I wont brag and say that I always won, but I never backed down from a challenge.

Somewhere along the way, the boy who wasn't afraid to show that he was a fighter and tell the world to go jump 'grew up'. Someone told him that winning wasn't the only thing. But being gracious and doing it by the book also matter. And at the end of the day one has to fit in and confirm to social norms. Total crap. Win, at all costs. Do whatever it takes but for god's sake.. WIN!!

Still don't agree with me? Okay, tell me how many Grand Slam titles did Vijay Amritraj win? Am guessing it was one less than one. Wanna know why? Maybe its because he was too busy applauding the great shots that his opponents hit rather than charging himself up. Which is why today people talk about McEnroe, Borg, Connors... and then remember, 'Oh yeah, that nice Indian fellow.. whats his name? Veeejay'. Thats right, no one remembers who came in second. And I honestly believe the only good losers are those who are used to it.

Anyway, getting back to me... I have realized that most of the 'problems' I been confronted with the last year or so have been caused by my reluctance to put my foot down and tell the other person or organisation exactly what I think. I've been seduced by the notion that if you are patient and hardworking, you will get what you deserve.. eventually. Thats almost like saying that, 'In the long term the price and the value of a stock will match'.

Sadly, that isn't true. At least not in my case. And I want to see the money. Now!! Not fifteen years from now buddy boy. So I have decided to become more assertive. More 'in-tune' with my own desires and wants. No more Mr Most of the Time Nice Guy. I've awoken from my self imposed slumber. So get out of my way conscience and allow me get ahead in life.

Woo hoo. Here I come.

Always A Woman

2008-07-20T16:27:00.007+05:30

For my earlier post on the Nawab who redeemed himself I got a bit of flak from quite a few ladies. I also got a lot of woo hoos from my guy pals but that is another matter. So let me set the record straight. I don't hate women. In fact its quite the opposite. I think women are great and am glad that God didn't stop with Adam. Imagine a world without them. Hmm.. lotsa bars, only sports on TV, world peace, no traffic accidents and in my case, a much smaller phone bill. :-)

Now now, before you think that this post is another wisecrack at all my enslaved male friends let me get to the point. After many years of trying, and failing miserably, to understand women I remembered the Billy Joel song 'Always a Woman' and suddenly my life got a lot simpler. We men are not supposed to understand women, thats what other women are for. We men are supposed to listen, nod our heads, say 'yes darling you are right' or 'its ok sweetie', wait for them while they get ready, hang on to their shopping bags and pretend to not be bored out of our minds. Thats our job. Thats what we're here for. ... to make women happy.

The biggest mistake I made when I was younger was to innocently assume that women think like men do. After being run over by a couple of trains I realized the error of my ways. In fact it was a very wise lady who once told, 'You gullible simpleton. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that you know what a woman has on her mind. Coz even her best friend doesn't know.' So I have come to treat women with the respect that they deserve. But I don't trust them. Not one single bit. I enjoy being with a pretty girl. You laugh, you try to be witty and talk about stuff you normally wouldn't. But at the back of your mind you know that five minutes after saying goodbye to you she might be on a call with another suitor. That is the way life is, so don't complain.

So what does Billy Joel have to do with all this? Well, if you read the lyrics of the song you might just agree with me when I say that women God's greatest creation, but they are also his most dangerous. :-)

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

I especially like the 'only reveals what she wants you to see' bit. Every woman has her secrets, which she is entitled to keep. Layers under layers. Circles within circles. That sort of thing.

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe.
And she'll take what you give her, as long as its free
She steals like a thief
But shes always a woman to me

Yes sir, she might ask you for the truth. But she will follow her own intuition when it comes to making her judgment. Which normally is to not trust the guy. :P

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden.
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

The term 'led up the garden path' didn't just pop out of nowhere you know. Lol. But it is true, at least in my case, women bring out the best and the murst, oops worst, in me.

The last para in the song brilliantly sums up how women can be different things at different times.

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
Shes nobody's fool
But she cant be convicted
Shes earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But shes always a woman to me.

Ah yes. I used to wonder how someone as loving and tender could turn into someone so cold and aloof. But I guess that is just the way women are. After all, the female of the species is deadlier (and far smarter) than the male.

P.S. - This post wasn't written with anyone in mind. Or may be it was. :-)

Built to Last and Not Built Too Fast

2008-07-14T20:01:00.005+05:30

'Yeah dude, its a great idea but someone has already implemented it'. I've heard this comeback at least a dozen times from this friend of mine. And just in case you are wondering, I am referring to business ideas. :-)

Okay, now everyone wants to be the next Edison or his modern equivalent. People want to invent the 'next big thing'. Just look at the books that management gurus are peddling these days. People seem to think that you can 'manage innovation'. Well, thats an oxymoron if I ever saw one. The best ideas do not come out of DMADV processes or workout sessions. They hit you on a thursday afternoon, just after lunch and probably just before a horribly boring meeting. I think the world of business would be a lot more creative if we took books like Blue Ocean Strategy and .... thats right.. threw them into the deep sea.

One of the greatest myths that managers seem to believe these days is that you have to have a truly radical idea in order to succeed in business. B schools teach you that you have redefine the paradigm. Well, I think that is hogwash. And let me prove to you why there are no Blue Oceans out there. (Even if there are, they will get polluted by your competitors in no time).

To begin with, the first big idea was fire. Now, if we were to avoid copying someone's (great) idea most of us would be shivering in the cold, eating raw food and bumping into the dark. Lets not even get started on the wheel. How many of us would be willing to walk 10 kms to work, or whatever it is we would be doing in the New Stone Age?

Buildings, machines, printing press, aircraft, bulbs, computers, MP3 players, Search Engines. All these inventions go to prove that there is no great benefit to be derived from redefining the paradigm. Or whatever you want to call it.

My way of looking at things is that once an idea has worked and proved itself, there will be more people willing to fund and ,more importantly, willing to buy your product. Why blaze a new trail when you can follow someone, learn from their mistakes and then... woo hoo.. overtake them?

Think about it. The Japanese and the Koreans have built their economies around this simple principle. For every Phillips (who invented 100s of things including the CD) there are a dozen Sonys and LGs and Samsungs and Panasonics.

So Old Man, you ready to try something?

The Fall and Rise of the Nawab

2008-07-11T20:41:00.004+05:30

The other day I was chatting with an old friend who happens to be the girlfriend of an equally old friend. Now in between all the friendly banter and leg pulling, I happened to ask her where that loser (my pal) was. And she said that he has been camping at her place for the last 10 days.

Hmmmm. Now these two love birds are in the US and I guess things are pretty different. I mean no nosy relatives or people dropping in unexpectedly. But 10 days? The bum had been chatting with me and had never mentioned this trip. Which got me suspicious. My suspicions seemed to be confirmed when she mentioned that he was helping out at home, or trying to at least.

Woah!!! Hold those homely horses for a just a minute. My pal... helping out....at 'home'? This was not the baniyaan clad, underarm scratching, methane burping slob I had known in college. His room was even messier than mine, which is saying a lot. I started picturing him wearing an apron and gloves, slaving away in the kitchen. Saying 'Yes darling' every second sentence. And maybe (thank God actually) bathing everyday. My my my. How the smelly have fallen.

I felt sad and relieved at the same time. Sad coz another free spirit had been ensnared by the wiles and guiles of the non-male species. One more soul lost forever. Yet I was relieved cuz a biological disaster had been averted thanks to the baths. But still, I knew I would miss him.

Just when I was about to raise a toast to another fallen comrade, a miracle occured. The lady in question told that the 'helping hand' mask had slipped within 2 days and he was slowly getting back to his normal self. Relief flooded through me. Praise the Lord!! All was not lost. Turns out my friend is more or less the same person I have known, and loved. Hooooo munga.

Our friend still snores his head off till 11 AM, still drops food all over the table, still leaves beer bottles all over the house, still refuses to make his bed. And best of all, has control of the tv remote!! Now we're talking. This was more of a Trojan Horse manouver rather than an abject surrender. Proud of you dude.

So, to end on a happy note I think that if men can live, and thrive, in captivity maybe there is still hope for mankind. :-)

Fernando

2008-07-06T12:12:00.006+05:30

I took a sip of my coffee, looked out at the sun setting over the Amazon river and listened for Anni. I knew she would be busy preparing dinner, all the while singing some long forgotten folk song. She has been a good companion and we have been through a lot together.

General Madero, the Plan de San Luis Potosi, crossing the Rio Grande, the popular support we enjoyed initially, and the eventual dying of a dream. It all seemed so long ago. I was so young then, so much of an idealist, so proud to fight for Madero and so much in love in Anni. My guitar and my rifle were like my two arms. People say I was never seen without either one of them, unless I was in Anni’s arms of course.

‘Play us a song Fernando’, ‘Fernando, I need that hill taken in the next hour’, ‘Fernando am scared for you. For us.’ Fernando, Fernando, Fernando. I was all over the place. I genuinely thought that we were freeing our land. Where did it all go wrong? Who betrayed the dream? Was it one person, were we all to blame or was it just the way life is? I do not know, but I do know that I never felt more alive than on that night with Anni.

We could hear the cannon fire getting closer and closer with every passing hour. It was like waiting for an eternity. I was so terrified. Not for myself but for Anni and for all the things we thought we had been fighting for. With no ammunition left, I discarded my useless rifle and picked up my guitar. I could see the despair on Anni’s face as she saw me strumming it. She had followed me blindly, just as I had followed Madero. Anni never looked lovelier and more vulnerable. I can still recall her sitting there in mud splattered battle fatigues. Her long black hair tied up and the fire’s light reflecting in her eyes. ‘Do something Fernando’ she seemed to want to plead with me. But the truth was that I had already given up hope.

Over the years, so many comrades, so many friends. All gone to what I fervently hope is a better place. I looked up at the stars and I knew that the end would come soon. With every explosion Anni seemed like she would cry. I think the only thing that stopped her was that she didn’t want me to see it. She didn’t know that I was on the verge of tears myself. Humming and strumming were just a facade. Just like Madero’s promises of a better country had been.

I don’t recall the last time I have used the rifle. I wouldn’t be able to aim it properly in any case. Time changes everything. Well almost everything.

Ah Anni. You were right though. There was something in the air that night. And the stars were bright. They were shining for us and for the liberty that we had fought for. And yes, if I had to do it all again I would. Anni, my friend.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: This is my take on the superhit Abba Song 'Fernando'. While the song is sung from Anni's point of view, this is my humble and bumbling response from Fernando.

Check out the video of Fernando at:

Funny Football Quotes

2008-07-03T13:57:00.006+05:30

After two serious posts, people might be wondering whether I am alright or not. Come on guys, am not in love, I haven't turned gay, nor am I suffering from terminal cancer and I certainly am not planning on taking a sanyaas. Am I mentally unbalanced? Hell yeah! I've always been. Don't you know it by now? :D

Okay okay, lets put an end to the self admiration. To make up for the torture I put you through the last couple of days here are some funny quotes made by people involved with the world of football.

Barry Venison on PSV’s pace:
"PSV have got a lot of pace up front. They're capable of exposing themselves."

Terry Venables on answering a question:
"I've been asked that question for the last six months. It is not fair to expect me to make such a fast decision on something that has been put upon me like that."

David Pleat on Maradona:
"For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls."

George Best on financial planning:
“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.“

David Coleman on Italian patriotism:
“The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.”

Peter Shilton being honest about England’s chances:
“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.”

Gordon Strachan giving it back to the press:
Reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?"
Strachan: "What areas? Mainly that big green one out there."

November Rain or Estranged?

2008-07-02T22:28:00.004+05:30

Time to swim against the current. At the risk of widespread public ridicule am going to say that I prefer the Guns N' Roses song 'Estranged' over the cult hit 'November Rain'. Yes sir (and ma'am) let me repeat myself.... I personally prefer 'Estranged'.

Now, now. Before you bring out the brickbats and start shooting off mass emails telling people that I've lost it, please allow me the chance to explain myself. After that you're welcome to not change your mind. :-) First of all, let me say that I really really like November Rain. The violins, the drums and Axel Rose's unique voice make it one of my all time favourites. It is one of the greatest rock love songs of the 1990s. Yet that is all that it is - a love song.

Estranged on the other hand is a song which has multiple facets and angles to it. It starts off as a love song when Axel croons, 'Old at heart but I'm only 28. And I'm much too young. To let love break my heart' And then it changes to an angst ridden criticism of the world when he asks, 'So nobody ever told us baby. How it was gonna be. So what'll happen to us baby? Guess we'll have to wait and see'. And yet both have elements of the other in them. Love or lost love along with how unfair the world appears to be.

The best lines in the song are 'When I find out all the reasons, Maybe I'll find another way. Find another day. With all the changing seasons of my life. Maybe I'll get it right next time'. I honestly think that these four lines are the best that Guns N' Roses ever wrote. Maybe its because they fit so perfectly with who I am and all the cock ups that I've done. But more than that, what I love about these lines is that they remind you that there will be other ways and other days. They give you hope and that is a wonderful thing to have. :-)

So while Estranged does have an underlying sense of lost love, it paints many more subtle shades of the human psyche. How many times have you felt alone when a close confidant is no longer around? Maybe you'll then agree with 'I'll never find anyone to replace you. Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time. Oh this time. Without you'. Coz life goes on. No matter what. So in the video, when Axel jumps off the supertanker and finds himself alone in the sea he knows that he's where he is because he chose to be so. You estrange yourself only when you refuse the lifebuoys that your friends throw you.

But enough of pyscho babble. To each his own. Why don't you watch both videos and decide for yourself? Just ask yourself this question.... should music simply sound nice or should it also make you introspect on who you are? Your answer will tell you which song you like better. :-)

Estranged:

November Rain

Once again, I think they are both fabulous songs. I just happen to like Estrange better.

A Lost Decade

2008-07-02T12:40:00.006+05:30

So Euro 2008 has come and gone. It was certainly a good tournament. Yet I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was a great tournament. At least not for Germany.

For a nation that used to be called the ‘Eternal Finalists’, it’s been 12 years since they won a tournament. That is a long time if you go by their past records. Which for the uninformed is

1972 Euro – Champions
1974 WC – Champions
1976 Euro – Finals: Lost on penalties (only time ever) to Czechoslovakia
1980 Euro – Champions
1982 WC – Finals: Lost to Italy after coming back from 1-3 against France in the semis
1986 WC – Finals: Lost to Diego Maradona
1988 Euro – Semi Finals: Lost to Netherlands 1-2
1990 WC – Champions
1992 Euro – Finals: Shock loss to Denmark 0-2
1996 Euro – Champions

While some might say that since 1996 Germany have reached one World Cup final, one Euro final and another World Cup semi final I think that it is clear that this generation of German players has been a disappointment. Miroslav Klose is no Gerd Mueller, Torsten Frings is no Franz Beckenbaur, Philip Lahm is no Andy Brehme. And dare I say, Michael Ballack is no Fritz Walter. The list could go on and on but the sad truth remains that Germany is in danger of becoming like England. Don’t believe me? Then please explain why the coach of a nation which used to be used to WINNING now makes statements like, "to be in the final itself is a great success’". Come on Jogi, we expect better from you.

The attack looked toothless and not at all threatening. Klose was invisible on the field, poor Podolski was relegated to a left winger role. And let’s not even talk about Mario Gomez. I mean, who misses from 2 yards? This German defence was probably the worst they’ve had in 40 years. Metzelder and Lehman were like ‘Dumb and Dumber’. Freidrich and Mertersacker did try hard, but one can see that they will never be in the league of a Matthias Sammer. And Lahm only looks world class when he’s going forward. Throughout the tournament it was the typical tough & clinical German midfield which held the team together. But for all their experience Ballack and Frings lack that extra spark of genius. Something that Sebastian Deisler had. It is a tragedy that someone as gifted as him retired in 2006 at the ripe old age of 26. Ah, another ‘could have been’.

Maybe in 2010 I’ll actually get to see a German triumph. You never know, with Tony Kroos, Rene Adler, Marko Marin and Manuel Fischer all under 23 it just might be possible. Otherwise Gary Linekar's famous quote, "Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win" will be confined to the history books.

Turn Back Time

2008-06-02T15:58:00.002+05:30

While this may sound like a question from the final round of a beauty pagent, take some time and think about it. ‘If you could go back to any point in time, what would you change?’

I think that everyone wishes that one or two things had never happened or had happened differently. While for some it may be historic and world changing, for others it might be extremely personal. I actually know someone who says if he could change things, he would have stopped the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. Guess he hates mankind and is hell bent on wiping himself out as well. Hmmm, good luck with that.

So continuing down this road, what would your wish be for? Would it be to change your 12th standard marks… or to have said hello to your neighbour’s daughter (who is now happily married and lives in Botswana)… or maybe it would be to have bought a Bajaj Pulsar 180 (DTS-i) instead of the Pulsar 150. So while you ponder about what you would like to have been different in the world or with yourself, here are a few thoughts that might have caused some people to wish that things had turned out differently. Let’s see if you can guess all eight of them.

Vijay – Okay, since I forgot to get my own list let’s go with Rahul’s list.

Rahul – Oops, looks like I brought my book cricket dream team along by mistake.

Ram – Isha used the script as toilet paper by mistake. No issue, we’ll make up the dialogues as we go along.

Jerry – This looks like a nice search engine. Let me use it instead of Alta Vista. What difference would that make?

Bill – If I can sell a product that rhymes with tune, people will buy it no matter how crap it might be.

Neville – Am sure that if I treat this Adolf guy as a gentleman, he will respond as one. After all, the Pygmalion Theory must be true.

Tom – Passion. That’s what I must show. Let me do something spontaneous, something wild. I feel so live, so energized, so jumpy. Wow, what nice furniture she has.

Jen – I trust him. So what if she has a reputation. He won’t do a ‘Ross’ on me.

And as a note to a friend, I know a certain CFA who will say, ‘What did I do! Am such a loser. Just look at how happy she is’.

Rainy Mornings

2008-05-20T12:06:00.003+05:30

My head is stuck under a rather hard pillow and the rest of my body is wrapped in a thick cotton sheet with red borders. I open my eyes and grimace because I know that it still isn’t time to get out of bed and so I am irritated with myself for ruining a perfectly good sleep. The ever present cell phone confirms my worst fears. There is barely an hour to go before I have to drag my sorry ass out of bed and start the day.

No, no. This is not how it was supposed to be. After ambling around Hyderabad’s horrible footpaths for more than an hour in my uncomfortable Woodland shoes last evening, I have a huge blister on my right foot. It gave me a good excuse to not go to the gym today. Last night I had gleefully planned to sleep till as late as I could. So getting up at 0630 was most certainly not on the agenda.

But now that I was awake I reason that I can either struggle to go back to sleep. And fail miserably at it and then have a grumpy day. Or I can make the most of the extra hour or so that I had. Surprisingly, I decided on the latter.

So I roll over, remove the useless pillow and look outside the window. Hmmm, that’s odd. It’s a little darker outside than it should be and the AC seems more effective in the room. Immediately I know what has happened. After years of living in Bombay, Goa and Lonavala I know how to recognize an early morning shower. My mood brightens, in stark contrast to the ambience outside. I open the windows, shut off the no longer needed AC and grin.

The skies are gray and overcast. Forbidding, stern and even angry. But the mango tree just outside my bedroom is alive and as happy as I am. It sways with the wind and its branches move in rhythm to a beat that only it seems to hear. I honestly think that it is welcoming the rains. The leaves rustle and there is the faint sound of tiny raindrops hitting them. No longer do they look dusty and stiff. Just like the rest of the tree, the leaves seem bursting with new energy. The older leaves appear darker while the new leaves, which are at the top of the branches, seem to be more vibrant. It is as if when the rain washed the man made dust off the mango tree, it also gave it a fresh lease of life.

While I make myself a cup of filter coffee I wonder what the monkeys think of the rains. I hope they don’t decide to use my balcony as a shelter. Monkeys can be very bad tenants. They never pay any rent, make a mess when they leave and sometimes attack their co-occupants. Plus, my landlord warned me not to sublet the apartment. Oh well, I guess the monkeys will fend for themselves.

The coffee tastes great. Maybe it is because I love sitting in a cane chair, with my feet on the ledge of the balcony and listening to the sounds of the rain. Everything seems so energized and young. The newspaper and the rest of the world can wait. Ah, for mornings, and weather, like this throughout the year.....

Trouble Sleeping

2008-05-19T09:23:00.002+05:30

I have been sleeping too much off late. Way too much. In fact, the other day I went to sleep at 2130 hours and got up at 0730 today. That’s ten hours of time spent in dreamy dream land. Not impressed? Try this then. Over the years I have got so attuned to having my cell phone around me that I can hear it or feel the vibration no matter how fast asleep I may have been. Or at least that was the case till yesterday.

Cuz when I got up at 0325 and found myself lying parallel, and next to the head of the bed, I checked my ever present phone and found 3 text messages and 1 missed call. (Please don’t get sidetracked as to why I was sleeping parallel to the bed, I just was). I was surprised cuz this has never happened before. In fact, there have been numerous occasions when I have woken up from some very pleasant dreams because ICICI/HDFC/Citi Bank thought it fit to tell me that my balance on Sunday morning was Rs 257.65. (Why don’t the idiots who run the batch job realize that people like to sleep in on a Sunday morning?).

Anyway, back to my sleeping troubles tragedy. One of the texts was from my bro, the other from my ex-roommate from Delhi and the third from a beautiful woman whom I adore. (The call was from my bro, not her). And surprise, surprise I had even switched off my alarm at 0545 and gone back to dozy land. Which again, is very unlike me.

Maybe this is my body rebelling against the strict regime that I have been subjecting it to in the last few weeks. I can imagine a meeting of all the (millions of) fat cells. They are all screaming, ‘Where the @#$%&* is the KFC and the beer?’…. ‘What are those idiots sitting in the brain doing? We haven’t been fed properly in weeks’…. ‘We are being taxed to death. Look at how much energy the muscles are demanding from us’. So finally one of them must have said ‘Okay, let’s sabotage this entire programme by getting the cells who are responsible for sleep management on our side’. And viola, next thing you know I am sleeping through what should have been time spent at the gym!

You think it’s plausible? I think that it might be. The truth will come out when my thumbs start to get suspicious about the lack of late night smsing and launch an enquiry. The battle of the bulge might just have begun.

Bucket List.. Part 1

2008-05-06T09:27:00.003+05:30

I had written a post about a bucket list that I was creating. So based on some introspection and a little help from my friends, this is the first bit of my list. Lemme know what you think. :-)

1. Visit all seven continents
2. See the Grand Canyon
3. Visit one of the 3 poles
4. See the Pyramids of Egypt
5. Watch a football World Cup Final
6. Spend a year with an NGO doing pro bono work
7. Write and publish a book
8. Pay for an underprivileged child’s education
9. Go bungee jumping
10. Go parachuting
11. Watch an opera
12. Learn how to cook biryani from scratch
13. Learn how to windsurf
14. Touch a live whale
15. Drive a Formula 1 car
16. Join the Mile High club
17. Fly a super sonic jet
18. Serenade a beautiful woman on a gondala in Venice
19. Make wine
20. Visit a distillery in Scotland
21. Own a cabin cruiser
22. Build one house on an island or beach and one house in the hills
23. Learn a craft
24. See a match at Centre Court Wimbledon
25. Go on an African Safari
26. Pledge to donate my organs once I die
27. Have my own library
28. Have a patent registered on my name
29. Plant 50 trees
30. Learn at least one dance
31. Go scuba diving
32. Adopt a stray dog
33. Climb to the summit of a live volcano
34. Visit all the major historical sites in India
35. Go white water rafting
36. Learn how to shoot (only for self defense) and buy a firearm
37. Learn how to play golf

PS - Once I finalize the list, I plan to keep a 'Status' column as well.

India and Asia

2008-05-05T09:19:00.002+05:30

Gurcharan Das’s article in yesterday’s Sunday Times was really thought provoking & interesting. He talked about his tour of lectures across South East Asia and the kind of queries & comments he received about India. While there were the obvious ones about our ‘depressing infrastructure’ there were others that required more thought and introspection.

Why is it that India hasn’t taken its rightful place amongst the world powers? Why are we still reluctant to flex our muscles? And why is it that Asia views China’s rise as a cause of concern but not so India’s? Well, there are no simple and straightforward answers to these questions but I will try my best to do so.

To begin with, it is not that India does not think that it belongs at the same table as the other world powers. Nor are we reluctant to flex our muscles and take what we want. To understand how India goes about treating its neighbours one must understand how India treats itself. Even at the risk of using a cliché, India’s strength is its diverse culture. ‘Unity in diversity’ really is our national beacon. It is not by accident that even after 61 years of independence we have proved the doomsayers like Churchill wrong. Instead of falling apart we have grown closer. I think that the strongest factors that hold us together are our cricket team, our love for movies, our defence forces, our judiciary and finally our much maligned bueracracy. While the first two our products of private enterprise and even individual genius, the other factors that hold India together are not.

So getting back to the questions that were raised, India cannot and will not morph into a power hungry empire eager for conquest and domination. For that is too much against our civilizational DNA. The modern day Chanakyas in Lutyen’s Delhi know very well that no sooner than we invade another country will we be sowing the seeds of our own self destruction. For every Bangladesh that is invaded there will be ten more revolts for self governance in the north east. One thing that keeps our soldiers and civil servants motivated is the belief that they are fighting on the right side. The idea that they are defending their matra bhoomi and protecting their families. Without this righteous glue, morale will fall, discipline will waver and the iron frame of India will come crashing down.

So I say to all our Asian neighbours, sleep easy and do not look towards India in fear and trepidition. You will never wake up to the sound of Indian Army boots kicking down your door. For we are happier being a united regional power than a police state super power.

Note:
While one certainly admits that not everything is as it should be and there are difficult obstacles facing us as a nation, I do not think that they are as threatening as the ones that faced our founding fathers. An aggressive Pakistan, a shackled economy, no access to advanced technology and a food crisis that makes today’s seem like a harvest bounty were just some of the many issues that had to be tackled, and then overcome during the early days of the Indian Republic. If we could weather those storms, I am more than confident that we will be able to tackle the current and the future threats.

The Double Infinity Theory

2008-05-01T11:57:00.006+05:30

I was watching a show on Star World last evening where one of the characters asks the other if she’ll ever get another chance (at love) and the other replies, ‘Of course, because nothing in this universe happens only once’ . She went on to talk about how even infinity goes in both directions, and how there is never a perfectly unique incident. And she then told the first character how we always get a second chance at life.

Since it was just a TV show one shouldn’t take it as the gospel truth and think that this principle applies universally. But if you just look at it as a thumb rule it isn’t such a bad idea. How many times have we thought, ‘this is THE guy/girl for me’ or ‘this is my dream job/college’? I know I have at least a couple of times in the girl, job & college categories. When things work out it is great. But even when they don’t, it isn’t the end of the world. The sun always rises the next morning, though you may not see it on account of an alcohol binge and its subsequent hangover.

For example, when you hurt someone it is never too late to say you are sorry. Sure, things may not go back to the way that they used to be. But if you are smart & humble, you will learn your lesson and hopefully not repeat the same mistake. And that is what I mean by a ‘second chance’. You may not get that second chance with the same person/people or organization. But somewhere down the line, you will come to a similar fork in the road and you will have the option to make a different decision this time. Now unless acknowledge that fact that what you did in the past wasn’t the best that you were capable of, it is highly likely that you will make the same choice the next time around as well.

Love, work, friendship, family, society…. wherever you may want to apply this principle. Things have a way of repeating themselves in patterns. In order to break out of a particular patter, you have to be able to recognize it.

So if infinity can work both ways, why can’t human choice? Every day we have an option placed in front of us. We either continue with our daily routines. Eating, sleeping, working, blah blah blah. Or we could consciously decide to do something different. To shake things up and make a difference. To someone or something – it may be a person, an animal or even the neighbourhood. The point I am trying to make is that change for the better is possible.

Sounds a little preachy? Well, maybe it does. But I think I am on to something with my ‘Double Infinity Theory’. So as they say, ‘You have a simple choice. Either get busy living, or get busy dying.’ Cheerio.

Evolution of Dance

2008-04-30T11:03:00.004+05:30

Ever thought you were lead footed and had two left feet? Well i often do. And the only solution to this is to get consume more alcohol. For some reason, alcohol acts as a dance enhancer (or so I would like to think). But I just realized that it is all a waste of time.

Cuz no matter how much booze I consume, I will never be able to dance like this dude. Check out the video.

It is called the Evolution of dance. At least western popular dance. He starts off from the 50s and Elvis to the 00s and N'Sync.

Mr Prime Minister Man (Sung to the tune of Mr Tambourine Man)

2008-04-29T13:36:00.008+05:30

The other day our honourable Prime Minister made a very strange remark. He asked political parties not to politicise the food shortage issue. Excuse me, but thats a really flawed statement. First all, if politicians from political parties do not 'politicise' issues what else will they do? (Oh yeah, get into sports management a la IPL). But seriously, if something as serious as a food shortage musn't be taken up by our 'leaders' and resolved, then what is the Government for? (Oh yeah, implementing big budget corruption initiatives in the name of the aam aadmi).

All this left me quite pensive and I decided to take inspiration from the great Bob Dylan himself and sing a song to our honourable Prime Minister. This parody needs to be sung to the tune of 'Mr Tambourine Man'.

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

Though I know that in the evening the darkness will return to the land
Children’s books will be dropped from their hand
Leave them blindly here to stand, but still not sleeping.
Your Government’s sluggishness amazes me, you seem to have lead in your feet
But you will still rush to the Chinese to meet
And your ancient political party is too dead for dreaming.

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

Take me on a trip on your ‘Yuvraj’s’ magic swirling helicoptership
The tribal’s lands have been stripped, they are losing their culture’s grip
On their rights we seem to step, they wait only for the police’s boot heels
to come crashing down
They’re not ready to go anywhere. Quietly into the dust they won’t fade
And on republic day parade, we will have them dancing on the road
And then go under it

Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some rice for me, I am hungry but there aint no vote I am casting
Hey Mr Prime Minister Man
Cook some daal for me, and in the jingle jangle of elections I might come following you.

P.S. : Please note. I aint against any party nor am I anti-government. I just wish that we (people and the government) would do more for our country. And our environment.

Status Messages on Gtalk

2008-04-28T09:08:00.003+05:30

What does your status on gtalk say? While some of us do try to be inventive an original, it is quite interesting to see what people from the same industry have to say about themselves.

To begin with, folks from the world of media seem to be all over the place. One media marketer claims that ‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’. So does he mean that a product sells itself? Tell that to the ad agency fellows buddy. And a journalist says ‘Confusion, confusion, confusion’. I hope this doesn’t reflect in her writing. Imagine what would happen. ‘Harbhajan deserves to be banned for slapping Sreeshanth’. And the next day, ‘No it was just a handshake gone wrong’. Oops. Not good for one’s credibility. So while the journalists are running around with lack of clarity, it turns out that the heads of major newspapers have something to cheer about. So one of them says, ‘Who Hu Hoo’. I guess when one climbs to the top of the mountain, everything becomes clear. In any case, whatever the quality (or lack of it) of the news there is to offer, ‘The show must go on’. Probably why we have breaking news flashes that Amitabh Bachan felt cold on a particular day or Rakhee Sawant didn’t like her boyfriend’s valentine gift. Ho hum.

But what about the world of high finance? Surely those number crunchers must be obsessed with regressions and financial models. Right? No, wrong. All my fin buddies seem to be closet poets. Why else would a venture capitalist say, ’Golden brown texture like sun, Lays me down with my mind she runs’. Maybe he’s talking about his soon to be fiancée. How sweet. Higher up the pecking order, an I-Banker feels that ‘Hazaaron khwahishein aisi, ki’ . Yes.. ? aisi ki? No wonder there is so much ambiguity in the world of finance. Come on guys, back to those spread sheets please. Or maybe it is just a passing phase and as a retail banker says ‘Nothing lasts forever’. Yup, booms-busts-booms. It’s all a cycle.

So while the finance dudes are looking at clouds in the sky, let’s check what their arch enemies - the consultants(at least at B-Schools during placement time) are up to. After preaching so much about the Seven Step Process, one of them talks about ‘an ode to a simple(r) life’. Maybe all those 2 X 2 matrices finally get to you. Hmm. Still, some of them continue to give us deep insights into the world of business. What else does ‘No King can win a war when a huge army charges against him’ mean? The lady in question is probably looking glumly at some militant labour union problem.

Moving on to IT and project management, one project manager asks you to ‘Wait a minute’. He probably just discovered a show stopping bug. Which is why a web designer owns up that ‘I am d culprit’. And did you know that ‘The fact is that as you read the web the web reads you’? Ooh scary, talk about big brother watching you. Business Analysts, are poor souls who go where ‘Angels fear to tread’. And at the same time, web designers seem to be ‘Sending out mixed signals’.

All in all, as an MBA student says these are all just ‘Things that make you go … hmmm’. Cheerio.

P.S. - Probably the funniest status message I saw was from a wealth manager. He quotes John Nelson, “More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits”.

Creating Bucket List

2008-04-08T08:28:00.006+05:30

I saw this pretty decent movie the other day called The Bucket List. It stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Now before you start thinking, 'This guy seems to have nothing better to do than review movies' I would like to tell you that I am only bringing this up cuz I really liked the idea of a bucket list. In fact, I had read a similar and much more detailed list (cant compare a 16 year old's list with that of two oldies who are going to pop it in 3 months time) in one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

So am in the process of compiling my own list and I would like to hear suggestions from you. And sometime soon I will put out my own bucket list. So, 'the phone lines are now open'.

PS - For those who haven't seen the movie, a bucket list is a list of things that you want to do before you 'kick the bucket' (also called dying).

Jodha Akbar .. Yawn, Bas Kar

2008-03-14T00:10:00.009+05:30

Just got back from the movie Jodha Akbar. And for once in my life, I was in complete agreement with our cultural police, the RSS. Yes, I was angry with what I saw on screen. How could they make such a movie! Not just the Rajputs, but every Indian should be upset. Why? Coz Ashutosh Gowarikar has taken one of India's greatest emperors and turned him into a wannabe Gandhian.

And that is where I differ with our right wing friends. I am not contesting the veracity of the marriage details but I object to the sheer crap that was shown. Ashutosh Gowarikar seems to have spent a bomb on the sets. But after seeing this movie I think he should have become an interior designer instead.

What irritated me the most was the miniature scale on which everything was shown. Take the final 'battle' for instance. It looked more like an inter-village brawl rather than a showdown between an emperor and his challenger. 500 poorly dressed guys on one side facing 450 even worse dressed guys on the other. With everyone looking hot and sweaty coz the scene is shot on the banks of some long dried up river. And lets not even get into the hilarity of Ash turning up at a battle, just in time for her to make up with her 'bhai saab!!!'

The other thing that bugged me about the movie was the unnecessary amount of time wasted on the kitchen war. The future of the empire is at stake, but we have to go through half an hour of culinary scuffles. And to top it off you have the dialogue which must have been the joke of the Mughal empire, 'Rukiye!! Usse mat khaana. Usmein namak kam hain'.

Given the fact that Mr.Gowarikar made the fabulous Lagaan, I find it difficult to pardon him for coming up with this insipid tale. The list of my (main) complaints are:

Where the hell is Birbal? Not to mention the rest of the navratnas. All the courtiers looked like they had crawled out of Mordor in LOTR
Did he have to use ketchup sauce for bhaisaab!! (who looks like a young AB) when he was dying? I know that even actors are afraid of AIDS, but ketchup as a substitute was ridiculous.
When Akbar is looking for Jodha amongst all the Rajput women (as part of the test), does she have to wear the best looking saree? It was like putting up a neon saying 'Hey honey, look here'.
The dance scene where the praja praises the raja was straight out of a poor fashion/tribal dance/aerobics class mix. Reminded me of Mehbooba in RGV's Aag.

To be fair though, there were a few good things about the movie. Notably, the chemistry between Ash and Hritik. Towards the climax (no pun intended) of the sword fight, you could make out what was going on in their minds.

Ash: I wanna smooch him. He's so hot. But Jaya saasu will get angry. Dhoom 2 almost cost me the wedding.
Hritik: Ooh la la. Can i get lucky again? Oh damn, Suzanne gave me hell for last time.

The costumes were good too. Especially Ash's. Lol. And the hijra was played brilliantly. :-) But all in all, was very disappointed with the whole show.

Cause and Effect(s)

2008-03-06T22:05:00.009+05:30

'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'. So says a certain Sir Isaac Newton. While that might apply in the world of physics, the real world is slightly different. I think that for every action there are multiple interdependent chain reactions. Something like a drop of water on the surface of a calm pond that causes waves to radiate in ever expanding circles. What makes politics, and by extension - life, so complicated is that there is never just one drop of water. Nor is the pond ever truly calm.

Seems almost elementary doesn't it? Drip, splash, crash. Yet it is something that so many people who are paid to air their opinions (and some who do it for free) seem to miss out on. Over the last few months I have been part of many diverse discussions - The IPL, Obama Vs Chelsea's Momma, Indian troops assisting the US in Iraq (God forbid it please!), Dumping carbon into the sea and of course... the 60,000 crore farm loan waiver. All of these discussions have been with smart, educated and well informed people. Some of whom are better orators than me.

What surprises me is the way some people look at an issue in isolation, disregard so many complicating factors, and then make a Nostradamus like prediction. Now I am all for a healthy debate, but I think that any point of view which takes a fixed stand and says, 'It's my way or the highway' is not only short sighted but also dangerously arrogant. I mean discussing something as complicated as how to fight global warming cannot be as simple as arguing over whether Heineken is better than Carlsberg (Heineken certainly is!). Can there be only one correct stand?

I think the Red Indians had a good system where any major decision concerning the tribe would be made only after considering the effect on the next seven generations! Seems like they had a far superior method of forecasting than do the hot shots at Wall Street (sub prime crisis), the think tanks at the Pentagon (Iraq Invasion), the ICL organizers (poor Subhash Chandra) or the political pundits who get every election forecast wrong (India Shining, Mayawati in UP).

So how about we put our hand up and say, 'Look I don't know for sure what is going to happen. But if I were to hazard a guess it would be..... '? It isn't that difficult nor does it show you to be an ignoramus. For when Chairman Mao was asked what he thought the effects of the French Revolution were, he said 'It is too early to tell'.

:-)

AdSense or AdNonsense or Ad Cents?

2008-03-02T10:55:00.007+05:30

Many eons ago, in a moment of inspiration I decided to supplement my meager salary by implementing Google's AdSense on my blog. I reasoned that people visiting my blog would be so enthralled by the words of wisdom they came across that they would happily click on any text ad that showed something remotely connected to my posts. But after more than 6 months my 'earnings' are virtually nonexistent to say the least. I was shocked. Horrified even. Was there anything wrong with my posts? Naah, couldn't be. So I checked the kind of ads that Google had deemed suitable for my site.

Go through the list below and then ask yourself whether AdSense should be renamed AdNONSENSE or even AdCENTS.

Private Detective. Russia
private detective agency IPA member.
www.infoproverka.com
Comment: Sounds suspiciously like the KGB to me.

All Female Mystery Party
Miss America Pageant themed party Easy-to-host, all ages, 8-25 guests
www.nightofmystery.com
Comment: Now we're talking. Bring it on baby! Wait a min, am I supposed to use this site to organize the party? I thought they were inviting me to it. Nooooo

Amazing Brain Training
A Hypnosis Program that can supercharge your brain
www.hyptalk.com
Comment: That's what we need. Good old hypnosis to turn us all into Einsteins. While we're ordering, could we get some witch magic and reiki along as well?

Real Mind Power
Learn To Motivate Yourself To Achieve Your Desires Quickly
www.realmindpowers.com
Comment: Amazing! Who needs hardwork (or hypnosis) anymore? Just desire something, motivate yourself and viola its yours! Ok, let me decide... Ferrari or Lamborghini?

Al Qiyam
In my book, the world rejects Peace cause they haven't won yet..The End
www.ChristReturns.net
Comment: Mr. Wannabe-Novelist... did we even ask you for your opinion? More like 'The End' of your literary career.

No wonder I haven't earned enough to even pay for one month's broadband connection rent. Larry & Sergi, give me a break. Stop talking about saving the world. Instead save your company and give us relevant ads.

An Oasis of Talent

2008-03-01T19:14:00.001+05:30

Alright, this post is an unabashed tribute to the Brit rock band Oasis. If you don't like their music, tough luck. If you haven't heard their music, allow me to give you an intro. And if you do like their music, tell me what you think.

I could bore you with the numbers - 50 million albums sold, eight UK number one hits, 500,000 copies of Be There Now on day one, BRIT Awards for outstanding contribution to music, blah blah blah. But thats what Wikipedia is for. :-)

The reason I love Oasis' music is sheer singalongability of their songs. Simple lyrics which seem to apparently have no great meaning. But oh, such a catchy way of singing them. Noel and Liam Gallagher (what a cool surname) certainly know how to churn out great sound. Take Don't Look Back In Anger for instance...

And so, Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say

Now, I have no idea who Sally is (or was) nor why 'it's too late'. But I do sense her pain as Liam & Noel (creative license taken here) walk past her. The poignant lyrics that leave you wondering what finally happened to Sally. Did she put her 'life in the hands of a rock and roll band' that 'threw it all away'? Aah.. Sally.

Another beautiful song is Wonderwall. Once again, simple lyrics, simple chords & tunes. But what a voice! That slightly high pitched nasal way of singing. Turns the most mundane lyrics into something that stays with you.

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

Sounds almost corny doesn't it? Winding-blinding. Straight out of a 12 year old's poem. But that is the genius of Oasis. Creating magic out of almost nothing. Stop Crying Your Heart Out is another such song. Barely ten lines of lyrics. But when Liam starts crooning....

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

... you cant help but sing along. It was like I already knew the lyrics the very first time I heard this song! Simply brilliant.

As is the case of rock bands, Oasis have had their fair share of ups and downs. From the initial line up of Liam (vocal), Noel (lead guitar), Paul Arthurs (guitar), Paul McGuigan (bass) and Tony McCarroll (drums) only two remain. No prizes for guessing who. But they've weathered the storms and taken their place amongst rock and roll's greats. Of course there will be those who disagree. But as Some Might Say, you have to learn to Roll With It. And I am sure that when the Gallaghers finally hang up their instruments, they will have attended many more Champagne Supernovas rather than simple Slide(ing) Away.

Homeward Bound

2007-12-21T00:57:00.002+05:30

Hey hey hey... am going home!!! Tomorrow I fly to Hyderabad. After 2 days of drinking binges and meeting old friends, am going to fly to Bhubaneshwar. Will be at home till after the new year. Awesome aint it? Been 6 months since I went home. Man, am really missing my dogs. Bobo and Goran. Woooo hoooo

:-)

Why Didnt It Strike Me?

2007-12-15T19:47:00.001+05:30

The following words of wisdom are from some of our 'finest minds'. Makes you wonder where we are headed as nation. If so called learned people can come up with these paradigm shifting and ground breaking statements it makes me wonder, WHY DID'NT I PUBLISH THIS NONSENSE BEFORE?

Translate the passion for knowledge into effective learning - My head is still reeling from the understanding it gave me. I guess his next statement would be, 'Translate the passion for work into efficient processes'. People, why didn't we think of this
No matter what organizations do, they have to bother about their bottom lines - Till I read this statement, which must be the result of 10 months of research, I actually thought that organizations were places where people who had 'effective learnings' could put abstract and unrealistic theories into practice. Hmmmm...
The key differentiator is the soft side of life - OMG!!!!! Now this has to be one of the gems of the 21st century. Hooooo munga. Guys, next time you wanna stand out in a crowd just start touching n feeling people. Try and get cozy and snuggle up to people. You sure will stand out. I mean, everyone will know u r the pervert who is being chased by a mob.
Larger the inequality, lower is the economic efficiency of country - Hell yeah. Now we're talking. Am sure the people of Sudan or Mozambique will nod their heads in agreement. If we're all living in mud huts, dancing around fires in the night and hunting rabits for breakfast we'll elevate poverty in no time. Where is that mud I need to smear on myself before I go hunting?

What really saddens me is that these statements were made in an institution of learning. And not in an election rally. If jokers who make these statements can be employed/felicitated by our temples of learning, I think I am ready to become a high priest!!!

Why God Allows Pain

2007-12-01T13:48:00.001+05:30

Came across a decent forward, after a million years. This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children?If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things." The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me." "Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

Stop AND (Not OR) I'll Shoot..

2007-11-30T12:12:00.001+05:30

Talk about irony. The NOIDA (UP) police has just come up with a novel way of combatting high jacking of cars on the NOIDA-Greater NOIDA Expressway. Their answer is to FINE people who OFFER lifts. Yes, that is right. If you offer someone a lift on the Expressway, the cops will thoko you with a heavy challan. Doesnt matter whether or not your passenger was really in distress.

If you cant catch the crooks, punish the people who get robbed. 'Yes Mr.Gupta, it is your fault that you didnt take stricter protection measures.' Lol.. As per the press release, in case you see an old person stranded, or a woman in distress or even an accident victim, you are suppposed to keep your eyes on the road and floor the accelerator. And once you come to the end of the expressway, you can go to the police station and tell the kind cops there that there was a life and death situation 15 kms and 20 mins back which they can go investigate.

Come to think of it, it seems like a radical idea. So by extension, people should get fined for the following:

Getting run over by Delhi's Blue Line buses - 'who told you to go 50 metres within a bus stand?'
Helping someone cross the road - 'Did you know how many people get knocked down every day on the road?'
Sending your new neighbours food & water - 'We live in dangerous times. Dont trust anyone. The food might be drugged'
Bringing someone else's child home along with yours - 'You might want to kidnap this child coz he's better at studies than your duffer son'

And then people accuse Indians of becoming callous and uncaring...

Pay Me to Fly

2007-11-27T20:06:00.001+05:30

Today's headline in the Hindustantimes brought a BIG smile to my face. The Delhi Consumer Court has asked Go Airlines to pay people 15k for a delay/cancellation in Feb this year. Too cool. Since I've been busting up a lot of money flying around the countryside the last couple of months, I know firsthand how frustrating it is to receive an SMS saying, 'We regret that your flight will be delayed by XX hours because of the late arrival of the incoming aircraft'. Sweet mother of a holy man. Thats like saying, 'The patient died because he stopped living'. I am all for free markets and open trade, but the state of consumer rights in this country really needs improvement. For years now, airlines have been giving us 5th world service and we've had no choice but to lump it.

I remember when I left ISB in April '07 and went to Bombay (yes, Bombay not Mumbai) via a SpiceJet flight. It was supposed to leave at 2150, but got delayed to 0015. Thats a delay of 2 hours and 25 minutes. Now as anyone who has flown will tell you, the only food worse than airLINE food is airPORT food. Naturally, yours truly was more than keen to avoid spending his last meal in Hyderabad consuming some stale fare. And since the delay in the flight would mean I would reach Bombay around 0200 in the morning, I thought that we would be given something to eat by SpiceJet. I thought wrong. The smiling lady at the counter told me that it was a SpiceJet policy to serve meals only if the flight was delayed by 3 hours!!!

Yes that is right. Even if you reach your home at a godforsaken hour of 2-3 AM, when no sober soul is awake, you will not be given anything to eat. $%^&*(*^%$%^&*... that was my reaction. So to all the SpiceJets, BlandJets, Air Deccans, Air Himalayas, Go Airs, Come Airs.. serves you right!!! Wooooo hoooo.... High time I say. Make em pay.

Thinking strategically, how about getting other industries to pay us for unexceptable services? A list that might make sense is:

Phone companies for all the dropped calls or miss call alerts when your phone was within range
Neo Sports and DD Sports for eating up the last ball of every over and the first one of the subsequent over
Internet Service Providers who bill you for overshooting your download limit but dont answer your complaints when the net is down/slow.
Credit card companies who call you up when you are busy with office/sleep/food/driving/sex/tv and ask if you would like some stupid life insurance or medical insurance.
Private cabs who charge you for being 10 minutes late, but dont care a hoot if they come an hour late
Bloggers who ramble all kinds of nonsense (dont know any myself) and expect you to read their posts.

Rang De Basanti

2007-11-25T16:01:00.002+05:30

Saw Rang De Basanti again. For the nth time. And it always leaves me a little dry-throated and misty-eyed. Is this the India that people like Mahatma Gandhi (yeah, I admire him. So f**k yourself if you don't agree with me), Subhash Chandra Bose, Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekhar Azad and countless unknowns gave their lives for? So that we could remember them, briefly, on certain days and then head to the closest mall for a movie? Haven't we lost the plot when after 60 years of independence 300 million of our people live below the 'poverty line', where state governments run coordinated pogroms and millions of peoples are displaced just to satisfy the needs of a few. Is this what our soldiers lay down their lives for even today? Is this what independence has come to mean?

No. Not to me. I find it very hard to digest the fact that I am part of an elite class that does not seem to think that freedom applies to everyone. How many of us have stopped to think while bursting diwali crackers about the child labourers in Sivakasi? Does it even register in our consciousness when we buy designer clothes that the equisite stitches are in fact done by small children who will never have the chance to wear normal clothes, forget these designer labels? Our sheer callousness doesnt stop with our fellow humans only. Oh no, we have to include the entire animal & plant kingdoms in our greed & apathy. So we lop of trees when they come in the way of our hoardings, shoot dogs on the street when they become too numerous, pollute our holy rivers, strangle gangetic dolphins. All in the name of development. Come again? Dev-what? In whose name?

It's at times like this when I wish that there was an easy solution. But like one of the characters says in Rang De Basanti, 'how many of them are we going to shoot? These corrupt politicians & bureaucrats haven't fallen from the skies. They've come from us'. And hence it is up to us to change things. So do we join the police, the military and the IAS as Rang De Basanti would like us to? Well, yes. Some of the change has to come from within the system. But I think that unless there the system is forced to change, things will never really improve. At least not fast enough. And this is exactly where I think that individual citizens & corporates must take a stand. We cannot use this country like its resources are meant for consumption in only our livetimes. No sir, as cliched as it sounds, unless we think about what country we will leave behind our generation will be remembered as one which had the power and the chance to change things. But instead stood back & waited until it was too late.

The following snap is from Greenpeace India's website. I think it says it all....

The choice is ours. Everyday one reads newspaper reports of how the Earth is getting into an ecological debt. And as anyone who has any sense will know, there comes a time when a debt must be repayed. The question is this..... are we going to help repay this debt or are we going to pass it on to our children, with accrued interest of course?

Visit to ISB

2007-11-25T11:34:00.001+05:30

Last night a couple of friends and I went to ISB. It was late and there was a nip in the air. But we had this warm, fuzzy feeling coz for us it was like going home. :-)

Luckily, it was a term break so there weren't too many people from the new batch around. And so the 3 of us sauntered around like we still (?) owned the place. For a while it really did seem like it was last year and we would bump into someone from our batch. We even saw a guy who looked like Rohan Nag!! Saying that we were nostalgic would be an understatement. Seeing the quads/studios of people we knew brought back so many memories. I went to the mail room to see if any of my letters were lying there and there was a bunch of them!! 6 letters addressed to me. How cool is that?

Sareen's place where we had the rock party, Vaze's terrace where countless cigarettes were smoked and theories debated, Vishesh's quad where we celebrated holi - indoors, Rujuta's studio where I drank tea till 5 AM (and did nothing else) and countless others. We even went to the LRC and checked our mail there, for old time's sake.

Aah... ISB. That sheltered, first world ivory tower. Where all the problems of the world can be solved on an Excel sheet and deciding what to do is as simple as drawing a 2x2 matrix. The profs who 'work' (creative use of the word) sure are lucky. :P

Wonder if I'll be here for Solistic this year. I want to, but the dates seem screwed up. What with Gas the Ass choosing this date from all the other 364 days in the year to get hitched. What an ass!! Oh well, time will tell.

So Long Farewell

2007-11-22T17:16:00.002+05:30

Every once in a while, not often mind you, but every now and then there comes a fork in the road. And its time to bid adieu to a friend. I came to this fork-in-the-road a couple of months ago. I knew what route I had to choose for it was very clear. But just because it the initial steps down the right path are different, I procrastinated and retraced my steps. Then a (repeated) series of events would guide me to the same fork-in-the-road and once again I would find myself pondering what to do.

Well finally, something happened that caused me to walk down the correct path. It was an event that I did not control, and frankly niether did I welcome. But in a way I was relieved for I always knew that it would happen sooner or later. So from now on, there will be no looking over my shoulder or wistful thinking. I am who I am. Though I sometimes forget. And who I am is a natural winger'.. to use a football terminology. I value my independence and like to operate on my own.

I like to talk to trusted friends before making any decision. And a very wise and learned man told me that I had made the right choice. That the best way to move on was to move on without looking back. And someone who is good enough to help Nelson Mandela solve his problem should be good enough to advise me. :-)

So long OG. Say hi to Whitney & Johnnie Black. I'll see you 25 years from now.

About Turn..

2007-11-20T19:14:00.001+05:30

There's this friend of mine. Female. Studious. Sober. Ever since I've known her she has been like this. More inclined to academic pursuits rather than playing sports. She's the kind you would find in the library and not in the swimming pool. All until now. The last couple of months, she's taken to a physical fitness regime with a vengeance. Almost as if she wants to make up for lost time. She's on a strict health food diet, gyms everyday, spends her weekends either trekking, rock climbing or kick boxing. Talk about an image makeover!!

Makes you wonder what causes these (positive) changes in people. I mean, I've been more or less the way I am for a long long time. Lazy, content and happy-go-lucky. And for the life of me, I cant seem to figure out what would make me want to change my unhealthy lifestyle. Yeah yeah, I know I should change the way I live. But being a procrastinator of the highest order, I always find excuses to push things back. Bad back, bad throat, bad ankle. Sure, they are all pretty valid. But come on. Surely they cant account for each and every day. Lol..

I guess its high time I took a leaf from this admirable lady's book and burnt some blubber. Office gym. Here I come.

Manesar Trip

2007-11-06T08:55:00.001+05:30

Howdy!!
The PP went on an offsite team visit to a resort in Manesar (near Gurgaon) called Surjivan. Nice place that is run by this couple and styled on the 'back to roots' theme. It was supposed to be eco-friendly and stuff. But I did notice a tethered doe and All Out mosquito repellants in the rooms. So I guess it wasnt all that eco-friendly. Hmmm.

Really had a nice time. Unlike some of the other offsite trips I had gone on, this one had just 2 hours of 'gyaan sessions' and the rest of the 2 days were spent parasailing, rappeling (is that how one spells it?) , zorbing and of course - boozing!! We had quite a mixed crowd but nevertheless it was fun. Especially since the agenda was set right from the top - HAVE FUN. Now thats what I call team building.

Will post a couple of snaps soon. Till then... cheerio.

New Day.. New Race

2007-10-30T21:26:00.001+05:30

Howdy regular (?) readers. I know I know. Its been a long time since I've written anything and I had promised to be regular in the past. Sorry to disappoint my legions (creative use of the word) of fans, but I was in the midst of a job change, contemplating a house change and wasnt really in the mood to churn out witty (i hope) paras after witty paras.

I have quit ABP (tata dream job) and joined hindustan times. Work has been crazy. I've been on the job since day 2 itself. Probably did more WORK in the last 2 weeks than I've done in a long long time. Its been a case of 'so far so good'. I hope it lasts. This time am tempering my hopes. I hope. :-)

Well, thats about it for now. I'll keep posting my random ramblings more often. Toodle loo.. pip pip...

Rules of Alcohol Consumption

2007-09-05T23:11:00.001+05:30

Came across some rules that might have come to make a lot of sense to me after years of pubbing and even more years of hangovers... :

If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.
If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—piddling, waiting in line or washing your hands. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.
If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from Scotland every morning.
If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

Back From Nagpur

2007-09-05T08:43:00.001+05:30

Had gone to Nagpur the last weekend. Not much has changed there in the last 1 year. But then, it is Nagpur and not Las Vegas. We landed on saturday around 2 PM. The airport was in shambles. Honestly, I think the bus stand in Siliguri was in better condition. No doubt, construction work is being carried out but I think it will take at least 2 years for anything decent to come up.

Stayed with a friend near Indora Chowk and visited our usual haunts. Bar-b-que, Tuli, Veeraswami, Hot Breads at the Vidharbha Cricket Association, blah blah blah. Also toodled down to college, though the idea was to go to Guru Nanak dhaabha where we spent many a saturday evening stuffing ourselves. Sadly it has been closed down. I guess that people dont go there anymore. Sad.

After driving nearly 50 kms in the rain and seeing the dhaabha shut, we were all furious. With each other. To cool things down, we drove an extra 4 kms to the college. It was almost time for the gates to close (9 PM) but we made it. Visited Triveni hostel, saw my old room, met one dude living there, had a coffee in the canteen and then drove all the way back to Nagpur.

All in all, it was a good trip. Ate and drank like a pig (nothing new there), met some old buddies, relaxed a bit and also took a look at the property scene in Nagpur. Was time well spent. :-)

Beauty And (Or) Brains

2007-08-31T13:34:00.001+05:30

I've always wondered why they ask these beauty pageant participants questions like, 'What moment in Indian history would you want to change' or 'How would you use your time as Ms Universe to help children in the world' or even better, 'Which came first - the chicken or the egg'. How is any of this even remotely relevant? I mean, its a frigging beauty contest not a brainiac one.

Frankly speaking, who gives a rodents posterior about what their opinion is on world hunger!! How many queens actually end up helping 'children in africa' or 'serving the poor like Mother Teresa'. la crap. Thats what it all is. Not one of them hesitates to sign up modeling contracts or enter movies.

So lets just cut the hypocrisy out and select the hottest bimbo with the best plastic surgeon.

If you disagree with me, check out this video. And then let me know if asking questions like 'Why do you think 25% of American children cant point out the US on a world map?'

Work Free....

2007-08-31T13:09:00.001+05:30

I never thought i would say it. But times change and opinions do. 'Am bored, give me some work!!!' are words which I wouldnt have dreamt of saying till even 3 weeks ago. There was a time in TCS when I had loads and loads of (shit) work to do and there was no time to pause, think and ask yourself, 'WTF am i doing here'. There would be times when I would solve certain software problems while sleeping. I would go to sleep shit scared, dream about the issue's solution and the next morning actually try it out successfully at work!! During those dark despairing days I used to think that it would be nice to toodle in to office, surf the net, eye the babes and then toodle back home once my 8 hours were clocked.

Not any longer. I've tried it for the last three weeks and it sucks big time. I have done nothing but chat, orkut, youtube, blog and drink coffee. And yesterday I couldnt take it any longer. Met up with a friend from ISB who told me about his trip to Bombay. Am sure people there lead as shitty lives as mine, but hearing about the fun that they had kinda snapped something inside me. I realized that I was wasting my time doing jack all. And that really pissed me off. Within no time I was cranky, bugged, irritated and worst of all - bored.

I needed to do something. Something explosive, energizing and radical. The usual suspects paraded across my mind. Booze, sex, food, movies, cars. I didnt care, I wanted to go somewhere and do something!!! The mindless monotony and wasteful wandering where eating me up. I had to moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove.

So am off to Nagpur tomorrow with Shashank (my roommate). Gonna meet Big Foot aka Frenchy aka Vickram Srivastava. Might even go to college and see whats happening there. Lets see. Should be fun.

Cheerio folks. :-)

One Fine Day...

2007-08-28T23:16:00.002+05:30

Another quiet day. Yawn. Nothing worthwhile accomplished. Read, slept, ate well, met up with friends. Hey wait a minute. That is a day well spent. Wooooooo hooooo.

:-)

Hole in the Sky

2007-08-27T14:34:00.002+05:30

Ever wondered why your life feels incomplete? You know, like something is missing and you cant seem to figure out what that might be. Well, pull out the single malt scotch and grab a bean bag. Coz it aint you that is going nuts. Its the whole world, oops galaxy, oops Universe. Yes thats right. The Universe.

Turns out that some geek called Rudnick who seems to think that we can find answers to our questions by staring at far off balls of gas and rock has discovered that there is actually a 'hole in the sky'. Apparently it is nearly a billion light years across. Now the moment one geek says one thing, there will be hundreds of others who oppose him. Been happening right from the time someone said that the earth aint flat.

The Practical Preacher thinks that there are more important things to solve on this tiny planet of ours before we go around mucking up the Universe. For instance, the electricity in NOIDA where lights go out every day. Or why we continue to slaughter whales and gorillas. Greedy pigs... oops, sorry to the pigs.... Greedy primates. Thats what we are. P2 couldnt care less about holes in the sky . He's more worried about the hole in the ozone layer. For all we know, it could places where the Silver Surfer (Fantastic Four) visited. Yawn. Lets focus on issues that matter.

Damn, there go the lights. I really need a generator!!

Green Computers

2007-08-17T00:38:00.002+05:30

This has to be one of the most innovative ways of campaigning for a greener tomorrow. Greenpeace has begun a campaign for greener electronics. They've targeted the iPod and are try to convince Steve Jobs and gang to build a 'green' iPod. Pretty cool idea.

Broadening the scope of the campaign, Greenpeace has this page which allows u to send an email to all the big computer manufacturers' CEOs telling them to wisen up and smell the salt from the rising sea levels. So to speak.

All you have to do is:

go to http://www.greenpeace.org/international/news/greening-of-apple-310507/greencomputerchallenge
Enter your name and email ID
Click on 'Next'
And then click on the link in the confirmation email that is sent to the ID you have given.

Simple aint it?

A copy of the email is given below:

Dear CEO

When I next need to replace my computer I would like to have the choice of buying a greener computer.

Your company, along with others in the industry, has improved environmental policies and promised products free of the most hazardous chemicals in 2008/9.

My challenge to you is to be the first company to put on the market a computer entirely without the worst chemicals (Brominated flame retardants, Polyvinyl chloride) to clearly demonstrate your leadership in greener computing.

Yours sincerely,

Desiderata

2007-08-16T10:16:00.001+05:30

I received these words of wisdom from a man I respect and admire a lot. Found them really nice. Hope you like them too.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann

Am Back!!

2007-08-15T12:11:00.001+05:30

Hey Folks,
Am back. After a long long hiatus. Was busy settling down at work and getting the house in NOIDA up and running. The house was a real pain. I never knew that it would take so long. Anyway, it was a 'learning experience'. Oh well, its more or less over.

Will be a lot more frequent blogger from now on. Got tons to write about.

Cheerio!!!

Random Ramblings .....

2007-05-18T08:51:00.001+05:30

She says I ramble. Does it occur to her that the reason I ramble is coz everything is so clear to me that if I were to utter the truth in shloka form, it would probably freak her (and most other people) out?

Cool Blog

2007-05-05T11:47:00.001+05:30

A friend of mine writes well.. her blog is http://www.obliquerays.blogspot.com/ . Check it out. Rambles a bit. Lol.. But quite witty. Especially the parts about ISB.

Ahoy There.. Again

2007-05-05T11:34:00.001+05:30

Guess who's back.. back again... lol.. its been a LOOOOOONG time since I posted anything. A lot has happened since then. Got placed with a 'dream' job. Wouldnt have exchanged it for any other on campus. Went to Goa, had a blast, had food poisoning, had a blast again. Then went to Sikkim and the China border. Was an awesome trip. We went to the Nathu La pass at 14430 feet and took snaps with Chinese soldiers who were on the other side of the fence. Came back to ISB, managed to finish my courses in Term 8 (thanks to Salsa Doc for allowing me to free ride). Every night in Term 8 was party night. And every party was like New Years Party. Lol.. great fun. We had a term for it.. DIS-Orientation Week.

Graduated in April. Folks came down. Then I went to Bombay to meet Akshay (my bro). Had another great time there. Disorientation week continued there.

Came back to ISB. Spent a week for the Co2008's orientation. Had a nice time. And now I am in Chilka, Orissa. Got bored to death initially. No net, no company. Boy was it bad. Thank God the BSNL morons fixed it finally. Feels good to be back in the 21st century.

Well.. will blog more often now. Just thought I'd let u know that I am alive and well.

Cheerio!!!

Adios Senor

2007-01-08T01:43:00.002+05:30

Senor (Oriol Benasco) left on the 6th for his beloved Barcelona. Dhar, Vaze and I went to drop him. Gonna miss the 'Spanian'. Had a blast of a time with him. Took us all some time to get to really know him. But what fun we had with him. Man, all the times we did the MKTR assignments, or the Creativity Proj.. lol.. or watching Snatch, getting drunk on numerous occasions, listening to his comments about cricket, watching FC Barcelona's matches on ESPN, learning Spanian abuses and teaching him hindi ones. It was a rocking ride all the way. Senor was truly a Spanish gentleman.

Thanks to him, I am gonna be a lifelong FC Barcelona fan. And like I told him, the only time I wont cheer for them is when they are playing Bayern Munich. Lol.. He understood my sentiments though. Good old Senor.

Gonna miss him. No one to go around saying 'teek hain', 'vamos', ' Viruuuus Focuuus on the Campuuus' or shake his head from side to side, as we Indians are supposed to do'. Lol.. Maybe we'll all go visit him in Spain someday.

Till then. Adios Senor...

Dogs...

2007-01-06T02:50:00.000+05:30

Spent new years at home. The folks had gone for some official party which I had no intention of attending. So I chose to stay at home and watch TV. Ended up seeing 'Revenge of the Sith' with Goran and Beagle. Honestly, I wouldnt have welcomed the new year with anyone else. Dogs truly are man's best friend. They are probably the only beings who will give you unconditional love. You can have the worst possible day, but when you come home your dog will still welcome you like you have conquered the world. Truly amazing! They give so much affection and ask for so little in return. I sometimes wonder what I've done to deserve them.

Goran, my labrador, is a wicked darling. He is intelligent, demanding and very very affectionate. He knows what he can and cannot do. And is very naughty. Especially when he wants to go for a walk or wants to eat something. The snap above is of him protesting about not being taken out. But he listens, which is something that Beagle simply refuses to do.

Not that Beagle doesnt understand what you say. It's just that he couldnt care two hoots. Independent minded, thats what he is. Loves to roam and is always looking for a chance to run out of the house. The best thing about Beagle is that no matter what time you come home, and regardless of your condition, he will faithfully come and greet you. Goran, on the other hand will probably just raise his eyelids and twitch his tail.

Dogs, they're certainly better company than most people. This Xmas and New Year I wondered which of my 'friends' would take the trouble of wishing me. Something told me that A would not call. Initially, I thought that I might feel let down but suprisingly it didnt matter to me at all. It was almost like I had a bet with myself and when I 'won' the bet I was liberated. How things have changed in the last couple of months. I still am very fond of her, but I no longer expect anything in return. Are my emotions getting 'doggified'? Lol... Maybe I have become more mature, but it no longer bothers me when I dont hear from her. After I got back to ISB, I learnt that she had left her cell behind and hence couldnt call me. Sounded plausible. And while I believe her. it really didnt matter either way. I would rather speak to Family Man (who called me from the Arctic Sea during a storm). Does this mean her funda of 'diminishing returns' is kicking in? Am not sure. Friends dont need to be in constant touch with each other and our relationship is bigger than wishing each other on these occasions. Who knows what the reasons are. The bottomline is that I am happier. And thats what matters to me. Am not sure what the future will hold for A and I. I am hopeful, but it no longer is all that important. I have come to realize that no one is indispensable to me. While life without A is not something I look forward to, there are plenty of other (interested) fish in the sea. So lets see. :-)

Orissa.. The Wild Wild East

2007-01-06T02:30:00.001+05:30

I went home on the 30th. Flew in to Bhubaneshwar by Kingfisher (great food and even nicer airhostesses). I remember looking out of the window as the plane descended and initially I saw a small hill and lots of trees. After a little while I saw paddy fields and a few huts. As the plane came closer and closer to the ground, I saw a few buildings, more paddy fields, and thats all. All of a sudden the airfield came into view and other than the runway there was nothing in sight. Upon disembarking I got a shock when I saw the condition of the terminal. Thought I had landed in one of the Biggles novels. Literally.

The countryside was green, looked fertile and yet was extremely deserted. I have never seen an Indian countryside so devoid of people or development. The road we were using to get to Chilka is part of the Golden Quadrilateral, but it has been 'localized'. The dividers have been destroyed in places so that people can cross and it is not rare to see vehicles (autos and even cars) travelling on the wrong side of the road! I dont mean to sound like some gora, but I was astounded by the lack of road sense. People just didnt seem to care what was going around them. I saw a youth saunter across the road and narrowly miss being run down by a lorry. He didnt seem the least bit concerned. It was almost as if he had some tacit understanding with the lorry drivers that he would be spared.

Chilka lake is HUGE (1100 square kilometers) and obviously what I saw was a tiny part of it. The naval base is extremely well laid out and since there was an annual inspection due, it looked clean and well maintained. But outside the base, there is NOTHING. Just a dhaba called 'Chilka Dhaba', which incidentally serves the most amazing crabs and prawns, but the tiny township called Balugaon is very very underdeveloped. I wondered if it had changed since the 1950s. What worried me the most was that this part of Orissa was supposed to be the more 'developed' area. Imagine what it is like in the interiors!

To be fair, there were lots of signs of heavy construction going on. And one did see many trucks loaded with machinery. I just hope that the people of Orissa get to enjoy the benefits of all this investment.

Here is a good example of Govt. - Private Enterprise Partnership...

Bombay in the Blood

2006-11-27T21:10:00.001+05:30

This saturday I flew down to Bombay. As usual the flight was delayed. Actually, it was delayed, delayed, cancelled, then delayed, delayed, circling around Bombay. Ok, you get the picture... On the way to Colaba, I crossed the Sidhi Vinayak temple and then came to the Bajaj showroom where my bike was 'born'... the rest of the journey was one of the most nostalgic ones I've ever had. Almost every signal (which we didnt stop at coz it was 2:45 AM) and corner brought back a memory. Am not normally a nostalgic person, but it was quite freaky seeing these places and thinking of the people & events that will always stay with me.
South Bombay. I love the place. Guess no matter where I go and what I do, I'll always think of South Bombay as the place I grew up in. Mentioned this to A, though I wonder if she understood the impact of what it meant to me. Salaam Bombay. May you always rise above the squallor and filth. And remain the city where dreams can come true.

Hello There

2006-09-17T00:07:00.001+05:30

Guess who's back... back again... ??? Yeah baby !!!! Feels good to be back. All those hours of introspection and self evaluation were worth it. Am more in touch with who I am and what I believe in. And I believe in one thing more than anything else - the happiness of Viren!

In these politically correct times, I run the risk of sounding like a hedonist. But there is more to the statement that I just made. What I mean by my happiness is not just me, but also the people who I care about. The people & dogs who mean something to me. Their happiness is directly correlated to my happiness. The rest of the world can go take a jump. I dont have the time or the interest to give a damn of whats happening to the rest of the world. Yawn. Boring. Change the channel. Who cares.

I used to not be like this earlier. I was foolish enough to believe that it was my duty to do something for others. What a laugh!!! Others? Please dude, have enough on my plate as it is. One crisis at a time. Let me get my own life in order. The world is big enough and smart enough to look after itself. Another thing I really dont care about is lost friendships. When I mean 'lost' I mean people who I thought I shared something with. People who I was wrong about. You see, am an eternal optimist. I always like to believe that people are good and that they'll reciprocate your genuine affection. Balls. Most people are selfish, self-centered and only care about themselves. Which is why I wont waste time on people who aint worth it. No one is indispensable. Am tired of standing at the end of the line. Have other things to do.

Its the 80-20 principle that ISB has taught me. Lol... So am gonna just concentrate on people & dogs who matter. The rest... see you around. :-)

Down Periscope

2006-08-23T15:13:00.001+05:30

Am tuning off for a while. Need a break from myself. Dunno when I'll post my next message. Take care till then.

"He says son can you play me a memory...
Am not really sure how it goes.
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete..
When I wore a younger man's clothes."

.............................................. Billy Joel

Israel.. Here I Come

2006-08-04T21:31:00.001+05:30

Dont ask me why, but for some reason I opted for an exchange programme to go to Israel. People, especially some quant gifted folk (who cant see beyond the next equation) asked me WHY? Lol.. what do you tell people? Well, you tell them what they want to hear. To some you say that you want to develop business contacts with the Israeli hi-tech industry, to others you say its coz of their sexy women and finally to some nuts you say that its coz you 'dream' of becoming a sniper.

Man, who gives a rats ass why I want to go to Israel!! I just want to. Like Shiv said, 'it'll be a trip I'll tell my grandchildren about'. But most people wont understand it. So rather than waste time justifying my decision, I give them one of the spins and if that doesnt convince them, they can go take a jump.

I had a couple of days to decide whether I really wanted to go or not. Initially, was in two minds coz I would be missing graduation, term 8 & (maybe) welcoming the new batch in. But the other day, we had this bhangra party and though i wasnt in the greatest of moods, I really didnt feel any sense of belonging to this place. To these people. Dunno why I've become such a cynic, its just that I dont buy all this hugging and air kisses. Give me a break man. We hardly know each other, we'll readily step over each other in the name of competition and yet we pretend that we're all great friends. La crap !!

Anyways, as long as people are happy.... Maybe this is part of the learning. Smile at someone, while you plot about how to undercut them.

Living by a Code

2006-07-14T02:26:00.001+05:30

Teach Your Children by Graham Nash

You, Who Are On The Road....
Must Have A Code....
That You Can Live By.
And So Become Yourself....
Because The Past Is Just A Goodbye.

Who Needs the Pakis?

2006-07-13T18:17:00.001+05:30

A friend of mine from Pune, lets call her AP, wrote (she actually wrote it) me a mail in response to the famous "Letter to a Terrorist" mail that I had fwd. She pointed out a lot of things. One was the pathetic way in which we treat our own people. Be it the Nagas, the tribals or the dalits. The other thing she mentioned was the apathy of our Govt. to the real security problems in India.

At that point I shrugged it off, possibly due to the wave of nationalism that surges through you after such tragedies. But going through the papers today, I've realized that AP is spot on! When cops with the ATS were investigating a terrorist link, and it lead to a leading MLA from the Maharashtra govt., they were transferred to Hyderabad. Woah, talk about priorities here. The vigilance on the SIMI has been relaxed off late because there are assembly elections in UP. What is our govt. up to?

Do we really need the Pakis to come & blow up our trains when we have such kind of leaders? These jokers are capable of screwing this country on their own. All the Pakis need do is sit back and watch these people fall over themselves to build vote banks and fight over the next panchayat or munciple elections. We dont have any strategic planning. We dont have any crises planning. In fact, I dont think we have any planning at all. We lurch from one disaster to another. And if somehow, we manage to avoid complete humiliation (read Kargil) its because of the brave men & women, common people mind you, who put their lives on the line for India. For all of us, the stupid, silent, cynical and eventually ungrateful masses. What a waste.

Boom Boom

2006-07-11T23:36:00.001+05:30

Blasts in Bombay. More communal tension. "When it rains it pours". Guess some people have nothing better to do than murder & maim innocents, who have no personal quarrel with them. Call it jehad, call it the crusades. Its our old friend politics at its worst. The Eagle's Song "The Last Resort" comes to mind..

"Who will provide the grand design,
Of what is yours and what is mine?
For there is no more "new frontier"..
We have got to make it here.
Satisfy our endless needs,
and justify our bloody deeds.
In the destiny. In the name of God."

At no point am I questioning the existence of God or of the validity of his/her message. It is we and our blind faith in men of the cloth who have corrupted things. "Religion is the opium of the masses", "Beware of the black man"..... You name it, we've screwed it up. But there is hope. There is always hope, though we may lose sight of it momentarily. Like when your dog gets lost for a couple of days. Or when you dont get into the B school you really wanted. I firmly believe that things are never as bad as they might seem. Its just matter of holding ur nerve, gritting your teeth & holding on.